The Measure of the Magic (30 page)

Then something akin to rage surged through her as the full impact of her actions flattened her momentary calm and everything began to slant sideways.

“We’re going to need a new plan,” she said to Pan, and then, finally, she managed to look away.

P
RUE SPENT THE NIGHT WRAPPED IN PAN’S ARMS
, pressed close against him beneath their blankets. She slept a little, although not much, and he stayed awake with her, conscious of the changes in her breathing, of the moments when images of what she had done surfaced and caused her to shiver uncontrollably, and of the dreams that turned to nightmares and made her cry out. She was not handling this well—although he could hardly find reason to think that he would have handled it any better—so he did what he could to help her through it.

They left Bonnasaint pretty much where he had died, Pan taking time to move him out of the open and beneath a huge old cedar where he could be concealed by heavy boughs and hidden from view. He would have done more, even for someone as loathsome as the assassin, but he lacked a digging tool and there were few rocks at this level that he could use to build a cairn. So he did what he could to protect the body, knowing that in the end nature would do the rest.

Sometime during the night he fell asleep, and when he woke the sun was just cresting the mountain peaks, the sky was thick with rain clouds, and Prue was gone.

He panicked, throwing off his blanket and hurriedly pulling on his boots, looking everywhere at once as he did so. Once on his feet, he shouted her name, heedless of who might hear, and was relieved when she called back. He followed the sound of her voice to a break in the trees that allowed a clear view of the valley south and found her sitting on a grassy patch looking out over the countryside.

“Don’t do that again!” he snapped irritably. “I didn’t know what had happened to you!”

She gave him a wan smile. “Sorry. I just couldn’t sleep anymore—or even pretend to sleep—so I got up and came here to think. I forgot that you would be waking up.”

She looked so beaten down that he instantly regretted his words. “I just got frightened, that’s all. It isn’t your fault.”

“That’s about the only thing that isn’t.” She looked away again. “I really messed us up, Pan.”

The way she spoke the words was troubling. She sounded as if she had given up. “You did what you had to do and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you hadn’t killed him, he would have killed us. You know that.”

“I keep thinking that if I could have wounded him … or used the knife on his arms or legs and just …”

He put his arm around her and hushed her. “You could have
tried
to do a lot of things. But any one of them would have gotten you killed. You did the one thing that would save us both.” He paused, trying to find something more to say, to speak the words that would reassure her. “You did what the King of the Silver River asked you to do. You protected me. And yourself. You didn’t mess us up.”

She shook her head in denial, but said nothing.

“He was too dangerous to keep around anyway. I should have gotten rid of him earlier. I should have taken him into Arborlon and let the Queen have him. He wasn’t going to help us anyway. He was sent to kill us, and he meant to do exactly that.”

She nodded, but still said nothing.

“You know he wasn’t going to let you go. Or me. You know that, don’t you?”

“I do.” She looked at him again, and he saw that she was crying. “What I don’t know is how I’m going to live with what I did. I killed him. I don’t want to be someone who kills people. I know it was necessary and that he was going to kill us and I didn’t have a choice. I know all that. Rationally. But in my heart I also know that none of that matters.” She caught her breath. “I am breaking apart, Pan. I am all in pieces about this, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

He watched her silently, unable to think of what else to say. “You didn’t have a choice,” he repeated finally. “You had to kill him.”

“Stop saying that!” She ran her fingers through her red hair as if to pull it all out. “Just stop!”

“What else am I supposed to say? You did the best you could. You can get past this. Give it a little time, Prue. Stop torturing yourself.”

She was on her feet then, standing over him as if she might crush him with the weight of her rage. “You stop patronizing me, then! Stop treating me like a child! You want to know what you can do? I don’t know! I don’t know what
I
can do, so how am I supposed to know what to tell you? Figure it out for yourself. Be my big brother and tell me something that matters. Tell me whatever I need to hear, no matter how unpleasant. Just be honest with me!”

She wheeled away and stalked to the edge of the clearing, hands on her hips, head bent, shoulders shaking. She was crying hard now, but seemed enraged that she was doing so. Or that she was in the place she had found herself. Or that the world had mistreated her so. Or all of the above. In truth, he couldn’t say.

“I know one thing I can tell you!” he shouted over to her. “I can tell you that no matter how bad you feel about yourself or me, no matter what happens next or how things turn out, I will be right there with you all the way! I can tell you that!”

She didn’t say anything, and she didn’t stop crying. He stood up, but he didn’t try to go to her. He stayed where he was, waiting her out. If there was anything more to say, she would have to say it. He was all out of words that mattered.

It took a long time, but eventually her body stilled and her head lifted. She stood where she was, looking out across the valley. Then she wiped her eyes, turned around, and came back over to him. Instead of stopping she walked right past him.

“That’s more like it,” she said. “Let’s get our packs and start walking. We don’t want to waste any more time reaching Tasha and Tenerife.”

He followed her progress as she disappeared into the trees, heading back to their camp. He wanted to tell himself or maybe even her that he would never understand women, but he had a feeling he wasn’t the first man to formulate this opinion and very likely wouldn’t be the last and that it really didn’t matter anyway. So dismissing this useless assessment, he took a deep breath, exhaled loudly, put the entire matter behind him, and tramped after her.

