The Lost Years (9 page)

Part 5 – LOUISE (2005)

Chapter 15

“Are you ready?” Marlow called from the living room. “We're going to be late.”

The last thing I felt like doing was visiting his brother. Pirus and Jessie had been really kind to us ever since we'd first arrived in the territory. Today's party was to celebrate Lynsa's birthday. She was three years old. Their first child, Walter, was almost ten. Where had the years gone? I loved the kids to bits, but I hated the effect that seeing them had on Marlow.

Marlow and I had been living together for fifteen years. As far as the outside world was concerned, we were mates. The truth was we were partners and friends, but we weren't mates—not in the true sense of the word. Marlow wanted more from me, but I'd never felt ready. It was stupid—beyond stupid. Even though Craven had been dead for many years, I still felt as if it would be a betrayal of my fated mate. I kept expecting Marlow to leave or to throw me out. I wouldn't have blamed him if he had. Any other shifter would have grown tired of waiting years ago. In some ways it would have been easier if he'd walked out on me. At least I wouldn't have had to put up with the guilt every day.

“Louise, come on. It's almost two.”

I put on my best smile, and walked through to the living room.

“You look stunning,” he said. His eyes lit up as they always did when he saw me.

“Thanks.” Every compliment, every kind gesture felt like a stab to my heart. How could I be so cruel to someone who loved me as much as Marlow did? Why did he stay when all I did was to cause him heartache?

“I bought a little something for you,” he said with a smile.

Yet more kindness to rub salt into my wounds.

“You shouldn't keep buying me things.”

“It's nothing much, but I thought it would look great on you.” He handed me a small red box.

“Thank you.” I flipped open the lid to reveal a delicate gold chain. “It's beautiful.”

I leaned forward and gave him a small peck on the lips. That was as intimate as we ever got.

“Let me put it on for you.”

As his fingers brushed my neck, a shiver ran down my spine. I desperately wanted to turn around and kiss him—properly this time. I didn't. I never had. Something always held me back.

*********

The noise level was through the roof. I knew most of the shifters at the party—most of them had children of their own. The kids were screaming and shouting as they ran from room to room.

“Louise!” Pirus greeted me with his usual hug. “Jessie and Lynsa are through there. Go say hello.”

I left the two brothers together, and made my way to find Jessie and the birthday girl.

“Louise.” Jessie called when she spotted me. “Come and sit with me, but get me a drink first would you?”

I collected two glasses of Champagne, and then joined Jessie on the sofa. She had the birthday girl on her lap.

“Lynsa is looking beautiful,” I said.

“I know. Like butter wouldn't melt. You should see her when she gets a strop on. That's when Pirus goes AWOL. He loves the kids when they're being good, but somehow always finds work, which has to be done, when they are acting up.”

“You love him anyway.”

“I know, but it wouldn't kill him to give me a little more help with the kids. Make sure you don't make the same mistake when it's your turn.” 

I smiled and took a sip of Champagne.

*********

The adults got slowly drunker, and the kids got louder. Everyone had a great time. Even I enjoyed it more than I'd expected.

“Louise,” Pirus shouted from across the other side of the living room. It was the only way he was going to make himself heard. “Come over here. We're getting a photo.”

“I'm okay, thanks.”

“Come on, Louise,” Jessie called.

I knew they wouldn't let it go, so I made my way over to join Marlow, Pirus, Jessie and the kids.

“There you go,” Jessie tried to pass Lynsa to me.

“No. I can't hold her.”

“Of course you can.”

Before I could object further, Lynsa was on my knee. Pirus stood in front of us—camera in his hand.

Marlow turned to look at me. There was a look of pure happiness on his face, and I knew exactly what was going through his mind. He so wanted me to be his mate, and for us to have our own kids.

“Say cheese!”

I somehow managed to force a smile.

*********

When we got back to our apartment, I told Marlow I needed to lie down for a while. I did have a headache, but that wasn't the main reason I wanted to be alone. As I lay on the bed, I could see the photograph in my mind's eye:

 Jessie holding Walter's hand. Lynsa on my knee. Marlow, smiling, by my side.

The perfect family portrait.

I wasn't being fair. I had the perfect partner, and yet I continued to deny him because of someone who had been dead for many years. Craven may have been my fated mate, but I'd spent only one night with him. I'd lived with Marlow for fifteen years, and although we had never truly been 'mates', we had a bond which was at least as strong as most mated couples. He never asked, he never pushed, but I knew what he wanted. The look on his face in that photo tore my heart apart.

I knew what I had to do.

Chapter 16

It was almost an hour later when I emerged from the bedroom. Marlow had changed into jeans and a tee-shirt.

“Hi.” He smiled. “Feeling better?”

“Yes, thanks.” It was a lie—my head was still pounding.

“Are you sure? You look a little—”

“Can we talk?”

“That doesn't sound good.” His smile melted away.

I took a seat beside him on the sofa, and put my hand on his. “This isn't fair on you,” I said.

“What isn't?”

“Living together like this, but not really
being
together.”

“I don't mind. If it means we're—”

“I know. But I do. I'm not being fair to you.”

“I don't want you to leave me.”

