The Malacia Tapestry (42 page)

‘Caylus has told me so much about you –'

‘– Tactless fool that I am, ruining my own chances!'

‘And he tells me that you are as valiant in bed as in the field.' Flashing teeth.

‘– This girl is absolutely wanton, de Chirolo,
wanton
! You'd enter the priesthood if you heard some of the libidinous secrets she has whispered to me.'

She clapped her lean hands. She moved confidentially closer.

‘He exaggerates. In an hour he has corrupted me, dear de Chirolo, and I think you should join us so that I'm in some measure protected.'

They were laughing. The talk ran fast, teasingly, while they cast naughty looks at each other. It was impossible not to catch a little warmth from them.

‘Perian will afford no young lady protection, Teressa! He's the complete lecher, absolutely complete. Let me tell you what he did …' He cupped his lips and whispered breathy words into the dark tresses by her ear. Her eyes danced, she burst into laughter and seized my arm.

‘How shall I survive the night between two such notorious rakes?'

‘De Chirolo and I will give you pertinent details immediately,' Caylus said, winking at me. ‘Come, let's go somewhere where we can sit, and eat, and imbibe, and this heroic friend of mine will give us the full story of how he slayed the dragon, the pizzle of which he keeps beneath his pillow for luck and potency.'

‘I can't join you just now,' I said. But I went along with them all the same, putting my discomforts aside.

Dear Caylus! You were a good good-time friend. I wanted to please you – and what pleasure to please Teressa Orini as well. But a reptilian visage was watching me across a smouldering forest altar and saying. ‘Your errors repeat and repeat themselves like an endless fiction …' It dried the juices of my heart. The canker of knowledge was in me: I had to discover what was happening to Armida and Otto – how strange to link such disparate names! – whatever it cost me.

I slipped away from my high-stepping friends. At that moment, the sour, work-a-day Bonihatch would have provided company more to my taste.

The chandeliers were lit and tall candles brought to darken what daylight was still reflected in the pool.

Menials with masks of boars came forth, bringing flaming braziers as music sounded, against the chill in the autumn air. For many this would be an alfresco night. A ruddy glare lit the faces of those who were lovers and those who would be lovers by the morrow. I turned away, yet I had another good friend among the wedding guests – Portinari, whose father had helped with provisions for the feast. He called to me from a marbled arch and came to my side, patting my back.

‘Perian, my dear old hero! Straight from the cemetery with a grave face. You are in some kind of trouble?'

‘No, no, I'm fine, Gustavus – a little too much wine, perhaps.'

‘Something worse than wine, I fancy. No, don't tell me, let me say only – my dear Perian, perhaps we don't know each other intimately –'

I tried to push past him. ‘True enough. A universal complaint. But I'm in no mood for that conversation, forgive me.'

‘Before you go, Perian … This may seem presumptuous, but I happen to know that Kemperer and La Singla are busy conferring with Andrus Hoytola and his wife concerning tomorrow's business. Armida is alone for the once, awaiting an assignation, having sent off Yolaria. If you will come with me – I do realize this is none of my affair, except inasmuch as friends are concerned – but if you will come, I'll lead you to her this instant.'

I slapped his shoulder. ‘Gustavus, you are kind. I'm not myself. And I do need to speak with Armida.'

We made through the crowded rooms and he led me upstairs, still apologizing. The upper floor extended over only part of the villa, and served in the main as a pretext for a balcony which ran round the four sides of the peristyle, overlooking that pleasure spot.

‘I'm sorry to interfere, my friend,' Portinari kept saying.

He showed me to a curtained doorway and left me. I entered at once.

‘Guy?' asked a voice. It was Armida. The room contained a sofa, a writing table, two chairs and little else. It overlooked the peristyle. Armida stood in the shadows, where she could hardly be seen. The only illumination was a ruddy light reflected from the floor below.

‘It is not Guy. It is I, Perian, your betrothed,' said I, walking over to where she stood.

