The Lawman Claims His Bride (Love Inspired Historical) (19 page)

“Then, tell me what I did wrong.”

He spun back around and sucked in his breath at her hurt expression. The one he’d caused. He pulled her against him. “No. No, Megan, you didn’t do anything wrong. You have no idea how badly I want you.” The admission slid past his lips before he could stop it. “I ache for you.”

She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder. “Then make me your wife.”

“I...
can’t.
”

She angled her head to look at him. Her blue eyes brimmed with hurt and confusion. “I don’t understand why you’re refusing to be with me.”

He cupped her cheek and his whole body shook from the effort to maintain his self-control. “I don’t want to hurt you any more than you’ve already been hurt.”

“You couldn’t possibly. I trust you, Logan.”

The exact words he needed to hear, but he could not relent. He touched the wound at her neck. Purple bruising surrounded the angry red slash of skin. “I can’t risk making matters worse for you.”

She shoved out of his embrace. “I won’t break. Stop treating me like I will. I’m strong.”

His father had said the same thing, but Logan couldn’t take that risk. Even if Megan looked angrier than he’d ever seen her, a fact that evaporated the breath in his lungs, he was not going to relent.

“Sometimes, I think...” She stomped away from him then swung back around. “Do you love me, Logan?”

“Yes, of course, I love you.” A surge of distress made his declaration sound like an accusation. “I would do anything to protect you, even lay down my life.”

She lowered her head and sighed. “Wanting to protect me isn’t the same as loving me.”

“It
is
the same.” He practically growled the words at her. How could she not understand? “One cannot exist without the other.”

She didn’t look convinced.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Even to his own ears, his argument sounded less convincing than before.

His control was slipping.

“How do you know you’ll hurt me?”

Of their own volition, his hands reached to her.

When he gripped her waist, he lowered his forehead to hers. “I can’t risk making you my wife, Megan. Not when it could have devastating consequences.”

His words held no conviction now. She was in his arms, practically reclining against him and all he could think was how good it felt having her close, how right.

She fit perfectly in his arms. The light in the cabin took on a golden glow.

“Oh, Logan. What if...” She boldly pulled his head toward hers, but didn’t press her lips against his. He could feel the whisper of her breath on his face. Something more than desire spread through him. Warmth, homecoming, wholeness.

She combed her fingers through his hair. “What if it...our being together...helps?”

Before he lost all control, Logan gazed into Megan’s beautiful blue eyes. This was the woman he’d adored since he was more boy than man. He loved her desperately and wanted to be with her for a lifetime. They would build a family together, starting today.

The soft look in her eyes told him she wanted him in the same way.

He gently kissed her lips and the rightness of his decision washed over him. He would do the right thing here, the godly thing. He would
finally
make Megan his wife.

Chapter Nineteen

T
he afternoon passed in a pleasant blur. If Logan had only himself to consider, he and Megan would have stayed in the cabin long after the rain had stopped. But his wife needed a hot bath and dry clothing far more than she needed another round of—

He cut off his train of thoughts and focused on the fatigue he saw in her eyes. The fatigue she’d just tried to deny when he’d ushered her out of the cabin and helped her into the wagon.

At least she waited to reopen the argument until after he’d settled in beside her on the seat.

“I’m really quite fine, Logan.” Her voice carried a pleasant, husky tone, making her sound sleepy and satisfied and altogether lovely. “It won’t be dark for hours. Couldn’t we stay a little while longer?”

The selfish part of him wanted to do exactly what she suggested. But he couldn’t.
They
couldn’t. “Please, Megan.” He gripped the reins until the leather bit into the flesh of his palms. “Humor me this one time.”

Before she could argue again, he leaned over and kissed her full on the lips.

She relaxed into him and made a soft sound deep in her throat, which brought on a whole new collection of ideas. Ideas that had nothing to do with returning to the main house and
everything
to do with walking back into that cabin with her in his arms.

By the grace of God, Logan broke the kiss.

Megan leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. He loved that sound, had heard it often in the last few hours and would love to hear it some more.

No.

He flicked the reins and set the wagon in motion.

They made the trek back to the main house in a happy glow of companionable silence. But the mood shifted the moment he pulled the wagon to a stop and his mother rushed off the front porch to meet them halfway.

“Look at you two,” she said. “You’re soaked to the bone.”

“We got caught in the rain,” Logan said unnecessarily as he hopped out of the wagon and strode around to Megan’s side. Smiling up at her, he wrapped his hands around her waist and lifted her to the ground.

She kept her hands on his shoulders a bit longer than required.

A moment of solidarity passed between them, a silent message of understanding that went far beyond words. Then Megan shivered.

“Ma, can you help Megan get out of her wet clothes and into a hot bath while I take care of the horse and wagon?”

“Well, of course. Oh.” She clicked her tongue in a motherly show of concern when she got a good look at Megan’s face. “You look ready to drop, my dear.”

