The Leap Year Boy
The Leap Year Boy
By Marc Simon
Copyright 2012 by Marc Simon
Cover Copyright 2012 by Ginny Glass and Untreed Reads Publishing
The author is hereby established as the sole holder of the copyright. Either the publisher (Untreed Reads) or author may enforce copyrights to the fullest extent.
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This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to the living or dead is entirely coincidental.
The Leap Year Boy
By Marc Simon
For my wife Linda and Grandpa Abe
Acknowledgments
I thank the members of the Hanover Street Writer Writers Group for their tough literary love in helping me to shape this novel and see it through: Stace Budzko, Steve MacKinnon, Dave Demerjian, Mike Schiavone, and especially Sue Williams, who never let me get away with anything.
I thank my agent Joelle Delbourgo, who believed in this novel and me.
I thank Grub Street for being a constant source of inspiration.
Chapter 1
Alex Miller was born on February 29, 1908, at 12:01 a.m., precisely nine months and a day after he was conceived. He weighed a mere two pounds, one ounce and measured just nine inches long, yet despite his size, his breathing was relaxed, his heart beat like a metronome and his blue eyes were active and alert.
Alex entered the world headfirst in the home of Abe and Irene Miller at 707 Mellon Street, Pittsburgh, less than 20 minutes after Irene had gone into labor. Ida Murphy, Irene’s mother, was in attendance, not so much out of concern for her daughter or the welfare of her nascent grandchild, whom she hoped would be her first female grandchild; rather, Ida wanted to see firsthand why her daughter had engaged the services of a medical doctor, since she herself had delivered without an attending physician during the births of her own three children, the third stillborn, each more agonizing than the one before it.
Ida felt a pang of jealousy when her daughter delivered so quickly and relatively pain free. Not that she didn’t love her daughter, in her own guarded way, or wish her well, but still, she thought, suffering builds character. If she’d had to go through it, why should her daughter get off so easy?
When she saw the tiny baby, she remarked to the doctor, “That’s it?”
Irene’s physician, Dr. Malkin, shrugged and assured her that it was indeed “it.”
Malkin was a hairy, bear-like Russian/Jewish immigrant with filmy pince-nez glasses he wore on the tip of his pointy nose. The veracity of his medical credentials was somewhat suspect, had anyone cared to investigate, since his professional certificates were printed in Cyrillic type and framed in clouded glass on the walls of his so-called surgery, which happened to be on the second floor of a cold-water walkup. He served the Miller family as general practitioner, pediatrician and dentist.
“But it’s so small. Are you sure there aren’t more babies in there somewhere?” Irene admonished him to keep looking, that there had to be one or two more, look at the size of the thing, it was no bigger than the runt in a litter of pigs. It was all she could do to keep from looking herself. But when Malkin shook his head no, that’s it, Ida put her hands on her wide hips and said, “Well, in that case,
doctor
, there’s no use me dilly-dallying around here anymore, is there?” She washed her hands with rough soap in the basin on the dresser next to the bed, put on her gloves, quickly kissed her daughter on her damp forehead, harrumphed at the tiny baby boy and went downstairs. As she put on her coat, she told Abe Miller, who was waiting with a cigar in one hand and a beer in the other, that his wife had given him another boy, and that she was fine, and he should go on upstairs but be ready for a surprise—and no thank you, she didn’t care to spend the night at their house, she was perfectly capable of walking home by herself or catching a trolley.
Abe bent down to look at the baby. His cigar fell out of his mouth. The baby blanket quickly smoldered until he tamped it out.
Malkin came by the next morning, expecting to find the teensy baby dead in its crib, but there it was, alive and kicking, nursing and crying and eliminating like any other newborn, albeit in miniscule quantities. He asked after Irene as well, who happily reported that she felt so good, she was ready to go down to Rooney’s for a ham sandwich and a bottle of lager.
Irene had gained twenty-three pounds during her pregnancy and carried Alex full term. She’d had only a minimum of discomfort, the one exception being a bruise on her cheek from a nasty slapping fight she’d had with Abe around her fourth month. The encounter had been precipitated by his infidelity—vehemently denied, yet certainly verifiable, had they been asked by his cohorts at The Squeaky Wheel. Several of them had observed with envy his dalliances with Delia Novak, the bookkeeper at Gross Hardware, located three doors down from The Wheel. Delia often stopped by for a quick schnapps on her way home to her boarding house, and to signal Abe to come on by.
Ida arrived as Malkin was leaving. She carried a box full of baby clothes and toys that she’d purchased on sale some weeks earlier. The clothes were several sizes too large, but she had no intention of returning them; she couldn’t be troubled, she told her daughter, they didn’t make them that small anyway, had she known she would have purchased doll’s clothes, and besides, the squirt might grow into them some day, that is, if he lived out the year, let’s be honest about this. And besides, what did Irene expect? She had told her no good would come from marrying out of the faith, especially to a Jew. She was damn lucky that the first two half-breeds weren’t born with horns sprouting out of their heads, or tails coming out of their arses, and now Irene’s poor choice in men had finally caught up with her.
Irene said, “Shut up, Ma.”
