The Memory Jar (16 page)

“The phone is in the shed, right next to the house,” Mrs. Shelter explained. Her voice wobbled slightly, and Jathan could tell she was embarrassed. “My husband uses it fer his business some, and …” She let her voice trail off.

Sarah cleared her throat, and Jathan turned to her. She was seated beside him and fidgeted slightly in her chair. “After Patty’s accident, many Amish people put one in their sheds. We live in a dangerous community. With the logging, the forests, and the wild animals, we’re learning to be prepared. It’s not as if we’re going against the
Ordnung
…”

“I understand. Things are different here.” Jathan reached out and accepted the green beans Mrs. Shelter offered. “It makes sense.”

“I know how to check the messages.” Twelve-year-old Andy’s chest puffed out with pride.

“I phone!” Little Evelyn chattered, practicing her English. She sat on the bench seat next to him and Jathan noticed every few minutes she’d scoot an inch closer.

“Shh …” Sarah placed a finger over her lips. “Evie, you don’t want to share that with any visiting family from back east.”

Jathan laughed and then he turned to Mrs. Shelter. “So Sarah tells me you have a sister in Berlin?”

“Oh,
ja
, and I’ve visited Holmes County a few times. It’s a lovely place with all the rolling hills. I’m sad to say our children have not been there yet. I’m sure they’d love it.” Mrs. Shelter glanced at Sarah.

“I hope that Sarah can come visit sometime.” Jathan cut a piece of pot roast with his fork and knife, but his thoughts were more on the pink of Sarah’s cheeks than on his meal. “I was telling her my
Mem
has a bakery. They would be best friends, I’m sure of it. I wrote
Mem
—” Evelyn tugged on his shirt sleeve. “I wrote
Mem
last month telling her about —” Evelyn tugged harder and he paused, turning his attention to her.

“You marry Sarah?” Evelyn asked.

“Marry, uh …” Jathan looked from Evelyn to Sarah, unsure how to answer that.

Laughter burst from Andy’s lips. “You saved her. Now you’ve got to live with her.”

“Andy …” Mr. Shelter’s voice was firm, but Jathan noticed humor in his gaze.

“Bensel.”
Mrs. Shelter shook her head.

“I’m not a silly child,
Mem
.” Andy pouted. “You said yerself that Jathan would make a fine husband for Sarah.”

Now it was Mrs. Shelter’s turn to flush pink.

Jathan glanced over at Sarah, who was busy buttering her biscuit, ensuring every inch was slathered in butter, afraid to make eye contact.

“The truth is,” Jathan finally said, “I was hoping to bring up this conversation with Mr. Shelter.” He turned to the older man. “I’d like to spend more time with her, sir. To court her with hopes of a future together.” Even as he said the words, he felt as if it was a dream. He’d never have believed a month ago that this could be happening. He’d cared for Sarah from afar and now she was right here at his side. And her family seemed not only welcoming — but also hopeful of their possible future together.

“That is my desire, at least … if that’s all right with you, Sarah.”

She looked at him, her blue eyes shining.
“Ja.”

It was one simple word, but Jathan’s heart doubled in size within him.

Mr. Shelter nodded and then opened his mouth to speak. But before words could emerge, his eyes moved beyond Jathan, as if he were studying something out the window beyond Jathan’s shoulder. Then, his eyes fixed in fear, he jumped from the table and hurried to the door.

What?
Jathan turned, but his question changed upon seeing the figure in motion.
Who?

I
t was only as she neared that Jathan recognized Sarah’s boss, Annie, running across the Shelters’ front lawn with long strides. Within moments she was up the porch steps and through the front door Mr. Shelter had opened for her.

Annie’s breathing came fast, as if she’d run all the way to the Shelter home from her store.

She looked to Sarah first. “Did you hear the phone ringing?”

“
Ja
… but we were eating dinner. We usually let it go to message first —”

“Never mind.” Annie looked to Jathan. Her eyes bore into him, and his head jerked back. Concern folded her eyebrows and her lips were pressed together. Seeing that, fear pinched down on his gut like a vice.

“It was your mother calling.” Annie swallowed hard. “She’s been trying to find a way to get ahold of you. She wouldn’t tell me what the problem was, but —” Annie’s voice quivered. “She seemed pretty shaken up. She wants you to call her right away.”

