The Lonely Heart (11 page)

“So that’s where my tapes went.”

Grady jerked, butt sliding on the worn leather couch cushion. He jumped to his feet and turned. Damn it. Isaiah stood at the foot of the stairs, just out of range of the living room lights. The shadows masked his expression and hid the emotions in his eyes.

“I was just—”

“Grady.”

At Isaiah’s soft word, Grady snapped his mouth shut. Not like the man couldn’t see what Grady was doing, anyway. Just because Grady was stupid didn’t mean Isaiah was, too.

Isaiah dropped onto the sofa next to Grady, so close their legs brushed. Grady looked away to hide the sudden heat in his face.

“This instructor isn’t the best,” Isaiah commented, nodding at the figure frozen on the screen across the room.

Grady still couldn’t think of anything to say. He took refuge in his usual silence.

Isaiah sighed. “I don’t get you,” he said. “You act so gruff and aloof all the time, then I find something like this.” His wave included the papers scattered all over the table—frozen shots of different signs with the corresponding words.

www.total-e-bound.com

THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 69

Grady shrugged. He finally found his voice, although the heat in his cheeks still lingered. “If he’s gonna live here, I figured I should try and learn at least a little.”

“You know Josh doesn’t expect you to,” Isaiah pointed out. “He doesn’t mind writing things out. In fact, I sometimes think he prefers it. It’s easier for him to get out exactly what he wants to say.”

“He shouldn’t have to. He’s family and I don’t want him to ever think differently. He needs to know that he fits.”

Isaiah sat back, surprise on his face. “Family? Grady, we’re just a couple of guys you took in. You don’t have to—”

“You’re family,” Grady cut in irritably. “You live here, you work here, hell, I’ve known you for damn near a decade.” Grady stood, scowling fiercely. “You’re family. Both of you.

And if I have to bust my ass to learn this stuff, I’ll do it, because Josh should never feel like an outsider, or like he doesn’t belong.”

“Is this what you’ve been hiding?” Isaiah asked, rising to his feet. They stood toe to toe, identical fierce expressions boring into each other. “Why the hell didn’t you just tell me? Or even more, ask for my help?”

Grady looked away, really not wanting to answer that question.

“Grady!” Isaiah shouted.

“Shut up,” Grady whispered vehemently. “You’ll wake Josh.”

“Right now, I don’t give a damn. You say we’re family, but that goes both ways, you know? You have to let us in sometimes. Don’t you think Josh would love to help you with this? That I would?”

“You just don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t. So help me to.”

“I can’t.” The admission sunk into his gut and settled there, making bile rise in his stomach. If Isaiah ever found out… Grady was used to the looks from people. He could handle the mixture of disgust and pity and the name-calling. But not from Isaiah. Never from Isaiah.

He couldn’t deal with this anymore. Ignoring Isaiah’s calls, Grady turned and stalked off, growly and frustrated and…hurt. Isaiah should know better by now. His guys were all he had. His guys and now Josh. Grady knew what it felt like, to always be on the outside www.total-e-bound.com

THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 70

watching a world where you didn’t fit, no matter how much you longed to. And he would go toss himself off Pearson’s Cliff before he ever let Josh feel like that.

He snagged his coat and slammed out of the house to lick his wounds, conscious of Isaiah’s penetrating stare boring into his back the entire way. It was a relief to make it to the porch and out of sight.

As he always did when he was upset, Grady headed for the barn. He made straight for the stall on the end, letting himself in. Dixon ignored his entrance, shifting his weight on three legs and chewing idly on a mouthful of hay. Grady braced his back against the wooden wall near the door, sliding down until he sat in the newly cleaned woodchips. He braced his arms on his upright knees, tilted his head back, and stared with blank eyes at the rafters above.

He’d screwed up. Again. Damn it. That seemed to be the story of his life. Open-mouth-insert-foot Grady—that was him.

He closed his eyes, letting the soothing sounds of Dixon nearby ease him. He kept trying and trying. And it never made a difference. Hell, most of the time, no one even noticed his efforts. If they did, they chalked it up to some weirdness on his part.

