The Locker Room (39 page)

the heels of his hands against his eyes. “C"mere, Xan,” he said, his voice

shaking, and Xan knelt in front of his chair. Chris grabbed both his hands

and said, “Closer, genius. I really want to kiss you, and I can"t move

yet.”

The Locker Room 223

They tasted of joy, and tears, and a little bit of fear and a lot of

hope. They heard Mandy and the other dancers all saying

“Awwwwww…,” and they heard some of the guys in the locker room

going, “Oh, for Christ"s sake! Don"t you have a house or something?”

but that was all secondary to the roar of their own hearts in their ears.

224 Amy Lane

A Public Face

XANDER was outside shooting baskets, trying not to brood, when Penny

stuck her head out the front door and called him in.

“Dammit, Xander! It"s starting!”

Xander grimaced. “Aw, Jesus. Don"t tell me you"re watching that!”

“You asshole! The whole family is here!”

Xander blinked. He hadn"t really noticed, he"d been so absorbed.

He was trying very very very hard not to listen for the phone ringing.

“Why in the hell would they want to do that?” he asked blankly.

Penny looked at him and just shook her head. From inside the

house, a voice said, “Penny? Is he coming?”

Penny said, “In a second, Javier! His thick head is trying to let shit

trickle in!” (Javier was someone from her law firm she"d brought home

right after the New York playoffs. He was sharp, sarcastic, had a wicked

sense of humor—and a serious case of puppy-dog eyes for Chris"s little

sister. Xander approved.)

“I"ll be there in a sec, Penny. Let me put the ball in the garage.”

“It"s on pause, Xander. Jesus! You"d think a guy would want to see

himself on Barbara Walters!”

“Not if he didn"t want to go on the damned show in the first place!”

Xander called back, but she"d already slammed the door.

He hadn"t, either. But the day after the playoffs, after they"d taken

their phones off the hook and just sat, Chris exhausted in his bed and

Xander beside him on the couch, Leo had come over, trying to be gruff

but completely unable to hide his ear-to-ear grin.

“You couldn"t have consulted your Uncle Leo, could you? You had

to just spring the biggest sports story of the decade on some poor little

ESPN chickie who almost choked on her own tongue!” Leo crowed,

totally shattering the façade of fierceness. “Oh. My. God. Xander—holy

Christ. I knew you had it in you. I"d follow you into hell, you crazy

queer bastard. You know that, don"t you?”

The Locker Room 225

Xander looked at Chris, who was smiling faintly, even though his

head was tilted back against the pillow and his eyes were closed with

exhaustion and pain.

“I"ve been to hell, Leo,” he said quietly. “I wouldn"t take you there

for the world.”

Leo sobered, and the expression on his face was unexpectedly

compassionate. “Yeah, well, that"s what makes you worth following.

Still, man, I wish you had told me. I was watching the coverage from the

private room upstairs and I almost spit out my Scotch. Damn—brother,

your timing was impeccable.”

Xander managed half of a mischievous smile. “Even though it

might cost us the bonus for playing in the championship?”

Leo snorted and waved his hand cavalierly, his red hair almost

mussed and his ruddy Leprechaun features dancing with evil glee.

“Sweetheart, I"ve probably fucked five guys who will be happy to make

up the balance.” He raised his eyebrows wickedly, and Xander couldn"t

help it—he laughed, and beside him, Chris managed a rusty chuckle.

Then Leo pulled up the coffee table (which was made

indestructible, true to Chris"s promise at the very beginning) and copped

a squat, leaning his elbows on his knees. It was the classic Leo let"s-

make-an-unholy-bargain pose, and Xander regarded him dubiously.

“What?”

“You still want to play in the championship games, right?”

Xander looked away. Of course he did. “As long as I"m wanted.”

Leo nodded, because he"d known this. “See, the thing is, there"s no

clause in the NBA that says you can"t play gay. I know for a fact there"s

nothing in your contract that says it. So, all that matters is that no one at

the top decides that „playing gay" is against public decency, right? Have

you heard anything from the top yet?”

Xander pointed to the phones, which were all unplugged—every

set in the house had been maxed out on messages before they"d even

returned home that night. No phones for them.

“I thought so. Now, see, if we can get in an interview—a
big

interview—that gets public sentiment on your side… no, no, don"t look

like that, Xander. You can"t pull that anymore.” Xander had started

226 Amy Lane

hunching his shoulders and looking away shyly, in his usual “Cave Man”

pose. “You can"t. The whole world heard you tell poor Angie Robinson

that “Chris Edwards was your heart”—man, it"s one of the most fucking

romantic things I"ve ever heard. Swear to Christ, I almost shed a tear in

my Scotch. That"s good shit. You two—you go on television, you do the

interview thing, and you be
absofuckinglutely
honest. Third home game

of the month? Do it. Spill it. Xander"s little harem—talk about them.

Chris"s DUI—come-the-fuck clean. Get it out. Tell the world what it"s

cost you. I"m betting on the world thinking you"ve paid your dues.”

Xander looked at Chris in a world of embarrassment. Oh God.

Really?

Chris looked back at him, and through the pain and the exhaustion,

there was some anticipation, some excitement, and that made up

Xander"s mind.

“Yeah, fine. Who wants us?”

And now Leo"s expression became positively diabolical. “Who do

you want? Bryant Gumble, or Barbara Walters?”

Chris"s voice got positively dreamy. “Barbawa Wawa? She asked

for us?”

