The Manning Brides (9 page)

“The potential to be good,” she repeated, her voice so low he had to strain to hear her.

“Yes. Unfortunately we weren’t able to discuss it Saturday morning.” Rich watched as Jamie went stiff. He realized she hadn’t liked him leaving and wondered if she’d misinterpreted the situation. He’d do his best to make amends now. “I apologize about heading out early. It might have—”

“Stop.” She raised her hand.

“Stop?”

“There’s no need to apologize. None. The last couple of days at home I’ve had plenty of time to think.”

He nodded in relief. Apparently Jamie had come to the same conclusions as he had. He sipped his coffee and leaned back.

“You were right.”

Rich nodded again. A man always likes to hear the truth.

“Having dinner with Floyd was an error in judgment on my part, although it was completely innocent. After your experience with Pamela, I should’ve understood your feelings. As your friend…I should’ve been able to hear what you were really saying. If there’s any blame to be placed over…over what happened, I want you to know…”

“Blame,”
Rich repeated. The word fired his anger, and adrenaline shot into his veins.

“Yes, I just wanted you to know I’m willing to accept the blame.”

Hearing it a second time didn’t improve his disposition. Rich set his mug back on the table with enough force to slosh coffee over the edges. “No one said anything about placing or accepting blame. If that’s what you’re here to do, I suggest we end this discussion right now.”

“I was just trying to—”

“Then don’t.”

Jamie’s gaze fell to her mug of tea, cradled between her hands. From the rise and fall of her shoulders, Rich could see how hard she was trying to avoid another argument.

He was too angry to make the effort.
Blame.
She wanted to allot blame for the most fantastic night of his life. Hers, too, but she was too proud to admit it.

Everything he’d hoped to accomplish—making this marriage real, moving in together, buying a home and creating a child, a son or daughter who’d be born from their love—seemed to disappear before his eyes. He’d longed for this meeting, hoped it would give them a way to move naturally from being friends to being lovers. Married lovers.

“I’ve done it again,” she whispered.

“Done what?”

“Made you mad.”

He knew it hadn’t been her intention to offend him. Judging by the bewildered look in her eyes, she didn’t understand why he felt angry.

“It’s happened already, hasn’t it?” Her words were so shaky, Rich half expected her to break into tears. “We’ve killed our friendship.”

“Not necessarily.” She looked pale, and here he was, furious with her, when all he wanted to do was take her in his arms.

“I
knew
this would happen,” she said with sigh. “Marriage just isn’t going to work. Our feelings are all muddled up…we hardly know how to act around each other anymore.”

Rich sat silent and morose. What she said was true.

“What do you suggest?” he asked after a while.

“I…I don’t know. I thought I knew what I wanted. Now I’m not sure.”

Rich didn’t know, either. He wanted her as his wife, but he needed to be positive that she shared his feelings. What man
didn’t
need that type of reassurance? It had all seemed so straightforward earlier. Now he was floundering.

“Do you feel up to walking?” he asked.

His question obviously surprised Jamie, but she nodded.

“Good.” Rich reached for their tab, then left some money on the table.

They were in the old neighborhood now. The brick two-story high school they’d once attended was two blocks over. By tacit agreement they headed in that direction. Jamie wrapped a scarf around her neck and buried her hands in her pockets. Rich did the same, but he would rather have held hands with her.

They’d gone a block before either of them spoke.

“I used to think you were the handsomest boy at school.”

“Me?” Rich laughed. “You certainly didn’t let me know it.”

“I couldn’t. You were vain enough.”

Rich smiled. “I used to wish I had as easy a time with grades as you did.”

“Easy?” she repeated with a short, mocking laugh. “I worked my tail off.”

“Remember our ten-year reunion?”

Jamie nodded. “You were with some blonde. You always went for blondes, didn’t you?”

He ignored her remark. “You were with that guy who looked like David Letterman,” he said.

“Ralph was a nice guy.”

“Nice and dull.” Rich didn’t know why he’d bothered to bring Elaine. He’d much rather have spent the evening with Jamie. As it was, they’d danced nearly every dance together.

“At least all of Ralph’s brains weren’t located below his neckline.”

“Speaking of which,” Rich said, grinning boyishly.

Jamie whirled around to face him, her eyes spitting fire. “Don’t you dare bring up the size of my bust. Don’t…you dare.”

Rich couldn’t hold back his smile. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“Did I ever mention the karate lessons I took? I learned how to disarm a man in three easy moves. Don’t tempt me, Manning.”

“
You
tempt me.” Rich didn’t know what made him say it, but now that it was out, he wasn’t sorry. Jamie went still at his side, unmoving in the dim light from the street lamp. Rich raised his hand and glided his fingertips over her face. Her eyes drifted shut.

“I…don’t think this is a good idea….”

He stopped her, tracing the outline of her lips with his index finger. He circled once, twice, three times….

