The Middle Child (10 page)

     Another thud caught her in the small of her back. 

     "Jess, I’m not joking.  Stop it right now."

    
"Won’t," she said, kicking out again.

    
"Jess, so help me I’ll smack your bottom once we get out of this car."

    
"Stop it," Lucy said, tapping Jess’s left leg lightly.

     Jess ignored her and did it again.  Catherine realised that she was playing into Jess’s hands by reacting.  She clenched her jaws and ignored the blows to her back hoping the child would get bored.

     "Why don’t you colour a picture?" Catherine suggested when the blows continued to land.

     Lucy reached for the books from the bag of toys that Catherine had packed to keep them quiet.  She passed one to Jess before opening a page and beginning to colour a picture.

     Jess threw the book on the floor and used the crayons to daub marks onto the upholstery of the back seat.

    
"What on earth are you doing?" Catherine screamed, viewing Jess’s antics through the mirror.

     Jess met her eyes in the mirror.

     "Doing what you said, Mummy.  I'm colouring a picture."

Chapter 10 – Alex

     Ker chunk, ker chunk, ker chunk.  Alex tried to focus on the sounds of the train but Jay's face wouldn't leave her mind. 

     It had been a week since she'd seen him, since he’d walked away from her.  She remembered little of the four days that had followed but on the fifth day she’d woken up with a sick feeling of regret in her stomach.  During that brief period of lucidity she had replayed their conversation over and over again like rewinding the part of a movie that you just don't understand.  She kept pausing on the section Jay had insisted that she needed help. 

     During day four she had resolved to go and have it out with him.  How dare he say such things to her?  Who the hell was he to tell her how to live her life?  She'd proved his accusations wrong when she'd waited until 8 o clock before having a drink.  The first two she remembered toasting to her absent friend and again, two days later she could recall little else.

     But today she had determined that she would not have a drink.  Today, she had planned to clean the flat and seek forgiveness for her absence from her boss.  But then she’d had the call.  Somehow, as the ringing had punctuated her consciousness she had known it was Beth and despite repeated protestations that she wanted nothing from the house, Beth had begged her to come and take a look.

     Alex sighed again and all will to resist temptation disappeared.  She headed for the buffet car and bought two cans of lager.  The circle on the first can pinged with satisfaction.  She took a slug that ended halfway down the can.  She sat back aware that the trembling in her fingers was beginning to abate.  Her stomach broke loose of the knots that had been tightening inside her.  Her muscles began to relax.

     It was a difficult day today, she reasoned.  It was no problem.  She’d stop drinking tomorrow.

     The second can kept her company until she disembarked at Cradley Heath station.  A smoke accompanied her to the street but as she turned the corner her stomach lurched.

     Fuck, she wished she'd never agreed to this.  Why had she?  She knew why.  Beth had asked her.  Beth.  And the guilt for Beth’s life would never leave her.

     She smiled wryly as she spotted Catherine’s car outside the house.  It’s bright, shiny newness glared it’s exclusion in the narrow, dingy street.

     Alex knocked the door, already eager for the moment she’d be leaving the house.  Damn the Sunday service trains.  The first one back into Birmingham was two hours away.

     Beth opened the door and hugged her tightly.  Alex accepted the embrace but made no move to return it.  If Beth noticed she didn’t comment.

     "Oh, I’m so pleased you’re here.  Catherine has brought the girls."

     Alex nodded, unsure if she was expected to whip pom-poms from behind her back and perform some sort of dance.  It meant nothing.  Her nieces were as alien to her as their mother.

     Alex followed Beth through to the lounge, beyond the front room.  As she travelled deeper into the house her senses were assaulted by the aroma of cooking.  It was a mixture of smells that she remembered.  A cheap cut of fatty belly draft, mixed with the sickly smell of cabbage and water-logged sprouts.  The stench made her want to heave, so synonymous with her childhood.  For a brief second she felt like she was a child again.  Fear filled her stomach and her knees weakened. 

