The Marshal Takes A Bride (32 page)

But worst of all, the memory of Sarah’s face as she had thrown him out of her grandfather’s rooms had lingered in his mind like a bad dream. And the urge to reach out and touch her was so strong that even in his sleep he extended his hands, only to wake up and discover she had disappeared like a whisper in the darkness.

The nights were lonely, and the days were quiet There was no one to talk to, no one to taunt him and keep him on his toes. He missed the camaraderie of the men who worked the county jail, the people in town who knew him. He missed his office and his family. At the moment, he would have given anything for a friendly face.

Nothing was as he had expected. How quickly he had learned that his expectations for this job were unrealistic.

This was nothing like the days of his youth when he had spent time traveling the countryside enjoying his freedom. Though those days were not so long ago, sometime between now and then he had changed. The ground was hard. He wanted a fire, but couldn’t have one. He was tired and dirty, and damn, this wasn’t what he had anticipated.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, he missed Sarah. Yes, he was furious with her for not telling him about Lucas. A man had the right to know about his son. But he still missed her and couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing. He couldn’t help but picture her smile, her flashing blue eyes when she was angry, or the way they sparkled after he kissed her.

He missed being in her arms, he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to hold her, and he wanted to make love…

He placed his head in his hands. What was love besides an emotion that made women cry and men act like fools? Love made grown men rush to do their wives’ bidding. Love had turned his two brothers into doting husbands and fathers. Love was an overblown emotion—one that terrified him.

The thought stunned him. Was he afraid to fall in love? Why would he be fearful of a silly emotion?

Or could it be that Sarah was right, their relationship had been more than a friendship for a long time, and he had been too terrified to admit that he had fallen for her years ago?

Could he be fearful of not being smart enough or good enough for the doctor?

God, he was the biggest damn fool. Sarah had seen through him all along. Of course they were more than friends. They had been lovers. So why was he afraid of spending the rest of his life with Sarah?

Especially when Sarah made him laugh, was fun, incredibly passionate and warm. She made him feel like more of a man. So what was holding him back?

They had a son together. Yet the knowledge of that son had come between them, because Sarah hadn’t told him until circumstances forced her to reveal Lucas’s parentage. And did he want to be a father?

The questions whirled around and around until he felt dizzy, and he hadn’t even moved from the spot. And every single one led back to one response.

Yes. He wanted to be with Sarah and Lucas. He wanted them to be a family. He wanted more children with Sarah, though he was still afraid.

He had been wrong for so long about what he thought he wanted in life. And it had taken being shown that sometimes one’s dreams were not always what had been envisioned. Being a wandering man was a lonely existence.

Everything he really wanted was back in Texas. Back in Fort Worth, where a loving woman waited for him with a son he wanted to get to know. He knew absolutely nothing about raising kids, but he was willing to learn if Sarah was willing to teach him. As long as they were together, he knew they could overcome his fears and any other obstacle that stood in the way.

God, what was he doing here? He didn’t want to be a wandering man; he wanted to be Sarah’s
man.

A bullet zinged past his head, and he jumped. Somehow the outlaws had spotted him
,
and he was absolutely crazy to be sitting here like a damn target on a mountain in the middle of the Oklahoma Territory. This wasn’t his tight, and he didn’t want to be away from Sarah and his son any longer.

He jumped up and threw his gear on the back of his horse and leaped into the saddle. To hell with this! He was going home to his woman. He was going home to Sarah. And somehow he had to convince her that he loved her. Somehow he had to show her that she was everything to him. Somehow he had to prove to her that nothing else mattered to him anymore but her love.

Tucker rode up into the yard of the big house. In the month he had been gone, spring had brought the flowers into bloom, and his mother’s roses had turned the side of the house red with blossoms.

“Hey, it’s Tucker,” Tanner yelled, coming out of the bam at a run. “We didn’t expect to see you anytime soon.”

Tucker swung his leg over the saddle and dropped down to the ground. He clasped his brother’s hand in one hand and his shoulder with the other in a combination handshake hug.

“How’s Beth?” Tucker asked.

