The Mommy Miracle (11 page)

“Butting out? You're telling me to butt out? Mom told me what happened yesterday at Oakbank.”

“I told you, too, Elin,” Jodie said. “I told you it was great.”

Again, they ignored her, glaring at each other, then Dev very deliberately turned in her direction. “I'm a little early, Jodie, because DJ woke up earlier than usual and it seemed best to show up now, before she gets fussy. Ready to go?”

“If you tell me where.”

“Can't do that.” He picked up her purse.

“Devlin!” Elin said.

“I am not dealing with you right now, Elin. I am not justifying myself to you, or to Lisa, or to your mom. Talk to Trish about it, if you want, but I need to get going before DJ falls apart. Jodie?”

He began to walk toward the door, his stride so long and assured and angry that Jodie had this dizzy, illogical panic that she would never see DJ again if she didn't follow him, so of course she did.

It was as if he had a gun pressed to DJ's head. Or to her own. It was a hostage situation or a kidnapping, he was that cool and controlled and ruthless about it. Elin seemed rooted to the spot. Trish was watching carefully from the far side of the room. When Elin took a pace forward, she called her quickly, and Elin went over to her, chin defiantly raised but ready to listen. A moment later they were in a very female huddle, with Elin nodding and frowning, and Trish persuasively arguing…something.

In a summery skirt and white lacy top, Jodie wasn't
dressed for a kidnapping. In fresh blue jeans and a designer polo shirt, neither was Dev. Where was the no-brand jacket and pulled-down baseball cap? The baggy clothing where he could hide the gun? “Dev, you have to explain.”

“When we're in the car.”

“Okay. I mean, I'm pretty hungry, so if it's lunch…”

It couldn't be lunch. You didn't kidnap someone to take them to lunch.

“Lunch is included.”

“Good.” She managed a skipping step to keep up with him, and almost fell.

He stopped. “Sorry, I'm going too fast.”

“A little. Some people might say it's me going too slow.”

He kind of gathered her against him, running his arm beneath hers and around her back, reaching up to settle her uncooperative left hand on his shoulder. Her whole body began to blur. That was how it felt. Blurry and fuzzy and soft. Happy. Her mind was racing but her body was happy, where it belonged.

His hip pressed into her side and DJ in the front carrier was right there with her little leg flapping against Jodie's stomach. Her hat was about to fall off. Jodie made an ineffective reaching movement with her right hand, and Dev saw what was happening and flipped the darling little pink-flowered bucket back into place.

“Let's not go slow, if we can help it,” Dev said, in the corridor, and she could feel the vibration of his voice against her ribs. “Elin's probably sending out an APB, as we speak.”

“So I'm right.” She'd gone breathless, could he hear? “You are kidnapping me?”

“Yep, me and DJ.”

“Oh, she's in on it?”

“Joint criminal masterminds, the two of us.”

“That's a relief. I was scared she might be the hostage.”

He turned serious suddenly. “Never, Jodie. I promise you that. I'll never try to use her as any kind of weapon or leverage or— But I think we really need to do this.”

“I—I think so, too. Whatever it is.”

“Thank you.” He lost a little of the gun-to-the-hostage's-head feeling, and they walked together, in step, with DJ making sounds against his front and it just went on feeling way too nice, a complication Jodie didn't need when there was so much else to work out.

“Can I ask what it is?” she managed to ask.

“We're not telling you till we're on the road, are we, little pink person?”

“DJ, you'll tell me, won't you?” she said to the baby.

But DJ wouldn't spill.

Dev's car was parked in the visitor spaces out front. The day was bright and sunny and hot, and the effect of the air-conditioning had worn off during the time it had taken him to come into the rehab facility and collect her, so he opened all the doors to vent the hot air before strapping DJ back into her car carrier.

Jodie stood waiting and watching. She couldn't do that yet, the bending with DJ in her arms, the adjustment of the little body in the carrier, the fiddly, fine-motor-control-requiring snap together of the safety straps. He straightened and closed the car door. “Need some help getting in?”

But this she could manage on her own.

