The Lovely Shadow (22 page)

Miss Lilly smiled, and nodded
enthusiastically as she said, “Dat’s right, Child; a ghost. But I
don’ never be likin’ dat word ‘ghost’. Dat word always be givin’ me
de creeps.”

Miss Lilly laughed as she finished speaking
about the word ‘ghost’. But I was as confused and curious as ever
so I did what I do best; I asked more questions.

“Why does that word give you the creeps, Miss
Lilly? I mean, if you’re ok with saying that the Shadow is the soul
of the dead, and a ghost is just another word for the Shadow, why
should the word, ghost, be scary and the word, Shadow, not be
scary?”

Miss Lilly laughed again before answering. “I
don’ know, Child. I guess de word ghost always be bringin’ to mind
someting evil, but de Shadow is no’ evil, de Shadow is lovely. De
Shadow is a beautiful ting, dat don’ belong here, but here it is
anyway, givin’ us hope dat all we believe about de afterlife be
true; givin’ us proof dat de soul keep on livin’ after de body done
been fed to de worms.”

“Do you have the eye?” I asked Miss
Lilly.

“Sometime I do, Child,” she replied, “but I
was no’ born wit de eye, I got it by askin’ for it, an’ sometime de
spirits be lettin’ me have it, an’ sometime dey don’t.”

“How did I get it?”

Miss Lilly pondered that for a second before
answering.

“I tink, Boo, dat you were no’ born wit de
eye either. I think de eye was given to you in de darkness, to help
you see dat there is still light in de world, an’ keep you from
goin’ dark on de inside, from de dark dat be shoved on you from de
outside.”

“I saw my brother when I was in the
basement!” I said, suddenly believing that what she said was true,
and right. “But he didn’t seem like a gho…Shadow. He seemed like
something more real.”

I gave her a quick account of my experiences
with Joe from the basement.

“You right, Child. You brother, him no’ bein’
no Shadow. Him done moved over to de other side, an’ when him come
see you in de dark, dat be someting special. Now maybe he be givin’
you de eye, o’ maybe no’, but either way, you got de eye.”

“An’ you brother, him was no’ happy to jes’
leave you in dat dark neither! He be comin’ to June-bug in her
dreams to get her to come find you. An’ when June-bug tell me ‘bout
dem dreams, her be thinkin’ dat dey just dreams, an’ I tell her dat
dey soundin’ like someting else, an’ den her be gettin’
scared.”

“I done tol’ her dat her need to be goin’ to
dat house, to find de boy who be in de dark, an’ June-bug try to
get out o’ doin’ it, fo’ ‘cause her was scared. But I tol’ her der
was nuttin’ to be scared abou’, dat dis boy who be seein’ her in
her sleep was no’ bad, but him was good. And him needed her help.
So her finally decide dat her goin’ to go an’ see dis house, an’
den she come home wit you, an’ Miss Lilly be singin’ a song o’ joy
in her heart when she be seein’ you all safe an’ soun’.”

When she finished speaking, Miss Lilly got up
and walked around the coffee table to where I was sitting and
motioned for me to get up. When I did as she’d requested she
wrapped me in a huge full body hug that was warm and soft and
somewhat smothering.

Then she said, “Johnny, I know dat you be
seein’ mo’ pain den is right fo’ anybody yo’ age to be seein’, but
I see dat you got de same heart as June-bug, an’ I happy to see
it.”

“De world is a dark place, an’ without dat
light you got inside you, it be lookin’ dat much darker. You got de
eye to be seein’ de Lovely Shadow. An’ dey be Shadows all aroun’.
Most o’ dem be just as lost an’ afraid an’ trapped in de dark as
you was, but you can help dem.”

“Dey gonna come to you, because you can see
dem, an’ since you can see dem, dat means dey can see you too. Dey
can no’ always see de livin’, but dey can always see de livin dat
got de eye to be seein’ dem. When dey come to you, don’ be scared
o’ dem, but try to help dem, de way you brother help you when you
was in de dark.”

I agreed to do my best, not having the
slightest clue what that really meant, and Miss Lilly said it was
time for her afternoon nap. She admonished me to behave myself
while she was resting, and I again agreed, and then she carried
herself up the stairs (with far more grace than a woman of her size
should have been able to) and went to bed.

