The Missing Husband (17 page)

‘I don’t have the answers, Jo. I wish I did.’

Jo shot Steve a look but he wouldn’t hold her gaze. ‘Don’t you?’ she snapped. ‘You changed your story pretty fast when it came time to speaking to the police! What convinced you that David might have left me? Have you seen him, Steve? Have you heard from him?’

Fragments of glass were ground further into the floor as Steve shifted from one foot to the other. ‘I promise you I’ve not seen or heard a thing,’ he said. ‘If you’d told me straight off that he’d taken his passport, Jo, I might have thought differently from the start. It’s pretty damning evidence that he planned to leave, don’t you think? He was finding it hard getting his head around having this baby, and you know how obsessed he was about seeing the world.’

Jo shook her head, trying to make sense of a problem she had tackled a thousand times in the last three weeks.

‘He’s probably on one last jaunt but he will come back, just give him time,’ Steve added. ‘And until then, I’m here for you, whenever you need me. We all are.’

‘I’m not sure your mum would agree. I don’t think she’s forgiven me for my little outburst the other day.’

‘She’s not used to David being the black sheep of the family and she’s struggling to hear anything bad said against him. And she needs her remaining family around her now more than ever. So do you, Jo, especially if David doesn’t show up by the time the baby arrives.’

She squeezed her eyes shut so she didn’t have to face the future. When that didn’t work she opened them again to find Steve watching her. ‘You can do this,’ he said.

Jo was shaking her head as she sat back down on the sofa. ‘I wish I had your faith. The truth is that I’m not going to be able to make ends meet when there’s another mouth to feed. I don’t have access to the little money that’s left in David’s account and my savings won’t go far.’ Jo brought herself up short, aware she was focusing on the finances as if David’s value in her life had only been a monetary one.

‘Have the police frozen his account then?’

‘Not at all,’ Jo said with a laugh that held traces of her previous hysteria. ‘There’s no sign of foul play so all of his accounts and assets remain his for the taking. I’m sure they think he’s holed up with another woman somewhere. Maybe he is. Maybe they’ve run away together.’ She looked to Steve again for hints of deceit. He was so similar in looks to David that it hurt. She had assumed that was where the similarities had ended but now she wasn’t so sure. How ironic that the irresponsible, undependable brother should be the one who had remained by her side.

‘If he’d been up to anything like that then I’d know about it. He wasn’t, Jo.’

‘And you don’t know why he would withdraw so much money?’

Steve was shaking his head as Lauren reappeared at the door. She handed her aunt a cup of tea that was no doubt strong and sweet.

‘Sorry if I scared you, Lauren,’ Jo said softly.

‘Again,’ Lauren added. ‘It wasn’t the kind of firework display I was expecting, that’s for sure.’

‘I’ll make it up to you,’ Jo said. ‘I promise.’

‘I just wish things could go back to the way they were.’ Lauren’s voice shook and she made the mistake of trying to smile but only succeeded in toppling fresh tears.

Jo wanted to offer some sort of reassurance but couldn’t bring herself to lie, not even for Lauren’s sake. ‘There’s no going back,’ she said, bringing forth an image of the funeral pyre in the garden. ‘Not now.’

13

Jo made a concerted effort over the next couple of weeks to prove that her breakdown on Bonfire Night had been a one-off. She had temporarily lost control but she was back in the driving seat and there was no reason for Lauren to worry and certainly no reason for her to say anything to Steph.

‘Lauren, why don’t you see if you can find some gold trim for edging the hem and sleeves?’ Jo said. They were standing in the middle of a maze of tall metal racks, each piled high with folded sections of fabric of all shapes and sizes. ‘We’ll need about four metres.’

Excited that her costume was starting to take shape, Lauren didn’t argue and promptly forgot to adopt her teenage slouch as she skipped down the aisle and out of sight.

‘Do you want to look for anything else while we’re in town?’ Steph asked.

‘Like what?’

‘A new coat for one thing,’ Steph said.

Even though she could only fasten the top button now, Jo had reverted back to wearing her grey cashmere coat after ruining the one from Nelson’s. She had apologized to Gary but felt too ashamed to ask for a replacement. ‘I’m not paying out good money for something I’ll hardly wear – and besides, Mum said she’ll keep her eyes peeled for a bargain for me,’ she answered.