He went around to the driver's side, started the engine and the air-conditioning and they swung out of the parking lot and into the street.

“Now explain,” she said. “You're not taking me to Oakbank behind my family's back?”

“Would that be terrible?”

“I— They're driving me crazy, if you want the truth, but they're doing so much to help. I hated that Mom and Lisa just showed up like that yesterday. It ruined the moment—”

“You got that right.”

“—but it's because they care.”

“Starting to wish they cared a little less. Or thought a little more.”

“So we're not going to Oakbank?”

“Nope, although we can go visit horses at some point, if you want.”

“At some point? What is this, Dev? Trish approves, I could see that. She was arguing with Elin back there and going blue in the face about it. Do Mom and Dad and my sisters know?”

“Your dad does. I talked to him last night. He packed your bag for you.”

“Mmm, that might be interesting…”

“I gave him a list. He said he hadn't had any trouble with it.”

“That might be even more interesting.”

“Your mom and Lisa must know by now, because Elin would have told them the second Trish finished explaining. But your dad agreed it was best to keep quiet till we swung into action. Of course you can tell them, as soon as you want. Call them,” he suggested, “once we're fully on the road.”

It wouldn't be long. The car swooped between the traffic lights, made a tidy right and a wide left. Another two minutes and they'd be out of town. Jodie felt a surge of exhilaration and freedom that she hadn't had since
before the accident. It was such a familiar feeling, yet distant somehow, because she hadn't had it for a long time. It was like urging Irish into a gallop across a wide green field, scary and wild and wonderful. Free, yet not alone. In control of something stronger than you were yourself.

“Yesterday was— I am not having that happen again,” Dev said. “And even to find Elin there with you this morning. I appreciate she wants to support your therapy, but yet again, it turned everything into a big deal when it shouldn't be. That's why you need this. We both do. DJ does.”

“You mean it really is a kidnapping?” She began to laugh. “You're not giving me back? There's not even a ransom note?”

“Not for at least a week. We need some time on our own, the three of us—I've found a cabin, made a reservation—and this is the only way it's going to happen.”

“So you haven't even given them an address?”

“When I talked to Trish about it, she could see how important it was, and she's happy to have you take a break from rehab for a week or so, since you're tiring yourself out trying to make progress. She has the address.”

“But she'll only hand it over once there's five million dollars in unmarked bills deposited in a locker at the bus station.”

“You're really getting into this kidnapping idea.”

“Yep.”

He thought for a moment, then laughed. “Me, too.”

They hit the highway and he sped up. DJ lay quiet in her seat. Jodie turned to look at her and found her kicking her feet in her tiny pink cotton shoes as if she
were getting into the kidnapping idea, too. She smiled at the baby.
Hello, sweetheart.
But the smile was self-conscious and she wasn't surprised when DJ didn't smile back.

You can't make it happen, Jodie. Just give it time.

“Can I be the one to fire the gun from the car window to blow out Elin's tires when she comes after us?”

“Sure, since you've decided you're in on this, too.”

“What should it be? A rifle? A sawed-off shotgun? I'm not real clued in on weaponry.”

“Me, neither. But let's go for total overkill and make it an AK-47. You'll find it on the backseat next to your daughter.”

She laughed again, then thought…daughter…mom. “What's my mother going to think? She's not going to let it rest with Dad.”

“Your dad sees and knows more than he lets on. And he's strong-minded, when he wants to be.”

“Oh, you noticed that, too?”

“He'll handle her.”

“He will.” Once more, she laughed. “He sure will!”

Dev pulled off the road at a shaded picnic area where there were wooden tables with bench seats and playground equipment and a picturesque pond with a viewing platform for spotting turtles and water birds. He'd brought a simple lunch of sub-style sandwiches and cartons of juice, and DJ watched them eat it from a commanding position in her car carrier, resting on top of the table. Dev cooed at her and she batted her hands for him and broke into the most dazzling smile.

So I do get to see her smile, even if it's not smiling for me,
Jodie thought. “It's so quiet,” she said out loud, because the smiling thought was painful despite how sensible she tried to be. “I love the quiet.”

