The Law of Attraction (8 page)

He set off on foot. If he got tired of walking, he could grab a cab a little closer to home, but this way he might stand a chance of burning off some of the irrational fury boiling in his veins.

The anger was directed at himself, not Ed. How could he have been so stupid? Even if Ed had said yes, it would have been a disaster. Alec had spent years keeping his private life utterly separate from his work. It would be madness to change that now. Thank fuck Ed had his head screwed on, because Alec appeared to be thinking with an organ a few degrees south of his brain.

Arriving at the corner, he paused. One way would take him into the darker streets towards home, the other led towards the bright lights of a district where there were plenty of gay bars and clubs. Places where Alec knew he could click his fingers and get laid ten times over if he wanted. He needed something to try and obliterate thoughts of Ed, to erase this temporary insanity that surged through him like a fever.

The decision made, he turned away from home.

Half an hour later, he was still nursing a single shot of whisky and had lost count of the offers he’d turned down. He was normally fairly choosy, but this was ridiculous, even for him.

There was nothing objectively wrong with any of the guys who’d tried to get his attention tonight, other than the fact that they weren’t Ed. Yet none of them raised even a tiny spark of interest, no matter how attractive they were. Alec was already mortified enough by his actions this evening without adding to it by failing to get it up while some pretty boy sucked his dick. Sighing, he drained his glass and shook his head at the latest twink to sidle up and try to catch his eye. The guy shrugged regretfully and moved on.

If only Alec could do the same with Ed.

The next week passed in a blur of paperwork, meetings, and mind-numbing exhaustion as Alec threw himself into his current project with even more manic energy than normal. He worked his usual long days, went to the gym most evenings after work, and passed out around midnight every night. Yet inappropriate thoughts of Ed still crept into his consciousness, and even into his dreams.

Still furious with himself for letting his guard down, Alec dealt with his anger by taking it out on Ed in the workplace. Always a hard taskmaster and critical of any weakness shown by graduate trainees, Alec was even more ruthless with Ed. He gave him seemingly impossible amounts of work: piles of paperwork to sort and manage, agreements to draft and proof, contracts to review.

Ed rose to every challenge.

He was good; Alec had to admit that. Probably one of the best temps he’d seen in years, but he was damned if he was going to tell Ed. Instead, like the shoemaker in the old fairy story, he kept increasing Ed’s workload, wanting to find the point where he’d break.

On Wednesday evening, James called him out on it.

Ed had worked late that day, not leaving till after seven. Then, just as he was putting on his coat to leave, Alec had given him another massive pile of paperwork to check.

“Sorry to land this on you so late, but could you get this back to me by eight tomorrow morning?” Always utterly courteous on the surface, Alec kept his voice smooth and polite. “I need it for a telephone meeting with the Scottish accountants.”

“Of course.” Ed did a good job of hiding his frustration, but Alec could read it in the tightness of his jaw as he took the pile of files. “Is it okay if I go through them at home?” He had violet shadows under his eyes and the day’s dusting of stubble on his jaw. He looked like death warmed up, yet he still made Alec’s stomach twist with an unsettling combination of longing and desire.

“Absolutely. As long as it gets done.”

“Okay. See you in the morning.”

Once he’d left, James said, “Don’t you think you’re pushing him a little hard?”

“He can handle it,” Alec replied curtly. “And if he can’t, then I’m doing him a favour. Better to know now so he can find another job. You know it will only get tougher.”

“True. But it’s only his second week.”

“And we’re supposed to be closing this deal in less than six. We can’t afford to give anyone on this team an easy ride.” Alec’s tone brooked no argument and James backed off. Alec remembered those shadows under Ed’s eyes and felt a twinge of guilt. He hoped Ed would manage to get at least a few hours of sleep tonight.

“What’s everyone doing this weekend?” James asked as they sat around their usual table on Friday night.

Alec had been careful to sit well away from Ed. He didn’t want a repeat of last week. One drink and then home, that was the plan.

“Sleeping,” Ed said, lips quirking in a rueful grin. “In between going through the latest batch of figures Alec dumped on me an hour ago.” He caught Alec’s eye.

Alec shrugged. “Sleep is for the weak. Haven’t you learned that yet?” But he smiled, chest tugging as Ed’s grin widened.

