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Authors: Piers Anthony

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The Magic Fart

BOOK: The Magic Fart
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Mundania Press books by Piers Anthony

ChroMagic Series Key to Havoc Key to Chroma Key to Destiny Key to Liberty

Pornucopia Series Pornucopia The Magic Fart

Dragon’s Gold Series
by Piers Anthony and Robert Margroff
Dragon’s Gold Serpent’s Silver Chimaera’s Copper Orc’s Opal Mouvar’s Magic

Of Man and Manta Series Omnivore Orn OX

Other Titles by Piers Anthony Macroscope Tortoise Reform Conversation With An Ogre (Video)

The Magic Fart copyright © 2003,2005 by Piers Anthony Jacob

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmit ted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product or the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental

A Mundania Press Production

Mundania Press LLC 6470A Glenway Ave #109 Cincinnati, Ohio 45211

To order additional copies of this book, contact: [email protected] www.mundania.com

Cover Design © 2005 by Stacey L. King Book Design and Layout by Daniel J. Reitz, Sr. Book Production and Promotion by Bob Sanders Edited by Daniel J. Reitz, Sr. and Audra A. F. Brooks

Trade Paperback ISBN-10: 1-59426-008-7
Trade Paperback ISBN-13: 978-1-59426-008-7
Hardcover ISBN-10: 1-59426-007-9
Hardcover ISBN-13: 978-1-59426-007-0
eBook ISBN-10: 1-59426-009-5
eBook ISBN-13: 978-1-59426-009-4

First Edition—August 2003 Second Edition—September 2005 Library of Congress Catalog Card Number 2003108296

Production by Mundania Press LLC
Printed in the United States of America
0 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

Contents

PART 1: Challenge ................................................................................... 7
Chapter 1—E Mission ...................................................................................9
Chapter 2—Fartingale..................................................................................15
Chapter 3—Spire ..........................................................................................21
Chapter 4—Prize ..........................................................................................26
Chapter 5—Now...........................................................................................33
Chapter 6—Plea ............................................................................................42
PART 2: Contest ...................................................................................... 49
Chapter 7—Oubliette...................................................................................51
Chapter 8—Farting Off...............................................................................61
Chapter 9—Trail ...........................................................................................67
Chapter 10—Interviews ..............................................................................73
Chapter 11—Fartingale................................................................................79
Chapter 12—Curse.......................................................................................92
Chapter 13—Tower ......................................................................................98
Chapter 14—Choice.................................................................................. 105
PART 3: Honeymoon............................................................................ 113
Chapter 15—Eden..................................................................................... 115
Chapter 16—Gulf...................................................................................... 122
Chapter 17—Escape.................................................................................. 129
Chapter 18—Trap...................................................................................... 134
PART 4: Fart Off .................................................................................. 145
Chapter 19—Challenge............................................................................. 147
Chapter 20—Tease .................................................................................... 150
Chapter 21—First Branch ........................................................................ 154
Chapter 22—Demoness ........................................................................... 157
Chapter 23—Second Branch ................................................................... 161
Chapter 24—Third Branch ...................................................................... 165
Chapter 25—Fourth Branch.................................................................... 169
Chapter 26—Fifth Branch ....................................................................... 173
Chapter 27—Three Curses....................................................................... 178

Author’s Note..................................................................................................... 183
About the Author.............................................................................................. 184

Part 1: Challenge

Chapter 1—E Mission

Prior was bored. It had been a year since his great adventure on Mt. Icecream, where he had challenged the five deadly branches of the Cherry Tree, won the remarkable Spire, and finally recovered his small natural penis. He would hardly care to do that again, but had to admit that ordinary existence was downright dull in comparison.

Well, there was nothing wrong with dullness that couldn’t be cured by a good outrageous fuck. He would have to go out to the slots, though he really craved something a bit more romantic. But he had no girlfriend, and high quality call girls were beyond his means. So he girded his loin for something considerably less enticing.

His doorbell rang. He sighted through the peephole and saw a comely but moderately severe young woman holding a rich bouquet. What was this? He hadn’t ordered any flowers. It must be a mistake. He opened the door. “I think you have the wrong—” “Prior Gross?” the woman inquired crisply. “Yes, but—” “From a secret admirer,” she said, putting the bouquet into his hand.

The blooms had a strong aroma that threatened to intoxicate his outlook. He saw no identifying card. “
What
admirer?” She wedged by him and stood inside the room, closing the door behind

her. “Me.” This was highly flattering, but surely still a mistake. “Do I know you?” “Just call me Suzie.” “Look, Suzie, I’m just an ordinary guy with no money to spare, so if you

figure to charge me some outrageous fee for a spot dalliance, forget it.” She gazed at him, her eyes turning round. Then they brimmed. “Oh!” she sobbed. “You think I’m one of
those
types.” She hid her face in her hands. She looked younger than he had taken her for, and far less composed. Prior felt like a well-worn heel. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Of course you’re not.”

She continued to sniffle into her handkerchief, which seemed to have appeared from nowhere. “I just wanted to please you with my, my flowers, because you’re such a nice man, and you hate me.”

“I don’t!” he said, putting his arm around her heaving shoulders. “I don’t know what got into me. How can I make it up to you?” “I just want you to like me,” she said tearfully. “You’re so wonderful.” What could he do? “Of course I like you,” he said gallantly. “I just think

you’ve got the wrong, um, address.” “But aren’t you the great man who conquered the Cherry Tree and won

the Spire?” Had she been reading his private thoughts? “Well, yes. But aside from

that, I’m nobody.” “You’re still my hero!” She looked up at him, her eyes seeming larger and

brighter. “I just know you’re the one.” There was still something missing here. “The one for what?” “The one to take my innocent maidenhood and make me a real woman.

I so much want it to be you. Promise me you’ll be gentle.” This put a different complexion on it. “You came here for your first

sexual experience?” “I just know it will be better with you than with anyone else. Because you

know it all, and I know nothing. Please say you’ll do it.” Yet this was remarkably sudden. What was the catch? “I’m not sure this

BOOK: The Magic Fart
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