The Little Woods (27 page)

She started walking off to her dorm.

“Wait, don’t you want to see it?” I called after her.

Turning and smiling, she shook her head. “Like I said, I don’t even know what a puzzle box is. I’m sure it was meant for you. I’ll see you at dinner, okay?”

But I didn’t see Noel at dinner. I ate alone; I had lasagna and garlic bread, but it was hard to find my appetite. I needed to talk to Sophie. I wanted to tell her what I’d overheard Helen saying to Noel about me and Asta. I had no idea what to make of any of it, but I was pretty sure Sophie would have some solid theories. I was just leaving the dining hall and walking across to her dorm when she caught my arm.

“We need to talk,” she said, a hint of anger in her voice.

“Yeah?” I disengaged my arm from hers. “What’s up?”

“Come with me,” she said, and spinning on her heel, she marched up the stairwell toward her room. Inside, she waited for me with arms crossed, glaring. I took a seat on her bed and she closed the door behind me.

“Cally.” She shook her head. “Cally, how could you? I know you’re going through some terrible stuff, but that doesn’t excuse you. How could you stab me in the back like this?”

“What’s going on? I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“What do you think I’m talking about? Were you ever going to tell me? I had to hear it from Jack?”

I searched my mind. “This is about Jack?”

“Of course it’s about Jack. It’s always about Jack.”

The way Sophie stared at me made my muscles tense up. I looked at her, and I knew I had done something wrong, something irrevocable, but I had no idea what it was.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re mad, but seriously, I don’t understand why.”

“You don’t understand why? Oh, well, I’m just so sorry, poor little Cally is bewildered. How adorable. Well, screw you.”

“What did I do?”

“I had to hear it from Jack? I had to hear from Jack that you guys have been seeing each other—that you slept together? I have to deal with Jack coming to me, crying to me about it? What the hell, Cally, how could you do this to me?”

“I’m sorry,” I said, trying desperately to find some kind of footing, some road map to tell me what to do, how to salvage things. “I know I should have told you, but we had to keep it secret. Jack wanted to. If it had been up to me, I’d have told you.”

“It’s not about that,” she said, her eyes wide with pain. “It’s not about telling me.”

“Then what’s it about?”

“It’s about doing it, Cally. You weren’t supposed to do it. You should have known.”

“What? Why?”

“Why do you fucking think? Isn’t it obvious? Isn’t it painfully obvious to everyone in the entire fucking school that I’m in love with him?”

I stared at her, my energy slowly draining away. I should have known. On some level I should have known. The way she and Jack were together wasn’t normal. There was more to their friendship than I’d been willing to admit. And all along I’d felt like an intruder. I’d felt like an intruder because I was one.

“Sophie, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. You said he wasn’t your boyfriend that first day.”

“Well, you should have known. You should have known.”

I sat there, cold and numbness spreading across my brow. I couldn’t lose Sophie. I’d be lost without her. I’d never had a friend like her before, and now I’d destroyed it.

“Please, Sophie. I’m sorry. Please don’t make a big deal out of this.”

“It
is
a big deal.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“It does. Do you know how long I’ve waited around for my chance? Do you know how long he’s been seeing Courtney? And I’ve waited the whole time, dying inside whenever he’d talk about her, and then you come along and slip right in there. Whoop, she’s out, Cally’s in, just like that. It’s not fucking fair.”

“Okay, but … wait. Courtney? Who’s Courtney?”

Sophie leaned against the door, a smile playing on her lips, her eyes moist with the tears she refused to unleash.

“Oh, you didn’t know about her?”

“Sophie, who’s Courtney?”

“She’s Jack’s girlfriend. His real girlfriend—since the beginning of sophomore year.”

“Courtney?” My mind searched all the possibilities. There was a freshman named Courtney Vance, but that didn’t make sense. “Who’s Courtney?” And then I suddenly understood. “Ms. Harlow?” I gasped, knowing I was right.

She smiled, and she looked beautiful standing there, exacting her revenge.

“Gross,” I breathed, but even as I said it, I knew it wasn’t exactly gross. More like weird and sad, and as I thought about it, I found myself growing increasingly jealous. Ms. Harlow was like twenty, fresh out of Harvard, pretty as could be, and lonely. Jack truly had been living the dream. “But … but he was like fifteen.”

