The Man in the White Suit: The Stig, Le Mans, the Fast Lane and Me (49 page)

‘You came off it there?’ ‘Yes, the rain’s picked up a bit.’

Tom quizzed every gearshift, studied my every move as I pushed ful tilt. I ran wide at the penultimate corner on the greasy tarmac, slid sideways over the grass and gathered it to cross the line.

‘Sorry about that.’

‘You kidding? You’re so smooth, man; the way you take those turns is incredible.’

‘I’ve been around the block a few times – but thanks …’

He scooched deftly over the centre console and into the driver’s seat. ‘I’m just gonna take a look see for the first lap; nothin’ too fast …’

‘Exactly right. Let the place sink in.’

He kept his thumbs hooked into the T bar as per my instructions, but with his fingers pointing past the wheel. He was memorising every twist and turn.

His pace natural y quickened, so I threw down my standard test of a maximum ABS stop. He slammed on the anchors so hard we were pul ing our dentures out of the dashboard, then swung hard left and right through the chicane, howling with laughter al the way.

‘This is just great; it’s like a vacation.’

The rain eased off and Tom was soon taking the fast corners flat out.

‘The best way to picture the final bend when it’s wet is like an oil slick. As soon as you steer left the car wil slide.’

‘Gotcha. What gear?’

‘Second. And when the rear breaks away you can steer into the slide a little …’

‘Counter-steer?’

‘Yes, but not for too long. And the other thing you can do – but don’t ever try this in your Ford Mustang – is floor the accelerator, because the front wheels can drive it straight out of the skid.’

We launched another assault. His expression was as focused as Maverick’s in a 4G inverted dive with a MiG-28. We spun on the oil slick corner and he counter-steered faster than anyone I’d ever coached.

Time flew by, but complaints from the producers were noticeably absent whilst Cruise was enjoying ‘the best day ever’.

‘There’s some people around the place making me a little nervous. Before we go can we make sure they’re clear, especial y the guy on this last turn?’

‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘Nobody likes him much; that’s why he’s there.’

He grinned, went solo and promptly punched out a 1.47 lap in the wet. I could scarcely believe the stopwatch. He lost it on two occasions going into that final corner, burying the throttle like a touring car driver and clipping the mini tyre wal just in front of where I was standing. Each run culminated in gales of raucous laughter.

With his film in the can Tom thanked everyone profusely and went off to be briefed for his interview.

The largely male crew found it hard not to notice the slender blonde approaching the track with Clarkson in tow. Cameron Diaz was wearing a stripy top and spray-on jeans; she wasn’t short of helpers when it came to belting herself into the Kia.

I explained the basics on the demo lap, but found myself avoiding her feline gaze as she lowered her chin and looked up at me. She had this way of making you feel like you were flirting. I cranked up the AC.

She took to the driver’s chair and shuffled it forwards and back until her golden bal et shoes rested precisely on the pedals. A screech of rubber and we shot onto the dried-out track.

Cameron had raced the Long Beach grand prix circuit in a Toyota Celica, so I knew she had plenty of backbone. She was pushing the Kia hard from the outset. Her trademark pout barely altered except when she bit her lower lip for her first flat out assault on Fol ow Through.

The slower sections were more revealing, as she discovered the limitations of the gearbox.

‘God, what gear is that?’ Her Val ey Girl accent catapulted me back to junior high.

‘That’s first. Try and avoid that one.’

‘No kidding, it’s a raw deal.
Fuck
.’

‘That’s fifth; don’t rush it. Swearing helps.’

‘Shit. Fuckin’ piece of crap car …’ Her giggle did funny things to my spine.

Cameron was dial ed in so we sent her solo. Grant gave her the countdown. She stal ed in third gear, then nailed it.

Her times were fast. I asked if she needed any help with anything.

‘Actual y yes, could I get my lip gloss? Crackin’ up in here.’

‘Grant, she’s going a lot faster than Tom,’ I said.

‘I think we can get him another go now the track’s dry.’

Mr C had already reappeared with a helmet, itching to go back out.

I fol owed Cameron’s progress until the Kia spluttered to a halt. After the previous week’s roasting at the hands of the mighty Andy Garcia, its clutch had final y quit. I picked her up in a white Jaguar XKR and paparazzi hiding in the treeline recorded the moment for posterity under the breathless headline:
Shaken
Hol ywood star rescued by mysterious knight in shining armour.
If only …

Cameron took the spare car and promptly set a record time of 1.45.2.

Cruise hopped back in and I rode shotgun to dial him into dry running.

‘Basical y your braking markers are the same in the dry, but you brake less and carry more speed.

So use third gear through here …’

‘But
you said
second …’ This was no laughing matter. ‘I know, but not in the dry.’

Poised on the start line, Tom closed his eyes, lowered his head and rehearsed every inch of the circuit with his hands. I taught him to arc his entry to the penultimate corner and use the new concrete to boost his time. He ran wide with just one corner to go but held onto the bucking bronco by its ears and dragged it back onto the tarmac.

