The Lion's Den (Faraway Book 2) (5 page)

When we walked into Meredith’s new room, out of the ICU, Liv burst into tears again. Only instead of sadness, they were tears of joy. Meredith faced me and looked exhausted, but then she smiled brightly at the children.

Does she hate me?

She held her arms open, and the kids climbed into bed with her, snuggling in on each side. I started to drag them out, but she said they were perfect just where they were.

“Well, you obviously haven’t forgotten these two,” the doctor said, smiling at each of the kids.

“How could I?” Meredith pulled them tighter against her sides.

“We’re trying to figure out the last thing your mommy remembers. You guys can help,” he said and looked my way to draw me into the conversation. The doctor proceeded to ask Meredith the year, which she couldn’t answer. The closest she got was that it was post-9/11. She didn’t know who the president was, either. I grew more and more anxious with each question she couldn’t answer. The doctor didn’t appear alarmed. “Do you recall what the weather was like the day you fell? What season it is?”

“I’ve heard the nurses talking about the heat outside, so I know it’s summer.” Meredith looked outside to confirm her answer. The sun was shining through the leaves on the tree next to her room.

“How about the winter? When it was cold.”

Without moving her head, Meredith’s gaze darted around the room, and then she seemed to relax. “The kids got new boots. Liv’s are neon pink,” she said triumphantly, her thoughts were finally warming up with the exercise. My teeth ground together. I didn’t want her to remember everything.

“That wasn’t last winter. It was the one before,” Liv said, snuggling in closer to her mother.

“We took the kids to Niagara Falls over spring break.” She was speaking fast. I could hear the terror in her voice. I lowered my eyes so she couldn’t see my satisfaction.

“That was third grade, Mom. I just finished fourth,” James corrected her.

“Oh,” Meredith said, searching her brilliant mind again for the answers that hid from her.

“We didn’t go anywhere this year. Dad was in London.”

A sharp pang of guilt shot through my mind and conjured up the image of Dharma kneeling before me in my London hotel suite with my dick in her mouth. I was determined to forget Dharma had happened the same way Meredith had forgotten.

“That’s enough for today,” Dr. Evans said as he wrote a few notes on Meredith’s chart.

“What’s happening?” Meredith asked, and everyone looked at her. She was trapped in darkness, and no one could help pull her out.

“I know it’s hard, but give it time. In the vast majority of these cases, a patient’s memory will return”

“When can I take her home?” I asked.

“A few days. We’re going to run some more tests, and I want her to speak with a therapist.” He turned toward Meredith, “See if we can’t help speed things up.”

Great.

The doctor left me alone with my wife, who was surrounded by our children who showed no sign of letting go of her anytime soon. Over their heads, she mouthed, “I’m scared,” to me.

I held her hand in mine and ran my fingers over her wrist. It was bruised with a lump on the center of it. The bruises spread an ugly disgust through my mind and took me back to her body limp on the stairs. The last time she had looked at me, fear filled her eyes. Then her eyes had closed and stayed closed for an entire night, not releasing me from my guilt, not absolving me from my sins.

But Meredith smiled at me now. She was afraid, and I was here to protect her. I was her husband. I raised her wrist to my lips and kissed it.

“Just a bump in the road. We’ve got this,” I said, and it reminded me of the day we’d fought over our wedding. Meredith and I rarely argued. Neither of us found it to be a productive use of time, but she hadn’t wanted a big wedding, and I’d insisted on a huge party. I could usually persuade her, but she’d been solid in her determination to just fly away somewhere with me. In the end, I’d won. I always won. After the ceremony, I’d told her it was worth the argument to see her come down the aisle in her gown and rubbed her hand just like this to ease her anger.

“You’re going to need help with the children while I’m in here. The babysitter’s phone numbers are in my phone.”

“Don’t worry about a thing. I’m going to take care of everything, including you and them. I love you, Meredith.”

“Mr. Walsh?” a nurse asked as she walked into the room and smiled at James and Liv practically on top of Meredith.

“Yes.”

“They need to see you down in billing.”

I rubbed my temples and considered the kids. They would drive me insane anywhere near billing.

“You can leave them here. We’ll keep an eye on them.”

“Thanks.”

I took one last look at my children draped over my wife. They loved her more than the air they breathed. Meredith held them tight to her body and stared out the window, and I knew she was searching her mind for the memories that were eluding her. I knew she wouldn’t let her brain rest until she remembered.

And all I wanted was for her to forget.

Chief Vincent Pratt

JACK’S GAME WENT INTO EXTRA
innings, and I thought I’d lose my mind. I helped Lynn buckle the kids into their seats, and she stopped me at the back of the car.

“What time do you think you’ll be home?”

“Not late. I’m going to stop by the hospital to check on Meredith Walsh, and then I’ll be back.”

“Good. I want to talk to you.”

“Okay,” I said, and my wife leaned up and kissed me. I watched her climb in the minivan and stepped back as she pulled out of the parking spot. She drove away, and my mind returned to the only thing consuming it all day—Meredith Walsh.

The ride to the hospital felt twelve hours long. Her doctor had called during Jack’s game with the update that Meredith didn’t recall the accident, and that it appeared she’d lost the entire last year. I’d wanted to drive to the hospital that second and make her remember. I wanted to kiss every inch of her body until she screamed out, “Colonel,” and came in my arms. But she wouldn’t want that. She’d still insist we be a secret.