     Two girls sat in front of the fire, with colouring books and anxious expressions. 

     Alex’s knees began to buckle.  She was back.  She was a child again and she was trapped in this house unable to get away.  Any minute her mother…

    
"Alex, are you okay?" Beth asked from the other side of the room.

     Alex tore her gaze from the girls on the floor.  She focused on Beth who was looking at her anxiously.  Her vision cleared and her eyes rested on Catherine, the adult Catherine, who was staring fixedly out of the window.  Safety rested around her as she lowered herself onto the single chair.

     "I’ll make some tea," Beth said, leaving the room.

     Alex felt an awkwardness sweep into the room.  It was one she’d felt at parties when the mutual friend suddenly went to the toilet.

     "So, lunch is provided in this madhouse?"

     Catherine shrugged. 
"Just be polite, Alex.  It won’t kill you.  She’s trying to make an effort."

    
"An effort for what?  I don’t want any of the old bitch’s things, do you?"

    
"Alex." Catherine said warningly, indicating the children with her eyes.

     Alex rolled her eyes.  She was sure the girls had heard worse in the school playground.

     "Bitch is a naughty word," the fair-haired one whispered without looking up.

    
"Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch," the other one cried, looking directly at Alex with a devilish glint in her eye.  Alex hid a smile.  She could quite get to like that one.

    
"Thanks Alex," Catherine said, shooting daggers in her direction.  "That’s Jess by the way.  The other one is Lucy."

    
"I’m so pleased that you’re both here," Beth said, placing the tea set onto the coffee table that was the only new addition to the room.  "Mother would be so pleased."

    
"Of course she would," Catherine said, quickly, sending a glance over Beth’s head in her direction.

     Alex gritted her teeth, unable to believe that the charade was continuing.  On what level did Catherine think it was healthy to aid Beth in her complete denial of their mother’s saintliness.  It was obscene.  All of this was obscene.  The three of them drinking tea in the house that had been a loveless, soulless prison for their entire childhood. 

     There was Catherine sitting with her back straight and her legs crossed, her children sitting on the floor.  How could she bring her own girls into the house that still breathed with hatred.  Her very stance said that she was poised to escape at the earliest opportunity. 

     And Alex herself had not bothered to remove her jacket.

     Beth handed out tea and then juice to the girls.  Silence reverberated around the room.  Alex noticed that the child called Lucy kept her head down focusing on her picture, whereas Jess studied them all one by one.

    
"I sorted through Mother’s jewellery.  There’s not much.  A couple of nice pieces.  She’d have loved you to have them."

    
"Beth, you should keep it," Catherine said, gently.  "You took care of her for all these years.  She’d want you to have them."

     Beth shook her head. 
"She didn’t talk much towards the end but she would have liked to see both of you."

     There was no accusation in the words, just a deep sadness as though Beth regretted the time they had both missed with their mother.

     Catherine stared into the fire.  "Honestly, Beth, you should keep…"

    
"Let me go and get them and you can choose whichever piece you’d like."

     Beth tore from the room

     "This is not healthy.  She’s living in cloud cuckoo land and you’re helping her furnish the house."

    
"What do you suppose I do?" Catherine hissed at her.  She looked at her daughters.  "Lucy, take Jess and play outside for a while."

     Lucy stood but Jess remained sitting. 
"It’s cold outside."

    
"Just go Jess.  Your coat is in the kitchen."

    
"Don’t wanna go," she said stubbornly.

    
"Jess, I’m warning you…"

    
"Come on, Jess," Lucy said, offering her hand and guiding her sister out of the room.

     An inexplicable feeling of sadness washed over Alex and she had no idea why.

      "Do you wonder at the reasons why Beth can’t remember?" Catherine hissed.     

    
"She’s blocked it out but it’s not healthy.  She thinks our mother was a warm loving woman who wanted us to have her jewellery and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep my mouth shut."