“Why not?”

Her eyes remained closed, and she swayed toward him. Rich reached for her, pressing her close.

“There…was something I wanted to say,” she whispered.

“Oh.” He buried his face in her hair, inhaling its sweet scent. Rich didn’t know how they could be at odds with each other when the attraction between them was this strong.

“You…you shouldn’t distract me.”

“Do you want me to stop?” His lips grazed the underside of her jaw. She tilted her head.

“Not yet….”

“Should I kiss you?”

“Please.”

It was all the encouragement he needed. He brought his mouth to hers and wrapped his arms around her, nearly lifting her from the sidewalk. Her arms crept up his chest, pausing at his shoulders. The kissing was even better than it had been before, something Rich hadn’t thought possible.

His mouth moved hungrily over hers, and when she sighed and parted her lips, he swept her mouth with his tongue. Jamie reacted with a swift intake of breath, winding her arms around his neck.

Rich had never intended to kiss her like this. Not on a public street half a block from where they’d attended school. He wanted her soft and yielding in his arms. And in his bed. Soon.

The salty taste of tears shocked him. She was crying. He pulled his mouth from hers. “Jamie, what’s wrong?”

“Everything…nothing.” She kissed him back, her open mouth over his. It was as sensuous as anything he’d ever known.

“You’re crying.”

“I know.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re making everything so
difficult.
”

“How am I doing that?” She remained in his embrace, his hand pressing the small of her back.

“Kissing me…You weren’t supposed to do that.”

“I’m not?”

“No…but don’t stop.”

“I don’t plan to.” Rich didn’t need further encouragement. His kiss was urgent, filled with unleashed desire. They’d wasted precious days, hiding behind their fears. All along, they could’ve been rejoicing in the discovery of their love.

“Rich…”

Reluctantly, he broke off the kiss, his chest heaving. He took her hand, folding it in his own, and started back toward The Cookie Jar. “Let’s get out of here.”

“I…suppose we should.”

“It’s either that or make love to you in the middle of the street.”

“Make love to me?”

Surely it was what she expected. A man didn’t kiss a woman like that without her knowing what he had in mind, especially if that woman was his wife!

“But…we need to talk.”

“Later.” His steps were brisk. The sooner he got back to his apartment, the sooner he could kiss her again. He didn’t want to give her the opportunity to change her mind.

“There’s something we should talk over first.”

“What? Can’t it wait?

She shook her head. “I would’ve said it earlier…. I planned to, but then you suggested the walk and…we started kissing and now I’m more confused than ever.”

He stopped at his car, unlocked the passenger door, then turned to face her. Resting his hands on her shoulders, he met her gaze, relieved to see the hunger in her eyes. “All right, Jamie, tell me whatever it is.”

She brushed the tears from her cheeks, and drew in a deep, steadying breath. “Because of Friday night.”

That again! “Yes?”

“I was thinking you might want to…you know?”

Rich thought he did. She was about to suggest what he’d been considering for the last few days—that they take this marriage seriously and move in together.

“If it’s what you want, it’s what I want,” he said, brushing the hair from her face, his fingers lingering on the softness of her skin.

Her eyes closed, and she bit her trembling lower lip. “I don’t know what I want anymore…and I don’t think you do, either.”

“Sure I do,” he countered. He wanted her.

“I think we should give serious consideration to…”

“To what?”

“A divorce.”

R
ich jerked away from her as though he’d received an electric shock.

“A divorce!” he bellowed.

It wasn’t what Jamie preferred, but she felt honor-bound to offer Rich the option. They’d broken their agreement, the promises they’d made to each other before the wedding.

The decision to make love had been mutual; nevertheless everything had changed, and they couldn’t continue pretending it hadn’t. Their lovemaking was so powerful, so moving, Jamie would treasure the memory all her life. Every time she thought about falling asleep, nestled against Rich, she went weak.

“A divorce,” Rich repeated.

Jamie shuddered. He’d never know what it had cost her to make the offer. Jamie prayed Rich would give her some indication that Friday night had been as meaningful and as beautiful for him as it had been for her.

“So you want a divorce?” he said, slamming the passenger door of his car.

“I…I didn’t say it’s what I wanted.”

“Then why did you suggest it?”

“Because…well, because things are different now.”

“You’re right about that,” he muttered. “I don’t even know you anymore.”

Jamie chose to ignore his outburst. “We’d agreed this was to be a marriage of convenience.”

“You didn’t exactly fight me off, you know.”

Jamie’s cheeks exploded with scalding color. “No…I didn’t, but it doesn’t alter the fact that we breached our agreement—and before we go on with our plans, I feel we should reevaluate our options and our commitment.”

“You sound just like a banker. Cold and calculating. What’s the matter? Are you afraid of a little emotion?” His eyes were seething with anger.