Annie handed him a piece of paper with a phone number on it.

“Come with me.” Sarah placed her hand on his arm. “I’ll show you where our phone is.”

In the space of one heartbeat, Jathan’s knees grew weak. He looked down at the paper and the numbers blurred.

Had something happened to one of his brothers?

The faces of his nieces and nephews flashed through his mind next. Accidents happened every year.

Jathan tried to remember if one of his sisters or sisters-in-law had a baby due. It seemed like one of them always did. Could there be a problem there?

His family had been spared from great tragedy thus far. But now?

He brushed her hand aside, feeling as if he were going to be sick. “Thank you, but I need to do this alone. If you can jest point me in the right direction …” He moved toward the front door. Sarah stepped back. Hurt flashed over her face, but he couldn’t worry about that now.

“It’s in the shed right next to the house,” Mr. Shelter commented. “There should be enough light yet that you won’t need to light the lantern.”

Jathan took long strides out the door and into the small shed. Mr. Shelter’s tools hung on the wall, and the simple telephone sat on a worktable. As Jathan lifted the phone’s receiver he suddenly knew. It had to be
Dat
. If the problem was with one of the other family members,
Mem
would have asked Yonnie to make the call, but not for his father.
Mem
would have wanted to break the news herself.

He dialed the number on the paper. Someone picked up the phone on the first ring.

“Hello, Jathan? Is it you?” His mother sounded a million miles away.

“
Ja, Mem
. It’s me. Is something —” He couldn’t get his words out before a wail sounded in his ear.

“Jathan, it’s yer
Dat
. He — he …” More sobs.

“Let me tell him,
Mem
,” Yonnie’s voice said in the background. There was a shuffling sound and then his oldest brother cleared his throat.

“
Ja
, Jathan?”

“Yes, it’s me. What happened? What’s wrong with
Dat
?”

“They say it’s a stroke, Jathan. I found him inside the workshop, collapsed. You need to come home now, ya hear?” Yonnie’s voice was loud, and Jathan pulled the phone from his ear.

“See if you can make the next train,” Yonnie continued. “We need you now more than ever. All right?”

“
Ja
, but how is
Dat
? Is he going to be all right? How serious is it?”

More voices filtered through the phone, noises. Hospital sounds. Yonnie’s voice was distant, as if he’d pulled the phone back from his mouth and was talking to somebody else.

“Yonnie! Are you there?” Jathan raised his voice. “How is our father? Will he be all right?”

There was a slight buzzing, and then Yonnie clearing his throat again. “The doctor is here now. I must go. We’ll see you soon now?” Then there was only the click of Yonnie’s phone hanging up, followed by silence.

Jathan stood for a minute, trying to comprehend what he’d just heard. He’d spent the last few weeks thinking of how he’d write home and tell
Mem
about spending the night in the woods without worrying her much. That didn’t matter now. Nothing seemed to matter.

He rose and moved back to the house. Both Sarah and Annie stood there, watching him walk in. The food was still
on the table but everyone else was gone. Jathan guessed they’d all gone out to the barn to do evening chores together to give him privacy.

Jathan shrugged. “It’s my
Dat
. My
bruder
Yonnie said he had a stroke. That’s all I could get out of them. They’re not used to talking on the phone. There was a lot of commotion.”

“Is he in the hospital?” Annie stepped forward and took Jathan’s hand and squeezed. She sometimes acted like a mom to many of the bachelors and Jathan appreciated her in that role now more than ever.

He nodded. “
Ja
, but I don’t know fer how long. I don’t even know if he’ll —” His throat tightened as if someone were wrapping it with a thick rope. “They didn’t even tell me if he was going to make it. They want me to come home.”

He glanced at Sarah. Tears filled her eyes. “Yer leaving? When?”

“As soon as possible.”

Annie squeezed his hand harder. “Let me help you with that. I’ll make some calls and get you a driver. We can check the train schedule too.” She straightened her shoulders and looked all business again. “Why don’t we head back to the store? We can check on my computer.” She moved to the doorway.

Jathan followed Annie, and in fifteen minutes’ time, he had a driver committed to taking him to the train station in Whitefish the following morning and a train ticket to Ohio in hand.

He was leaving — really leaving — just like that.

