The Locker Room (29 page)

gotten a job yet, and he felt good about that. Everyone needed help,

right?

Anyway, he invited Tim in for a soda (he declined), said hello to

the dogs, and left them alone while he hobbled up to his room to change.

He was tired and heartsore: they"d won four out of five of their away

games and he"d scored the bulk of the points, but Chris wasn"t there to

celebrate and his foot hurt like a sonuvabitch. He wanted so badly to go

out to the running loop, the sanctuary, and spend time with his babies

that he put on his running shoes and told his pain to shut the hell up, he

was busy.

But that wasn"t quite what happened. What happened was, he

hobbled down the stairs and Lucia had emerged from some magical

place that she"d been cleaning, with food, and Mandy had gotten back

from her day job, (teaching preschool in Fair Oaks) with a movie, and

Penny showed up with a pie, and suddenly Xander was grouped with a

bunch of people, some of whom he didn"t know very well at all, but they

were eating dinner at his counter, and it just seemed rude to leave. He

The Locker Room 163

heaved his ass up on the counter stool and dug into the broiled chicken

and baked potatoes, more than grateful for the chatter around him.

“So, did you see him play?” Mandy asked, and Audrey said,

“Who"s him?”

Mandy rolled her eyes. “There"s only one him around this house,

haven"t you learned that by now?”

Xander grimaced. He"d told Audrey that she could stay, but he

hadn"t told her about him and Chris, and he didn"t think it was necessary

that anyone else do that, either.

Audrey looked at Xander with wide eyes. “Who"s the other „him"?”

she asked, looking embarrassed. “Who else lives here? I didn"t even

think to ask.”

Xander shrugged. “Chris Edwards—you know, from the team.”

Audrey frowned. “But wasn"t he just transferred to Denver?”

“This is still his home!” Xander snapped, and then he winced when

he saw those big, dark eyes grow guarded and hurt. “Sorry, Audrey. We

just sort of miss him. You know Penny"s his sister, right?”

Audrey blushed, her eyes growing wide and shiny. “I didn"t,” she

muttered. “Boy, do I feel dense. I thought she was your girlfriend.”

Penny laughed, and to her credit, there wasn"t a trace of bitterness

in it.

“No, sweetheart. Xander and I have known each other since I was

in pigtails—”

“And braces!” Xander interrupted playfully, because he knew it

would make her laugh. She didn"t, though.

“Yeah. I was young and naïve, and I didn"t realize that Xander was

totally in love with someone else.” Penny leaned over and covered

Audrey"s hand with her own. “It hurt like hell. It"s going to hurt you too.

Try not to hold it against the big doofus—he has no idea.”

The playful banter at the table died a sudden, violent death.

“Wow, Penny,” Xander said, feeling like an ogre at an elf party,

“that wasn"t awkward at all.”

Penny shook her head. “He plays like crap without you, Xander,

and, unless you"re on the court, you look even worse. That expression on

164 Amy Lane

your face, as we were all sitting here—I haven"t seen you look that out

of the loop since you were a kid and you didn"t know what food was.”

Xander blushed. “Penny,” he said with a weak smile, “you realize

that I"m not really excited about the world all up in my business, right? I

mean—” And he tried a winning expression on Mandy and Audrey.

“You know. There"s some shit that"s not all that interesting.”

“You look exhausted, Xander. How you sleeping on the road

trips?” she taunted, and Xander felt a hollowness empty out in his chest.

It took him a minute to identify it as hurt.

“Jesus, Penny—what"d I ever do to you?” He stood abruptly and

took his half-finished plate to the sink. Lucia clucked at him (she"d been

serving them, even though he"d told her she didn"t have to) and took the

plate out of his hands and tried to shoo him back to his place at the table.

“Go back and eat!” she admonished. “You look tired, you"ll never

sleep unless you eat!”

“I need to run,” he mumbled, and since that"s what he"d dressed for

when he came down the stairs, that"s where he headed, mindless of the

chilly rain that had started after he"d gotten home.

“No, Xander, don"t go running,” Penny sighed, and she got off her

stool to go take his plate from him and put it back at the counter. “Look,

I"m sorry I got all bitchy at you, but… Jesus. You"re breaking my heart

here. We
have
known each other for a long time, and you
are
like my

brother, and I don"t know if you and Chris can keep this up, you know?

Wouldn"t it be nice if Audrey here was in on it, so she knows what to

expect?”

“Don"t I have to call my agent or something?” he asked, feeling

pathetic. God, what a stupid fucking world, when he had to have his

agent and a lawyer"s approval for something as easy as the truth.

“Xander….” Penny scrubbed her face with her hands, and then

looked at him helplessly. “Look, I can draw up a non-disclosure contract

if you want. I could probably make one more airtight than Leo can.

Mandy can sign one, Audrey can sign one, and the lawyer in me is just

screaming
to do that, you know? But you want to know what I
really

want?”

“To make me finish my chicken?” Xander was too tired for this

shit—he really was. Emotional shit. Did straight men have to deal with

The Locker Room 165

this when all they wanted was a couch and a remote? Xander liked to

think so, but maybe, like everything else, it was something straight men

got to have that gay men didn"t. Maybe it was, like, straight-topia, where

nobody gave a shit who he slept with, and nobody wanted to bring

ancient history into the mix, and nobody wanted to know how he was

feeling. He could just sit on the couch with his dogs and be emotionally

unavailable, and everybody could think he was macho.

“No, not finish your chicken!” Penny half-laughed, and Xander

filed “straight-topia” under things he would have to remember to tell

Chris after the nightmares froze his balls off at four in the morning.

