The Messenger: A Novel (10 page)

“Anyway,” she said resolutely, “that’s all in the past. I want to move on with my life. I can’t just sit around being useless. I’ve been thinking about what you do, and it seems so important. I’d like to see if it’s something I could do one day, if I got training, and some experience. I’m not afraid of being around people who are sick or dying. Maybe—maybe I could even be of help to you.”

He had a dozen excuses to offer her, a dozen more ways to put her off doing this at all. But he had made the mistake of watching her face, and he had seen the longing there. He tried glancing away, only to find that Shade was staring at him, too.

He had spent too many years with the dog not to be able to read that particular look—he was being compelled. He sighed.
Apparently I’m the one trained to be obedient.

“Tyler?”

“I suppose so,” he began.

“Thank you! Oh, thank you!” She launched herself at him and held him in a fierce hug. He managed to keep his balance, at least physically, by awkwardly returning the embrace.

“You don’t know what this means to me,” she said, “but I promise—I promise!—I won’t get in your way. And if—if someone doesn’t want me to be in the room with you, then I won’t argue or say a word. I’ll—I’ll just wait in the hallway until you’re done talking with them. And—”

“All right, all right,” he said, laughing.

She leaned back in his arms, smiling up at him. Suddenly she frowned and let go of him. “Your ribs! Oh my God! Oh, did I hurt you?”

“No, not at all. I’m fine.”
Confused as hell, but fine.
He let her step back from him.

She held her head to one side. “You are, aren’t you? I mean, I don’t
feel as bad today as I thought I would after that accident, I’m just a little sore. But you—I’m kind of amazed.”

He looked away. “I’m sure it looked worse than it was. I—”

“Don’t lie to me,” she interrupted. “Please don’t.” Her smile was a little wistful as she added, “Don’t say anything to me you wouldn’t say to Shade.”

He looked down at the dog, whose tail was wagging.
What are you so all-fired happy about, Shade?

“All right,” he said aloud. “But I was going to tell you the truth. I was going to say that I heal quickly.”

“Hmm. And that’s not all there is to it, right?”

A silence stretched, then he said, “Right.” If she started asking him questions now, he would tell her the truth, the whole truth, and then—then he would have to disappear from her life. He would have to leave her, let her go on to whatever life and lovers she was destined to have without him.

He found himself especially unhappy to think about her having lovers. Even Ron. It was something like learning your girlfriend had a crush on your little brother.

His whole life was spent uprooting and reestablishing himself as need be. He knew that come what may, he would survive the loss of her.

He was so very tired of surviving losses.

Tired of surviving, period.

“Are you all right?” she asked. She was looking up at him, brows drawn together in concern. Those lovely brown eyes…

Well, maybe not so tired of surviving after all.

If he told her who he was, what he was, he was fairly sure she’d either disbelieve him or hold him in disgust. He would lose any chance of growing closer to her.

If he didn’t, well—the outcome was the same, wasn’t it?

“I’m okay,” he said. “But I have a question for you.”

She looked at him expectantly.

He screwed up his nerve and said, “You and Ron—are you—well, it’s none of my business really, but—are you—?”

She grinned. “Lovers? No. I suppose a lot of people assume we are, but no. We’re close friends. I don’t think I could love a brother more than I love Ron, but long ago we figured out that we never wanted to date. As I told Alex, it’s always been more like a brother-sister thing.”

“Oh,” he said, and found himself grinning, too. “Well, thank you. Shall we go?”

“All right, but don’t think I’m giving up.”

“Giving up?”

“On getting answers to
my
questions.”

She turned and walked toward the van.

She stumbled over something along the way, caught her balance, and moved on.

Ron had told him that everyone knew she was a klutz, but maybe people watched the wrong set of movements when they watched Amanda.

It was in that moment after she stumbled, he thought, that you could see her at her best. An elegance in the way she recovered her balance, her style of moving on. It required something more than mere grace.

He smiled to himself and followed her.

T
wo conditions,” Tyler said, just before they entered Benecia Wright’s room at the hospice. “First, if they object, no argument, you wait for me in the hallway.”

“Of course,” Amanda said.

“Second, you respect both the Wrights and me, and keep whatever you see or hear completely confidential.”

“I promise I will.”

Tyler sighed. “I hope this isn’t the second stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

“What took first prize?”

“I’ll tell you another day, perhaps. Right now, we’re in something of a hurry.” He went inside the room.