“I’m really quite fine, Mrs. Mitchell.” She stifled a yawn behind her hand. “But a hot bath does sound lovely.”

“Then come with me.”

Before his mother spun her away from him, Logan kissed his wife on the lips one last time. “I’ll be up after I take care of things here.”

She blushed prettily. “I like that idea.”

“I’ll hurry.”

As he watched his mother lead Megan up the porch steps, his heart tumbled in his chest. She was his wife now, in every sense of the word. They’d had a perfect afternoon together. Sweet, romantic, exactly as he’d always envisioned. Smiling—he couldn’t stop smiling—Logan unhitched the horse from the wagon and led the old girl into her stall.

He picked up a brush and began grooming the wet fur. His hands worked from habit, while his mind drifted back to the afternoon with his wife. He and Megan were bonded in body, soul and mind now. Best of all, he hadn’t hurt her during their time together.

But had he helped?

Only time would tell.

For now he would focus on his next step. Finding Kincaid’s killer, so he and Megan could move on with their life together. Even if it meant discovering someone he admired had murdered the outlaw, Logan wouldn’t rest until he found his answers.

Scowling now, he hung the brush back on its hook and went about the chore of filling the mare’s bin with oats. Again, his hands worked from memory while his mind filled with other thoughts.

Tonight would be his last opportunity to be with his wife before he left. They’d only had three days together. He wanted more time with her, especially now, after the closeness they’d shared this afternoon.

The sound of his mother’s purposeful footsteps cut through his musings. This time, Logan smiled for a very different reason. Annie Mitchell walked like a person who knew her own mind.

“Your wife is exhausted,” she said in a neutral tone from behind him. “But blissfully happy.”

Glad he had his back to her, Logan tried not to let out a whoop of joy. “That makes two of us.”

“Indeed.”

Not liking what he heard in his mother’s tone, Logan turned around to face her.

Her left eyebrow lifted the barest fraction, but enough to tell him she knew what had occurred in the cabin.

In a purely defensive gesture Logan threw his hands in the air, then dropped them just as quickly and did what any man would do in the same awkward situation. He changed the subject. “I’m heading back to Denver in the morning.”

Digesting his words in silence, his mother followed him out of the stable and helped him secure the latch. “Will you be taking Megan with you?”

“No.” He pressed his fingertip to his temple and rubbed. “She’s safest here with the family.”

Nodding, his mother set a comforting hand on his arm. “Your father and I will take good care of her while you’re gone.”

Although the promise should make him feel better, Logan’s discomfort increased. “I hate leaving her so soon.”

“That’s perfectly understandable.”

He drummed his fingers on his thigh. Was this what the rest of his life would be like? Would he be destined to love Megan one day, only to leave her the next?

Without realizing what he was doing, he increased his pace. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.”

Used to fast-walking men, his mother matched him step for step. “Isn’t that part of a marshal’s job? Leaving for extended periods of time?”

“It is.” He sounded as gloomy as he felt. “I’ve condemned Megan to a life of wondering whether I’ll return alive or with an outlaw’s bullet buried in my chest.”

“She knew what she was getting into when she married you.”

But had
he
known? Had he been prepared for the pain he would inevitably inflict on the woman he loved?

Logan stopped at the top of the porch steps and turned to look out over the land. The valley, riddled with wildflowers, led to a line of aspens that swayed gently. The breeze whispered through their leaves in an almost musical swish. Logan’s heart filled. This was his home. This was where he belonged.

He’d been homesick for years, and hadn’t realized it. Now that he was married to Megan, the thought of leaving her for weeks at a time, of being away from the Flying M, his home, depressed him more than it should.

“Maybe it’s me who doesn’t want to leave Megan,” he admitted.

“Logan.” His mother directed him to sit on one of the chairs while she did the same. “Tell me why you became a lawman.”

The question took him by surprise, especially coming from his own mother. “You
know
why.”

She rocked back and forth. The annoying sound of the creaking chair set him on edge. “Maybe I want to hear it in your own words,” she said.

“I became a lawman because I wanted to help people, to see justice served, to...prove I wasn’t like Hunter.”

Continuing to rock, she lowered her gaze to her hands. But not before Logan saw the sadness in her eyes. “You didn’t have to become a U.S. Marshal to do that last part. You’ve always been a good man, Logan.” She looked back up. “It’s inherent in you to do the right thing. It’s perhaps your greatest strength and your one true character flaw.”

As harsh as her words were, they held no sting in them. Nevertheless, he winced. “How can following a righteous path be a character flaw?”

“When you rely only on yourself and your own abilities, you refuse to admit you’re human, with human frailties.” She fiddled with the edges of her apron. “You aren’t in control, Logan. God is.”

“I know that.”

“Yet you’ve spent your entire life trying to be your own Savior.”