‘Well, what about baby things, then? You’re going to have to start preparing for his or her arrival sooner or later.’

‘I
am
getting prepared. Steve’s promised to paint the spare room and Sally’s digging out some of Luke’s old baby stuff for me. So there you go, I’m all sorted.’

Steph snorted. ‘I think you’re in for a shock.’

Jo didn’t share the joke. ‘Life has been one big shock, Steph, and I don’t exactly have the money to splash out on anything new. Once this baby’s born then any spare cash I have left is going to have to cover childcare. I’ve been working out the figures and I won’t be able to afford to take more than twelve weeks’ maternity leave. I can’t downsize because I can’t sell the house without David and so I have no choice but to live beyond my means. It’s a complete mess.’ As she talked, Jo was systematically picking up and refolding scrunched-up pieces of fabric, creating neat piles from the chaos.

‘I could always help look after the baby in the school holidays,’ Steph offered. ‘I know it’s going to be a struggle at first but the baby will start nursery in a few years. It’s not for ever.’

‘No, it’ll just feel like it is,’ Jo said, wondering at what point everyone, herself included, had started assuming David’s disappearance and the mystery surrounding it would drag on for years.

The police were continuing their investigation but hadn’t come up with anything new. They couldn’t even explain what might have been in the carrier bag David had had with him. It could have been wads of cash at the ready for jumping on a plane, or perhaps a house-warming present for the new woman in his life – some champagne glasses to toast their new start; nothing would surprise her any more.

Jo took a step away from Steph and the conversation that was making her uncomfortable, and peered over the metal racks to see if she could spy Lauren, her hand going to the small of her back as a twinge flicked down her spine. There were plenty of people milling around on this wet and windy Saturday afternoon but no sign of her niece’s distinctive ginger locks.

‘How’s work going?’

‘Blissfully normal,’ Jo said, returning her attention to the piles of fabric. ‘Or at least, as normal as it can be while I’m waddling around reminding everyone that not only am I an abandoned wife but an abandoned mother-to-be. I swear the next person who gives me that simpering look of concern is going to get a smack in the mouth.’

Steph pulled a face to hide any telltale signs of compassion that might offend her sister. ‘Missed any more antenatal appointments lately?’ Her hand reached out to pat Jo’s bump but Jo sidestepped the touch and ignored Steph’s furrowed brow.

‘Unfortunately my midwife is almost as much of a nag as you are, so no, I’ve been good.’

‘And you’re doing OK?’

Jo glared at her sister whose eyes were brimming with sympathy. ‘I’m. Fine.’

‘All right, I get the message,’ Steph muttered. ‘Now, are we looking for fabrics fit for a wicked stepmother or are we here to reorganize every shelf in the shop?’

Jo replaced the piece of fabric she had been holding, now neatly folded. Steph gave a nod of approval and, as they continued down the aisle, Jo kept glancing over the top of the racks. Amongst the many bobbing heads, one in particular caught her attention. The hairstyle was achingly familiar and Jo knew immediately how soft that particular shade of brown would feel to the touch. Her heart had made the connection long before her brain and her pulse began to race. Stumbling forward, Jo followed the man as if drawn to a magnet. She bumped blindly into other shoppers as she went, the most vociferous being Steph.

‘Jo, what’s wrong with you? Watch where you’re going!’

Jo wasn’t listening; she couldn’t hear a thing above the pounding of her heart and the voice inside her head telling her to come to her senses. Her fingers and toes tingled in anticipation and she began to feel warm, very warm. Her fringe was sticking to the beads of sweat prickling her brow so she tried to blow cool air on her face. Her breath caught in her throat as she drew level with the man in the next aisle and watched him reach up to grab a piece of heavy green damask. As he lifted his head Jo caught her first glimpse of his face albeit from the eyebrows up. It was enough; and with a small change in direction, Jo was no longer walking but running and didn’t stop until she hit fresh air.

Standing with her back against the store window with the rain beating down on her, Jo tried to slow her breathing and calm herself but the more she tried and failed, the more panicked she became. She recognized the sensation of her heart beating so fast it threatened to burst. She had felt the same thing shortly before passing out on Bonfire Night but her memories ran much deeper. She was no stranger to anxiety attacks.

