“
You dare to threaten me?” he demanded, leaning his hands hard
into the wood of his desk. His mouth contorted back into its usual
sneer, but his eyes were too shocked to comply.
“
Yes I do,” I spat angrily, “because you're a cold, nasty man
who's horrible to me. Perhaps this will help you to change.” It was
satisfying to be the disapproving one in the conversation for
once.
Bickerstaff’s
chest rose and fell a few times as he huffed. He looked at me, then
away again, and then back again until eventually he dropped himself
into his chair, running one hand through his hair that messed up
its slick, smart look.
“
I suppose Blod told you?” he asked, looking at his
desk.
“
Of course not,” I scoffed, red hot anger making sweat pool at
the back of my neck, “She hates me.”
Bickerstaff
snapped his head up again at that, his brows crashing down to hood
his eyes. “Then how do you know?” he pressed.
“
That’s my business,” I said, borrowing the smug smile he
usually wore.
The doctor
pointed at me wordlessly for a moment then slammed a fist down on
his desk that made his pencils rattle off the table. I flinched; my
breath was hot and furious still.
“
You kids,” Bickerstaff spat venomously, “you think you know
everything at fifteen, don't you? Think you can control the world
around you. Well this kind of behaviour gets people hurt, young
lady, I hope you mark that.”
I wanted to
shout at him, to answer him back with the same poisonous tone he
was using, but the heat and the sweat and the pain from leaning on
the crutches was suddenly too much. I had been standing for
minutes, too many minutes taking all the strain of my tired limbs.
I looked down to my aching arms, feeling my face turn clammy with a
sheen of hot sweat. My eyes widened in horror at the salmon
coloured rash all over my forearm, creeping up under the sleeve of
my blouse. I looked down at my unstockinged legs, seeing the same
hideous orange-pink blotches breaking out on my feet and
ankles.
Bickerstaff
was out of his chair and saying something about my face. I felt his
arm close around me and heard the heavy wooden crutches fall away,
but my vision was turning slowly black. I could smell the clean,
soapy scent of the doctor’s hands as one came up to feel my head,
slipping all over it because I was caked in the salty water rapidly
seeping from my skin. I knew for just one moment that the fever had
returned before everything went black.
***
I had a
horrible feeling that Doctor Bickerstaff might be sitting at my
bedside when I was next conscious, so I was both surprised and
relieved to find Bampi Idrys asleep in a chair when I managed to
turn over in my bed at Ty Gwyn. The clock face told me it was six,
but the light outside would not give way to it being either morning
or evening and I had no way of telling what day it was either. The
only solution to that would be to wake Idrys, which felt too cruel
as I watched the gingery-grey farmer blow a bubble on his sleepy
lip. Instead, I shuffled onto my back again and assessed my aching
body. My mind felt clear, and though I knew it wasn’t a good idea
given the fever, I shut my eyes and raised my palms up over my
face.
Henri?
Everything
was black for a moment before Henri’s eyes opened. He was staring
up at a cloudy morning sky, the shadow of a pinky-blue hue lurking
behind the heavy clouds. He groaned loudly, rubbing his face.
“
Kit? Did I hear you?” he whispered.
You were asleep,
I said
guiltily.
“
Of course I was,” Henri added, clearing his throat, “It’s
seven in the morning, and I have no job.”
And no home by the looks of it,
I
observed,
Where on earth are
you?
Henri
answered my question as he sat up, showing me a series of great
leafy trees, stone paths and benches. He was in a cold, empty park,
lying on a hard wooden bench. Henri shivered against the morning
breeze as he pulled a big overcoat out from under him and wrapped
himself up.
“
Thank God it’s nearly summertime,” he breathed.
What day is it?
I asked
him.
“
Wednesday,” he replied, “Do you not know?”
I’ve been…
ill. I’ve been asleep a lot.
“
Are you all right now?” I appreciated the concern in his
lovely deep voice.
I’m over the worst of it,
I
answered, hoping that was true. I still couldn’t decide if it was
the strain of the crutches or the argument with Bickerstaff that
had set me off. Either way I intended to avoid both for as long as
possible now.
That suspicion I had about
the doctor and Blod and the baby? It was true, by the way. The
doctor knows that I know; he’s furious about it.
“
You spend a lot of time with this doctor,” Henri observed, “I
think there’s something you’re not telling me.”
He got up and
walked in his scuffed shoes along the stone path, looking out into
the park that was slowly filling with people; some of them were
soldiers passing through. I thought for a while about what I ought
to tell Henri. It felt wrong to keep things from him when I could
just invade his head whenever I felt like it. He passed a few
people then ducked off the path down to a lovely little pond
covered in algae. Henri sat down alone in the reeds, plucking one
off and running it between his smooth fingers several times.
All right then,
I began,
here’s some things you don’t know about
me.
I have reddish-brown hair, blue eyes
and very white skin because I’m hardly ever out in the sun. I can’t
walk. Well, I can walk a tiny bit, but not enough to go out alone.
I have to push myself around in a wheelchair.
“
That makes sense,” Henri said, surprising me with his casual
tone. I didn’t feel even a fleck of disappointment in his body that
I was crippled up in a chair. “You always seem to be indoors with
everything you tell me about. Now I know why.” We were silent a
moment at the little pond, I felt a cool relief sweeping over me.