“That’s not true.” Was it? He thought back over his life, over the choices he’d made, to the control he’d demanded of himself and others. How many times had he turned to God for help in the last ten years? How many times had he admitted he couldn’t do something—anything—on his own?

Never.

He’d never asked his sovereign Lord for help.

In that moment, he was painfully aware that he’d always believed in God but had never
relied
on Him. Why should he have done so when he’d been successful relying on himself? Successful, he reminded himself, until the events of the last three days.

Logan jumped to his feet and started to pace. Trey had told him to surrender to God. His father had told him the same thing. Now his mother was chiming in with a similar message.

He needed to think this through. But not here, not with his mother watching him with those wise eyes of hers. Not when he knew he had to walk inside this house and tell Megan he was leaving her again.

Flattening his lips, Logan paced toward the edge of the porch. A walk around the corral wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Unfortunately, his mother wasn’t finished with him. “Here’s something else to consider while you go off by yourself and brood over what I said.”

Logan braced himself.

“Your father and I want to give you and Megan a wedding present.”

“You...” He spun around so fast he had to take an extra step to catch his balance. “You what?”

“We want to give you a gift.”

Logan gaped at his mother with disbelief. In the span of a heartbeat, she’d gone from giving him a spiritual lecture to offering him a wedding gift. Where was the logic in that switch? He stared at her for several more seconds then shook his head. “Opening your home to us is more than enough.”

“That’s just family being family.” She flicked her wrist in a dismissive gesture. “What your father and I want to do is deed a thousand acres of land on the north range to you and Megan.”

Logan’s breath stuck in a spot between his heart and his throat. “That’s some of your best land. It’s too generous.”

Smiling at him tenderly, she rose and cupped his cheek with her hand. “It’s a gift, Logan. You don’t get to decide if it’s too much or not. Just say thank you.”

“Thank you,” he repeated.

“Your father will be home soon to discuss the particulars.”

Logan blinked down at his mother. He couldn’t deny he wanted the land. He wanted it badly enough to say yes right there on the spot.

But how could he take Megan away from Charity House, from her friends, from all she knew? He’d just accepted a promotion so he could provide for her in Denver. “There’s a lot to consider,” he said. “I don’t know if I can acc—”

“Don’t answer yet.” She dropped her hand and stuffed it in the pocket of her apron. “Talk it over with your wife before you say anything.”

“I...I...” He was too dumbfounded to do much more than stutter. “Yes...I will.”

“The land is yours no matter what you decide to do with it.” She kissed him on the chin, then walked into the house ahead of him.

Logan rocked back on his heels. He felt amazed. Bewildered.

But most of all,
blessed.

* * *

Megan wondered what was keeping Logan. Her bath had grown cold a long time ago. So cold, in fact, that she’d been forced to dress or suffer a worse chill than before. Apparently her husband had decided to give her privacy, perhaps allowing her to ease slowly into the new aspects of their marriage.

She didn’t need time to get used to the change. Megan loved what had happened between them. She’d never dreamed marriage could be so lovely or that she could be so happy. She was at long last Logan’s wife, completely, irrevocably. No turning back.

Hugging her arms around her middle, she stared out the bedroom window and smiled.
Thank You, Lord. Thank You for guiding Logan and me into a closer relationship.

A dozen images of Logan ran through her mind. Megan picked up her sketchbook and turned to a blank page. She needed to capture the tender way he’d looked at her this afternoon, when it had only been the two of them alone, sharing nothing more than the glow of the fire and each other’s company.

Logan’s eyes had held countless emotions in them, and an undeniable affection that spoke of his deep love for her. Her heart pounded like the wild wind just thinking about what they’d done in that cabin together.

They’d crossed an invisible line, not just a physical barrier but something...more. It was the two of them against the world now, and no matter what life threw their way they were a single unit. A team.

Afraid she would lose the image of Logan’s love for her, she worked quickly. When she focused her attention on his eyes, her movements slowed. But there was no headache snaking through her brain this time. Only urgency. And an all-consuming need to get the image of her husband correct this time.

She was nearly finished, the eyes almost there, when the door opened with a soft creak. She looked up from her work just as Logan sauntered into the room, his gait smooth and relaxed, reminding her of the man she’d known all those years ago.

He looked happy and her heart swelled with joy.
She’d
put that smile on his face. Their stares connected with a force that nearly flattened her.

Suddenly shy, she set aside her sketchbook and rose to greet him. “Hello, husband.”

“Hello, sweet wife.” His eyes shone with love, but his tone sounded a bit...odd.

Megan moved closer, her steps tentative as she took a slow breath. Before she drew in a second, he was kissing her with an intensity that surprised her. When he pulled away his eyes were guarded. What could have put that change in him?

“Logan?” Her chin trembled. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

He moved to his left. Shadows fell across his face, curtaining his expression. “I want us to start our life together without anything standing between us.”