The Lost Prince (39 page)

Kenzie joined me, looking tired and pale. Purple marks streaked her arms from where the Forgotten had grabbed her, and her eyes were dull with exhaustion. Anger flared, but it was damped by the feeling of hopelessness that clung to everything in this place. She gave me a brave smile as she came up, but I could see her mask crumbling, falling to pieces around her.

“Anything?” I asked, and she shook her head.

“No. I’ll try again in a little while, when he’s had a chance to think about it. I think poking him further will just make him retreat more.” She slid down next to me, gazing out into the darkness. I felt the heat of her small body against mine, and an almost painful urge to reach out for her, to draw her close. But my own fear held me back. I had failed. Again. Not only Kenzie, but Todd, Keirran, Annwyl, everyone. I wished I had been stronger. That I could’ve kept everyone around me safe.

But most of all, I wished Kenzie didn’t have to be here. That I’d never shown her my world. I’d give anything to get her out of this.

“How long do you think they’ll keep us here?” Kenzie whispered after a few beats of silence.

“I don’t know,” I murmured, feeling the weight in my chest get bigger. Kenzie rubbed her arms, running her fingers over the bruises on her skin, making my stomach churn.

“We…we’re gonna make it home, right?”

“Yeah.” I half turned, forcing a smile. “Yeah, don’t worry, we’ll get out of here, and you’ll be home before you know it. Your sister will be waiting for you, and your Dad will probably yell that you’ve been gone so long, but they’ll both be relieved that you’re back. And you can call my house and keep me updated on everything that happens at school, because my parents will probably ground me until I’m forty.”

It was a kind lie, and we both knew it, but I couldn’t tell her the truth. That I didn’t know if we would make it home, that no one knew where we were, that right above our heads waited a legion of savage, desperate fey and their mysterious lady. Keirran was gone, Annwyl was missing, and the person we’d come to find was a hollow shell of himself. I’d hit rock bottom and had dragged her down with me, but I couldn’t tell her that all hope was gone. Even though I had none of it myself.

So I lied. I told her we would make it home, and Kenzie returned the small smile, as if she really believed it. But then she shivered, and the mask crumpled. Bringing both knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and closed her eyes.

“I’m scared,” she admitted in a whisper. And I couldn’t hold myself back any longer.

Reaching out, I pulled her into my lap and wrapped her in my arms. She clung to me, fists clenched in my shirt, and I folded her against my chest, feeling our hearts race together.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered into her hair. “I wanted to protect you from all of this.”

“I know,” she whispered back. “And I know you’re thinking this is your fault somehow, but it isn’t.” Her hand slipped up to my face, pressing softly against my cheek, and I closed my eyes. “Ethan, you’re a sweet, infuriating, incredible guy, and I think I…might be falling for you. But there are things in my life you just can’t protect me from.”

My breath caught. I felt my heartbeat stutter, then pick up, a little faster than before. Kenzie hunched her shoulders, burying her face in my shirt, suddenly embarrassed. I wanted to tell her she had nothing to be afraid of; that I couldn’t stay away from her if I tried, that she had somehow gotten past all my bullshit—the walls, the anger, the constant fear, guilt and self-loathing—and despite everything I’d done to drive her away and make her hate me, I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

I wished I knew how to tell her as much. Instead, I held her and smoothed her hair, listening to our breaths mingle together. She was quiet for a long time, one hand around my neck, the other tracing patterns in my shirt.

“Ethan,” she murmured, still not looking at me. “If—
when
—we get home, what will happen, to
us?
”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I guess…that will mostly depend on you.”

“Me?”

I nodded. “You’ve seen my life. You’ve seen how screwed up it is. How dangerous it can be. I wouldn’t force that on anyone, but…” I trailed off, closing my eyes, pressing my forehead to hers. “But I can’t stay away from you anymore. I’m not even going to try. If you want me around, I’ll be there.”

“For how long?” Her words were the faintest whisper. If we hadn’t been so close, I wouldn’t have caught them. Hurt, I stared at her, and she peered up at me, her eyes going wide at the look on my face.

“Oh, no! I’m sorry, Ethan. That wasn’t for you. I just…” She sighed, hanging her head again, clenching a fist in my shirt. “All right,” she whispered. “Enough of this, Kenzie. Before this goes any further.” She nodded to herself and looked up, facing me fully. “I guess it’s time you knew.”