“I think the last week has taught me sleep is a luxury, that’s for sure.”

“What about you, Maria? Do you have plans for anything more exciting than sleeping?” James asked.

“I’m having lunch with my brother and his boyfriend tomorrow—or rather, I should say his fiancé. They’re getting married soon.” Maria smiled, her brown eyes softening.

Alec caught Ed’s gaze as everyone around the table chimed in with words of congratulation and started asking her about the wedding plans. He looked away from Ed quickly, trying to focus on what Maria was saying about winter weddings and venues. Longing swelled in his chest like a fist unclenching, and not for the first time he found himself questioning whether staying in the closet had been the right decision. He had success, money, respect… but what might his life be like if he had someone to share it with?

“Alec?” Maria put her hand on his arm, and the room came back into focus.

“What? Sorry, Maria, I was miles away.”

“I was asking you what you’re doing this weekend. All work, no play?” Her voice was deep for such a small woman.

“Depends what you count as work, I suppose,” he replied. “I’m having dinner with Katherine and some of the other partners tomorrow, so it’s somewhere between business and pleasure.”

“Oho.” James raised his glass. “Getting your feet under the table in anticipation?”

They all knew Alec was hoping to make partner this year. He’d been going through the application process for the past few months and would find out soon whether he’d been successful.

“Something like that.” Alec smiled, refusing to be drawn. He already knew his chances were good, but this deal they were working on was crucial. Katherine may be supervising, but it was his baby. If the team pulled it off, Alec would win major brownie points and his promotion almost assured.

“Are you taking the lovely Belinda?” James grinned.

Despite being happily married, he had an embarrassingly obvious crush on her. Belinda tended to have that effect on most straight men. It was ironic, really, when Alec was totally immune, but it came in handy when trying to impress his male colleagues.

“Of course. Who else?”

“When are you going to make an honest woman of her? I can’t believe she puts up with the hours you work when you don’t even live together yet. She must hardly ever see you.” James frowned. “You should put a ring on it before she kicks you to the kerb. Get her settled in that lovely flat of yours with a baby.”

Alec suppressed a smile. Even if he had been dating Belinda, he could imagine how she’d respond to the suggestion of marriage, let alone having a family. Belinda was a free spirit when it came to relationships and utterly career driven. An interior designer who worked for the rich and famous, she was the only person Alec knew who worked as hard as he did—maybe harder.

“I don’t think she’s the settling-down type. We’re happy as we are.”

He felt Ed’s gaze on him and deliberately didn’t look in his direction. Uncomfortable with the deception in a way he’d never been before, he wasn’t sure he could carry it off if he caught Ed’s eye.

“So, James. What are you up to this weekend?” Ed asked, diverting the attention of the table away from Alec.

Alec glanced up, wondering whether it was deliberate. Either way, he was grateful the subject of Belinda had been dropped.

Dinner with the partners was the usual tedious mixture of shop talk, social chit-chat, and subtle brown-nosing. Alec was so expert at it after years of practice, that he was able to keep up his end of the conversation even while his mind was wandering.

He’d stayed up late the night before, trying to focus on work, but his thoughts had kept straying to Ed, and they were doing the same this evening while he was supposed to be impressing the partners. Luckily, Henry, one of the senior partners, was deep in a golfing anecdote that only required Alec to nod and chuckle at appropriate moments, so he seemed to be getting away with his daydreaming.

Alec had never been distracted like this before. He was used to being utterly single-minded, able to focus his razor-sharp mind exactly where he chose. But his wayward brain was full of thoughts of Ed.

This was why it was never a good idea to be involved with someone you worked with. Even if Alec wasn’t in the closet, he couldn’t have a relationship with Ed, not while Ed was on his team. It wasn’t against company policy as such, but it was certainly frowned upon. Then again, Ed was only a temp. In a few weeks, he might be gone from Baker Wells completely or would at least have moved on to work elsewhere in the firm. And then….

And then you’ll be free of distractions and able to get back to business as usual
, he told himself firmly. Nothing else was an option.

He shook himself free of stupid fantasies and dragged his attention back to Henry, who was waiting for him to reply.