“She’s fine. Felt the baby kick for the first time the other day and she teared up worse than a waterfall.”

Travis came around the comer of the house. “Well, look who came in. How long are you staying this time?”

Tucker waited until they had shook hands to respond. “That depends.”

Both of his brothers stopped and gazed at him, perplexed.

“Is Mother home?” Tucker asked.

“No, she and the girls went into town. I’m surprised you didn’t see them when you came through,” Tanner replied.

“I didn’t go into town.”

“You didn’t?” Travis asked, frowning. “Why not?” “Can we get out of the sun and sit a spell. I’ll explain everything.”

Travis gave Tucker a knowing smile. “Get kind of lonely up there in those hills?”

Tucker frowned and went up the stairs to the covered porch. There he leaned against the railing, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Damn it. You know, Travis, you have this irritating habit. You’ve always got to be the know-it-all.” Travis smiled and shrugged. “I can’t help it if I was born first. You know, the city hasn’t filled your old job yet. I’m sure they would be glad to hire you back.”

“You’re not in some kind of trouble?” Tanner asked.

“He’s in way deep, I’d say,” Travis said, laughing.

Tucker sent his brother a look that he hoped singed the edges of his cowboy hat.

“Now, don’t get mad at me, Tucker. You’re the one who used to give me fits about Rose. I think it’s only fair that I return the favor.”

“Damn it, Travis. It’s not funny. I don’t know what to do. I’m miserable without Sarah. I haven’t seen her in a month, and I can’t get her out of my mind. I miss her. God, how I miss her.”

Tanner started to chuckle. “But I thought you wanted to be an independent man who had no responsibilities, who traveled across the country.”

“I did. But . . . it’s not like I thought it would be. I’m not enjoying being away from Sarah. And worse, we didn’t part on the best of terms. The last time I saw her, she threw me out of her grandfather’s suite.”

“Why did she get mad at you?” Travis asked. Tucker glanced at his brother, looked away and then returned his gaze to him. “She told me we’d been more
than friends for a long time, and I was just too blind to see. But she didn’t tell me about Lucas.”

Travis and Tanner glanced at each other and smiled. Then Travis cleared his throat in a way that let Tucker know he was trying to keep from laughing.

“I’m sorry, little brother. Really I am. We’ve been where you’re at, and I ache for you. Do you feel like part of you is missing? Like the one person in the world who understands and accepts you is gone? Do you hurt so deeply inside that you don’t know where the pain is coming from?”

Tucker gazed at Travis. “Yes. How did you know?”

“You’re in love, Tucker. You love Sarah,” Travis said. “Just marry the girl. You’ll feel better.”

Tucker laid his head back against the post that was supporting him. “I know. That’s why I came home. All my life I’ve wanted to be different from you two, and now I find I’m just like you. I fell in love with the woman Mother picked out for me.”

“No,” Travis said. “Mother recognized you were in love with Sarah long before you did. You picked her out, but just didn’t realize it was love you felt for Sarah.”

“But I didn’t want to get married.”

“Why?” Tanner asked. “Why are you resisting?”

“I wanted to experience the world. I didn’t want to be tied down.”

“Then, why did you come home?” Tanner asked.

“Because, damn it, all I can think about is Sarah. I wasn’t enjoying being away from her and, and”—he took a deep breath—“I realized I loved her.”

Tanner snickered. “You’ve got it bad. I agree with Travis. Marry the girl.”

“But marriage seems so permanent, so final. And she’s already turned me down once. What if she does again?”

Travis smiled. “Marriage is final. But it isn’t suffocating. My life is better with Rose in it. I’m glad I married her. As for turning you down, at the time you probably deserved it. She knew you weren’t ready.” Tanner nodded. “Beth is my foundation. My rock that keeps me steady. And if you love Sarah, she’ll be your guiding influence, too. Never suffocating, just always there for you.”

Tucker looked up at his brothers. “God, I never thought I’d hear the two of you say things like I’ve heard this afternoon.”