I waited, holding my breath.
Whatever secrets you have,
I wanted to say,
whatever you’ve been hiding, it doesn’t matter. Not to me.
My whole life was one big lie, and I had more secrets than one person should have in a lifetime. Nothing she said could scare or shock me away from her.

But there was still that tiny sense of unease, that dark, ominous thing Kenzie had been keeping from me since we’d met. I knew some secrets weren’t meant to be shared, that knowing them could change your perspective of a person forever. I suspected this might be one of those times. So I waited, as the silence stretched between us, as Kenzie gathered her thoughts. Finally, she pushed her hair back, still not looking at me, and took a deep breath.

“Remember…when you asked why I would trade a piece of my life away to Leanansidhe?” she began in a halting voice. “When I made that bargain to get the Sight. Do you remember what I said?”

I nodded, though she still wasn’t looking at me. “That no one lives forever.”

Kenzie shivered. “My mom died three years ago,” she said, folding her arms protectively to her chest. “It was a car accident—there was nothing anyone could do. But I remember when I was little, she would always talk about traveling the world. She said when I got older, we would go see the pyramids together, or the Great Wall or the Eiffel Tower. She used to show me travel magazines and brochures, and we would plan out our trip. Sometimes by boat, or train or even by hot air balloon. And I believed her. Every summer, I asked if
this
was the year we would go.” She sniffed, and a bitter note crept into her voice. “It never was, but dad swore that when he wasn’t so busy, when work slowed down a bit, we would all take that trip together.

“But then she died,” Kenzie went on softly, and swiped a hand across her eyes. “She died, and she never got the chance to see Egypt, or Paris or any of the places she wanted to see. And I always thought it was so sad, that it was such a waste. All those dreams, all those plans we had, she would never get to do any of them.”

“I’m sorry, Kenzie.”

She paused, taking a breath to compose herself, her voice growing stronger when she spoke again. “Afterward, I thought maybe Dad and I could…take that trip together, in her honor, you know? He was so devastated when he found out. I thought that if we could go someplace, just the two of us, he’d remember all the good times. And I wanted to remind him that he still had me, even though Mom was gone.”

I remembered the way Kenzie had spoken about her father before, the anger and bitterness she’d shown, and my gut twisted. Somehow, I knew that hadn’t happened.

“But, my dad…” Kenzie shook her head, her eyes dark. “When Mom died, he sort of…forgot about me. He never talked to me if he could help it, and just…threw himself into his job. He started working more and more at the office, just so he didn’t have to come home. At first, I thought it was because he missed Mom so much, but that wasn’t it. It was me. He didn’t want to see me.” At my furious look, she shrugged. “Maybe I reminded him too much of Mom. Or maybe he was just distancing himself, in case he lost me, too. I would try talking to him—I really missed her sometimes—but he’d just give me a wad of cash and then lock himself in his office to drink.” Her eyes glimmered. “I didn’t want money. I wanted someone to talk to me, to listen to me. I wanted him to be a dad.”

Anger burned. And guilt. I thought of my family, of how we had lost Meghan all those years ago, and how my parents clung to me even more tightly, for fear of that same thing. I couldn’t imagine them ignoring me, forgetting I existed, in case they woke up one day and found me gone. They were paranoid and overprotective, but that was infinitely better than the alternative. What was wrong with Kenzie’s father? How could he ignore his only daughter, especially after she’d just lost her mom?

“That’s insane,” I muttered. “I’m sorry, Kenzie. Your dad sounds like a complete tool. You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.” She didn’t say anything, and I rubbed her arms, trying to get her to look at me, keeping my voice gentle. “So, you do all these crazy things because you don’t want to end up like your mom?”

“No.” Kenzie hunched her shoulders, looking off into the distance, and her eyes glimmered. “Well, that’s part of it, but…” She paused again and went on, even softer than before. “When Dad remarried, things got a little better. I had a stepsister, Alexandria, so at least I wasn’t stuck in a big empty house all day, alone. But Dad still worked all the time, and the nights he
was
home, he was so busy with his new wife and Alex, he didn’t pay much attention to me.” She shrugged, as if she’d gotten over it and didn’t need any sympathy, but I still seethed at her father.