‘Oh, Perian, I'm glad to speak to you! That terrible boring scene this afternoon –'

‘It was humiliating – for you and me. But you didn't seek me out afterwards.'

‘Father was harsh with you, but he thought you presumed. He was trying to be fair in his way.'

‘Did you think me presumptuous?'

‘Perian, the world you move in is so extraordinary. There are different codes one has to live by.' She had risen and was standing stiffly away from me.

‘I've swallowed all your rebukes and hesitations. You let your father threaten me. And I can stand here and all my senses tell me that you
do not
want me, don't want to touch or speak to me.'

‘Certain rules of society have to be observed. We'll speak some other time. Please don't vex me.'

‘What do you mean by that? Armida, my darling girl – very well, I won't touch you, but look at me and tell me that you recall we are still betrothed.'

She forced a laugh. ‘That was a little secret fun between us, which I do believe you were prepared to reveal to my father.'

‘What kind of language do you use to me? Do you imagine I don't understand what you're saying? Armida, how pitifully things have changed between us!'

‘No, nothing has changed, nor am I the one who is for change. I am the same, it's you who have become different.'

‘I am anxious, no more than that, and you make me anxious. If I have no reason for anxiety, then pray tell me so and all shall be well again, and I yours again, body and heart. Tell me your father doesn't hate me.'

‘Why are you being so dramatic? You're always acting, always suffering. I confess I prefer more superficial people. What's the matter with you? Is this something to do with Guy?'

‘Guy? I'm talking about your father. Why bring Guy's name up? What's he to you?'

She was still standing rigidly, almost as if leaning away from me. ‘I don't intend to give Guy up, if that's what you are hinting.'

‘I hint nothing. Though I freely allow you the right to end friendships of mine of which you disapprove – that you'll concede.'

‘I'm enjoying it too much to think of giving it up.'

My throat went dry. It choked me; all my fears rushed back to assail me. I heard my voice, remote and dusty, say, ‘Are you telling me that you and Guy are making love together?'

She hesitated only for a moment.

‘You know we are, you fool! What else do you think we have been doing together? Talking about botany?'

All I could think to say was, ‘But he's my friend – he calls himself my best friend … You tell me this dreadful news without apology? You couldn't do this, either of you …' The words drained away into the desert sands and my blood drained with them.

Armida stood proudly regarding me, all defiance.

‘What right have you to say that? You knew very well what we were doing – you encouraged it. Why should I apologize? “Love freely received and given” – wasn't that your fine phrase? You told Guy you approved – you told him so again today. You wanted me to love him, you wished everything to be honest, and so it has been. You wanted me to love him –' Now she was confronting me, her eyes burning.

‘Armida – love, yes, love, not fornication. I did, I admit. I did encourage you to be my friend's friend, but that was so you should not feel guilty –'

‘Guilty!' She laughed in scorn. ‘I don't feel guilty, nor does Guy. Did you imagine we went into the forest to discuss silviculture? What we did was natural and no more than
you
were doing all the time with your bitches.'

‘But I had ceased philandering. You asked it of me. I told you, you knew. I
stopped
when I found how it hurt you. I realized it could have no part in our love. And now you – you – you deceived me so cruelly, you whom …' I clutched my throat, choking. ‘Besides, you despised Guy! – remember how you demolished his silly arguments one afternoon, with such contempt!'

‘Now you complain, when it doesn't suit you, eh? I can't help despising such a man. Before, I honoured you, thought you generous and noble because you understood my feelings for Guy –'

‘Generous! Noble! I'd be
mad
to – to lend you, to give all my friends a slice as if you were a wedding cake … Guy was my
friend –
he's betrayed me too.'

‘You're being dramatic again. If you think I will end this affair just because you wish it, you are much mistaken.' She was feeling angrily in a pocket of her dress, and brought out a crumpled piece of paper, which she smoothed with one scornful gesture and thrust at me, saying, ‘I suppose you deny writing this?'

I looked at it. Even in the flickering light, I saw that it was a frivolous quatrain I had once written.

