The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan (10 page)

“You’re shitting me? DWI?”

“I never learned.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“I shit you not,” she laughed from behind the curtain, thinking the conversation sounded like a George Carlin routine. Her laughter sounded muted slightly by the whish of water running. “But if you really want to wash them, they’re in my pocket.”

Declan shifted the pink polyester dress around until he located the pocket and removed a plastic bag, the kind used to seal drug test specimen cups, with her white cotton panties inside. He also pulled out Jimbo’s credit card, the deposit slip with his phone number and the receipt for her pizza. He reached for his wallet and put the credit card and deposit slip inside for safe keeping.

In a moment of mischief, he placed Emily Saunders thong over a showerhead of a neighboring shower. Nyxie could go without until morning.

“Be right back,” he said as he walked off with her clothes.

“You’re not going to let anyone come back here, are you?”

“Even if someone did come in, they’d just assume it was another man in the shower. No one’s going to bother you.”

A few minutes later, she could hear the sound of a hand dryer in the distance shortly before he alerted her to his return.

“Nyxie, have you read
Fifty Shades
?”

“No. What’s it about?”

“It’s about a woman who enters a relationship with a man who’s in the lifestyle. I’m going to set up the Kindle app on your phone and purchase the whole series for you to read. I don’t suppose you have an e-mail address.”

“Of course, I do. You don’t have to have a computer to have an e-mail account. We use the computers at the library.”

He thought about what her screen name might be as he proceeded with the sign in and cringed when the name Sexy-Nyxie came to mind. “Okay,” he said when he got to the line for her e-mail. “What is it?”

“It’s [email protected].”

“Gotcha. I’m setting your Amazon password as Declansuntil2017—capital D, no punctuation. Do you think you can remember that?”

The water shut off. “How can I forget?” she grumbled. “Assuming the legal fees go that high.”

“Trust me; lawyers know how to squeeze every penny they can out of you.”

“Towel?” Onyx’s hand shot out between the curtain and the wall.

“Hold on.”

Declan rushed to his locker and grabbed a clean towel out of his gym bag. “Sorry. The towels the hospital provides are rougher than cheap motel towels.”

The brown bath sheet was soft and thick and smelled of expensive fabric softener. It was so big it went around her twice. She opened the curtain and stepped out completely covered.

“Thank you, sir. That was just what I needed to feel human again.”

Declan touched his lips to her forehead momentarily before handing her the scrubs.

“Stay out of the maternity ward when you’re wearing these or security will be all over you like blood-sucking ticks on a mangy dog.”

Years ago, she heard about a woman who posed as a nurse to steal a baby from the mother’s room. She understood immediately why he advised her against it.

“I’ll get my brush while you get dressed,” he said with a chagrined expression when he realized she was making no moves to get dressed.

As soon as he rounded the corner, Nyxie hurriedly dressed in hopes of avoiding him catching her naked. When she padded out on bare feet wearing the blue drawstring bottoms and the pink wraparound tunic, he grinned.

“I never imagined anyone could make scrubs look smokin’.”

She shook her head in denial.

“Don’t shake your head at me. Just say,
‘Thank you, sir.’”

“Thank you, sir,” she said quietly, her eyes cast down. “I’ll try to….” Her lips pursed as she stopped midsentence.

Declan waited patiently for her to continue. “You’ll try to what?” he prompted.

“I don’t know exactly. I don’t want you to regret your decision to help me. I’ll try to be what you want me to be,” she said shyly. “Sometimes people give us their kids’ hand-me-downs or at holidays, a bag of groceries might be left on our doorstep, but no one has ever done anything like this for us and I want to make you happy. But I really don’t understand my role and how to please you.”

“I know you don’t, Nyx. But it’s late and I’m assisting in surgery first thing in the morning, so we can discuss it tomorrow. I’m off at eleven o’clock and I thought I’d take you to Chimera Flats so you can get your things. We can talk about it in the car.”

He handed her a hair brush and blow dryer then retrieved his toiletries from the shower. After drying them on a hospital towel, he packed them away, minus the hair binder she looped over the neck of his shampoo bottle.

When he joined her at the sinks, she was bent over drying the underside of her raven hair. The position gave rise to many lascivious thoughts—not to mention rise to a certain part of his anatomy.

She suddenly straightened, flipping her waist long silky mane over her head. A smile touched her lips as she saw the results of her efforts in the mirror, but it faded slightly when she spotted him watching her. Turning off the blow dryer, she turned around.

“I like your shampoo. I guess there’s truth in advertising.”

The small laugh was a nervous twitter when she caught his predatory gleam as he closed in on her. Her mouth felt suddenly dry, her lips parched, even after her tongue darted out of her mouth to wet them.

             
              11

After reaching her, he stared into her wide brown eyes before lowering his mouth to hers. His kiss began as little nibbles against her lips, but soon it became apparent a taste would not be enough. His hunger began to grow. The more he kissed her, the more he wanted her. As he deepened the kiss, he became acutely aware of the tension in her body.