“Yeah, no phone calls, so far.”

“They're probably running hot, back in town.”

He packed up the picnic things, strapped DJ back in the car and they set off again, zoomed along in their bubble of air-conditioning, changed from highway to county road and the bends beckoned like a movie's happy ending, and DJ, without a care in the world, fell sound asleep.

D
ev buzzed with victory and optimism the whole drive. To tweak Jodie's kidnapping comparison a little, he felt as if he were driving the getaway car after a billion-dollar heist. Yes, he had the precious cargo right here with him, and there was no one on his tail and he owned the world.

Almost four weeks ago, he'd told Jodie that the three of them were a family. Now at last they might have a chance at working out what that meant, the way he'd wanted from the beginning. He was a lawyer. He liked to know where he stood. He liked the ground rules in place.

Most importantly, he had a deep-seated need to see Jodie being a mother. Something would have to fall into place then, wouldn't it? She would find out what she wanted. She'd talk about it. They would come up with their own much simpler version of Barb's ridiculous
spreadsheets, and if they could present a united front, then the three Palmer women would surely step back and give them some space.

He accepted that he wouldn't get to have DJ under his own roof, long-term, as much as his heart wanted, but he thought—or told himself—that he could deal with this as long as everything was amicable and settled. He'd
have
to deal with it.

It might even be pretty nice, down the track. He pictured a tomboy of an eight-year-old girl arriving at his place for regular visits with a purple backpack full of stuff. He saw himself on the phone with Jodie, negotiating in a friendly, casual way over what each of them would give DJ for her birthday and which of them would get to have her for Thanksgiving and Christmas. He saw himself returning from consultancy work in Asia or Europe with exotic trinkets for his daughter and her mom.

Braking to a halt in front of the cabin, it struck him that this picture was a little too simplified and idyllic to be plausible. DJ would probably acquire a stepfather at some point, for example. Jodie was too amazing to spend her life without a loving partner, if she wanted one.

And would Dev always buy those exotic trinkets himself, or would there be another woman in the picture with him, tolerating his absorption in his growing daughter, for the sake of a short-term sizzling affair?

New York was ten-hour's drive from Leighville. London and Hong Kong were a heck of lot farther. Right now, twenty-four hours without seeing DJ seemed like too long. What made him think it was going to get easier? What would happen if Jodie's bond with DJ became so strong that his own role ceased to matter?

The sense of victory ebbed like water out of a bath, but he pushed the doubts and questions aside. He'd been told the keys to the cabin would be waiting for them, beneath a flowerpot containing a red geranium beside the front door, and he could see the geranium from here.

Jodie stirred herself beside him. She hadn't been sleeping but she'd been very quiet, almost dreamy, and had now been roused by the dying of the engine. “So this is it?”

“Take your time. DJ's asleep. I'll bring in our stuff.”

“Okay. Might grab a drink of water.” She stretched in the passenger seat and found the water bottle he'd given her earlier.

Dev hit the trunk catch and brought out his bags and the cooler and boxes he'd packed with food. Jodie had opened the car door and pivoted to stretch her legs down to the ground. She was sipping on the water, looking around, apparently liking what she saw. She stood up and pushed all the car doors wide to give DJ plenty of fresh air while she slept. With the car parked right in front of the house in the shade and the whole place quiet and secluded, it would be perfectly safe to keep her there until she woke up on her own. Jodie bent to brush her cheek with one soft finger, then began to walk toward the cabin, a soft smile on her face as she took in the peaceful setting.

I've done the right thing,
Dev decided. The only thing.

The place was beautiful, more like a log home than a cabin, larger than they really needed, only a few months old and built by the people who farmed this land to rent out for family vacations. It was also adjacent to a state park. He'd found it on the internet, looked at the photos and the map, liked the high ceilings and huge stretches
of double-glazed window, the loft bedroom upstairs that he could use, and the master bedroom downstairs for Jodie, so that she wouldn't have to climb up and down.