W
ITHIN THIRTY MINUTES
, they were hiking through what remained of the foothills heading up into the mountains toward Aphalion Pass.

For the first two hours of their trek, they barely spoke at all, concentrating on the climb, hiding within a shroud of silence where they could think things through. The day remained cloudy and gray, the sun little more than a hazy glow behind the cloud layers, the temperature dropping and the winds growing stronger as they continued their ascent. Once or twice, they saw goats and sheep higher up on the rocky precipices and in patches of meadow only a short distance below the snow line, but nothing of Men or Elves or anything else that walked on two legs. They would have stopped to eat, but there was no food left save for a little bread and water, which they shared as they walked.

More than a few times, Panterra thought to say something further about the events of the previous night, but each time he felt the temptation he resisted it. He knew that nothing he said at this point would help the situation. Prue would talk about it again when she was ready and he had to leave it at that.

So when he finally began talking again, he chose the matter of
what they were going to do now that Bonnasaint was no longer with them.

“You said last night we needed a new plan,” he opened the conversation, trying to sound relaxed and casual. “I guess the first thing we have to do is pretty much the same as before. We have to find Phryne.”

She shrugged. “Except that if Tasha and Tenerife don’t know where she is or have some idea of how to find her, we might need to start worrying about that demon. He won’t be waiting around for us to finish helping Phryne. He’ll already be looking for us.”

“First, he has to find his way into the valley.”

“He will have already done that.”

He glanced at her. “All right. But he would have to find out that we live in Glensk Wood and start looking there.”

“He would have found out all about us by now, including that we live in Glensk Wood. You didn’t meet him. You can’t know what he was like. He isn’t human, though he looks it on the surface.” She paused. “He’ll have found out everything, and he’ll be searching already.”

Panterra thought about it. “Then maybe we need to find him before he finds us.”

She shook her head. “That’s a dangerous game. I don’t know that finding him at all is the right thing.”

“What are we supposed to do? Do you think he will give up looking for us and go away?”

“Don’t be smart with me. You know he won’t. But maybe something will happen to him in the meantime. Demons can be killed. We know that from our history. The boy Hawk killed one. Kirisin Belloruus killed another. I think his sister killed one, too. Isn’t that so?”

He gave her a quick smile. “I don’t know that we can count on someone else doing what I think we’ve been given to do. Think about it. The King of the Silver River sent you back to protect me. That suggests he suspects—maybe knows—that sooner or later I’m going to need you with me to face this demon, because I
am
going to have to face him.”

They walked on in silence awhile more, watching the snow line grow steadily closer. It wasn’t far now to Aphalion Pass. Ahead, high
above the rock-strewn slopes, winged predators circled in slow, steady sweeps. Now and again, one would drop like a stone to snare its prey.

Which are we? Predator or prey?

Pan wondered if they had a choice.

It was past midday when the pass came in sight, its dark split clearly visible even in the diminished light of the cloudy day. When they were still five hundred yards away, an Elf appeared from hiding to challenge them. Pan told him they were friends of Tasha and Tenerife, and the sentry seemed persuaded just by mention of the Orullians and did not ask them anything more, although he did take note of Prue’s eyes and gave her more than one close look. Satisfied that they posed no threat, he took them up into the pass where most of the Elven Hunters were still working on building their defenses.

It was an impressive effort. By now the Elven fortifications were more than forty feet high and a dozen feet thick at the narrow point in which they had been established. Ladders and walkways gave the defenders access to the ramparts on the near side; sheer walls with no hand- or footholds confronted attackers on the far. Higher up on the cliffs, crevices in the rocks had been turned into defensive bastions, as well. Any attack force coming down the length of the pass would be vulnerable from three sides and have no cover whatsoever. It seemed as if the Elven position was impregnable.

But Pan didn’t like close places, always preferring to be out in the open, and he knew that he wouldn’t want to be a defender stationed here in this narrow place, no matter how safe it seemed.

Their guide took them over the wall and then led them ahead through the pass to where Tasha was visible working with other Elves on a set of snares and traps that would serve as perimeter defenses.

“Panterra Qu!” Tasha boomed out with obvious pleasure as he caught sight of the other. “Well met, brother!”

While Tenerife shouted down greetings from his perch high up in the rocks, the big man hurried over to the newcomers. “Little sister, too!” Tasha grinned, but the grin fell away when he got close enough to see the girl’s milky eyes. “Shades, what’s this? Your eyes, Prue! What’s happened here?”

He embraced the boy and then the girl, holding the latter much
longer and tighter and whispering softly to her. For a moment, Pan thought the big man was going to cry, which would have been a first for him. But Prue said something back, and from Tasha’s reaction—holding her at arm’s length for a closer look at her eyes—it could be assumed that she had told him she wasn’t as blind as it might seem.

Giving Panterra a puzzled glance, he took them both in tow and led them over to where Tenerife was already climbing down to join them. They went through the same thing with the latter once he saw Prue’s eyes, but she quickly calmed him down and then Tasha moved all of them ahead into the pass where they could be alone.