Benecia’s husband, Larry, was distracted with grief, and seemed not to notice that Tyler had brought Amanda with him. Still, Tyler asked if he objected to her presence, and was quickly assured that he didn’t mind.

“I’ve been so worried that you wouldn’t make it in time.” Larry drew a shaky breath. “She’s fading.”

Tyler saw this was true. A former bartender and chain-smoker, she had been losing her battle with cancer for several months now.

“I just want to tell her,” Larry said, choking on his tears, “that she’s the only one I love. Ever loved. And—to ask her forgiveness.”

Tyler sat at the other side of the bed and lifted one of Benecia’s dry, frail hands.
I like her,
he heard Benecia say, from somewhere in her mind.

Who?

Your young woman. She’s the answer to your prayers.

He shifted uneasily.
Not my young woman. Now. Benecia—

Well, you should do something about that, you fool. And you’re old enough to know better.
Tyler was the only one in the room who heard her raucous laugh.

I was under the impression that you might have something to say to Larry?

He heard her laugh again.
All right, here we go.

“Larry, you dumb son of a bitch,” he said aloud.

Far from being offended by this form of address, Larry sat up straight and said, “Benny?”

“Yes, honey. Don’t you know I forgave you all that long ago? I know I’m the only one who’s ever really held your heart, no matter who else got hold of that big—well, there’s a young lady present, so I’ll just say, no matter who got hold of anything else of yours.”

“It’s true, Benny. You’re the only one I’ve loved. But—I just wish we had more time together!”

“You make the most of whatever time you’ve got, Larry. Nobody has forever, not even this couple who are helping us out now. You find another woman, that’s okay by me, Larry. You’re not a man who should be alone. You’ll be a good husband to the next one, I know.”

“I want you, Benny! Nobody else.”

“I’m touched by that, honest to God, I am. You’re the only one I wanted, honey. But it’s nearly time for me to go, and that’s that. Now, listen up. You called Sarah home from college, right?”

“She’ll be here any minute now.”

“I’ll wait for her—that’s about all I’ll be able to do. But you bury me, then send her right back to school—you got that? She’ll want to stay around and take care of you, and don’t you let her. You tell her it was my dying wish that she get that degree, okay? Promise me.”

He promised.

“Well, good. I love you, Lar-Bear.”

“Benny! Don’t leave me!”

“Don’t be silly. I can’t stick around and you know it. But I’ll be waiting for you. Now, you let Tyler and his friend leave us, so we can have a few minutes together before Sarah gets here, okay?”

Tyler said a silent good-bye to Benecia, who told him he would be busy with other matters for a week or two, and would know when and where he would next be needed. She then urged him not to waste time.
You may not have as much of it as you think you have, Tyler Hawthorne.

He tried to ask her what she meant by that, but she told him he wasn’t so stupid he couldn’t figure it out, and that while she was much obliged to him for his help, she wanted to spend what little time
she
had left with the people she loved.

He let go of her hand.

A
manda was sitting silently in a corner of the room, not moving. No telling what she was thinking, but his guess was that she was in something like a state of shock. He walked over to her and whispered, “Are you all right?”

She nodded, but looked back and forth between him and the woman in the bed.

He held out his hand in mute invitation, and she took it in hers, seeming relieved by his touch. She allowed him to lead her from the room.

He didn’t let go, not as they walked down the hallway, down the stairs, out of the building, across the parking lot—toward the far corner of the lot, where he had left the van in a shady spot. Every step along the way, he waited for her to say something or to pull away from him. She did neither. She seemed content to be holding his hand, but her brows were drawn together in thought.

He was afraid to speak first, afraid whatever half-cast spell they were under would be broken.

There had been a time, he knew, when two unmarried persons of the opposite sex, walking hand in hand without chaperonage, might have been—to say the least—frowned upon. Things were not so now.

There had also been a time, not too long ago, when couples “went steady” and often walked hand in hand. That, too, had changed. In some
ways, holding hands was more serious now than it had been a generation or so ago.

In this time, in this place, with this woman—what did it mean to her?

What did it mean to him?

A desire to be connected to her. To trust and be trusted. To…see where this would lead.

She might not feel any of that. Still, he held on, acknowledging to himself that he was so absorbed in savoring the contact, he was having trouble thinking straight…

When they reached the van, she let go. He tried not to let his disappointment show. He said, “There’s an open lot just beyond these trees. Do you mind if I let Shade stretch his legs a bit before we leave?”

“No, that’s fine.” Shade was let out and the van locked. They stood together beneath the trees and watched the dog romp through the grass.