Behind the cabin was a huge stretch of forested state park, with walking trails and a lake for boating, while the view through those enormous windows took in rolling green farmland and a wide bowl of sky. Outside, there was a garden and a deck, a swing set and a barbecue, while inside he liked the huge open-plan kitchen and living area, with its big squishy tan leather sofas and clean-cut décor. There was even a bookshelf crammed with vacation reading, ranging from crime fiction to teen vampire novels to romance.

The only downside, made apparent before Jodie had even made it through the front door, was the cell phone reception.

It was wa-a-ay too good.

When Dev came out for a second load of gear, Jodie had her phone pressed to her ear and was seated on the wooden steps that led up to the deck. She hadn't even made it inside. “It's beautiful…. No, she's asleep…. Plenty of space, it looks huge… Do? Does it matter what we do…? No, please don't call that often, Mom, you'll only get frustrated…. Why? Because I'm switching it off!”

She slid the phone shut with a click, stuffed it into her bag, looked up at Dev and gave him an upside-down smile, which he read like a book and reflected right back to her.

Families.

It's so great to be here.

Oh, you understand? Perfect.

They should be looking away from each other at this point. It had gone on for too long, and it was dangerous,
after the massive flare of heat between them two nights ago. But he couldn't do anything about it, he just kept looking.

She leaned her head against one of the sturdy verticals of the deck railing, while Dev had stopped with his hand holding the door. His breath caught in his chest at the sight of that amazing, contradictory Jodie package. The strong will. The petite body. The forgiveness toward her family. The stubborn, triumphant action with the phone. The failed bond with her baby that his head understood the reasons for, while his heart just couldn't get at all.

Then she raised her arms in the air and deliberately broke the moment with a goofy grin and an exuberant yell, that echoed into the forest. “Woo-hoo!”

How was he going to keep from touching her? He'd promised Elin and himself that he wouldn't, but how? How was he going to make this week work the way it needed to?

He had to tough it out, that was all, pure and simple, keep his focus and his priorities, and he thought that Jodie did, too.

 

She'd yelled too loud, Jodie soon realized. She'd woken the baby.

Which was probably a good thing.

Because if she and Dev were going to look at each other like that again anytime soon, she might just conclude that way too much interference from her mother and sisters was exactly what they both needed. She had so little willpower where Devlin Browne was concerned.

DJ began with a whimper and a snuffle, progressed to a short riff on her current favorite sound—
“eeaaaah”—and then began to cry, building to full volume in around forty-five seconds.

Dev just stood there.

Jodie looked at him, heart sinking, head a mess. Her sense of peace had vanished so fast.

By now, at home, there would already have been at least two pairs of feet hurrying across the grass, two voices cooing and two pairs of hands reaching out, neither of them hers. She would have seen DJ safe in someone's loving arms being soothed and settled, and possibly changed and fed and made to smile, before she'd even pretended to herself that she was getting up and going over, before she'd begun to wrestle with the frightening, horrible reality that she didn't want to.

But Dev just stood there. Daring her. Waiting her out.

Judging her how much? Seeing how much?

Seeing
everything
.

She could see the muscles bunched at his jaw and his fingers tightening against his palms. He wanted to go to DJ. But he wanted Jodie to go more. And he understood exactly how much she struggled with it. It shocked her that he knew what was in her heart. She felt naked and guilty and defiant and just miserable. Why had she thought going away, just the three of them, would be a good idea?

“Don't make it into a big deal,” she blurted out.

“You're the one who's doing that.”

“No, I—” She stopped. “Am I?”

“I can't stand to hear her cry, by the way.”

“Are you angry?”

“Not at all. Can you stand it? Listen to her.”

“Please, please don't make it into a big deal.”

“I'm not.”

It was true. He wasn't
making
it into a big deal, because it already was one, all on its own. Dev didn't need to do a thing. The problem was her.

“I'm afraid I'll let her fall.”

“I won't let that happen.” He moved a little closer, treading down the front steps to ground level as if to reassure her that he'd be close behind.