“I"m waiting!” Xander told her, and he felt a little bit of loopiness

setting in. Well, it had been one hell of a road trip.

“I want you to trust us, and treat us like family, and be safe and

comfortable with us, okay? You"ve got it—a built-in little family here to

take care of you when he"s gone, and you can"t wait to run away from us

to brood! C"mon, here, Xander—give us a little help!”

“Wait a minute,” Audrey said, breaking into their conversation

when she hadn"t dared to before, because (Xander could practically see it

glowing) the little light bulb had gone on over her head. “Where does

Chris sleep when he"s here? The only room that doesn"t look like a hotel

room is Xander"s!”

Xander put his face in his hands and tried for a mental twenty on

his ibuprofen—his foot ached, yes, but more pressing was the sudden

pain radiating from the back of his neck to the front of his eyeballs.

Christ!

“Oh.”
Wait for it.
“Oh!”
There ya go, Audrey, and now for the

finale
. “Aww….”

Xander looked up from his hands. “We are
not
puppies,” he

muttered, feeling somehow as though his manhood had been assaulted

with that last “aww.”

He saw the little student with the big brown eyes looking at him

with her head tilted to the side, her lips curved into a gentle smile.

“You"re better,” she said wryly. “You"re star-crossed lovers and

best gay friends, all rolled into one.”

166 Amy Lane

“Right?” Mandy said excitedly, over a mouthful of potatoes. “And

you think of all the times you"ve seen them slapping each other"s ass on

court, and—”

Audrey put her hand over her mouth. “Oh my God, that"s so hot!”

Xander looked at Penny with narrowed eyes. “I hate you. A lot.

You know that, right?”

Penny was actually wincing away from the other two women, and

for a moment, Xander wanted to smack her with a pillow and howl with

a little bit of glee. Meddling woman—see? See what happened when the

world was up in your business?

“Ewww, you guys!” she groaned. “That"s my
brother
you"re

talking about! So. Not. Hot!”

Oh Christ!

“Lucia?” Xander begged pitifully. “Lucia, you wouldn"t know

where my—”

The little bottle clinked next to his plate, and Xander had never

been so happy to see drugs in his life.

“Thank you,” he groaned, taking two pills and washing them down

with milk. “Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you….”

There was a sweet little pat on his back. “No worries, Mr. Karcek.

At least this time you"re taking them on a full stomach.”

Xander looked up from his life-giving drugs, and realized that the

girls had all moved on to Adam Lambert (who was not attractive at all to

Xander"s point of view, so he didn"t really see the fascination) and

settled in to finishing his dinner, since everybody seemed to want a full

stomach for him with such passion.

He was halfway through his second bite when he saw Penny

looking at him and nodding with a “See? I was right!” sort of look, and

he fervently wished for that pillow again.

“You are just as obnoxious now as you were in junior high,” he

muttered, and Penny grinned like she"d won something. The chatter

continued, and Xander realized that he had actual honest friendships

without the confidentiality agreements, and something in his back

loosened to the point where his headache faded away. It might have been

the drugs, but he was sort of hoping it was the roommates, because at

this point, he didn"t have the heart to kick any of them out.

The Locker Room 167

All-Star

GOD, Chris looked good.

There was a charity banquet this year, and they were both in their

tuxes, and Xander was on one side of the room with Penny, who had

become very adept at pulling little black sequined dresses out of her ear

and going with him to shit since he"d first gotten drafted. With her

blonde curly hair tumbling down her back (tamed somehow. Girl-

grooming left Xander boggled) and her big, dark eyes, she was a match

for anybody at the banquet, and Xander was proud of her.

Chris was on the other side of the room with Mandy. They"d asked

pretty-please-nicey-nice, and Mandy had said, “The All-Stars? Are you

kidding? Fuck, yes!” and had flown out to Dallas to be Chris"s date.

They looked really good together. Mandy was mid-sized, but Chris

was only “averagely tall,” and her dark hair and skin contrasted nicely

with his blond hair (growing out nicely) and pale tan. He"d told Xander

that he"d gone skiing on his last day off, and he looked like it.

Mandy seemed to be enjoying his company too. Her head tilted

back as she laughed, and she put a delicate, manicured hand (blood red

nails) on his arm and he patted it.

Xander sucked in his breath as something totally alien slugged him

in the pit of his stomach.

“Stop staring at them!” Penny hissed. “Dammit, Xander, you look

like you"re going to kill something or fuck it until it"s dead. What"s

wrong with you?”

Xander looked at her a little greenly. “I… it"s just been so long

since….” Chris looked across the room at him, and his eyes were hot and

furious, and Xander realized that he was staring at Xander"s hand on the

small of Penny"s back with scorching intensity. Xander blinked,

mesmerized by Chris"s glaring brown eyes, and slowly dropped his hand.

Chris"s expression grew no less intense, and Xander had to turn his head

because he was starting to get hard, and they had to make it through this

banquet, dammit!

168 Amy Lane

“Oh God,” he muttered, completely undone. “Penny, I can hardly

breathe.”

Penny started to rub his lower back, and as Xander looked at her

gratefully, he saw her look up and across the room to her brother and

stick out her tongue. Xander choked on a laugh, but some of the tension

in his body eased up, and he relaxed the fists held stiffly at his side just a

fraction.

Penny laughed in his ear, and Xander muttered, “What?”

“They"re sticking their tongues out, back. Here. You can do it too.”

Xander turned around and he and Penny did the totally adult thing

and returned fire. A round of flashbulbs went off, and Xander and Chris