Dear Bedalar, of all girls I have laid,

Yours is the music that most wildly stirs

Me; while no marring discord joy defers,

Your instrument must never lie unplayed
.

‘That was ages ago. It's all over. Bedalar has betrayed me too!'

‘For good reason, you have betrayal on the brain. I came across it in her rooms, and snatched it up. You've lain with all and sundry of my friends and you dare blame me for one little affair with Guy. Well, I won't give him up on your account.'

‘But
Guy
! To do it with him, it's so dishonourable, as if there was nothing in the world but deception.'

‘Oh, these words you use, as if you were at least a duke! I know he's faithless but I'm not jealous of him as I am of you. We just have a good time. I'll say no more or you'll regret it.'

She made as if to leave the room, but I stopped her. She drew away from my touch.

‘Armida, now you are being dramatic. I will not blame you for this – I can't because I freely admit my own philandering. I am reforming, though without your encouragement. But you must see the difference in our attitude towards each other –'

‘One law for you, another for me – that's it, isn't it?'

I clutched my jaw, feeling myself more enmeshed every minute. ‘No, no, that's not it. But we have obligations to each other, our betrothal, and I did save your life –'

‘Oh, I knew you would have to bring that up!'

‘We have obligations to each other, my dear Armida. I have played about, admitted it, repented it –'

‘Been found out, you mean.'

‘Very well, then I have been found out. And have sorrowed to have wounded you, and have resolved to do better, and have never said other than that I loved you deeply –'

She flung out a spread hand. ‘Oh, you're so virtuous. Look at your silly face!'

‘Yours brims with spite. I repeat, when you discovered my affairs, I regretted my thoughtlessness and tried to comfort you. Now by your own careless tongue you are discovered. Do you regret, do you try to comfort me, do you have compassion on my suffering?'

Again she laughed, and there was general laughter down in the courtyard, where Piebald Pete and his fantoccini had begun a performance.

‘Compassion! You should have thought of that big word when you were cheating with Bedalar. You're scared now you've found out about me and Guy, aren't you, and so –'

‘Ah, “found out”, is it?' I moved towards her again. ‘So you
were
doing it secretly, while I was lying recovering from my wounds. You understood perfectly that I never wanted you to be more than my friend's friend – no man's that stupid! You knew that never for a moment would I say to Guy, “Go on, seduce her, deprave her, stuff her with your filthy semen”.'

She struck me across the face. ‘You alley-fodder! You encouraged us in every way, now suddenly you're jealous.'

‘You're found out in a lie, so you lie again! As for jealousy, am I more jealous than you or Guy? Aren't you both blinded with jealousy and possessiveness? I have tried to hate my own jealousy. Couldn't you contain your lust, in the name of honour?'

She turned away and stared down into the courtyard where the wedding guests lolled. ‘You'll be quoting your damned General Gerald speeches next. The play's destroyed, remember? We've had Disgrace and Compassion. Now it's Honour – one wonders which expensive virtue you'll parade next.'

‘I had honour, Armida, I had honour,' I said, moving closer and wondering why I was having to plead when the offence was hers. ‘You have dishonoured me – and that by playing out your role of Patricia to the full. Forget the play. I'm asking if you sorrow now that you see me cut to the heart. No, you rejoice like a harpy and gloat over your rutting. What do we do now?'

‘Work that out for yourself.'

‘I ask you again, do you care that I'm cut to the heart?'

‘I told you. I'm enjoying Guy's company at present.'

She regarded me with tight lips, her nose high. The perfume of her patchouli came to me, sickening me. I was too ashamed to quarrel further. I still could hardly believe that my suppressed fears were realized. Nor, even then, did I find myself able to hate her; she had taken advantage of me; but foolishly I had encouraged her. I turned, defeated, to leave.

There stood Guy. I realized that her assignation had been with him; his had been the name she first spoke. Portinari had somehow got wind of it. Guy had overheard part of our quarrel, and was full of fright.

He trembled. His eyes resembled blackcurrant jelly. He was ash. I despised him.