The Mistletoe Bride and Other Haunting Tales (28 page)

MARION
:

It’s not about Phoebe really, is it? It’s about you.
You’ve got to forgive yourself, Susan. You’ve—

SUSAN
:

(Snapping)
No, Marion. Not now. Really. I don’t want to talk about it. It’s hard enough being here as it is. If it wasn’t for the fact Emily’s getting a prize – and that it’s your last one, of course – I wouldn’t have come.

SARAH
:

I told Phoebe. I had to tell someone.

The funny thing was, Phoebe wasn’t surprised. She told me she’d seen him outside the music room one day. I didn’t know he was there, listening. Phoebe said when I finished, Matt closed his eyes. Like it was too much to bear. She thought it was sweet. Romantic.

So, Phoebe knew. She knew before I knew. Phoebe’s brilliant! We met at her house, sometimes, when her mum was out.
(Thinking aloud – a diversion)
They’re so like each other, Susan and Phoebe. Susan’s awesome. She’s totally mad, but she’s a good laugh. But she’s my mum’s best mate and Mum had found out and was freaking out as it was.

We were doing OK, Matt and I, until that night. November. I’d arranged to go round to Phoebe’s. Matt was doing a gig and it was over-21s so I couldn’t go, and Susan was at a party. Me and Phoebe hadn’t had a girls’ night in for ages and there was stuff
(looks embarrassed)
I needed to talk to her about.
Well, it’s over now. And Phoebe still hasn’t told. It wasn’t her fault. Wasn’t Susan’s fault.

JULIE
:

Sorry, am I interrupting?

MARION
:

Julie, come in, come in. It’s lovely you could make it.

SUSAN
:

Julie, I had no idea you’d be here. I—

MARION
:

(Still with her arm around Julie’s waist)
Can I get you something to drink, Julie? A glass of wine.

JULIE
:

(Her voice is brittle)
Nothing, thank you.

MARION
:

We have orange juice, if you’d prefer a soft drink.
Fizzy water?

JULIE
:

(Looking towards the door)
I’m fine. Thank you.

MARION
:

Sorry? Okay, I’m coming.

I’m sorry, it seems I’m indispensable. I won’t be more than a couple of minutes.

JULIE
:

I don’t want—

MARION
:

(Interrupting)
Julie, I need a governor’s signature on a couple of things. If you could just hang on here a moment. I’ll be as quick as I can.

SUSAN
:

Marion, I don’t think it’s—

SUSAN
:

It’s good to see you.
(Pause)
You look well.

JULIE
:

(Polite)
So do you.

SUSAN
:

And the family? Paul and the boys? They’re well?

JULIE
:

They are all fine.

SUSAN
:

Mark’s working full-time at the marina, I think someone told me?

JULIE
:

Yes.

SUSAN
:

Hard to get a permanent job there, I’d have thought. You must be very proud of him.

JULIE
:

I am.

SUSAN
:

And Stephen?

JULIE
:

He’s getting a prize this evening.
(Her tone changes from polite to aggressive)
It was inevitable I’d be here, wasn’t it?

SUSAN
:

(Confused by the non sequitur)
I’m sorry?

JULIE
:

(Accusingly)
You said you’d no idea I’d be here.
But I am a governor. Obviously I’d be here. Or maybe you don’t bother to read the newsletter. You probably don’t know who any of the governors are.
(Looks at Susan).

SUSAN
:

(Flustered)
No, I did. Do know, that is.

JULIE
:

If you had known I’d be here, would you have stayed away?

SUSAN
:

No. I mean, yes. That is, I meant Marion hadn’t told me you’d be coming. Here, first, I mean.

JULIE
:

So you’re saying you wouldn’t have come?

SUSAN
:

I, I don’t know. That is, Emily’s up for a prize too.
It’s great about Stephen, although I’m not surprised.
He’s an outstanding sportsman by all accounts.

JULIE
:

It’s for music.

SUSAN
:

(Even more bothered)
Oh. Right. I didn’t realise he – as well as . . .

JULIE
:

As well as Sarah, were you going to say?

SUSAN
:

Yes, Emily says Stephen’s in every team going. But, music. That’s great. Well done him.

JULIE
:

How’s Phoebe?

SUSAN
:

(Giving up the pretence of polite conversation)
Please. Don’t do this.

JULIE
:

Do what? You ask after my family. I ask after yours. That’s what we do in awkward social situations, isn’t it, make small talk?
(Gives a tight smile)
Is she enjoying university?

SUSAN
:

(Seeing no way out)
She is. She’s fine.

JULIE
:

And she’s recovered? No more problems.

SUSAN
:

Julie, look.
(Julie turns away. Susan carries
on
anyway)
Look. I – I know there’s nothing I can say, nothing I can do to make up for what happened. Believe me, I think about it every day.

SUSAN
:

But can’t we at least talk? Can’t we see if . . .

JULIE
:

(Spins round to face her)
See if what, Susan? If—

MARION
:

They’re ready for us. Shall we?

SUSAN
:

Why didn’t you tell me you’d invited Julie too?
Here. Beforehand.

MARION
:

I tried to, but—

SUSAN
:

It’s just making everything worse.

SARAH
:

They all feel guilty, responsible. But for stuff they didn’t do.

If only. Such pointless words.

Me and Mum argued that night. Again. It wasn’t like her to lose it, not really. I guess I just flipped out too. Why couldn’t she see I was happy? Why couldn’t she be happy for me? She started up about homework and college and church! She didn’t understand I wasn’t a kid any more.

We never got the chance to make up. We never got the chance to say sorry for all the stuff we said that night. And,
(looks at Julie)
look, she can’t forgive herself for that. I saw it on her face at the funeral. At the inquest. In church. Standing outside my empty room at the top of the stairs. My brothers tiptoeing around her. For once, thinking about someone else’s feelings. Amazing!

But it was an accident. It had started to rain, so I rang Matt and he left the gig and came and got me. But it wasn’t your fault.

JULIE
:

No. Please leave it.

MARION
:

Julie. You gave me a shock.

MARION
:

I saw you go out.
(Pause)
I thought you’d gone home.

JULIE
:

I intended to, but then.
(Pause)
It’s quiet here.

MARION
:

I can go if you’d rather be alone?

JULIE
:

No. No, it’s all right. Stay.
(Long pause)
It was that piece – ‘Syrinx’ – Sarah’s piece – I couldn’t bear to hear it. Played here. By someone else.
(Pulls herself together)
Did the rest of it go off all right?

MARION
:

Yes.

JULIE
:

Where are the others?

MARION
:

There are drinks in the hall.

JULIE
:

(Interrupting)
Susan too?

MARION
:

I think so, with Emily.

JULIE
:

(In a low voice)
We argued that night, Sarah and I. Not for the first time. Always the same subject.
(Looks at Marion)
I knew they met here first, you know.

MARION
:

I give you my word that nothing—

JULIE
:

(Waves her hand)
I know it didn’t start here. Sarah told me. But he was too old for her. She stopped coming to church, you know. Paul said if we put up opposition it would make Sarah more determined. He thought we should let it run its course.
(Shakes her head)
I didn’t listen.

MARION
:

You can’t blame yourself. She was eighteen. Not a child. She was happy.

JULIE
:

(Gives a bitter laugh)
Happy!

MARION
:

You could see it. Everything about Sarah changed. She was doing so well, in her music, her lessons, everything. She had a kind of lightness to her that transformed the world around her.
(Quietly)
I know her choice might not have been your choice, Julie, but she was happy.

JULIE
:

Happy! And what good did it do her?