“I'm afraid she'll cry worse if I pick her up, because I'm not the one who's familiar and I want her to love me and I'm scared of what she can see and feel. She's never yet once— Dev, she's never—”

“Come on.” He reached out and pulled her up, and she decided not to make the horrible confession.
She's never smiled at me.

Oh, DJ was a mess already! No question of smiling now. Her face was red and screwed up and even though Dev had parked in the shade and they'd left all the doors open her fuzzy, dark little hairline was slicked down with sweat from the effort of her crying.

Jodie fumbled with the clips of the car carrier, hating the fact that her fingers were still so wrong. They gripped when they should be loosening, they wouldn't obey her at all. Dev had to step in. He had the straps undone and loosened and out of the way in a couple of economical movements, intending to help but only underlining Jodie's inadequacy in the process. How could she take care of a baby safely?

She slid her hands behind DJ's back and managed to lift her. “I'm sorry I'm so bad at this, sweetheart….”

Sweet.

Heart.

She is, but I'm not feeling it. All I'm feeling is the fear. All I'm hearing is the sound of her cry, and it's so
loud and piercing and desperate, and makes me feel so helpless because I don't know how to make it stop.

She couldn't even feel Dev, although she knew he was right beside her. He was a pillar of rock, hard and blind. She straightened with DJ in her arms, and the baby was so wriggly and heavy. Jodie's disobedient left hand made a claw on the little pink-clad back. “Are my fingers digging in? Am I hurting her?” she asked in a panic.

“No, you're fine. Your hand's a bit tense, but it's okay.” He covered her hand with his, eased the claw position into softness. “Can you carry her into the house? Let me know the second you think you're losing it. She's due for her bottle. She wasn't ready for it when we had our lunch but now she's probably crying from hunger, so let's just head right for the couch.”

“Can I get that far?”

“If you can't, I'm here. Try.”

And she knew he was asking for much more than simply making it to the couch.

So she tried.

This is my baby. I love her. She's precious and tiny and such a massive bundle of potential. Dev and I made her. She's the two of us in combination, but she's unique. She's dynamite. She might be president, someday. An Olympic champion, a world-famous musician, a beloved wife. Beautiful and clever and kind and brave.

Who are you, DJ? When will you stop crying? When will you smile at me?

They climbed the steps. The cabin was cool inside, shaded by the nearby woods, its screened windows thrown open so that the breeze came right through. The place was so new it still smelled like cedar and pine.

Jodie reached the couch and sank into its softness.
Dev slid a pillow beneath her arm for DJ's head. She wasn't so frantic now, but still she was crying. The sound and movement of it consumed her whole body and she didn't even seem to know that she was cradled in someone's arms.

Her mother's arms.

“I have a bottle made up for her,” Dev said. “It's in the diaper bag. She'll need it warmed up, but that'll only take a minute or two.”

They seemed endless, those minutes. DJ's eyes were screwed tight with crying. Jodie tried smiling down at her. Babies smiled when they saw someone smiling at them. So far it hadn't worked for her and it wasn't going to work today. “I love you, precious girl,” she said, wondering what punishment life had in store for a woman who lied to her own baby.

“Here,” Dev finally said, handing her the cylinder of plastic, warmed to blood heat.

Jodie shoved it into DJ's mouth. Oh, she didn't mean to do that, but her muscles weren't cooperating and it just happened. The plastic circle that kept the rubber teat in place bumped hard against DJ's gums and the baby shrieked.

“Oh, no… Oh, no…” Jodie said.

“It's okay. Did you slip?”

“Yes.”

“It's okay.”

“I hurt her.”

“She's forgotten about it already.”

And she had. Her little pink mouth had closed around the teat and she knew exactly what to do. She sucked it and the bottle began to make a singing sound as it emptied. “Will she get gas?”

“Give her a break. Lift her onto your shoulder and pat her back. Can you do that?”

“I think so.” Clumsy, but still. DJ gave a burp and then a big wobble. Jodie half expected her to start crying again but she didn't, and with Dev's help she was soon in that lovely cradle position again, crooked in Jodie's left arm, beneath her breast, ready to finish her liquid meal.