The Mistress (20 page)

Questions of what happened, who did this, and why came flooding out of their mouths, and Haley knew they weren’t going to learn as much as they wanted to. Not only was he embarrassed by it, scared of it – terrified even, by the expression shadowing over his face – but she believed that he honestly barely knew why he was being bullied himself. There were signs that he was being picked on, but no one believed it would be to this magnitude.

“It’s only gonna get worse,” he cried before eventually freeing himself and flying upstairs.

They looked at one another in disbelief, neither woman knowing what to do. All they knew was that they had to do something.
Anything
. And Marissa, becoming the bold leader, mentioned that together, they were to make a pact that they would. They would do something.

A pact. A promise for the future. The
future
. Would there be a future? Guilt overtook her once again, and she knew it was time. And then, and only then, could the women make any sort of promise for the future. Even if it did regard Lucas, she didn’t feel right making any sort of promise that may be broken. She gulped, her saliva heavy as boulders.

There’s not a lot that’s certain in life. The truth was that the only thing that was certain was that life was most
certainly
uncertain. In fact, as Haley always seemed to find, irony reared its ugly head in every corner and crevice. It sure as
hell
wasn’t certain. Not as long as irony existed.

She had never expected her parents’ demise, she certainly never expected to be a thirty-four divorcee, but more importantly – she never thought that she would turn her back on the only family she had known since her parents’ deaths.

Haley never thought that she could lose love. You’re always taught in the storybooks and fairy tales that love is forever and without condition. When you’re a little girl, you dream about love because it is truly the purest form of human affection. When you’re a little girl, you actually believe. You believe all the bullshit, and more importantly you buy into the idea that you have to vie for it for your entire life.

What you don’t know is that it isn’t just a romantic love that you end up vying for. It is love in general. It is acceptance. And even if you’re fortunate enough to find it – you can still lose it. Because even love in its purest form isn’t completely without condition. Yes, families fight. People fight. But shit happens, and sometimes the luck of the draw is not in your favor.

Haley had to wonder though, were the wheels of fate set in motion from the beginning? Can we ever change the direction in which they turn? Can a broken past only lead to a broken future? If so, then is it even worth trying to mend your desolate life? She hoped more than anything that her attempts wouldn’t be in vain, as she swallowed hard – her throat still catching. She was still unable to articulate words.

“The truth shall set you free.” That poor, pitiful saying had been preached to her for as long as she could remember.
Freedom
. That fucking word. What did it mean? The definition of such is “the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action”. Absence of necessity?
Are you shitting me?
It was necessary that she tell Marissa. She had to. Absence of coercion or constraint? Bullshit. Her guilt was constricting her at this very moment, squeezing and exhausting her of dear life.

Freedom from what exactly? Her guilt would always imprison her, even if she were somehow forgiven for her transgressions. She would end up hurting a family full of people she loved and cared for no matter what; whether or not they knew – they’d be hurt. It was as if she were a killer in the night – stabbing every one of them – draining them of their last breath. Regardless of whether or not she snuck in, a shadow in the darkness – their final breath was still taken.

Marissa noticed Haley trembling with tears, and pulled her into a hug. Haley stiffened, causing Marissa to pull away from her grasp slightly. She looked into her eyes, and Haley reciprocated. She saw the sadness and disappointment. Marissa wanted to know why. She could tell she wanted to know why. But she wasn’t ready to tell her. Not yet. Because in the realm of reality and truth, she wasn’t ready to admit it. It would mean that she had been weak, and that she truly cared about him: Marissa’s husband. In return, the admittance of that would mean that more tears would flow, and everyone knows with tears comes loneliness.

“You’ve been so distant lately,” Marissa sounded. “What’s wrong?”

She had to hand it to her – the woman was strong. She had lost her dad just a few days prior, and here she was, being a friend. She was worried for her. Genuinely so. Haley felt even worse as she saw the woman’s eyes tint over.

Love’s bitter thorns prick those poor souls brave enough to wander through its brush with hopeful prowess. This was the second time her heart’s contentment had led her astray. This was the second time love had left her broken – wondering what her next step was and where it might take her.

Haley pulled Marissa to her again. She wanted to hold her closely in an embrace of familial love. She wanted to tell her everything was going to be okay. But she couldn’t. Because it wouldn’t be. She knew it wouldn’t be. Ever. Not again.

“Marissa, it was me....” she began, and as soon as the words left her mouth, she wished that she could take them back. She was scared, scared of losing everything, yes, but more than that – she was scared of hurting someone who was already hurting. But she had spoken to Joseph, and she had known of Marissa’s suspicions, and she knew she had to say something or she would find out eventually.

“I’m the
mistress
...”

~~~