After two hours and two cups of tea laced with Old Bushmills from her silver flask, and some cakes from Lieberman’s Bakery—you had to hand it to those German Jews, they knew how to make a tea cake—Ida left for her Bible study group, run by “that nincompoop priest Kiernan.” She promised she would return every other day, one of many promises she had made to Irene over years but neglected to keep.
Even with his remarkable size—“this is yet mine hand to God the teensiest baby what I ever did in America deliver,” Malkin liked to say—Alex remained in excellent health, perfectly if diminutively formed: lungs no longer than lemons, inhaling and exhaling without much discernable effort; ten pink fingers, perfectly formed right down to the tiny cuticles; ten toes the size of nubbins; a head just eight inches around, topped with fine strands of reddish blond hair, full enough to part; torso and legs in proportions even an ancient Greek would appreciate. His cries of hunger and consternation were high-pitched and as clear as the yips of a prairie dog. And when he suckled at Irene’s sprawling breasts—she was careful not to smother him with her milky fullness—he made soft sucking sounds and his wee lips puckered like a guppy.
Malkin returned to the Millers’ house a month later, to see if the boy had begun to catch up to normal in length and weight. To his naked eye, that didn’t seem to be the case, but if the doctor had been better acquainted with the developmental patterns of newborns, his cursory measurements would have indicated this: Alex’s 212 bones, 22 internal organs, 680 muscles, 230 joints and miles of vessels were growing at a rate one-fourth that of a normal child’s. However, unlike his body, Alex’s mind was maturing much, much faster.
As Malkin examined his son, Abe sat on his red brick stoop, a stoop not unlike so many others that protruded like buckteeth from the row of stolid houses on Mellon Street. He tried to understand why God had given him such a tiny son. Perhaps God was testing him, although he had no idea why God would have singled him out. He scratched his stubbly beard. His faith in the Almighty was a combination of hazy Judaism tinged with a shade of pantheism. “There must be a God, else how do you explain all this?” he had said to Irene on their wedding day, waxing metaphysical as he pointed to the Pittsburgh sunset, the colors made even more vivid by the sulfuric soot wafting up from the mills.
In the early days following Alex’s birth, Abe had been loath to hold the boy, fearing his jackhammer grip might squish the little thing. But, feeling reassured after Malkin’s one-month visit and his all-clear report, Abe decided that, since it had lived so far, the little thing probably wasn’t going to die any time soon. He began to treat Alex with far less indifference and far more indulgence than he showed to his other sons, Arthur and Benjamin, ages ten and seven—sullen, chunky red-haired boys with large appetites for meat and potatoes and for throwing rocks at girls and at each other.
On Saturdays in the spring of that first year, Abe took Alex around the neighborhood to show him off. The neighbors, always ready for the circus to come to town, welcomed Abe and the boy warmly, toasting his health with a glass or two of spirits, which Abe never turned down. They often had a little something for Alex: an eyedropper of milk, a thimble of applesauce, and presents, too, like the red-knit doll sweater given by Mrs. Klemmer. Alex usually behaved well, which is to say he behaved like a baby his age, sleeping angelically or crying daintily, his little hands curled into fists. The women were eager to hold him and change him, to touch his tiny digits and to see his “down-there” parts. He became the neighborhood celebrity/mascot, much as if he were a two-tailed dog. Mrs. Klemmer even wrote to the
Pittsburgh Gazette Times
, suggesting they do a feature on Alex, but her letter went unanswered, so she suspended her subscription.
Inevitably, Abe and Alex would end up at The Squeaky Wheel, even though Delia had moved to Youngstown, Ohio, weeks before to be near her dying mother. The Wheel had pinewood walls, glass block windows, a yellow linoleum floor, square tables with oilcloth tablecloths, a 30-foot maple bar with a brass rail attached near its base so that the patrons could put a boot up to relieve the pressure on their backs, and a rusty tractor wheel mounted over a huge glass mirror behind the bar. On the wall opposite the snooker table were framed portraits—reprints, actually—of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln and, for reasons known only to John Kravic, owner and bartender, a portrait of Santa Claus. John kept a Bible, a tire iron, a revolver and a shotgun on the shelf beneath the cash register. He gladly gave advances to his regulars on their paychecks in return for 3% vigorish. If a man complained about the terms, John directed them to drink elsewhere.
Abe was accepted as just another guy at the bar at The Wheel—the begrudging consensus of opinion among the regulars was, he’s all right for a Jew as long as he don’t get out of line—but after he arrived the first time with Alex, their fascination with the boy moved him way up on the likeability scale.
Abe would place Alex on the bar in his lunch pail, lined with clean dishtowels. The afternoon and early evening regulars and rummies would stare glazed and red-eyed at him. Some were spooked by the boy, saying to each other that a child that size just wasn’t natural, and was perhaps evil even; but most of the men would punch each other in the arms with delight at such a marvelous little thing, beg Abe to let them hold the little bugger or bastard or whatever drunken assignation they might come up in their soupy states to describe the boy. But Abe, uncharacteristically displaying the wisdom of a much earlier Abraham, had the good sense to refuse their entreaties, lest one of them accidentally drop his son into a tankard of ale or a tureen of John’s stew.