I walked into Meredith’s room, hoping she was alone, but what I found was her nestled between her two children sleeping on each side of her. They were serene and happy. I knew how they felt. I’d slept one night with her, and it was heaven. One time in an entire year, I’d woken up with her next to me. And these two children were the reason. Meredith refused to upset their peace by leaving their father.

“Hey!” She recognized me. She knew me.

She took my breath away. I couldn’t speak. The silence of last night and the stress of today crashed down on me. I wanted to lay my head in her hands and be touched by her, but her children filled the space where I needed to be.

“Hi.”

“You’re the colonel.” Her smile beamed. “I remember you.” Her eyes lit, but they weren’t with a secret between us. She looked at me the same way she had on the bus ride to Philadelphia. “We were on the field trip together.”

“Yes. We were,” I said, fighting to keep the lightness in my voice. My memories were intact, and they were pulling me under. “And now we work together.”

Her eyes darkened. “Work?”

Hope drained from me. I was lost in the fear in her eyes. Her mind was failing her, and it never had before. “Yes. You work part-time at the police station. You’ve been there a few weeks now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” I stepped closer to her bed and put my hand on the side, needing to be near her even if I couldn’t touch her.

“How could I forget a job?”

“Give it time. It’ll all come back.”

“Did I interview for it?”

“Yes. With me and the mayor.”

She looked out the window and then back at me. “I’ve never even met the mayor.”

I couldn’t help myself. I patted her forearm. Grief was moaning in my chest. It was forcing the air from my lungs and pushing me toward her. It dared me to take her. I couldn’t stay much longer.

“Do you remember the interview?” She looked down at my hand, but not as if I should remove it, so I didn’t.

“Like it was yesterday.”

“Why did I say I was interested in the job?”

My God, I just wanted to pick her up and carry her to my car. I wanted her in my hunting cabin, sitting naked on the couch with me the way she had before. I watched my fingers touch her arm. “You said you recently came to realize that a person can change the world in big ways and small ways, and the job was your way for right now.”

“Damn, I’m a good interview.” She smiled, and the grief in my chest was replaced by Meredith.

“You were the best I’ve ever had.” I choked a little on the last word and steadied myself. My fingers against her arm lightened, and I let a smile spread across my face. I wouldn’t let her see the immense truth in my words.

I heard his footsteps in the hall and pulled my hand away at the exact moment Brad Walsh walked into the room. Meredith looked at her arm and up at me. I smiled to put her at ease. I didn’t want to frighten her more than she already was, and I didn’t want to leave her with her husband.

“I’m going to let you get some rest,” I said and then turned to walk out. But I turned back to make sure her husband heard the last part, too. “Everyone can’t wait for you to come back to work.”

Meredith only smiled, but I could tell she was thinking about the job she couldn’t recall. I knew the memory loss was eating away at her. Brad followed me into the hall, and I hoped he followed me all the way outside so I could kick his ass.

“Thanks for coming,” he said without an ounce of gratitude in his voice.

How did Meredith stand one day with him?

The more time I spent with him, the less I still wanted him to be alive. “When Meredith’s released, I’m taking her away for a few weeks,” he said, and I utilized every ounce of training I’ve ever had not to react.

“Do you really think that’s what’s best for her?”

“That’s none of your business,” he said and stared at me, challenging me to refute his statement.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m taking her and the kids to the shore. Give her some time to relax, and give us some time together as a family.” He was going to hide her away. He didn’t want her to remember, which only made me need to know what happened yesterday in the Walsh house more. What he’d done to her.

“Well, as soon as she gets back, the job will be waiting for her.”

“If she still wants it.”

I was going to kill him. “Of course,” I said and walked away. I had more to do before Brad Walsh died.

I could have slept in my truck when I parked it next to my house. I could have let my head fall back to the seat behind it and gone to sleep, but I didn’t. I dwelled on the feeling of Meredith, naked as she straddled me in the small space. She’d fit perfectly between me and the steering wheel. I regretted deactivating the e-mail account, because I needed to hear her. I needed her to know us, and in those e-mails, she did.

I stepped out of the truck and closed the door behind me. My mind raced with an excuse to go see her again tomorrow. I opened the back door, and Lynn was at the kitchen table in her robe, drinking a glass of wine.

She wanted to talk.

“Hi,” she said so gently it was as if it came from the wine.

“Hi. Sorry I’m so late.”

“You’re fine. How’s Mrs. Walsh?” Lynn asking about Meredith should have made me sick, but it didn’t. Lynn was the kindest person I knew. “She’s very lucky.” The words left bitterness in my throat. It seemed my luck had run out. “What did you need to talk about?”

Lynn stared down into her wine glass. “I don’t think you love me anymore.” Her voice was quiet, but her words screamed in my head. They accused me of every sin I’d ever committed, including leaving her alone in this marriage. I’d convinced myself that Lynn was unaware, but now, I realized Meredith and I had never existed outside of our marriages. My love for Meredith was the middle of my world, and that left Lynn some place faraway from there.

I forced myself to face my wife. “I’ll always love you. You’re the mother of my children.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Lynn ran her fingers around the delicate stem of her glass.