And that decided it too.

They"d done the interview the day before, from their front room.

They"d put Chris in the wheelchair, with a throw over his legs, and

Xander had worn his jeans and a polo shirt. The lady herself had gotten

out of the town car and a producer had overseen lights, cameras, and

action—and even a little bit of makeup.

There was not, Xander reflected, enough powder in the world to

make Chris look less pale nor him less tall, but the little army of people

did what they could.

The interview had gone by in a blur. Ms. Walters had been

gracious, warm and… well, oddly invested in them. It had taken most of

the interview before Xander realized that she had known who they were

before he"d come out, and for some reason, that was the most surreal

moment of all.

The Locker Room 227

But mostly, it was uncomfortable, and Chris had been exhausted

afterward, and Xander had woken him up with another nightmare at four

in the morning, sleeping on the couch by his bed.

“Get closer, Xan,” Chris murmured, his voice soft in the dark.

Xander had moved, twisting his long body until his legs were on the

couch and his head and shoulders were on the bed next to the boy who

had captured his heart like cupped hands would capture a butterfly, and

had never, ever clutched him too tight, and never let him go.

Chris"s hand had been soothing, running through his sweaty hair,

and Chris and spoken softly, just like he always did when the scary

monsters came in and devoured his sleep in bloody chunks.

“We"ll have to do something, when I get healed. I don"t care if

you"re on season. Take three days, go away, something. It"s hot outside,

and I can"t stand being inside right now. I want to fly somewhere in the

sun and swim forever, and bake….”

They were already making plans for a big pool to take up some of

the wild space of their running path. It seemed silly with the lake just

down below them, but Chris would need it for physical therapy.

“Swimming, where the water"s so blue it feels like flying,” Xander

mumbled, leaning some more into Chris"s touch. “Wanna go fly with

me, Christian?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Anywhere you want, we"ll go flying.”

It had been on that dream, and Chris"s quiet words, that Xander had

fallen asleep. He hadn"t wanted to think about the interview, or how the

whole world would be watching it. He just wanted to think about flying,

alone with Chris.

But now, if the family was there, waiting for him, it was time to go

see how he looked to the rest of the world.

Chris was in the wheelchair, so they could sit side by side, and

Xander flopped next to him on the couch gratefully. Chris reached for

his hand automatically and squeezed—Xander really didn"t want to

watch this, not even a little bit at all.

The show started with some clips of the playoff series with New

York, showcasing Xander doing his thing. Barbara"s narration came up,

and Xander cringed.

228 Amy Lane

“The whole world watched what was being called a miracle series

of basketball. Sacramento"s five-year rise to the top of the NBA from the

sub-basement floor, has been credited to two things—Coach Strauss

Wallick, and the unbeatable team of Christian Edwards and Xander

Karcek—
”

“Oh, God,” Chris muttered, as Barbara detailed their high school

and college careers briefly, complete with clips and photos, “I had no

idea she"d dredge this shit up.”

“Jesus,” Xander murmured, holding Chris"s hand even tighter.

“Don"t we look young….”

“You were young,” Andi said. She was sitting on the love seat,

across from them, but her eyes were still glued to the screen. “You

two… God. You were such babies.”

And Barbara"s narration continued.

“The dream team was recently split up, and the sports world was

stunned. Edwards went on to help Denver make it to the playoffs, but

then was almost mortally injured in a tragic car crash this April—
”

“I hate that word,” Xander muttered.

“Which word?”

“Tragic. It"s only a tragedy when someone dies. You"re here. Not a

tragedy.” Chris pulled Xander"s hand to his lips, and they continued to

watch.

“And all of that was secondary to Xander Karcek"s amazing

announcement this week, that he and Chris had not only been a team on

the court, but all but married off of it. Here, in an exclusive interview

from their home in Folsom, California, are Xander Karcek and Christian

Edwards to tell their story in their own words.”

The camera panned from an outside shot to the front door, and

then across the living room to Xander and Chris, sitting uncomfortably

in their own living room, hands clenched as they looked at Barbara

herself with wide, expectant eyes.

“So, Xander. What made you decide to out the two of you in such a

spectacular fashion?”

The really tall man with the straight dark hair and anxious blue

eyes blushed, the blush telling on his Slavic-pale skin.

The Locker Room 229

“It just seemed like, if I was going to play this game and love it, it

had to love me back.”

The family gasped a little, and everybody looked at Xander with

admiration in their eyes.

“Good answer,” Penny said proudly, and the real Xander turned red

like the one on television and said, “Shut up.”

Penny"s throaty laughter faded into the background as they faced

Barbara"s next question.

“So, may I ask how long you two have been in love?”

Chris"s eyes lit up, in spite of his pallor and his obvious pain. He

looked sideways at Xander, who blushed and pretended to look out the

window to his other side.

“Since forever,” he said softly. “Since we first met. We were

fourteen, and Xander was outside past dark, shooting baskets, and I was

waiting for my mom to get dinner, and… and it was the best game I"ve

ever played.”

The tall, uncomfortable man playing Xander managed to pull his

attention away from the window for a moment and look at Chris through

a softened expression. “Me too,” he said gruffly.

It was Barbara"s turn to blush, and she moved on to what it had

been like hiding their relationship when they"d been away at Chapel

Hill.

“So, you two waited until after high school to consummate your

relationship?”

“Another word I hate,” Xander mumbled. Chris shushed him, and