It was dark when Jathan returned to the Shelter house. He thought he’d just walk by in case there was a light on. There was, and as he peered into the brightness through the kitchen
window, he wasn’t surprised to find Sarah baking. His mother always baked when the world around her felt out of control, as if the measurements and steps put a sense of order in the world.

He knocked once and Sarah answered the door. When he entered, he noticed Mrs. Shelter was still awake, too, scooping peanut-butter filling into pie shells. She glanced up at him and then quickly looked down at her pie. He knew then that Sarah had told her. He could tell from Mrs. Shelter’s slumped shoulders that her heart ached for him. With a sad smile, she placed the spoon on the counter and hurried out of the kitchen, heading upstairs, giving them space.

Jathan watched as Sarah put two loaves of banana bread into the oven. “I’m baking some things — some treats fer yer ride home.”

He reached out a hand and placed it on Sarah’s shoulder. She looked disappointed. To her, he was leaving because of a family matter. To him, his father’s illness changed everything. Jathan had no choice now. He had to stay in Ohio. He had to work. He would need money right away to help. Their community, he knew, would pitch together to help cover the hospital bills, but caring for his mother and his father — in whatever condition
Dat
would be — would be up to Jathan. The factory job was the only thing that would bring in sufficient funds right away, which meant all those dreams he’d shared with Sarah … well, now none of them would ever come to be.

“I’ll write to let you know how my father is. I’m not sure when I’ll see you again …”

She nodded but said nothing, as if waiting for him to go on, to offer an invitation to follow him to Ohio. The thing was, he didn’t want her to see him like that, working in a factory. He should appreciate the fact that he could work, but to him the idea of working on machines — well, anyone could do that.
Now he had to give up on his dreams before he even had a chance to get started.

“Maybe I could come for a visit?” she finally asked.

How could he tell her no — that he didn’t want to see her? He couldn’t say it, but he had no doubt the distance between them would offer the space he needed to let their relationship die.

“
Ja
, but I’ll understand if you can’t. It is a long way. It was nice meeting you though.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he felt coarse, guilty.

Sarah stiffened and raised one eyebrow. Then with a frustrated squeak, she threw the wooden spoon into the sink and flung up her hands. Jathan jumped back, surprised.

“Jest tell me the truth. You don’t want to see me. You don’t want me to visit. Maybe there’s someone there? Perhaps you forgot that part of the story?”

“Ne!”
The word burst from Jathan’s lips, and then he said the only thing he could. “I’m jest in shock, that’s all. When I left, my
Dat
seemed strong, healthy. I —” His words caught in his throat. “I never expected this.”

Sarah’s shoulders slumped. “I’m so sorry.” She covered her face with her hands. “I don’t know what’s come over me. This isn’t about me and my loss. It’s about you. It’s about yer family.” She leaned forward and placed a hand on his arm. “We were jest getting to know each other. We were jest starting to dream.”

“You don’t understand, do you? I have to go back. I have to start that job. There will be no chance fer our dreams to come true.”

She gazed up at him, eyes wide. Her shoulders trembled, and she looked like a scared and frightened lamb.

Hug her, Jathan. Tell her you do care. It’s only been a short time, but you care even if you can’t see how things will ever work out
.

Instead, he stood there silent and motionless, holding himself back from all his heart was telling him to do.

“Please write and tell me how he is,” she said.

Jathan nodded. “Ja, I can do that.”

“Is this good-bye?” Sarah asked.

Jathan nodded again and then glanced at the clock on the wall. “I’m afraid so. I need to hurry to my cabin and pack. My driver’s picking me up at dawn.”

She puckered her lip and her chin quivered.

“None of that now. And no long good-byes.” Jathan patted Sarah’s shoulder. She stiffened under his touch.

Then, with a heavy sigh, Jathan cast Sarah one parting look and turned toward the door.

Long good-byes never do anyone any good
, he told himself. Especially when all hope of seeing Sarah again had crashed to the floor like one of
Mem
’s flowerpots, splintering into a million shards.

Any hope of romance sprouting out of the seeds of friendship they’d planted was gone. And as he walked out the front door of the Shelter home, Jathan’s heart ached for what he was leaving behind. His heart also ached for what he was sure to find at the end of a very long train ride.