Ever since Grady took over the Branch from his father, he’d been attempting, in his own way, to turn the men here into the family he’d never had. He wanted to fit, so desperately.

But it seemed like he could never get past the whole ‘boss-employee’ divide.

It was probably about time for him to accept that he never would. Grady had hoped, with Isaiah and Josh staying with him, that things could be different. That he could finally get close to the man that he had lusted after from afar since the first time they had met.

Maybe, if it had stayed lust, he could have made a move. But Isaiah was so confident and sexy and it hadn’t taken long for Grady’s feelings to deepen.

Unfortunately, Isaiah still saw him as the boss, just like all the rest. Grady cursed himself as his eyes stung a bit. He shoved to his feet and grabbed Dixon’s halter. Maybe a ride would help clear his head.

Dixon was used to their late-night antics and accepted the interruption to his lazy time with equine equanimity. Five minutes later, Grady trotted out of the yard. The trees quickly swallowed them up, encasing Grady in a silent, isolated world that was all his own.

Maybe, for a little while, at least, he could leave everything behind. It had never worked before, but Grady had never been this determined before, either. He was sick of hurting, sick www.total-e-bound.com

THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 71

of feeling like an outsider. It was long past time that he became as hard and unfeeling as everyone thought him.

He spurred Dixon into the night, relishing the feel of the wind rushing through his hair.

These night rides, surrounded by the peace of the land he loved, were the only times he felt free. Felt like there was somewhere in this lonely world where he belonged.

www.total-e-bound.com

THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 72

The music pounded and the lights flashed and damn but if Isaiah wasn’t getting a headache. He scowled down at the half-empty beer glass in his hand and wondered when he’d started getting old. A little cutie sashayed past with a big smile for Isaiah, naked from the waist up. Isaiah barely glanced at the creamy skin on display.

Fuck it.

He downed his beer, slammed his glass onto the wet and stained counter beside him and shoved off his stool. Isaiah had come here for a little stress relief and that was exactly what he was going to get. So what if no one here really appealed to his suddenly extremely particular tastes? He didn’t have to feel a life-long connection to a guy in order to get his dick sucked.

Isaiah waded into the throng of sweaty, writhing bodies, his eyes scanning for someone who would at least interest his body, if not the rest of him.

The hour-long drive to his favourite dive had seemed like more of a hassle this time than usual. Not technically a gay bar, the place was certainly gay-friendly. Girls in skimpy skirts mingled freely with guys in overly tight pants. If most of the girls seemed more interested in making out with each other than any of the guys on display, well, that was their business. After all, Dave’s was one of the few places around where same-sex couples could hook up without getting the shit beat out of them.

The large bar and nightclub had been Isaiah’s stomping ground for longer than he cared to remember. When the pressure of celibacy started to get to him, he took a night off and drove out looking for a little companionship. Normally, it took several months before he felt compelled.

He’d been here less than two weeks ago.

Isaiah blamed it on Grady. His attraction for the other man was getting out of control.

So he’d had the brilliant idea of coming out and finding some company for the night. Work out some of the sexual tension. Judging by the evening so far, it wasn’t going to be overly successful.

www.total-e-bound.com

THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 73

Isaiah crossed the room with difficulty, suffering several gropes, more than a few pinches and one slap. His ass was gonna be technicolour in the morning. Place was a goddamned meat market, and why the hell did that suddenly leave such a sour taste in his mouth?

Isaiah propped himself against the far wall and tried not to scowl too ferociously. It was a bit counterproductive, to battle across the room only to play social outcast again. He just couldn’t seem to summon the effort to go prowling. Instead, his mind kept drifting back to the ranch.

Why the fuck was Grady suddenly consuming his thoughts? They’d lived and worked together in harmony for so long now. Like brothers.

Cut the bullshit. You never felt brotherly towards the man.