    
"You’ll keep your mouth shut until you’re out of this house.  The memories will come back when she’s strong enough to handle them.  It’ll be hard enough for her then.  She can do without the knowledge being forced upon her.  So just zip it."

     A memory surfaced of Catherine speaking to her in a similar manner when they were children.  With the memory came a flash of anger that Alex couldn’t control.

     "Don’t tell me what to do.  You gave up that right when you ran away and left us."

     Catherine paled before her eyes. 
"Is that what you think?"

    
"Don’t give me that," Alex growled, finding solace in he rage.  It was a tangible emotion that strengthened her.  "The first chance you got you legged it with no thought of leaving us behind.  You didn’t give two shits about what happened to us just as long as you were okay."

    
"It was the hardest time of my…"

    
"Bollocks, Catherine.  Tell that to your fancy colleagues with their nice posh cars and their fancy houses.  Oh yes, Catherine, it sure looks like you’ve suffered."

    
"I was forced to…"

    
"Just remember," Alex spat, unwilling to listen to anything Catherine had to say.  "Just remember that you’re partly responsible for the state that Beth’s in today.  If you hadn’t left us when…"

    
"I had no choice, Alex.  I never had chance..."

    
"Don't you remember how mother's punishment worked?" Alex spat.  "You fucked off and guess what, it didn't turn into fucking Disneyland."

    
"Of course I remember.  I remember when it changed."

     Alex closed her eyes and shook her head, battling to keep the memory away.  But it was no use.

     Suddenly she saw herself gasping for breath as she ran home from school.  She'd known what would be waiting for her when she got home.  Her mother had said no more netball but Miss Totney had asked her to play.  Miss Totney had wanted
her
to play goal attack.

     Her  legs faltered as she approached the house but she forced them to carry her forward.  Maybe if she wasn’t too late her mother would be content with a tongue-lashing.  Especially if she could see the effort that Alex had put into getting home quickly.

     She entered the semi-darkness of the covered entry between the two houses.  Her breath caught in her throat as a dark figure loomed before her.

     
"So, you little bitch, you’re finally here,"  her mother said as Alex felt her arm being yanked and her feet leaving the ground.

    
"I’m sorry…I just played…."

     Alex felt the stinging slap around her face.  The thick wedding band pierced her skin, close to the eye.  The area began to swell immediately.

     She tried to steady herself on the ground but she was being pulled up the entry into the house.  The fatigue in her legs won out and she toppled to her knees.  They scraped painfully against the brick floor, grazing her flesh.

     Her mother dragged her into the lounge where Catherine and Beth sat on the sofa, with pained expressions.  Any hope of a
reduced punishment dissolved.  Alex knew that her sisters had been assembled to witness the beating to teach them all a lesson.

     She was deposited in front of the fire and her mother stood before her.

     "So, you ignore everything I fucking say?"

     Alex shook her head, miserably.  Her face was stinging from the blow and her knees were raw and painful.

      "You ignored me when I told you there was no more netball practice."

    
"But I…"

    
"I don’t give a shit what you’ve got to say.  I said you couldn’t and you chose to disobey me."

     Alex said nothing.  She was resigned to the fact that she was not going to get off lightly.  She attempted to brace her body for the impact.  The last thing she saw before she closed her eyes was the fear on the faces of her sisters.

      Waiting for the first blow was always the worst part.  Once the pain started she could almost lose herself in it, aware that she was just waiting for it to end.  The
waiting became unbearable, the fear rising in her stomach, making it hard for her to breathe.

     Alex suspected that this was just another of her mother’s cruel games.  Prolonging the terror for as long as she could but when Alex opened one eye tentatively her mother was regarding her with a puzzled look.

     "You expected this, didn’t you, you devious little bitch?"

     Alex shook her head.

     Her mother nodded knowingly.  "Oh yes you did.  You knew what would happen to you if you disobeyed me but you did it anyway."

    
"No…I didn’t…"