He kept it lit and sliced inside the border so fast that he tipped onto two wheels. For a moment it looked like he might rol and I could hear the producer’s knees knocking behind me. Tom shot through the corner, then feathered the throttle and covered the remaining 50 feet before coming in to land. It was his fastest lap.

His reward was to take out the new Bugatti Veyron Super Sport which I’d lapped earlier. The T Rex of the motor world boasted an added 196 horsepower and a top speed of 267mph. 1200bhp was enough to smoke al four wheels off the line, force your mouth wide open and keep it that way. It gripped so much in the corners that the tyres melted after just four laps. The fuel tank emptied after six. The combination of the newly-laid final corners, with surplus concrete al owing you to carry extra speed, and the Bug’s atavistic grunt helped me post a new track record that I can’t see being beaten anytime soon, and left Bugatti with a

£20,000 tyre bil .

I’ve put on my helmet and the white suit for the last time; taken one final look around the pilot’s changing room. Reg the beetle is long gone, as are many of the friends I made here over the years. The place is empty once more, the paint stil peeling, but the memories remain.

Sure I’l miss the car park packed with Ferraris, the cabin erupting with ideas and the hangar fil ed by a cheering audience. Good old John Prescott’s cut-out stil guards the door, sun-bleached by years of service. I’m leaving Dunsfold with as many questions as I had when I first arrived, but with the answers to a whole lot more. And speed. God I love it. Wang the music up and drop the hammer. And I know that my favourite road leads home, to those I care about most: my family, my future.

I stil love watching
Top Gear
, although I tel Jezza I never bother because it infuriates him. I saw him rol ing a Robin Reliant onto its roof the other night; Georgie and I cried with laughter.

Acknowledgements

G
eorgie, my soul-mate, thank you for al your support during the highs and lows over the years. Your indomitable zest for life always reminds me what life’s al about. The little ones too; more beach, less laptop, I promise.

Jonathan Taylor, Peter Sherrott and the ‘A’ team at HarperCol ins had their work cut out keeping this project under wraps, whilst navigating some large icebergs along the way. Thank you for this opportunity to tel my story.

Mark Lucas, your verbal skewer cut me to the bone; thank you so much for al your hard work, Obi Wan!

Russ Lindsay and James Grant Media, your clarity of vision has been invaluable.

Heartfelt thanks to the Ministry of Defence for their co-operation with this project.

Special thanks to a few very good men who built and supported my racing career over the years: Klaas Zwart and the mighty ‘Ascari boys’; Ray Mal ock, Phil Barker and the stel ar crew at RML; Graeme May, Texaco and Stuart Bassett; Jonathan France and Embassy Racing; Bil Jarnagin; Rick and Todd Kel y, Joe Bremner and the Aussie boys at Kel y Racing; Simon McNamara, Jamie McCal um and Hamish Charles at Transfrontier; Jim Wiseman; Adam Shore and JimEarl; Nigel Hassler and Donnie Graves; the members of the British Racing Drivers Club.

Every company that has ever sponsored me and notably: Hays Plc, WRM Logitics, Lynx express delivery, QR-4U, The Ministry of Defence, EFS, Elite Mobile, Jack Daniel’s, Holden, Castrol, AD Group, Ridgeway Group, Alpinestars.

The
Top Gear
Team, thank you for the good times, I wish you al the best for the future.

Index

The pagination of this electronic edition does not match the edition from which it was created. To locate a specific passage, please use the search feature of your e-book reader.

accidents/crashes 11–12, 26–7, 30, 33–5, 134, 135, 208–10, 212–13, 247–50, 253

Alfa Romeo 75 226, 227

Alonso, Fernando 254

Aria GP5 helmet 234

Arkle, Lieutenant Nick 103, 104

Arrows 42

Ascar Series 60–3, 81–5, 99–101

Ascari:12 Hours of Sebring 57–9FIA GT Championship 243–50FIA World Sportscar Championship 44–6KZ1 supercar 59, 244Le Mans 48–53, 55, 59–60Resort, Malaga, Spain 188–94Rolex 24 Hours of Daytona 55–7

Aston Martin 8, 2448 Vantage 173–5DB9 173, 231, 279DBS 187, 279–80

Audi 47, 52, 53, 59, 196R8 316, 317RS4 188, 189, 190–1RS6 201

Austin Healey 179

Automobile Club de l’Ouest 43

Autosport
273–4

Avon & Somerset Constabulary 293

Barker, Phil 82, 83

Barlow, Jason 310

Basingstoke indoor Mal car chase 281–6

Baxter, Bil y 164–9

BBC 307

bendy bus 287–91

Bentley coupé 52

Berger, Gerhard 154

Bil ière, General Peter de la 63

Black Mountains, Wales 116

Black Stig:anonymity blown 66competition between White Stig and 69, 110demise of 67lap record,
Top Gear
110, 153reasonably priced car lap record and 161

