The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (46 page)

     It is then very interesting always to know the stupid being in each one. It was hard to see it in this one. It was hard even to see it in her living with her sister and in this way it often comes out in women.
     It was hard to know the stupid being in her for no one came close to her not even her sister. No one came close enough to her to know easily the stupid being in her. With some, you have to come close to them to know the stupid being in them. This first governess of the Hersland family was such a one. She had come to have some queerness in her. Was it queerness of herself inside her or was it governess queerness in her. It is hard to tell it in one when no one comes close to that one whether it is queerness in that one from the character, or from the life that one is leading, from conditions or to earn a living. There are many then who have queerness in them. This first governess of the Herslands was such a one, no one, not even her sister Olga even dimly inside her, ever was very certain what was stupid being in her. She had queerness in her but not enough to make a strange creature of her, just enough to keep herself together. No one was ever very certain whether keeping herself together was the queerness in her, whether it was governess queerness she had in her, no one was ever very certain of this in her not even her sister. To be sure her sister was a young girl when they were together. Later Olga the sister stayed in Gossols and her sister left her after having established her. There was almost twenty years between them, Olga was afraid of her sister, and then she was separated from her, and they never afterwards saw each other. And so Olga never came to be sure about her sister as to what was the stupid being in her. Perhaps it was the having to keep herself together. Perhaps it was the queerness in her. Perhaps it was the not having real queerness in her, just enough to keep herself together.
     The first governess, then, did not stay a long time with the Herslands. It was not that any one of them wanted she should leave them. She did not make much of any impression on any of them. It made no difference to any of them her leaving or staying. She knew some funny foreign songs and the children liked to hear them and she was a good musician and that was all the meaning she had for them. As I was saying she had a little queerness in her but not enough to make her important to those near her. She had queerness enough to keep her together. As I was saying her sister was always a little afraid of her but she was twenty years younger and they did not live a long time together, her sister never came to know the meaning of queerness in her. She was to her, sister Martha, who gave the money to make her a teacher, who had given money so she had been kept at school after the father and mother had died and left her with no one to support her. Later when she had gotten a position and was earning her own living, she, sister Martha left Gossols and went to Cincinnati. They never again came together.
     As I was saying the first governess of the Herslands had queerness in her, not enough to make any impression on any of the Hersland family in the time they had her, enough to keep herself together, enough to keep her sister from ever knowing any stupid being in her, enough as I say to keep her together, to make her. She had queerness in her. She had stupid being in her. Some have more and some have less character. This is the amount she had in her. Later there will be a history of her sister.
     There are then many being made, many always existing of every kind of men and women. There are always, there always have been, there always will be everywhere in every kind of living millions of every kind of them. There are then always many millions of every kind of men and women. In all the millions of each kind of them there are all degrees of successful living. Some kind have more successful living in more of them than other kinds of them. But in all kinds of them there are all degrees of success in living in the many millions always existing of that kind of them.
     The first governess the Herslands had with them was of a kind of men and women who most of them are successful enough in living and many of them come pretty close to complete failing but few of them completely fail in living, not many of them are really successful in living. Mostly they keep themselves from failing, this is mostly the successful being in them. Successful being in many of them is keeping themselves from failing. Some have more, some have less concentration in them, some have very much concentration in them, all of this kind of them have some concentration in them even if like in this one it is only as queerness, enough queerness to hold together the whole of them.
     This first governess of the Herslands, who did not stay a long time with them, had in her, dependent independent being. The two, dependent and independent being were so balanced in her that resisting was almost attacking in her, that dependence was almost independence in her. It never really came to be a force in her, she had enough concentration of it all in her to make it in a sense seem like successful being in her, it was just enough in her, the concentration in her, to keep her from failure, it was as queerness in her and that gave her for some who saw her, more concentration than was in her. There was just enough queerness in her to hold her together. There was just enough concentration in her to keep her from failure. There was enough queerness in her to make character for her. There was not enough concentration in her to make success or failure, there was enough in her to keep her from failure, to keep people from coming close to her, to make her younger sister afraid of her, to give enough dignity to her to keep her always from giving way or failure. There was not enough in her to make any impression on any one around her, though when any one thought about her they remembered her as one having character, more character than they felt when they were with her.
     She had dependent independent being in her. These were so balanced in her, that dependent being was like independent being, independent like dependent being in her. She was kept together. She had queerness enough in her to keep her together, to keep her from failure. This is a history of her. There are always many millions made like her, some have more some have less concentration in them, some have more some have less success in living. She always kept from failing to her dying. She never really had any success in living.
     As I was saying she was a good musician. They liked her well enough, the Herslands, when she was governess to them but she made no impression on any of them. She did not give to Mrs. Hersland any important feeling of herself to herself inside her, to her feeling. Mr. Hersland had a theory of her in the beginning, he wanted to have a real foreign woman, a real governess with concentrated being, with German and french and who was really a musician. She was what he wanted then for his children and he employed her. When he remembered about her, when he saw her, or his wife or children mentioned her he knew she was what he felt they needed to have as governess in the house for the children. Theoretically, she was important to him, really she had no existence for him. What she was was just what he wanted for his children, a foreign woman who knew German and French well and was a good musician. Then he forgot about her for she had never when with them any existence for him. Then when she left them after a little while with them because her sister had become a teacher and so she could leave her and she wanted to leave America, when she left them Mr. Hersland thought it was better that the children should have American training. They were American, they did not need french and German, they did not need to bother about music then, they could do that later, now they needed strength and gymnastics and out of door living, and swimming and shooting. And that was the end of the first governess for all of them.