Someone took hold of her arms as if she was about to fall. ‘I’ll be … all right … in a minute,’ Jo panted without looking up. When Steph didn’t release her grip she added, ‘Go back in and … buy the material … for Lauren. I’ll wait … in the car.’ She didn’t want her sister watching her fall apart; she didn’t want anyone watching.

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Steph said levelly. ‘Try to slow your breathing down.’

‘What … do you think … I’m doing?’ Jo snapped.

‘If you’re not careful, you’re going to hyperventilate. Lauren, go back inside and ask for a paper bag.’

Jo lifted her head and to her dismay discovered two pairs of eyes scrutinising her. ‘Yes, go,’ Jo said and luckily Lauren didn’t object.

Steph had the good sense not to ask questions and by the time Lauren returned with the paper bag, Jo was starting to regain her composure.

‘I think I’ll be OK now,’ Jo said.

Steph was unconvinced. ‘We need to get you to the hospital.’

‘Not a chance! I started to feel a bit flustered … and then rushed out too quickly … that’s all. I won’t do it again.’

‘I think you should go, if only for a check-up.’ It was Lauren this time and if Jo didn’t know better, it sounded like a veiled threat.

Jo shook her head. With each passing minute, she felt more and more able to dismiss what had just happened. She refused to accept that the demons she had once battled in her adolescence had come back to haunt her. It had been different back then because her attacks had usually happened as she was drifting off to sleep. Without warning, her heart would start hammering and she had been convinced that she was suffering from some kind of heart failure. Eventually she had plucked up the courage to tell her mother, who had taken time out of her busy social life to whisk her troubled daughter off to see their GP. Liz had helpfully explained to him how Jo had just had her heart broken for the first time and so the doctor had been dismissive, quickly concluding that Jo was attention-seeking. He told Liz to come back when her daughter had decided what was wrong with her, so Jo had faced her fears alone. She had learnt to be strong and those early lessons would see her through her latest traumas.

‘There’s no shame in admitting you’re not coping. There must be some medication the doctor can give you, even if you are pregnant.’

‘I’m not going to touch any kind of drug that will mess with my mind! It’s messed up enough as it is.’

‘Don’t be silly, Jo. If you need help, for God’s sake, ask for it.’

‘I can manage on my own, Steph. Now give me the car keys and I’ll wait in the car while you go back inside and buy the red velvet we were looking at.’

There was no arguing with Jo, which gave Steph some reassurance. The incident had been an aftershock to David’s disappearance, that was all, and Jo was back to being the sister she knew and loved.

‘Don’t lift that, I’ll do it!’ Sally rushed forward as Jo grunted, hauling a bright yellow baby bath out of the car. Sally would have pulled the offending item from Jo’s hands if hers weren’t already full. ‘Get yourself back inside. Now!’

Sally had a strong, powerful voice and a disposition to match. It took Jo only a fraction of a second to realize that arguing was futile. She put down the bath and, checking for Sally’s approval, picked up a small carrier bag. ‘I’ll open up the garage first. Everything can go in there until I’m ready to sort things out.’

By the time Sally had unloaded the car, Jo had a steaming mug of coffee waiting for her.

‘I can’t thank you enough for this, Sally,’ Jo said as she slid a plate of biscuits across the dining room table towards her sister-in-law. ‘And it’s just a loan; you can have it all back when I’m done.’

Sally was laughing as she refused the biscuits. ‘Don’t bother; we won’t need it. One kid is more than enough as far as Steve’s concerned.’

‘And one too many for his brother,’ Jo said quietly as she set about arranging the untouched biscuits into a perfect circle on the plate, gathering up rogue crumbs into a neat pile as she went.

The smile that had accompanied Sally’s laughter faltered. ‘It just doesn’t make sense,’ she said. ‘For all his talk about putting off having a family, David loves kids. You’ve seen for yourself how much he adores Luke.’

Jo visibly flinched. ‘I know you mean well, Sally – but please, I don’t want to hear the arguments. I only manage to get through each day because I’ve convinced myself he’s walked out on us. It might be hard to stomach, but at least it’s an answer and one I could learn to live with.’

‘Sorry, I just think …’ Sally said, then pursed her lips tightly to stop herself from saying more.

‘I know there are other possibilities, of course I do! I lie awake at night torturing myself with them,’ Jo said, feeling that familiar mix of anger and fear gnawing away at her insides. ‘Yes, he could be lying in a ditch somewhere. Yes, he could have jumped into the Mersey …’