“Absolutely. I’m sure I can fit in a round of golf sometime. It’s been a while, though. I fear my swing may need as much polishing as my clubs.”

Henry chuckled. “It will all come back to you, like riding a bicycle. I’ll have my PA call yours when the weather gets a little warmer, and we can set something up.”

Alec noticed Belinda watching him, her clever eyes narrow and thoughtful. He’d never been able to hide anything from her. That was why she was the only person to know about his sexuality. He had a feeling she was going to get this new secret out of him too.

Sure enough, she rounded on him as soon as they got into the taxi after dinner. “Are you going to tell me what’s up with you? Or am I going to have to drag it out of you?”

Alec could feel her expectant gaze on him. He avoided looking at her, focusing on the street outside instead as their cab pulled into the traffic. It was busy in Covent Garden tonight.

“It’s nothing. Just work stress.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Alec Rowland. I’ve seen work stress on you before—it’s a constant state—and this is not it. You’ve been distracted all evening. Now spill.”

There was a long pause. Alec bit his lip and frowned, reluctant to put his dilemma into words.

“Alec?” Concern crept into Belinda’s voice and she put a perfectly manicured hand on his knee. “You’re worrying me now. Are you ill or something?”

“God, no. Stop being such a drama queen. It’s nothing like that. I just….” He turned to her and lowered his voice. “I met someone a couple of weeks ago, and by ‘met’ I mean fucked. And then he showed up at work. He’s the new guy on my team.”

Her eyes flew wide and her mouth softened into a gentle “oh” of understanding. Because if anyone knew how closely he’d guarded his secret and how deep his fear of discovery was, it was Belinda.

“Does anyone else know?” she asked.

“No.”

“Is he out?”

“Yes. Out and proud. He makes it look so fucking easy.” Bitterness flooded Alec’s words.

She squeezed his knee in sympathy. “I can see it must be freaking you out having to work with him. But surely he just wants to do his job. Can’t you both pretend it never happened?”

Alec let out a bitter chuckle. “If only.”

She frowned, the cogs turning, and Alec saw the inevitable realisation dawn.

“Oh my
God
. After all these years, someone’s finally got to you? Fucking hell. I didn’t think it was possible. Mr No Strings Attached is finally hooked.”

He didn’t bother to try denying it. What was the point? “If you could sound less gleeful about it, that would help.” He glared at her. “This isn’t something to be excited about. It’s a fucking disaster.”

The taxi was pulling up outside Belinda’s flat now.

“Okay, yes, sorry. I didn’t mean to be callous. I’m just in shock.” She took his hand. “You’re coming in for a drink. This conversation isn’t over.”

Alec was a lawyer. He knew when negotiation was possible and when it was a waste of oxygen. Anyway, a drink sounded like a great idea.

Inside her flat, Belinda switched on the lamps and kicked off her heels.

“Sit,” she said, walking to the drinks cabinet to fetch glasses and a bottle.

Alec sat. Belinda’s sofa was an enormous thing covered in red suede, with black-and-white polka-dot cushions.

“Whisky okay for you, darling?”

“Yes, thanks.” Alec was already anticipating the comforting burn in his throat and the fire in his belly.

“So, tell me about him.” She curled up at the opposite end of the sofa, facing him. “I want to know everything.”

Alec took a deep breath and launched into an account of their meeting. He edited out some of the sexual highlights—not that Belinda would have minded the details, but Alec wanted to keep those for himself. Then he went on to describe Ed’s position at Baker Wells and the interactions they’d had since he started to work there. When he got to the part about propositioning Ed last Friday, she gasped in horror.

“Oh, Alec. What on earth were you thinking by even suggesting it? It’s so unlike you to be that rash.”

“I wasn’t thinking,” he replied dryly. “Or at least, not with my brain.”

She leaned forward to refill his glass with a generous slosh of the amber liquid. “This guy’s really got to you, hasn’t he?”

Alec took another long swallow as he thought about how to answer. His face heated, and he finally allowed himself to admit it out loud. “Yes, damn it. I can’t stop thinking about him.” He turned to meet her sympathetic gaze. “He’s smart and funny, and there’s a sweetness to him. It’s impossible not to like him. This would be so much easier if it was only about sexual attraction. But it’s more.”