Amanda said, “Just tell me it’s not a trick.”

“A trick? Oh—you mean, what happened with Benecia?”

“Yes. I can’t imagine that you’re the kind of person who would intentionally try to fool her husband, even in the name of giving him comfort. But—”

“I see. You’re worried that I only pretended to have some ability to communicate with her.”

“I don’t mean to hurt you or offend you,” she said quickly. “I—I just can’t exactly figure out what happened in there.”

He smiled. “You haven’t hurt me. I’m glad you’re skeptical. Let’s see. I could have picked up the information about her daughter from the nursing staff or Larry, or even another patient. And, as you mentioned, I could have been saying what I thought he wanted to hear.”

“I don’t think you would do that,” she repeated.

“Con artists specialize in finding the weakness in another person, and having that other person practically exploit himself or herself. Who could be more vulnerable than the guilt-ridden husband of a dying woman, eh?”

“How on earth would you have known he had fooled around with other women?”

“Oh, if I simply guessed at it, the odds would be in my favor where adult males are concerned.”

She digested that thought in silence. Shade came back to them, lying down in the grass near their feet.

“About those adult males,” she asked. “Would you be in the minority?”

He smiled. “I’ve never married.”

“Okay. But you’re good looking and rich and—so, are you a player?”

“If I said I once was, but I haven’t been for a long, long time, you’d take my word for it?”

She laughed. “I see your point.” She paused, then said, “But I would take your word for it.”

“Why?”

“Well, I guess Rebecca taught me a few things.”

That didn’t sound good. He said carefully, “She’s experienced, I suppose.”

“Very. In some ways. Not so much in others.”

“‘Not so much’ how?”

She frowned, as if puzzling out how to explain it. “Take trust, for example. She has almost none. She’s really cynical. You can be taken in with cynicism, you know.” She looked up at him. “It can make you fail to trust the people you should. You never get anywhere in life that way.”

“No,” he said in a tone of wonder, “I don’t suppose you do.”

“It’s kind of the irony about being a trust funder—most of the people who live off trusts stop trusting.”

“For understandable reasons.”

“Maybe. In the end, I suppose that’s the worst thing a con artist does to people—makes them afraid to trust other people, and their own judgment. Rebecca has known a lot of con artists of…a certain type.”

He thought over what she had said. He wouldn’t have guessed her to have made such a study of her cousin, nor to have been so sympathetic to her.

“So,” she said, “if you think you can trust me, tell me what went on with Benecia.”

“It’s not easy to explain. The truth is, I’ve never really talked about it much.”

He was silent for a long time. She waited.

“It’s a gift, you might say.”
Although I did pay for it,
he thought bitterly. “You talked earlier about usefulness? This is my one bit of usefulness in this world. It’s a little complicated, but basically, if I’m near someone who is dying, who is close to breathing his or her last breaths, sometimes I can help that person communicate with loved ones.”

“Wow.” She took a deep breath. “Wow,” she said again. “But, is it sad for you? I mean, being with someone so—so intimately, and then letting them go?”

“Sometimes, yes, brief though our acquaintance may be. I have met some remarkable people over the years. And I’m fortunate in that I seem to be called to help those who are ready for death—I’m just there to settle some matter for them before they let go.”

“So, are you a mind reader?” she asked uneasily.

He smiled. “No. I have only that one connection, for that brief time. Your thoughts are safe from me, Amanda.”

“I’m not so sure that’s true,” she muttered.

“Believe me, in the short time I’ve known you, there have been many times when I would have loved to know what you were thinking.”

She blushed.

“Take now, for instance,” he said, and her blush deepened.

“So, if you aren’t a mind reader, what do you call this? Are you a psychic?”

“No. I don’t think of myself as a mind reader or a psychic. It’s not ESP.”

“What do other people who do what you do call themselves?”

“I’ve only met two other people who did this. One gave it up completely. The other has been dead for many years. The one who died—he never gave me a name for it. I’ve read some old folktales that indicate there are others…in my situation, let’s say. They’ve been known by various names. The rare English texts on the subject refer to us as the Messengers. If there is an ‘us,’ that is. I suspect I am the last of them. I’ve searched for others, to no avail.”

They heard a car park nearby.

“If you don’t mind,” Tyler said, “could we talk more about this at home? I’d rather not be overheard.”

“Sure,” she said, and they walked back to the van.

He put Shade in the back and was just moving to open Amanda’s door for her when the dog began growling.

Amanda’s face went pale.