I had the afternoon all to myself, and had no
idea what I was going to do with it. I wanted to go outside and
explore a little as I was pretty tired of being cooped up indoors,
but I didn’t have any shoes.

I opened the front door and looked outside.
My eyes were still rather sensitive to light and I squinted as I
peered out at the big, bright world that was hiding beyond the
entryway to the house.

The warm sunlight flowed over my body through
the opened door, seeming to warm me to my very bones. I could hear
the cicadas buzzing in the distance, and the smell of fresh grass
filled my nostrils. When a large yellow and black butterfly drifted
lazily past my field of vision, I made up my mind.

There was just no way I could stay indoors on
a day like this.

I took off my socks so I would not ruin them
and headed down the steps out onto the lawn. The grass was just
about ready for a cutting and felt cool and heavenly as it poked up
between my naked toes.

I went out to the middle of the large lawn
and lay down, staring up at the sky. The warm sun made me feel
lazy, and the fresh air filled me with a new love for life.
Although most people would eventually get bored just laying in one
spot and not moving, I felt like I could spend the rest of my life
there.

There were only a few clouds drifting lazily
by in the vast expanse of bright blue sky, and they, like
everything else I was able to see, were tinged with a fuzzy haze
around their edges. I wondered about my eyes as I stared at the
clouds.

I had at first assumed that the auras around
objects in my vision was simply a result of having been locked in
the dark for so long; my eyes having difficulty adjusting to the
world of light that most people take for granted. But now I
wondered if the auras were a result of having been granted the
‘eye’.

I wasn’t really certain that I had the ‘eye’,
but at the same time had no reason to believe that Miss Lilly would
make something like that up. There was no reason for her to lie to
me, for the lie would have served no purpose.

If she were a mean spirited person, which she
most certainly wasn’t, she could have made something like that up
just to try and scare me, but she hadn’t done that. In fact, she
had made sure to disseminate the information in a reassuring manner
so as not to spook me.

Also, she had nothing to gain by me going
around believing that I could see phantoms. It wasn’t as if she
could hire me up for the carnival and have people toss quarters to
her while I went out looking for their dead relatives.

Since I could not think of a single good
reason for Miss Lilly to lie—and didn’t think that the sweet old
woman was even capable of such deceit—I had to assume that she was
telling the truth, and that with that truth came the very real
possibility that I may have occasion to meet some very
interesting—albeit dead—people in the future.

I struggled with the idea of seeing dead
people. Part of me thought that it seemed macabre and frightening,
while the other part of me believed what Miss Lilly had said about
them needing help.

I knew what it was to be lost in the dark and
could not imagine being lost in the dark for eternity, as the souls
of the dead that hadn’t moved on would undoubtedly be unless
someone helped them, so I made my mind up to embrace the ‘eye’ and
try to help when I could.

Having made my mind up about my peculiar gift
and how I’d use it, I relaxed and soaked up as much sun as I could
until I drifted off to sleep. I dreamt of shadows playing across
windows.

I awoke when a light cool breeze brushed
gently across the left side of my face. It felt refreshing and
lovely, like cool silk draped lightly across warm skin. I opened my
eyes and looked around.

I could not see the trees in the distance
swaying with the breeze, nor a single blade of grass twitching with
the momentum of moving air, but for just a second longer, the
breeze touched my cheek, and then swirled off to wherever it is
that the wind goes, carrying with it a scent of wild roses.

When I had fallen asleep the sun had been
almost directly overhead; when I woke up it had traveled roughly a
quarter of the way towards the western horizon. I guessed I’d slept
for about two hours.

The nap had refreshed my mind and made it
difficult to think of things like mysterious inner eyes, and Lovely
Shadows.

My need for fresh air and sunshine abated for
the time being, I headed back towards the house to search for a
snack. Although I’d eaten nearly to the point of making myself sick
at breakfast, I found that I was already ravenously hungry
again.

As soon as I entered the front door I smelled
something delicious coming from the kitchen and immediately headed
that direction.

I entered the kitchen to find Miss Lilly back
in her apron and hovering over the stove. When I entered she turned
around and gave me an award worthy toothy smile. Her face lit up as
she smiled, and she said, “Well it abou’ time you done waked
youself up. I done thought you was dead out there an’ I was afraid
I was gonna have to give you de mouth to mouth.