“This doctor, what does he do for you?”
He’s teaching
me to walk again… well, maybe. I’m not certain that I can.
“
I thought you said he was horrible?” Henri pressed, “That
sounds very noble to me.”
You haven’t met him,
I countered.
Henri chuckled.
“
Your illness,” he began in a softer tone, “Does it give you
pain?”
Yes.
I felt his chest ache right in
the centre.
“
I’m sorry for that,” he whispered.
Me too,
I replied,
but it’s been more than three years now, you get
used to some of the pain over time.
Silence fell
once more between us. Henri grew nervous, fumbling with the reed in
his fingers until it slipped and swayed gently to the ground
between his legs. He rubbed the dirty knees of his trousers
thoughtfully and then let out a sigh.
“
I have decided what to do, now that I’ve no work to keep me
here,” he said in a much more shaky tone.
What?
I asked
impatiently.
“
I met some other young men last night,” Henri explained,
blinking down at the dewy foliage he was sat on, “They’re going to
escape from the city and travel north into the
mountains.”
I didn’t like the sound of that; surely the icy mountains
were far more dangerous than the Germans?
But why?
I asked.
Why would you go north?
“
Because boats have been arranged,” Henri answered, his voice
now a nervous low whisper, “There are boats to bring men to
Scotland, men who want to join the British Army and
fight.”
You’re coming here?
I couldn’t hide
the excitement in my voice, but then I realised the risk in what he
was doing. Crossing the North Sea would be a harrowing task, and
that was if he made it out of Oslo at all without the Germans
catching him.
Henri, isn’t this all too
dangerous?
He waved his
hand. “Everything is settled. I leave tonight.”
***
I stayed as
long as I could with Henri before the cold shiver in my spine told
me it was time to come back to my own head. He wouldn’t explain his
escape plan since he was sitting in such a public place, but he
told me the time that he was due to leave and I promised I would
return to give him courage. It would be the middle of the night
here, there was no reason I couldn’t do it, even if I knew I’d feel
awful the morning after. As I opened my eyes back at Ty Gwyn I was
filled with excitement and dread in equal measure. I knew by
Henri’s watch that it was nearly nine here now, so I didn’t bother
with the clock.
Idrys was
awake and watching me thoughtfully under his bushy brows. It made
me jump when I realised he was still there and I winced with the
sharp pain that shockwaved through me when I saw him. He scratched
his bearded chin at me, smiling but with something serious in his
eyes. I tried to rub my eyes, feigning sleep although I had
actually been awake for hours.
“
You do that a lot, you know,” Idrys began, and to my horror
he mimicked my motion where I placed my hands over my eyes when I
let my mind travel. “I’ve seen you a few times in the sitting room,
doing that, when you think no-one’s come in the room.” I swallowed
dryly, but said nothing. “I asked Leighton about it the other day,”
the old farmer continued, “but he just told me you get funny
headaches.”
“
I, um,” I stammered. I didn’t know what to say, the old man
was looking at me in a whimsical sort of way, like he had yet more
words ready to fall from his lips.
“
The funny thing is,” he added, leaning forward, “I used to
know someone else who did that with his hands and his eyes. That
fella I was telling you about in the army, the psychic
spy.”
I felt like
Bickerstaff had when I told him what I knew, helpless and shocked
and angry that my secret was out. But like the doctor I had no
power to deny it; no words would come to find a good excuse. Idrys
knew. He already believed that people like me were possible; there
was no way I could talk him out of that.
“
You moved your lips, you know,” he said amusedly, “like you
were talking to someone.”
“
I was,” I replied, stunned.
“
Who?” Idrys asked.
His old face
was kind and curious. A weight that had been resting on me for a
very long time suddenly disappeared. I took a very deep breath and
told him everything.
I stayed sat
up in my bed all that day. The horrible Doctor Bickerstaff had not
come to see me, but he had commanded three days’ rest until the
fever was definitely gone. I had slept through one and half of
those days already, but Mam insisted on sticking to his word. I
wondered if she would be so eager to please him if she knew about
him and Blod, but any part of me that wanted to spill the beans on
him was overshadowed by how much I cared for Mam. It would surely
have broken her heart to know that Ness’s father was the surly
doctor living just over the hill.
Idrys left
after breakfast to sort a few things out with the farm boys, but he
promised he would return in the evening to advise me on Henri’s
escape. He said if I was going to be there, then maybe I could take
some old military tips with me and be useful. Being useful to Henri
was exactly the plan, so I was keen for him to get back. I tried to
sleep a little but I was too worried to really relax even though I
needed to build up my strength. I had just about drifted off when a
great clattering and slamming of my bedroom door told me that Blod
had arrived in her usual carefree style.
“
Come on you, lunch,” she ordered.
It took my
weak limbs a little while to obey me and organise my body back into
a sitting position. Blod huffed out her breaths as she stood with
my lunch tray, tapping one of her heeled feet to a slow rhythm on
the threadbare carpet. The very second that I looked like I was
sitting right she dumped the tray over my lap so that soup dribbled
out over one edge of the bowl. I righted it quickly, biting back my
annoyance as my oh-so-gracious maid turned to go. A wicked thought
hit me when she got to the door.
“
Blod.”