“Sixteen when it started.”

Suddenly I felt sick. My head was pounding. I was angry at Sophie, angry at Jack, angry at stupid Ms. Harlow and her movie-star ringlets. As far as I was concerned, they could all piss off. I stormed out of the room and slammed Sophie’s door behind me. I headed out into the early evening, down and through the bank of mailboxes.

I passed a sophomore girl, one I’d never cared for, and just then, she let out a crazy scream when she peered into one of the boxes. It was like a call to prayer, and people started popping up here and there, filtering.

“Oh my God,” the girl wailed, unbridled joy infusing her tremulous alto. “Tanner didn’t even get into Berkeley.”

“The UC’s are here!” someone else screamed, and then everything went insane. Seniors pushed each other aside, diving for their mailboxes, pulling out envelopes big and small, and depending on the envelopes’ sizes, they issued little cries of despair or relief. And around them, like predators, circled juniors, sophomores, even freshmen who were delighting in the news of rejections and shouting it out for each other to hear. Brody clutched a rejection letter from Yale. He stood staring at it as if his will alone could change its contents while two freshman girls who had previously worshiped him snickered and
turned away in disgust. This was what Helen had been talking about. College acceptance week was a bloodbath. I had to get out of there. I practically ran back to my room.

I was so upset that I almost screamed when I ran into Helen in the dorm bathroom.

“Christ, you scared the crap out of me,” she said, holding a hand to her chest.

We stared at each other, silent, and she cocked her head to one side.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Sort of. The scene at the mailboxes was terrible.”

“Oh,” she sighed. “Are rejections here?”

“Yeah. It’s ridiculous. You’d think people would let them have some privacy.”

But Helen just stared at me. “Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s just so, I don’t know, mean.”

“I’m gonna go check it out,” she said. “I was heading up to the rec for Sno Balls anyway. Do you want anything? My treat.”

“Yeah, I guess. Um, ramen,” I said, and headed back to my room.

During study hours I found myself completely unable to concentrate. I couldn’t stop seething. Ms. Harlow? Jack had been seeing Ms. Harlow all this time. Ms. Harlow, all perfect with her peasant shirts and her belly ring. And then there was Sophie, who’d known all along. Sophie, my closest friend, who was no longer my friend at all because I was not a psychic mind reader.

By eight-fifteen I couldn’t take it anymore. It was like
something inside me was burning. I had to get outside. I had to move around. I closed my book and headed out the glass door.

And then I did something I hadn’t anticipated. I walked over to Freddy’s room and bought one of her lollipops off her. She didn’t know what to make of me, but she was happy to oblige. Then I went over the side of the hill and I sat by myself, looking into the night sky, quietly licking my lollipop. I sat there until in-dorm time, and while I did, I told myself I was okay. I told myself that everything was going to be all right. I told myself all the things I couldn’t wait for someone else to tell me.

When the bell rang, I stowed the lollipop in my pocket and headed back to my room. Luckily, Helen was in the bathroom when I got back, so there was no witness as I fumbled on my pajamas. When I was dressed, I climbed under my covers and turned out my light. I was asleep before Helen got back from the bathroom.

The next morning my mouth felt like it had been packed full of cotton, and my head and body felt heavy and strange from excessive sleep. I headed up to the dining hall early, hungry as hell, but feeling uncharacteristically happy. Alex was leaving just as I entered. He smiled at me.

“You’re up early.”

I looked at my watch. “Kind of.”

“Well, you’re up early for you.”

“I’ll give you that,” I said, laughing.

“Whoa, look who’s in a good mood.”

My brain deliciously foggy, I just kept smiling, delighting in tiny details, like the way the early-morning sun was lighting up the tips of the grass blades.

“Yeah.”

“Hey,” he said, looking a little too much like a peacock. “I got into Yale.”

“Oh, hey, congratulations. Are you going to go?” I asked, my mind falling back to Brody clutching his letter.

“Yeah.” He smiled. “My brother’s going to be a junior there next year. We’re going to tear it up.”

He’d never told me he had a brother. Or maybe I’d just never listened. I didn’t want to risk seeming like a total dick, so I just nodded and smiled some more.