If Jamie thought he was furious when he’d confronted her with Floyd, his anger on Friday night paled in comparison to the fury she saw now.

“We’re not teenagers anymore,” she said as calmly as her voice would allow. “We’re responsible, mature adults who can make decisions based on something other than hormones.”

“So Friday night was nothing more than a roll in the hay for you?”

“I didn’t say that.” Jamie was growing angry herself. “You’re purposely misconstruing everything I’ve said. Friday night happened. Good or bad, it happened. We can’t pretend it didn’t.”

“I had no intention of forgetting it or ignoring it or anything else.”

“Then why did it take you until Monday afternoon to call me?” she cried. “Why did you sneak away in the middle of the night without a word? I woke up feeling like…like a one-night stand.”

“You aren’t the only one who was disappointed,” Rich said loudly. “It wouldn’t have hurt you to call me.”

“You abandoned me.”

“I made you feel like a one-night stand?” Rich paced the sidewalk. He rammed his fingers through his hair. “A one-night stand? That’s ridiculous. We’re
married!
”

“No, we’re not,” she argued. “Not really. I don’t…”

“I’ve got the papers to prove it. Talk about denial! A wedding is a wedding, so don’t try to add a list of qualifiers to it now.”

“Those qualifiers were added
before
the ceremony.”

“So you want out.” He turned toward her, his face contorted with anger, his blue eyes piercing.

“I’m simply giving you the option. Our relationship has changed, and we can’t act as if it hasn’t.”

“And I am?”

“Yes!” she shouted. “If I hadn’t said anything we’d be halfway to your place by now. We both know I would’ve ended up spending the night, and then what?”

She didn’t let him answer. “Then tomorrow morning,” she resumed, answering her own question, “everything would be awkward again and there wouldn’t be time to say or do anything because we’d both need to get to work.”

Already Jamie could picture the scene. They’d be rushing around dressing, embarrassed and uncomfortable with each other, the way they’d been when Rich had phoned her Monday afternoon. There wouldn’t be time to talk, but they’d exchange polite pleasantries while he drove her back to Forty-third Street so she could pick up her car. Then she’d have to dash home and change clothes again before going to work.

“It wouldn’t have to be that way.”

“But it would’ve been.” After a few kisses neither one of them would want to talk, not when they were so eager to make love. There wouldn’t be any discussion, no clear exchange of views; that was predictable. And their embarrassment the next morning would’ve been inevitable.

“What I don’t understand is why you’re throwing a divorce in my face now.”

It all made sense to Jamie. “We were planning a divorce anyway, after the baby’s born. There were certain stipulations, agreements we made before the wedding. That’s all changed. If you’re going to have second thoughts, the time is now.”

“Is it me or you who’s having regrets?” he demanded harshly.

“We weren’t talking about me.”

“Maybe we should.”

“Oh, Rich, please don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Try to turn everything I say around. I didn’t mean to hurt or offend you. I just want this to be as clear as we can make it. Having a baby is too important a decision. We can’t mix it up with egos.”

“Easy to say when my ego’s the one that’s getting battered.”

“I told you, I’m not doing it intentionally. All I want is for us to be honest with each other. If you decide you’d rather forget the whole thing, then I’ll understand. Look what’s happened so far! We’ve nearly destroyed the marriage, not to mention our friendship, and we haven’t been married six weeks. This isn’t going to be as simple as we thought.”

Rich rubbed his hand down his face, looking confused.

A divorce
wasn’t
what Jamie wanted, but she felt she had to give him the opportunity to end their plans now, before the relationship was further complicated by a child.

“I was so confident about what we were doing,” he muttered.

“I…was, too.” Jamie could barely stand the suspense, but she wouldn’t say anything to encourage him one way or the other. They both had to be completely sure that they were doing the right thing. “Would you prefer to take a couple of days to think it over?”

Rich’s gaze found hers. “Maybe I should. I thought I knew, but maybe I don’t.”

Disappointed, Jamie nodded. “I’ll wait to hear from you then.” She secured her purse strap over her shoulder and smiled. “Good night, Rich.”

“’Night.”

As she headed toward her car, which was parked four or five spaces from his, she struggled not to reveal any of what she was feeling. Rich surprised her by walking the short distance beside her.

“I’ve really made a mess of this, haven’t I?” he asked. For the first time since she’d mentioned the divorce, he didn’t look as though he wanted to bite her head off.

“We both have,” she answered in a small voice. She tried to smile at him and failed. When they reached her car, she opened her purse, searching for her keys.

“It may not make any difference,” Rich said, and his eyes burned into hers, “but I’d like you to know I had to work Saturday morning. I probably should’ve woken you. I assumed my singing in the shower would have—” he gave a lopsided grin “—but when it didn’t, I decided to let you sleep. It was thoughtless of me not to leave a note.”