“And if you repeat any of it, we’ll kick your ass,” Travis teased, and then grew serious. “I would recommend that you consider your words carefully the next time you see Sarah, because I’m afraid this will be your last chance with her.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Try looking at the last three years from Sarah’s perspective, Tucker. You spent one night with her, and she became pregnant. She carried your son for nine months all alone, with no one to help her. She comes home, and once again, you show your lack of commitment. Tread lightly, little brother.”

Tucker frowned. He hadn’t really given that thought much consideration. But Sarah had been alone and pregnant. She had probably felt used and abandoned. Shame filled him. If only he had known. “So how do I convince her I love her?”

“I don’t know; but you better do something, and you better do it quick or you can forget about Sarah.”

“I’ve been the biggest damn fool in Texas. But I don’t know how to be a husband, let alone a father.”

Travis chuckled. “You have been pretty stubborn, so you’re going to have to do some major groveling. But do you think either of us entered into this knowing what we were doing? You’ll learn just like we did. One step at a time.”

“I think I’ll get cleaned up and then go into town to see Sarah.”

Quiet descended upon the men as his brothers glanced at each other, a troubled look passing between them.

“What’s wrong now?” Tucker asked.

“Sarah left town the week after you. She’s gone home to Tombstone.” Travis quietly informed him.

“Damn! Well, I guess I’ll be making a quick trip to Tombstone,” Tucker said, putting his hat back on and hurrying down the steps to his horse.

“Aren’t you going to at least stay for supper?” Travis asked.

“Nope. I’m in a hurry. Wish me luck!”

***

Sarah had been home little more than two weeks, and already she had fallen back into the routine of working four days and spending three with her son.

Lucas had recovered completely from the kidnapping, and she was grateful he hadn’t suffered any lasting effects.

Though her days had returned to a familiar pattern, she had no energy, and nothing excited her. Many days, all she wanted to do was sit quietly and cry, but she refused to give herself that luxury. She knew what the problem was, but she refused to acknowledge that Tucker had left her heartbroken once again. At least this time she would make certain it was the last time he had the opportunity to wound her soul.

She sat in her office trying to concentrate on a new medical book Dr. Wilson had given her in Fort Worth, but the words kept blurring before her eyes with a wet, dewy substance that continually leaked from the comer of her eyes.

She was not going to cry. She was not.

The bell jangled above the door, and she looked up to greet her next patient—and blinked her eyes, trying to remove the dream of Tucker in her doorway from her vision. But after she cleared her eyesight, he was still there.

Oh, my God!

She stared up into Tucker’s brown eyes and swallowed. What was he doing here? He was clean-shaven, his clothes were neater than she could remember and he smelled of peppermint.

“Hello,” he said, holding his hat in his hand which was visibly shaking, surprising her even more. He was never one to show nervousness outwardly.

She stood and came around her desk, her knees quaking. Something about him was not the same. His expression- seemed different, tense and uncertain, as he stood there.

“Hi. I’m surprised to see you. Do you have a case here in town?” she asked, wondering how she was going to deal with seeing him every day.

There was no one else in her office this morning, and somehow she was suddenly glad they were alone. “No. I came to see you.”

Her heart began to race, and she stared at him, flabbergasted.

“Me?” she asked. “I thought we’d said everything in Fort Worth.”

“We did at the time. But when you’re sitting up on a mountain all alone, a man can do a lot of thinking.” He twirled his hat in his hand.

“Is that so?” she said, feeling confused. What was he doing here?

He cleared his throat nervously. “I ... I had to come tell you, you were right about a lot of things, Sarah.”

“I was?” she asked, suddenly trying to recall everything they had said to each other at that last meeting.

“Yes. We’ve been more than friends for many years, and I just haven’t had the courage to face the truth about us.”

She swallowed, suddenly feeling almost giddy. “You haven’t?”

“No. I guess one of the reasons I left this town so abruptly three years ago was the fact that being with you was the most wonderful night of my life. It scared me so bad that I ran.” He paused. “I’m not exactly proud of my actions, but I ran that night because I didn’t know what else to do. I never even considered that we might have conceived a child that night.”