“So, prom,” he said.

“Huh?”

“Prom’s in three weeks.”

“There’s a prom?”

He laughed, an edge to his voice. “Of course there is. God, you are always so checked out about stuff like that. It’s like you’re not even a real girl. Whatever. Anyway, I figured we’re going together, but I thought I’d remind you. I know you’re not good at the romantic stuff.”

“Oh,” I said, nodding too much, still smiling. “Do I need, like, a dress or something?”

“Yeah, Wood. People typically wear dresses. I mean, the girls.”

“I don’t think I have anything.”

“Borrow something. It looks to me like everyone just passes
their dresses around year to year. I’m sure someone will lend you something.”

I nodded again, not giving a shit, and prayed—literally prayed to God—that there would be Froot Loops in the dining hall.

IT WAS RAINING THE NEXT
night when just after study hours, I got a call from Danny. I cried when he told me he was back home. He sounded good, if characteristically taciturn, and promised me he’d try to stay out of trouble. I was possibly too vociferous when I told him I loved him, but he seemed happy about it. When he asked how I was doing, I couldn’t think of anything to say. I didn’t want him to worry about me, so I told him about Freddy and her lollipops, and he thought that was funny.

I hung up the receiver and walked back to my room, unable to keep from smiling. When I walked in, I found Pigeon going through my clothes while Helen reclined on her bed.

“Pigeon’s raiding your closet,” Helen said. “I couldn’t stop her.”

“I want to trade dresses for prom. You’re small like me and
you have a black one that I like. I want to see what else you have. You can borrow mine too.”

I was appalled and started moving to stop her, but Helen put a hand on my arm.

“She has a vintage Givenchy in her closet,” she said, winking. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

What’s a Givenchy?
I started to say, but just then there was a knock on the glass door and Alex ducked inside. He was beaming.

“They released Reilly,” he said, wiping stray droplets of rain from his smiling face. “Someone came forward with an alibi.”

“What?” Helen gasped.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Pigeon cried, waving her hands in Alex’s direction. “No boys allowed in here. I’m not decent.”

She was swimming in the oversized red sweaterdress I’d taken from Kim’s closet. I was pretty sure it was from 1982.

“Oh my God. What the hell am I wearing, Cally? Did you actually buy this?” She winced at herself in the mirror.

“That’s great,” I said to Alex. “Is he here? Have you been to see him?”

“Not yet. I was thinking you might want to come with me.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, sure.” Reilly wasn’t my favorite person, but I was happy for Alex, and happy an innocent man wasn’t going to go to jail.

Pigeon was on her knees, rummaging through the clothes at the back of my closet. A moment later, she emerged with my army jacket.

“Ooh, can I borrow this too?”

“Sure,” I said. I was just starting to walk out with Alex when Pigeon let out a shriek.

“Oh my God, you guys!” Her eyes were wide. She held something in her hand. “No physical intimacy. It’s a school rule.” And then she let out a peal of earsplitting laughter.

And that was when I realized she was holding an open condom wrapper. It was one of those moments when time stopped and you knew nothing would ever be the same again. I couldn’t believe what was happening, and that it was my own fault. I’d been so confused that day with Jack. My mind had been far away from my body. I’d shoved the wrapper into my pocket, intending to dispose of it, only apparently I never had.

The room was silent. Alex stared at the wrapper, anger burning in his eyes. Helen looked at her feet, but Pigeon just stood there like a child trying to understand a grown-up joke.

“Why are you being so weird? Everyone knows you guys do it. I mean, come on.” She laughed.

I stared at Alex, and he stared straight ahead.

“Alex,” I said, reaching for him, but he pulled away.

Slowly he turned to face me, rage simmering in his eyes. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t break up with you.”

“I don’t know,” I said, panicked. “Because you did the same thing to me?”

He shook his head. “This is different. We didn’t even sleep together.”

Without making a sound, Helen slipped out of the room, and Alex and I were left staring at Pigeon.

“Oh, wow. Oh my God,” she said at last. “I’m gonna … I’m
gonna go.” But just as soon as she’d left, she darted back in again. “Is it still okay to borrow the jacket?”

Incredulous, I nodded, and she bounced back out the door.