The Marriage Contract (39 page)

              With a quivering hand, I opened the top drawer to my vanity, pulling out the first aid kit I’d kept since I was a kid. The white box stood out against the mess of the drawer, which was tumbled with expired nail polish, baseball cards, makeup, and pieces of jewelry I rarely wore.

              Though the crowd of people still gossiped outside my window, the music, and marching band appeared to have left.

              As I walked towards James, I noticed the light wind pass over his chiseled face, gusting through his unkempt brown locks.

              “Dory, open up!” April’s fist pounded against the door. “I’m so sorry! He literally ran to the side of your house and climbed up those pipe things! I tried my best to stop him. I swear I did! Can you please just open the door! What’s he doing?—“

              “April, relax,” I said. “Everything’s fine. I think I need some time alone with him.”

              “Pooh, I bet they’re kissing!” said Charlene, who I imagined was pressing her tiny ears against the door.

              “Pooh, I bet they’re not,” April teased. “Come on, squirt. Let’s grab a bite. All this dramatic romance has made me hungry.”

              “No, I want to hear what they’re saying! And don’t call me squirt,” Charlene whined. “Please…let’s just listen—“

              “Eavesdropping is wrong,” said April. “Now come on. They’re both kind of boring, so they’ll have nothing interesting to talk about. Trust me—“

              “But—“

              Charlene’s voice was muffled by a yelp, as I imagined April scooping her up and carrying her away.

              When I was sure they’d left, I turned my head to James. He sat with his head held down, breathing deeply, as his bangs cloaked like a shield over his eyes. We didn’t speak, as I opened the first aid box, taking out the alcohol, and sanitized tweezers. I cleaned the tweezers with an antibacterial, before carefully plucking out the piece of glass stuck over his olive toned flesh. He gasped at the pain, but said nothing, as I placed the shard within a tissue paper from the kit.

              While I ripped the alcohol pad open, pressing it over the dried blood on his arm, I could feel his eyes lift, following my movements. My heart pulsed, as I pressed a tan band aid over his skin, my index sliding over the material, securing it in place.

              “There.” I spoke softly. “Done. Do you feel okay?”

              He didn’t reply, but when I noticed his hands clench over his knees so tightly his knuckles turned pink, I couldn’t tell whether he was sad, upset, or anxious.

Maybe a little bit of each?

Feeling brave, I raised my head, meeting his glazed, tear brimmed stare. There was a kind of passion in his eyes, so much so, that I feared that if I didn’t walk away now, I never would. Without touching me, his eyes were caging me in place, telling me that I could not leave even if I tried.

              But then that moment, like an autumn leaf, passed by, as I realized how much of an idiot I was being. He hurt me, and yet there I was, tending to his wounds, making him feel cared for. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve anything.

              I stood, my heart suddenly feeling heavy.

              “Leave,” I said. “I fixed your stupid cut, so now go. Leave!”

              I was being mean, I was being awful to him, and maybe a bit too harsh, but in that moment, none of those thoughts mattered. I had placed a boarder in my heart, blocking him from entering, and it frustrated me that that very boarder was beginning to tumble down.

              James lifted his head- tears spilling down his cheeks.

              I looked to the side, my eyes beginning to water, as I exhaled a deep breath. A thick lump rested in the center of my chest, growing bigger, as I heard his muffled cries.

              Just leave, Dorothy. If you don’t go now, you’ll never be able to. Leave the room! Go!

              That’s right. I was right. I should have left then, walking out of the room, making him feel just as bad as he made me feel not too long ago.

              But when he collapsed to the ground, falling by knees, his head bowed, I could only stand there, not knowing what to do.

              “I’m so sorry.” His voice was choked, as he continued to stare at the ground- his tears soaked against my woolen carpet. “I have no excuse, but all I have to say is that I wasn’t ready for you. I wasn’t supposed to fall for you, but I did! Everything about you amazes me. I miss you nagging me to clean the house, I miss you waking me up in the mornings when I’m supposed to be at work, I miss the way your mouth curls up when you smile, and I swear, when you laugh, everything inside me, bursts like a million flames, burning my icy soul. My mom left me, Dory, and I thought, after this year ends, you’ll leave me too. I didn’t think you’d ever stay with a dick like me. All my life, I’ve only cared about what I want, and what I need. I’ve always been alone, pushing everyone away, but you’re the only one that tried to get inside me. When I hurt you, I did it to push myself away from you, because one day, you’re going to break my heart. You’re going to run away, and all I’ll have left of you are memories. And so, before you could hurt me, I decided to hurt myself first, by making you leave. It was the biggest mistake of my life, because after you left, I couldn’t breathe. I need you…I…I love you, Dory.”

              He loved me?

              A cold, eerie silence passed, as I took a step back, staring down at him. Tears had drenched against my cheek, sticking against my throat, as I inhaled a quick breath.

              If I wanted revenge, I could have ripped his heart out then and there, for he was at his most vulnerable point. I could have told him what an asshole he was, and that he was right, I wouldn’t ever be with him.

              But I couldn’t, for he had managed to show me a piece of his naked soul, baring his heart to me on a silver plate.

              Keeping my eyes on his, I crouched down, kneeling before him so we were eye level. His watery gaze met mine- a small smile reaching his lips, as a glimmer of hope clouded over his handsome face.

              “James,” I began. “Go home.”

              “Will you come with me?”