“Breathe, Nyxie, before you pass out,” he said. “Relax. I just want to kiss you.”

Her eyes were open as his head lowered, but he didn’t like what he saw. It wasn’t just nervousness. She wore a look of fear.

“Fuck,” he breathed stepping back.

“What’s wrong?” With her eyes wide open and her fingertips touching her lips as if she didn’t know her lips were capable of evoking the sensation she felt, she took a step back then a second. Before she could take a third, she backed into the sinks.

He wasn’t sure what was going on inside her head, but he took another step back so she wouldn’t feel cornered. “Go wait by the door.”

She took two steps before stopping. “Sir, do you have any toothpaste? I think if I put a little on my finger tip, it’ll suffice for now.”

“For God’s sake, you can use my toothbrush, Onyx.” His gruff tone wore a sexy rasp.

He pulled the dryer plug from the socket and wound it around the appliance as he crossed to his locker. When he returned, he handed her the toothbrush and a tube of Colgate.

“This is never going to work if you don’t trust me.”

“You’re taking this too fast for me.”

“I only kissed you,” he pointed out, annoyance tinting his tone.

Her eyes met his in the mirror, the toothbrush poised in the air. “My brother is upstairs fighting for his life. My nieces have been taken away. I’m sorry neither my heart nor my mind is on a relationship that feels contrived.”

Declan’s face hardened into an unreadable mask. “Brush your teeth, so I can brush mine. I want to get some sleep.”

After they had both brushed their teeth, Declan stuffed his gym bag back into his locker and led her down the hall to one of the rooms where the residents slept. Using his pass card, he unlocked the door and held it open until she entered.

“I hope you’re not claustrophobic.”

The room was barely wider than the hospital bed and nigh
tstand. She suspected the bed had been shoved up against the wall to make room for the night stand. Next to the door sat a mesh chair like the one in the SICU. A small lamp with a low wattage bulb sat on the nightstand next to an alarm clock with a red display. Although the room had overhead fluorescent lights, only the lamp illuminated the small room. A half-opened door revealed and en suite handicap accessible powdered room.

“No,” she answered. “I’ve always liked small places. They make me feel safe.”

His eyebrows shot up. “That surprises me. Most people hate them.”

“Under the bed was safe. In the closet was usually safe. The only thing that gives me that claustrophobic feeling is having my upper arm trapped against my body. Sometimes, Reina would roll over in bed and sling her arm over mine and I hated that.”

Declan sat down on the edge of the bed and untied his brown leather dress shoes. “Some other childhood trauma?”

“No, nothing I can remember. I didn’t even know it bothered me until it happened.”

He pulled back the covers and motioned towards the single bed. “After you. I should be on the outside in case I get paged.” She climbed in as he fiddled with his phone before putting it on to charge and setting it on the nightstand. “So does this mean you don’t want me to put my arm around you when we sleep? I’ll tell you now, that’s not happening.”

“No, just put your arm under mine. That’s never bothered me before.”

His lips tightened into a straight line at the thought of her with another man.  “I thought we agreed not to discuss the men who came before me.”

“Sir, I was referring to Reina. I have three kids that I’d never leave alone at night,” she said, a smile playing on her lips. “The bed’s already full. Where would I put a man?”

“So, you’ve never spent a whole night in a man’s arms?”

“No, I’ve never slept with a man.”

The news that she had never slept over with her previous boyfriends pleased him immensely. Perhaps they would share a lot of firsts.

“Rollover and face the wall.”

When she felt the bed sag, she turned her head to make sure he wasn’t climbing in naked and was relieved to see him wearing his scrubs.

“Face. The. Wall.”

The firmness in his voice made her head snapped to attention—her whole body tensing.

The lamp clicked off, but a nightlight in an outlet in the bathroom
lowly illuminated the room enough to make the windowless room navigable. “You need to learn to do as you’re told, Nyxie. I will not put up with disobedience in the bedroom and the sooner you figure that out, the more your backside will appreciate it,” he said as he slipped under the sheet and sidled up to her. “Relax. Lift your head.”

He slipped one arm under her neck and the other around her waist, pulling her against his muscular torso. “Night, Nyxie.”

“Night, Declan…sir,” she said.

She waited, nothing happened. As she realized they weren’t going to have sex, her tension began to ebb. She drew her hands up, cross
ed them at the wrist and tucked them under her chin.

As he lay there listening to her breath becoming steady with sleep, he decided to see how much she truly reacted to having her arm confined.

Bending the arm her head rested on as if he intended to curl it up, he reached for the pulse point on her neck so he could feel if it truly gave her anxiety or if she was trying to exert a small amount of power in their relationship.

As soon as his fingers touched her neck, a strangled cry ripped from her throat and Nyxie became a whirlwind of motion. Not only did she thrust his hand away, but she began kicking at the covers and trying to get out of bed.