“Don’t worry,” Tyler said quickly. “He’s not growling at you. But I wonder what’s bothering him?”

He stood still, listening. Shade continued to growl.

“Wait in the van for me,” he said.

“I don’t think so,” Amanda said, and stepped behind him.

She followed him as he moved cautiously around the van. A silver Lexus was parked in the next stall. He had seen it before, he was sure.

Behind him, Tyler heard Amanda draw in a sharp breath. “That’s Brad’s—”

Tyler turned to see that her speech had been cut off by an arm wrapped around her throat.

Brad held a knife in the other hand and was aiming its tip at her heart. He pulled her back a few paces. Despite his weapon and hostage, his eyes were wide and fearful. His face was bruised and scraped, as were his hands. He looked as if someone had beaten the hell out of him.

Tyler tried to slow his own breathing, held his hands open and out at his sides. He looked at Amanda’s terrified face and did his best to communicate to her that he would not let harm come to her. How he was to ensure that, he had no idea, but he knew they had to try to be calm, to get Brad to calm down.

“You don’t want to hurt Amanda, Brad,” he said in a low, steady voice.

“We’re going to go for a ride in my car, Tyler,” Brad said, pulling Amanda harder against him.

“All right. But Amanda can stay here.”

“No. Amanda, reach into my left pocket and get my keys.”

She did as he said.

“Now press the button to open the trunk.”

She did.

“Hawthorne,” he said, “get in the trunk.”

Before Tyler could respond, Amanda hit a second button on the keys, setting off the car alarm.

“No!” Brad screamed, and grabbed the keys from her. He shoved her to the ground as he hit the button to cancel the alarm.

Tyler launched himself toward Brad. Brad slashed with the knife, and Tyler felt a sharp sting along his ribs as he knocked Brad over. Brad struck his head against the van as he fell, and dropped both knife and keys as he landed in a stunned heap.

Tyler picked up the weapon and keys and stood up quickly. He moved toward Amanda. “Are you all right?”

“Yes.”

As he reached toward her, to help her to her feet, her eyes widened. “You’re bleeding!”

He looked down at his side, pulled his torn shirt away. “Caught the tip of the knife. Just a scratch.”

“It looks deeper than a scratch to me.”

“Hmm. The bleeding has nearly stopped, see?” As she stood, he looked her over more carefully. “You’re hurt.”

“Just scraped up a little.” She was staring uneasily at Brad, who moaned. “Is he going to try that again?”

“I doubt it, but let’s get him into the van and take him to the house.”

“You’re willing to take him to your house after that?”

“Take a look at him,” he said, stooping back down next to Brad.

Brad’s gaze was unfocused. All the fight seemed to have gone out of him.

“Who hurt you, Brad?” Tyler asked gently.

Brad closed his eyes and moaned. He curled into a ball.

Amanda, still wary, came closer.

“He’s in need of a doctor,” Tyler said, “but I don’t think your family would like the police involvement and publicity we’d get if we took him into the hospice to ask for help.”

“Brad, what got into you?” Amanda said. She turned to Tyler. “Why was he trying to do that to us? I mean—he’s Bradley! He never even got into fistfights as a kid. And—look at him!”

“Yes. We’ll have to try to ask him about all of that later. I don’t think he’s himself right now.”

Tyler coaxed Brad to his feet and helped him to the van’s side door. Brad opened his eyes but seemed disoriented.

“Is he drugged?” Amanda asked.

“It seems so. Are you still feeling afraid of Shade?”

“No. Sorry. He was obviously trying to warn us.”

“He does have a fierce growl. But I promise he won’t harm you. If you’ll open the door, I’ll settle Brad in back.”

She did so, and although Shade sniffed all three of them, he did not growl or attempt to bite Brad.

Brad, becoming aware of Shade, made a whimpering sound and cowered away from him.

“It’s all right,” Tyler said. “You’ll be all right.”

“He’ll kill me!” Brad said.

“No, he won’t harm you. He’s really a gentle dog—provided you aren’t trying to harm me.”

Brad looked between Tyler and the dog and Amanda. He suddenly burst into tears. “Amanda! I didn’t mean it.”

“I know, Brad.”

He began to weep harder. “I’m so scared!”

“Everything will be all right, Brad,” Tyler said. “I promise you. I’ll keep you safe.”

“Can you? Can anyone?”

“Yes.”

“I’m so tired. Scared and tired.”

“It’s all right. You don’t need to talk now, just rest, okay?”

“He’ll kill me,” Brad murmured again and lay down and closed his eyes.