“That's not what I meant. I've been living a lie for far too long. Living as though I'm still Craven's mate.”

“Louise. We don't have to do this.”

“Yes, we do. I do. Craven's dead. I'll never forget him, but now I have someone who loves me right here, right now.”

“I don't understand. What are you saying?”

“I want us to be mates.” 

He didn't speak, and I couldn't read his expression. “Marlow? Say something.”

“I'm sorry.” He stood up and walked over to the bedroom.

I was too stunned to move. Had I totally misread the situation? Was he content to live as we were? Didn't he want me for his mate? It didn't make sense.

He was sitting on the bed—staring into space.

“I don't understand.” I sat down next to him. “I thought this was what you wanted.”

“It is.” He looked at me with tears in his eyes. “It's what I've always wanted.”

“What's wrong then?”

“I don't deserve to be your mate.”

“Don't be stupid. Of course you—”

“Wait! Listen to what I have to say first.”

I waited for what felt like an eternity until he was composed enough to continue.

“Craven may not be dead.”

I heard his words, but their meaning refused to register. “What?”

“I'm so sorry. I should have told you years ago.”

“You told me he was dead.”

“No. I would never lie to you. You were the one who said he must be dead, and I allowed you to believe it, even though I knew you were wrong.”

“Is he still alive?”

“I don't know. He was when I released you from the enclosure, but that's a long time ago.”

“Why didn't you tell me then?”

He looked at me through sad eyes.

“Why?” I yelled.

“I don't know.”

“Tell me!”

“I was afraid if you knew Craven was alive, you would have stayed and tried to find him. I was scared you'd be killed.”

“Of course I would have looked for him. I was his mate. I
am
his mate.”

“I always planned to tell you once we were safe.”

“But you never did.”

“I'm sorry.”

I couldn't bear to listen to any more.

“Louise!” He called after me as I ran back to my bedroom.

“Leave me alone.” I slammed the door closed.

“Please,” Marlow said through the closed door. “We need to talk.”

“Go away!”

“Please.”

“Not now. I need time to think. We can talk in the morning.”

“Okay. I really am sorry.”

This couldn't be happening. Could Craven still be alive? Why hadn't Marlow told me when he released me from the enclosure? Why tell me now? I lay on the bed with my head buried in the pillow.

*********

I hadn't intended to sleep, but it was morning when I next opened my eyes.

I was a little calmer and thought I understood why Marlow had done what he had. Marlow was fundamentally a good person. He'd proven that to me a thousand times over the years—he'd even saved my life. When I'd finally offered him the only thing he'd ever really wanted from me, he couldn't continue with the deceit. He should have told me about Craven, but that one wrong didn't overturn all of the love and kindness he'd shown me.

Craven may have been alive when I was released from the enclosure, but there was a strong possibility he was dead by now. Even if he wasn't, he'd have given up searching for me long ago. I truly hoped he was still alive, and that he'd found a new mate, but it was time for me to move on—with Marlow.

“Marlow?”

 I checked his bedroom, but the bed hadn't been slept in. Then I checked every other room, but there was no sign of him. Had he gone to stay with his brother?

Two minutes later, I found his note stuck to the front of the fridge.

Louise

What I did was unforgivable, so I won't ask your forgiveness. Instead, I'll try to put things right. I still have a few contacts in the Maja pack. I'll begin there and track down Craven
—even if it takes me forever. If he is still alive, I'll bring your fated mate to you.

Please know I'll always love you.

Marlow

I read and re-read the note. Returning to the Maja would be suicide. In Milton's eyes Marlow was a traitor. I grabbed my phone and called the number.  The ring tone came from Marlow's bedroom—his phone was on the bedside cabinet.

*********

“Louise?” Pirus answered the door of his apartment wearing only shorts. His hair was dishevelled, and he looked like he'd just climbed out of bed. “What's wrong?”

“It's Marlow.”

“Is he all right?” Pirus stepped aside. “Come in.”

“He's on his way to Maja territory.”

“Why?”

There was no point in keeping up the pretence. I told Pirus about Craven.

“So all of these years—you two were never mates?”

“I always loved him.”

“But you both let everyone think—” Pirus shook his head. “He's my brother. Why would he lie to me?”

“Don't blame Marlow. He was only trying to protect me.”

“Why go back to Maja now?”

“When we got back last night, I told him I wanted us to be true mates. That's when he told me about Craven. I think he felt guilty.”

“Why didn't you stop him?”

“He left while I was asleep—I found his note this morning. We have to do something. We have to bring him back.”

“I can't.”

“He's your brother.”

“Don't you think I know that?”

“It wouldn't take us long to get to Maja.”

“It would be suicidal. As soon as he steps foot inside their territory, he's a dead man. If you and I follow, we'll be dead too. I'm sorry Louise. I love him dearly, but I have to put Jessie and the children first. I can't leave them.”

“I understand.” What had I been thinking? Of course Pirus had to put his own mate and children first. “I still have to go though.”

“You can't save him. You'll be sacrificing yourself for nothing.”

“It's my fault he's gone back there. I have to do this.”

Pirus nodded and then took me into his arms.

“Say goodbye to Jessie and the kids for me,” I said, and then left.