“Fuck! What the fuck are you doing?” she shouted.

His whole body reacted instantly to the she-cat in his arms. He rose up and tackled her, pinning her under his weight. “Shh,
Nyxie, be quiet—and tell me why you’re freaking out.”

Her breath panted as if she just finished a race. “I-I was half asleep—I thought you were getting comfortable and then you grabbed my throat like you were going to choke me.”

“Christ,” he said shifting his weight slightly. “I touched your throat with my fingertips. I didn’t grab it. Have you calmed down?”

She nodded breathlessly.

He rolled off, but pulled her against him, holding her tightly. “I was checking your pulse. I wanted to gauge your reaction if I put my arm over yours.”

“I told you, I don’t like it,” she snapped.

“Watch that tone or you’ll sleep on the hard floor on your knees,” he was quick to rebuke. “Bondage is a huge part of my lifestyle. I need to know how far I can push your limits. I was going to monitor your pulse to see if it was mild anxiety or full-blown panic attack. I hadn’t even touched your arm yet. What the fuck just happened?”

“I told you, I thought you were going to choke me and kill me.”

He silently cursed himself as he realized he’d triggered the memory of her mother’s likely murder.

“Baby, listen to me. I will never do anything to you to put you in harm’s way. I know the limits of the human body, I know its frailties. I promise you, I will never risk your safety. But you should know if you ever feel like you did just now, all you have to do is say one word.
Red
. Like a stop sign or traffic light. All play will stop immediately. And if you think you are almost reaching your limits, all you have to say is yellow and I will either wrap it up or lighten the intensity depending on the situation. Do you understand?”

She hesitated a moment. “Yes, sir.”

“So,” he said with a slight chuckle. “The neck is off-limits?”

He thought at first the movement he felt was her nodding, but soon realized she was rocking. “Nyxie? Stay with me. I’m not going to touch your throat again. May I touched the back or is your whole neck off-limits?” He paused, waiting for her to say something. “Answer me,” he demanded.

Something in her responded to his tone. “I-I don’t know. I-I didn’t know I would react like that. You just scared the shit out of me.”

“So I noticed. Nyxie, I’m going to put my hand on the nape of your neck and I’m going to move it slowly around your neck. Tell me to stop if you start feeling scared or panicked or whatever that was.”

Sweeping her hair aside, he placed his fingertips against the nape of her neck and began drawing his fingers forward.

“Stop. Please, stop,” she said as his fingers drew under her ear.

He removed his hand immediately. “What if it’s not my hand? Can I kiss your neck?” He held her mane to the side and put his lips upon the slender column, slowly planting soft lingering kisses forward along her neck. He paused by her ear. “Are you okay? Can I keep going?”

Her body was rigid and she held her breath. If she hadn’t been warm, kissing her neck would have been like kissing a
fragile glass figurine. He knew instinctively to kiss her neck during intercourse, would be unwise. For now.

“Breathe, Nyxie.”

She cleared her throat as if she were choking on something already before she obeyed.

“Roll this way a little,” he said coming up on one elbow.

He continued his light, slow exploration, ceasing when he reached the center of her throat. “Your body chemistry does the most fascinating things to the fragrance of my body wash. It’s a good thing I don’t have any condoms with me, because fucking you right now, would be such a mistake.”

He tickled her throat with his tongue then moved to her mouth. “Good night, Nyxie. Roll back over before I get carried away.”

She rolled forward with much more haste than when she rolled onto her back making him smile. “Lift your head,” he said then slipped his arm under her head when she complied. He stayed like that for no longer than two minutes before he spoke again.

“I can’t get past thinking about what you said about feeling claustrophobic when your arm is held to your side. I want to try something.”

“Oh, please, don’t.”

A soft growling sound radiated from his throat. “I think I have caused you enough distress. I’m not going to do that to you—not now anyway. I want you to curl up like you did before, with your hands tucked under your chin—but I want to hold onto your wrists.”

“You’re not going to….”

“Dammit, Nyxie. Stop asking fucking questions and do what you’re told. You know the
safe words. Use one if you need to.”

She took a deep breath and folded her arms, sheltering her loose fists in the crook of her neck.

The muscles in the arm under her head flexed as he reached for her first arm. He clamped his right hand around her thin left wrist in a firm but not painful hold. He slipped his other arm under hers then took a hold of her other limb.

“How are you feeling?” he asked into her ear. “You’re not fixin’ to freak out again, are you?”

“No,” she said, the relief evident in her voice. “No, this is fine. I’m all right—in fact, I actually like this.”

“You do?”

The light laugh that escaped her lips surprised him. “I told you I like small spaces. I feel safe there. I feel safe here—especially since I know where your hands are.”

“Can you sleep like this?”

“Yeah, what about you?”

“This is going to give me the best dreams.”