              I felt the pieces of my heart begin to shake, crumbling slowly apart, before ultimately- breaking.

              “No.” I spoke softly. “This is goodbye.”

              I should have escorted him out my room, but instead, I leaned towards his face, placing a light kiss on his cheek. His body froze. When I pulled apart, giving him a sad smile, he merely stared blandly, having nothing to say. Blinking slowly at me, he pressed a hand against his cheek, looking at me as though I’d slapped it instead.

              We both stood, as I watched him take long strides towards the door, swinging it open. His back was straight, as he ran both hands through the thick main his hair, as though trying to pull himself together.

              “It’s not goodbye,” he whispered. “It’s never goodbye. I might not be the best guy, but I promise you, I will love you until the day I die. And I don’t break my promises, Princess. Mark my words …I will make you love me back. Even if it kills me.”

Chapter Twenty Five

              I couldn’t remember when or where, but I’d once heard of a saying, that the foundation of any relationship, whether it be business, friendship, or love- is trust. And if that foundation happened to crumble, even by a smidge- only a miracle could mold it back together.

              James stood with his back to me, his hand still curled over the knob, holding it open, as he stared at the hallway, exhaling a deep breath. His broad shoulders, slumped, while his other hand rested limp by his thigh, as I imagined what he was thinking.

              Only moments ago he’d told me that he’ll make me somehow want him back. As if it was so easy to do. I wasn’t sure if I was insulted or flattered, but all I knew, was that he was reaching desperation. It was almost sad to see him like this, and though I knew I would never be with him, I didn’t have the heart to crush this imaginary hope he had. Not yet, anyway. 

              I pressed a hand over my head, suddenly feeling it throb, for a million thoughts ran through the valley of my mind, and I couldn’t decide which to say out first. Taking even steps towards him, I locked my gaze on the back of his white polo shirt, which was no longer pristine from hours earlier- but smeared, with patches of dirt.

              I stood beside him, staring warily at his profile, at the way the edge of his full, nude lips, slipped downwards- revealing a handsome frown. The light from the hallway, streamed through my room, hitting the center of his chocolate brown eyes, giving it a kind of glow.

              “You can’t exit this way,” I said. “My grandparents, and Aunt Molly and everyone is going to be back in a few minutes, and before they come, I’d like you to leave…through my window. It’s the safest exit. No one will see you—“

              “You’re cruel.” He swung the door closed, and I nearly yelped, holding a hand against my heart.

              I wasn’t expecting that.

              James turned his head, staring sadly at me- his eyes red and worn out. He took slow steps towards me, like a lion towards its prey, as I stood there, not quite knowing where to move. There was an undefinable longing in his eyes- a kind of heart ache that I couldn’t find myself understanding, as he gazed at me in an almost pleading way.

              I shouldn’t have stepped back, for it would make me appear cowardly, but at that moment, I was a coward. While he moved towards me, I took quick steps back, till my back hit the cold, dry wall.

              My eyes could not meet his.

I turned my head to the side, staring at my brown, woolen carpet- my chest rising and falling like an oceans tide. Sirens were going off in my mind, telling me to push him back, yelling at me to escape out of this…situation.

              But I couldn’t. My bare meet curled over the soft strings of the carpet, my hands clenched so tightly, I could feel my dig deep into my flesh.

              “Look at me,” he whispered.

              His voice was choked, as though a frog sat at the center of his chest, croaking out his words.

              I shook my head- then gasped at his surprise touch.

              His index tilted my head gently upwards, pushing my face to side, forcing me to meet his penetrating gaze. The cool touch of his flesh against mine sent a tingling spark down my spine, as I stared wide eyed at him.

              “Say something,” he snapped. “Say anything damnit! But just don’t look at me like that--”

              “Like what?” My voice barely escaped, as I stared up at him, my brows furrowed.

              A smile reached his lips, but only for a second, as he took another step towards me- so close, that I could feel the temperature of his breath against my forehead. The musky scent of lavender surrounded me, like a twisting vine, keeping me caged against his form.

              “Like you feel sorry for me,” he said.

              I stared at the rise and fall of his Adams apple, before blinking up at him, my lips suddenly feeling dry.

              “I don’t feel sorry for you,” I began. “I feel sorry for me—“

              “Oh, come on! Don’t do this, Dory! Stop acting like…like I’m a victim! I’m the one that hurt you—“

              “Well, I broke the rules, didn’t I? If you remember, we both signed rules, and yours was that we shouldn’t fall in love, and mine was that we shouldn’t touch. Funny how I managed to break both. But, what does that matter now? Anyways, I…I just have one question.”

              He stared at me, a hint of disbelief spread over his solemn eyes. His gaze lingered on mine for a moment that felt like forever- though I was sure only ten seconds had passed, as he ran a hand through his thick tresses.

              “What do you want to know?” he asked.

              “Why did you send Richard here?”

              His eyes faltered, as he looked at the ground, then back at me- his expression, that of a surprise. He took two steps back, fear clouding over his eyes, as though worried a big secret was about to be revealed.

              “What’s the matter?” I pressed. “You sent Richard here for a reason, and I want to know why!”

              James walked backwards, till he reached my bed, and sat at the center, staring hopelessly at his knees. For a few moments, he was silent, causing me to think that perhaps I won’t get an answer today.

              I sighed, walking towards the bed, and taking the seat beside him. We were a few inches apart, as I watched him breathe evenly, staring blankly at my plain white wall ahead.