Isaiah cursed his conscience. Couldn’t he at least be allowed to lie to himself? Sure, he’d been attracted to Grady at the beginning, but the man was his boss. It hadn’t been easy, but Isaiah had fought hard—and won. Admittedly, it helped that he didn’t spend a lot of time with Grady that wasn’t work-related. Even then, the rancher tended to keep to himself, both physically and emotionally. After a while, it had become second nature to ignore any remaining sparks between them. With the distance between them, both figuratively and literally, he’d managed to shove the attraction into a dark corner and tie it up for a while.

Every so often it would rise up again, usually when Grady did something utterly sweet and unexpected, but Isaiah had always been able to rope the sucker back in.

Then came Josh. Living in the same house as Grady, though, was proving to be a bit more than his willpower could handle. He couldn’t get that distance needed, the time away from Grady, to hog-tie his crush back up.

Day in, day out, Grady was always there. Invading Isaiah’s mind, permeating his thoughts, constant personal interaction making it impossible for Isaiah to keep Grady locked away in his little box. The box Isaiah had constructed and slapped with the label ‘boss’ and, occasionally, ‘friend’. Ever since he had blurted out that strange comment to Tony, though, the label kept insisting on changing itself to ‘boyfriend’, ‘partner’. Isaiah’s mind kept insisting of forming distracting images.
Tangled sheets and sweaty skin and—

Isaiah cut off his thoughts with brutal forcefulness. God, those images were starting to drive him insane. Hence, tonight’s outing. Which was proving more pointless with every passing second.

www.total-e-bound.com

THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 74

In the next fifteen minutes, at least five men—and three women—passed by, any one of whom he knew would have gladly taken him up on an offer for some fun. The words wouldn’t come. Isaiah knew he looked a bit like an idiot, huddling against the wall like some wide-eyed, clueless virgin on his first foray into the world.

Isaiah contemplated leaving. He was just disgusting himself.

A body bumped into him, nothing unusual, but something about the scent of this one caught his attention.
Deep and musky, with the slightest hint of hay and horse. Like—

Isaiah cut the thought off before it could finish forming. Instead, he summoned his best smile and flashed a wink at the man passing by. The dark-haired guy paused, returned the appreciative look, and gave a quick nod.

Isaiah pushed away from the wall and followed a tight ass, nicely framed by a pair of well-worn jeans. He forced his mind to go blank. And he absolutely, positively, would
not
feel guilty. He had no reason to. He and Grady weren’t involved, no matter what that stupid fucking label kept insisting on.

The bathroom was crowded and Isaiah wrinkled his nose. The older he got, the less these hook-ups appealed. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask the guy to go somewhere.

Isaiah could find a hotel for the night or something. He didn’t really want—

“How ’bout a little more privacy?”

Isaiah turned his head, meeting a heated blue gaze. The brunet smiled and a crooked front tooth presented an oddly charming appearance.

“Seems a little crowded, don’t it?” The cowboy slid one hand along Isaiah’s arm, the touch hot through the fabric of Isaiah’s shirt, sending a little jolt of arousal straight to his crotch. “Why don’t we go find somewhere quieter?”

“Sure.” Isaiah nodded and licked his lips, raking his gaze over the other man. Long, lean, the build of someone whose cowboy garb wasn’t a fashion statement. Those big, callused hands worked for a living, scarred and battered like Isaiah’s own.

“Sure,” Isaiah repeated. “Lead on.”

Isaiah followed that ass back out of the bathroom and down a narrow hallway, emerging through a side door into the chilly night air. The metal door clanged shut, cutting off the laughter and music and leaving a shocking, almost uncomfortable, silence.

“Damn, but you’re a sight.” This time it was the cowboy who licked his lips and eyed Isaiah up and down. “We’re gonna have us some fun, I think.”

www.total-e-bound.com

THE LONELY HEART K.M. Mahoney 75

Isaiah summoned a smile and reached out. He hooked a finger in the brunet’s belt and tugged the man closer. He ran his palm down the front of tight-fitting jeans, feeling the bulge and heat of a nice-sized package.

“Sure,” he said again. “Fun.”

The guy didn’t even bother with a kiss. One minute they were checking each other out, the next Isaiah’s pants were halfway down his legs and a hand was inside his underwear. He stifled a groan and let his head fall back, bracing himself against the side of the building.