     They sometimes saw the sister Olga who was a teacher in Gossols but she never talked much about her sister Martha. The children liked Olga, they liked her, they liked to tease her. Mr. Hersland gave her good advice, when Mr. Hersland noticed her he was attracted by her. Olga was very different from her sister Martha.
     She had as I was saying independent dependent being in her. She had very much vague being as a bottom to her. She had all sorts of attacking to make attraction in her. Later the children made fun of her. Later the vague bottom in her was stupid being and nervous being and sometimes silly being in her.
     No one who knew her would think of her as a woman of a spinster nature. She was round and pleasant and men liked her and she had constant attacking ways in her to give to her more attraction and men could be in love with her and she wanted to have attention from them and she made them when they were anywhere near her give it to her, made them sure of her from her actions toward them and she had as a bottom a vague being and later this was in her as nervous being in her, never as impatient being in her.
     No one would ever think of her as a woman with a spinster nature but this was true of her. She was as I was saying a pleasant person, more, even an attractive person. She was round and kind and pretty in a fashion. She had plenty of attraction and she was full up with attacking to give to herself more attraction.
     As I was saying no one would ever naturally think of her as a spinster but this was true of her and more and more later it came to be clear in her. Always she had attacking in all kinds of ways to give to herself more attraction and always she had as a bottom a vague being so that she was a ways being baffling, always making for herself a stupid escaping, sometimes not an easy escaping, sometimes she had to escape by accusation.
     She had in her independent dependent nature. Attacking was to her a natural way of fighting, she was full up with vague bottom and all the rest with constant pleasing attacking, she had never in her any real fighting. There was no connecting her attacking with her large vague bottom, with the large vague bottom in her that made her baffling, that later turned into nervous being in her. She had a spinster nature. No one who knew her ever thought about it in her. They never knew this in her. Every one just thought it was stupid being in her. Later the Hersland boys made fun of her.
     Later there will be more history of her as Alfred Hersland comes to make fun of her, as Martha Hersland came to know her. Mrs. Hersland always kept track of her and was good to her. Mr. Hersland knew her in his later living when he had trouble. All this will be a history of her. All this will be written later. Everybody called her Olga. It was natural to be familiar to her.
     There was then in the Hersland middle living this first governess who did not stay long with them. As I was saying when Mr. Hersland employed her, he was the one who interviewed her, she was the ideal for him. He wanted a real governess, a foreign woman with governess training, one who was a good musician, one who would talk french and German with the children. After she was with them whenever he noticed her he was certain that she was what he wanted to have for the children. When she left he had already in him a new beginning.
     Now he wanted the children not to have their English spoiled by french and German. Now he was certain that music was a thing no one could learn when they were children. This was something every one should have in their later living, children should have freedom, should have an out of doors gymnasium, should have swimming and public school living, should have a governess who would live with them such a life and not teach them french or German, not teach them anything, just be a healthy person with them. And so this next governess was very different from the last one.
     She was a tall blond woman. She had no queerness in her. Later she married a baker. She was a healthy person. There was no trouble for any one to know her stupid being. But it made no difference to any one that she had stupid being, that that was almost her whole being, there was nothing that any one wanted of her that made her stupid being a trouble in her. Stupid being was the whole of her. It was alright in her. It was not actively pleasant in her. It was just all of her.
     She was not a music teacher, she had no french or German in her, she just knew the ordinary things and not very well either. The children knew the stupid being in her. Every one could see it in her, it was almost the whole of her. She had no evil in her, not much of anything in her, there was a great deal of her, she was tall and blond and stupid being filled her. She did not give it to Mrs. Hersland to have in her much sense of important being in her. They all, all the governesses and servants and seamstresses gave some of it some time to her but it was to come more strongly to her later through the third and last governess, Madeleine Wyman.
     It is very interesting that every one has in them their kind of stupid being. It is very interesting to know it in each one which part in them, which kind of feelings in them is connected with stupid being in them. It is interesting to know it in each one the meaning of stupid being in them, it is interesting to know what each one finds as stupid being in every other one.
     Each one then has in them stupid being, every one has in them their own way of eating, drinking, sleeping, resting, waking, wanting things and getting or not getting them. Each one has in them their own way of succeeding in living, or in failing. Each one has in them their own way of being, their own being in them, and sometime there will be a history of all of them.
     Stupid being then is in every one. Stupid being then can be in every one mixed in them with their way of eating, or their way of drinking, or loving, or working, or waking, or resting, or doing nothing, or having pleasant or angry feeling in them, or succeeding or failing. Some can have stupid being mixed up with part of all of them, with some or a few or all the things in them that come out in them as repeating to make a history of them.
     The second governess was a whole being, mostly to every one there was passive stupid being in her in every moment of her living. This is now a history of her.
     There are some kinds of women and some kinds of men, there are then some women and some men of some kinds of nature who have it in them to have every one who knows them have about the same idea of them have about the same feeling about them. Some have more, some have less interest in such a one, some who know such a one may have a liking, some who know such a one may not have any such a feeling, some may have dislike in them toward such a one, some who know them never think about them, but every one who knows such a one has the same feeling about the being in such a one, the stupid being that makes such a one. There is a kind of being then that is very convincing. The second governess the Herslands had living with them was such a one. She was a big blond woman. She had just had an ordinary education.