“Then, about a year ago,” Kenzie went on, “I started getting sick. Nausea, sudden dizzy spells, things like that. Dad didn’t notice, of course. No one really did…until I passed out in the middle of class one afternoon. In history. I remember, because I begged the school nurse not to call my dad. I knew he’d be angry if he had to come pick me up in the middle of the workday.” Kenzie snorted, her eyes and voice bitter as she stared at the ground. “I collapsed just picking up my books, and the freaking
school nurse
had to tell him to take me to a doctor. And he was still pissed about it. Like I got sick on purpose, like he thinks all the tests and treatments and doctor appointments are just a way of getting attention.”

Something cold settled in my stomach, as many small things clicked into place. The bruises. The protectiveness of her friends at school. Her fearlessness and burning desire to see all that she could. The dark thing hovered between us now, turning my blood to ice as I finally figured it out. “You’re sick now, aren’t you?” I whispered. “The serious kind.”

“Yeah.” She looked down, fiddling with my shirt, and took a shaky breath. “Ethan I…I have leukemia.” The words trailed off into a whisper at the end, and she paused, but when she continued her voice was calm and matter-of-fact. “The doctors won’t tell me much, but I did some research, and the survival rate for the type I have, with treatment and chemo and everything, is about forty percent. And that’s if I even make it through the first five years.”

It felt as if someone had punched a hole in my stomach, grabbed my insides and pulled them out again. I stared at Kenzie in horror, unable to catch my breath. Leukemia. Cancer. Kenzie was…

“So, now you know the real reason I wanted the Sight. Why I wanted to see the fey.” She finally looked at me, one corner of her lip turned up in a bitter smile. “That month I traded to Leanansidhe? That’s nothing. I probably won’t live to see thirty.”

I wanted to do something, anything. I wanted to jump up and punch the walls, scream out my frustration and the unfairness of it all. Why her? Why did it have to be Kenzie, who was brave and kind and stubborn and absolutely perfect? It wasn’t right. “You should’ve gone back,” I finally choked out. “You shouldn’t be here with me, not when you could be…” I couldn’t even get the word past my lips. The sudden thought that this dark pit could be the last place she would ever see nearly made me sick. “Kenzie, you should be with your family,” I moaned in despair. “Why did you stay with me? You should’ve gone home.”

Kenzie’s eyes gleamed. “To what?” she snapped, making a sharp gesture. “Back to my dad, who can’t even look at me? Back to that empty house, where everyone tiptoes around and whispers things they don’t think I can hear? To the doctors who won’t tell me anything, who treat me like I have no idea what’s going on? Haven’t you been listening, Ethan? What do I have to go back to?”

“You would be safe—”

“Safe,” she scoffed. “I don’t have time to be safe. I want to
live.
I want to travel the world. See things no one else has. Go bungee jumping and skydiving and all those crazy things. If I’m living on borrowed time, I want to make the most of it. And you showed me this whole other world, with dragons and magic and queens and talking cats. How could I pass that up?”

I couldn’t answer, mostly because my own throat felt suspiciously tight. Kenzie reached out with both arms and laced her hands behind my head, gazing up at me. Her eyes were tender as she leaned in. “Ethan, this sickness, this thing inside me…I’ve made my peace with it. Whatever happens, I can’t stop it. But there are things I want to do before I die, a whole list that I know I probably won’t get to, but I’m sure as hell going to try. ‘Seeing the fey’ wasn’t on the list, but ‘go someplace no one has ever seen before’ was. So is ‘have my first kiss.’” She ducked her head, as if she was blushing. “Of course, there’s never been a boy that I’ve wanted to kiss me,” she whispered, biting her lip, “until I met you.”

I was still reeling from her last words, so that admittance sent another jolt through my stomach, turning it inside out. That this strange, stubborn, defiantly cheerful girl—this girl who fought lindwurms and bargained with faery queens and faced her own mortality every single day, who followed me into Faery and didn’t leave my side, even when she was offered a way home—this brave, selfless, incredible girl wanted me to kiss her.

Damn. I was in deep, wasn’t I?

Yeah, and I don’t care.

Kenzie was still staring at the ground, and I realized I hadn’t answered her, still recovering from being blindsided by my own emotions. “But I understand if you don’t want to,” she went on in a forced, cheerful voice, dropping her arms. “It’s not fair to you, to get involved with someone like me. It was stupid of me to say anything.” She spoke quickly, trying to convince herself, and I shook myself out of my trance. “I don’t know how long I’ll have, and who wants to go through that? It’ll just end up breaking both our hearts. So, if you don’t want to start anything, that’s fine, I understand. I just—”