Blackpool, economy race from Basel to 301–6

blind drivers of reasonably priced car 163–9

Blundel , Mark 51, 52

BMW 183, 1843 Series 268, 269, 270, 271, 272, 273635 171, 172–3GPS satel ite-control ed automatic 330i 219–20M3 188, 189–90, 191, 281–6M5 229M6 173–4, 175

Bolt, Usain 160, 161

Bovington Camp 293–9

Bradley, Charles 26

Brands Hatch 23–7, 29Clearways 25, 26Druids 25Hawthorn 26Paddock Hil 25Surtees Esses 25, 30

Brecon Beacons 73–5, 118

Bridgestone 213

Britcar race, 24-hour 265–73

British Aerospace 293

British Army:Ben Col ins career in 63–4, 73–5, 81–5, 87–90, 93–101, 112–31, 135–7, 248, 278Evo 7

vs 293–9

British Grand Prix 39

Bruntingthorpe airfield 216

Bryce, James ‘Boicey’ 216, 217

Bugatti Veyron 195–202, 203–4, 317, 322–3

Burrows, Tony 316

Button, Jenson 275

Cadwel Park 28, 30

Cage, Nicolas 255, 257, 258, 260, 261, 262

Carr, Jimmy 148–9, 150, 156

Casper 111, 146, 179, 181, 189, 198, 296, 299

Castle Combe 28

Caterham kit car 175–6

Cessna 196, 197

Channel 4 63

Chevrolet:Impala 235Lacetti 155–6, 159–62

Chilton, Tom 216, 290

Churchil , Winston 277–8

Circuit de Catalunya, Barcelona 45–6

Citroën 25824-hour race, Snetterton 91–3Ami 8 179, 181

Clarkson, Francie 174, 193

Clarkson, Jeremy 2, 143, 279, 325arguing, talent for 194

Basel to Blackpool fuel economy race 301, 302, 304, 305

Britcar 24-hour race 265–6, 269, 270, 271, 272, 273, 279

British Army vs Evo 7 293, 298, 299Bugatti Veyron and 196, 197Cameron Diaz and 321Classic Ral y of Mal orca 178, 179, 180, 181DVDs 177, 187force of nature 232idea of exercise 234Kew to City airport race 254Koenigsegg CCX test 204, 209Mal car chase 281, 283, 286Mercedes Benz C63 test 190, 191, 192, 193, 194Mitsubishi Starion test 171, 174reasonably priced car and 107, 109, 149, 150, 155, 156, 158, 161, 168, 169Schumacher as Stig and 311, 312, 313
Top Gear Live
78, 79, 80, 223, 224, 227–8, 230, 231, 238

Classic Ral y of Mal orca, 2009 178–82

Col ins, Ben:accidents/crashes 11–12, 26–7, 30, 33–5, 134, 135, 208–10, 212–13, 247–50, 253adapt quickly to al kinds of cars, learns how to 195America, childhood in 17–18, 103–4anonymity, ensures 66–8, 254, 263–4, 307–13, 315, 325Army career 63–4, 73–5, 81–5, 87–90, 93–101, 112–31, 135–7, 248, 278audition for
Top Gear
1–9, 65childhood 11–18children 244, 251, 273, 278commercials 8, 161, 231fast driving and spectaculardriving for TV, learnsdifference between 69–71father and 12, 13, 14–15, 16, 17, 20, 21–2, 26, 27, 40, 41, 42, 79, 100, 243, 249–51, 254fighter pilot, ambition to be 16Formula 1 car, drives 315–16Formula First 21–2, 23–30jobs 27, 55journalism 273–4law degree, studies for 31leaves
Top
Gear
325love live
see
Col ins, Georgiemarries 244mother and 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 21, 40, 41, 79, 100, 107, 148, 250‘powertest’,
Top Gear
65–6racing career 21–62, 81–5, 99–101, 123, 174, 244–50, 273, 318sponsors, search for 28, 31, 42, 63, 123, 174, 273as Stig
see
Stig, Thestunt driver, movie 254–63, 278, 279, 312swimming 17–18
Top Gear
, Series 3 65–71, 91–3, 103–12
Top Gear
, Series 4 131–2, 139–44, 146, 152
Top Gear
, Series 5 147–8
Top Gear
, Series 6 149–50, 171–6
Top Gear
, Series 7 148–9, 150–1, 152–5, 195–202
Top Gear
, Series 8 155–8, 159–60, 204–11, 215–19, 233–42
Top Gear
, Series 10 160, 185–94, 253–4, 265–75
Top Gear
, Series 11 161–2, 211–13
Top Gear
, Series 12 203–4, 281–6, 287–91, 301–5
Top
Gear
, Series 13 160–1, 178–82, 293–9, 308–13
Top Gear
, Series 14 316–17
Top Gear
, Series 15 319–