“You were at work?”

Rich nodded. “When I did phone, you weren’t there.”

“But there wasn’t any message.”

He shrugged. “After what I went through on Friday, I was done with leaving messages. Anyway you might’ve phoned
me.
” The last remark was made as an offhand suggestion, but it didn’t disguise his frustration.

“I did! But you weren’t home. I didn’t leave a message, either.” What a fool she’d been. What fools they’d both been. Jamie wanted to groan at their stupidity.

“You phoned?” His sigh of frustration was audible.

“You did, too?” Her sigh joined his.

Jamie resisted the urge to weep. There’d been so much she’d wanted to say, and hadn’t. So much she’d longed to tell him. And couldn’t.

“You’ll phone me…soon?” she asked, trying not to sound as anxious as she felt.

Rich nodded. One corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile. “I’ll leave a message if you’re not in this time.”

“If you don’t call me, then I’m calling you.” She refused to leave room for any additional misunderstandings. Not again.

Before he realized where he was going, Rich found himself at Jason’s apartment complex. He sat in the parking lot for several minutes.

When Jamie brought up the idea of divorce, he thought he’d explode. Rich couldn’t remember ever being angrier in his life. Angry and hurt and confused. They were minutes away from making love, and she dropped the word as though she was talking about something casual, something unimportant.

Divorce.

At one point he’d decided there was no reasoning with her, and the best thing to do was walk away from the whole mess. Then the unexpected happened.

She’d started to make sense.

Jamie had always been the logical one. The perfectionist. Everything had to be just so. It had driven him to distraction when they were on the yearbook staff together. He should’ve realized that although thirteen years had passed since then, Jamie hadn’t changed.

She wanted everything as clear as they could make it. Those were her words.

Rich knew what he wanted, too. He wanted her back in his bed so he could make love to her again. Naturally he didn’t say as much. How could he? She claimed that they were denying what had happened, that they couldn’t pretend nothing had changed when everything was different. Well…yes, that was true—and no, it wasn’t.

Hours later, Rich was still sitting in his car, and he still didn’t know what to make of their meeting. He needed someone to talk to, so he elected Jason, whether his brother was willing or not.

The lights were out in Jason’s ground-floor apartment, but that didn’t deter Rich. He leaned on the buzzer until a sliver of light shot out from under the door.

He waited until he heard the lock snap open, then stepped back.

“Rich?” His brother groaned, tying the knot in his bathrobe. “What the hell are you doing here? Do you have any idea what time it is?”

Rich checked his watch, surprised to discover it was after eleven. “I need to talk,” he said, marching past Jason and into the kitchen.

A yawning Jason followed. “Is this going to take long?”

“I don’t know. Why? Have you got a woman with you?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t have answered the door, no matter how long you rang the bell.” Jason pulled out a kitchen chair, sat down and slouched forward over his folded arms. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not in a talking mood.”

“Don’t worry, all you have to do is listen.”

Rich walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. He took out two cold sodas and pushed one at his brother. “When’s the last time you bought groceries?”

“I don’t know. Why?”

“All you’ve got in there is a tin can with a fork sticking out of it.”

“Dinner,” Jason said, covering his yawn. He waited a moment, then gestured. “Go on…talk. I’m listening.”

Now that he had the floor, so to speak, Rich couldn’t figure out sure where to start. He wasn’t ashamed of having made love to Jamie, but he wasn’t sure how she’d feel if she knew he was talking to Jason about their night together.

“You need some help with this, little brother?” Jason asked, straightening and opening his soda.

“No,” Rich said vehemently.

“I’ll give it to you anyway. You and Jamie have succumbed to the delights of the flesh and now you don’t know what to do about it.”

Rich was so flabbergasted that all he could do was stare at his brother, his mouth wide open.

Jason ignored him and guzzled half the can of soda.

“How’d you guess?”

“I knew Saturday night,” Jason informed him, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“How…what’d I say?”

“Nothing. I asked you if Jamie was pregnant yet, remember?”

Rich nodded. The question had hit him like a sledgehammer. Jason’s curiosity was what had led Rich to call her Monday afternoon. Jamie might well be pregnant from their one night together, although she’d been quick to reassure him otherwise.

“So?” Rich asked, feigning ignorance.

“You looked so shocked and you closed up tighter than a clam. It was obvious, at least to me, that she might be ‘with child,’ as they say.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Marriage rarely is. Why do you think I’ve avoided it all these years? I tried to tell you before the wedding, but would you listen? Ah, no, this was different, you said. You and Jamie were friends entering into a business agreement. Nothing more and nothing less.”

“I remember what I said,” Rich muttered, taking another swallow. He’d been incredibly naive about this marriage. The whole thing had sounded like a great idea; he had to admit it still did. Although an even better idea was to turn their arrangement into a till-death-do-us-part marriage.