I laughed at her joke and tried desperately
to glance around her to find out what was cooking. Seeing anything
around Miss Lilly’s robust frame was an exercise in futility and I
soon gave up.

“Wha’choo be lookin’ fo’, Child? You be
swingin’ you’s head aroun’ like a catfish floppin’ out de
water.”

“Sorry Miss Lilly,” I replied, “I was trying
to see what you were cooking, it smells delicious.”

Miss Lilly laughed and said, “You be in fo’ a
real treat tonight, Boo. All dat talkin’ ‘bout gumbo earlier got me
tinkin’ dat I be wantin’ some gumbo fo’ supper tonight. Now dis
gonna be a chicken gumbo, fo’ ‘cause we ain’t got no crawdaddies o’
shrimp layin’ ‘bout, but we does got plenty o’ chicken.”

My stomach rumbled at the smell of heaven
that Miss Lilly was creating and she must have seen the hunger in
my eyes, for she said, “Child, you be lookin’ like you be needin’
some grub. You jes’ go have youself a seat out there in de dinin’
room an’ let Miss Lilly whip you up a sammich. I done got de roux
done a’ready an’ de rest o’ dis gumbo don’ take much work so I
got’s plenty o’ time. Go on now, git on witch’a self, git scootin’
out my kitchen.”

I giggled heartily as Miss Lilly pretended to
chase me out of her kitchen like an old farmer’s wife scattering
the chickens as she enters the chicken coop to collect the eggs,
shouting ‘shoo, shoo’ at me the whole time, and went to wait in the
dining area.

I sat at the table and stared out the large
window near the entry door, watching the lazy summer day drifting
away like so much sand through an hourglass. After a few moments of
happy daydreaming I noticed a car kicking up dirt far out beyond
the lawn, on the long unpaved drive that led to the house.

I traced its slow progress without really
having much interest in it, until it got close enough to make out
that it was June’s car. My heart leapt for joy in my chest, and I
was surprised to realize just how much I’d grown to love the woman
I’d only met the previous night.

I watched the car pull into the driveway that
paralleled the lawn but lost sight of it as it neared the garage. I
got up from my chair and moved closer to the door and waited
directly in front of it.

I listened to the motor shut off, and I
stared at the door. My attention was singular, like a cat stalking
its prey. If I’d had a tail it would have twitched occasionally as
I waited and watched.

I listened to the car door slam, and a second
or two later I heard it slam again a little louder than before. I
wondered briefly if it had not shut properly the first time. I
crouched slightly, waiting for my prey.

The time seemed to tick on for an eternity as
I waited. I was eager and impatient, but I had recently become
acclimated to sitting around waiting for things to happen and so
was able to withstand the torture of waiting for June to open the
door.

My attention was so singularly focused on the
door that it never dawned on me to watch the window to see when
June walked by. It was just as well, because the suspense of not
knowing when she would open the door was more enjoyable than the
knowledge would have been.

I heard steps on the stairs, I heard the
muffled murmur of a voice and wondered briefly how often June
talked to herself. Having conversed with myself rather a lot over
the last couple of weeks I didn’t hold the same bias against the
act that many other people did, and did not think it strange that
June should do it.

The door knob rattled. I crouched deeper. The
door started to swing open. When it was halfway open I launched my
attack. I screamed out June’s name like a savage hunter taking on a
rhinoceros with naught but a spear and sprinted towards the opening
doorway.

“JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNE!” I screamed as I ran.
When I was still about three feet away from her I jumped up in the
air towards her, opening my arms wide, fully trusting that she
would catch me and wrap me up in the bear hug I desired.

I was already airborne when I saw that June’s
attention was not forward, facing into the house, but rather, her
head was turned to the side, looking behind her. I had only one
split second to think as I flew towards her, and the singular
thought that passed through my head in that moment was ‘oops’.

June heard my savage cry and whipped her head
around just in time to see that I had recently defied gravity and
was flying towards her at supersonic velocity. Her eyes widened
dramatically, and she let out a small scream. She threw her arms up
in the air, releasing a multitude of papers that she had been
carrying as she did so.