The Monkey's Raincoat (33 page)

He didn't seem bolstered by my assuredness. He rubbed at his hair again and got up and paced. “Peter is three weeks away from making film, and he has to start this crap about finding his family. Christ, he hasn't seen the woman in over ten years. You'd think he could wait until the picture was finished.”

“Insensitive of him.”

Donnie crossed his arms and kept pacing. “Hey, I know what that sounds like, but you've got to understand. We've got forty million dollars committed to Peter's film. I've already spent eighteen mil. I've got sets and soundstage rent. I've got stars with play-or-pay deals and a crew I'll have to carry. If Peter is distracted, we could run over budget into the tens of millions. We could end up with another
Heaven's Gate
. I could lose my ass.”

Maybe I'd be nervous, too. “Okay. Then maybe it makes sense to wait until the picture is finished before we get started. The ex-wife will still be wherever she is. I'll still be around. Call me then.”

Donnie rolled his eyes and stopped the pacing and dropped into another chair. “Did you see
Chainsaw?
”

“Yes.”

“
Chainsaw
was Peter's first picture. He made it for something like four hundred thosuand. It grossed four hundred
million
and overnight Peter Alan Nelsen went from parking cars to being Hollywood's new wunderkind. Every picture he's made has grossed millions. Every studio in town wants Peter Alan Nelsen's next picture. The biggest actors in the business suck around him for a role and Oscar-winning screenwriters pimp their mothers
for a shot at a development deal. You hear what I'm saying?”

“You're saying that Peter gets what Peter wants.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely. Peter being happy is the most important thing there is. Peter wants to find these people, and we want Peter happy, so we're gonna hire somebody.”

I said, “Make Peter happy.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” Donnie slapped his palms down on the table and stood. “I like you. I like you fine. Peter knows about you, and wants to meet you, so all we have to do now is go over and see him. If Peter's happy, you're hired.”

“Making Peter happy is the most important thing.”

“Right.” Donnie Brewster lowered his voice, like maybe someone else might hear, and leaned toward me. Conspiratorial. “Tell you the truth, I don't give a rat's ass if you find his ex or not. But if it makes Peter happy to have someone looking, then we'll have someone looking.”

Mr. Sincerity.

He made a little let's-go gesture and started for the door. “We'll go over to meet him now. Whatever Peter says, just nod and say sure. Whatever he wants, say no problem. He asks how long, say a couple of weeks, max.”

“Make Peter happy.”

“Yeah. Peter being happy is all that matters.”

I looked at Pat Kyle, and then I looked back at Donnie Brewster and shook my head. “You're asking me to lie to a client. I won't do that. You're also asking me to mislead him. I won't do that, either.”

Donnie stopped with his hand on the knob and looked horrified. “Hey. Hey, I'm not asking you to do any of that. I love Peter Alan Nelsen like a brother.” He made a nervous glance out the door. Never know who might be listening. “I'm just saying agree with the guy, that's all, and we'll work out reality later.”

“No.”

“No? What does that mean, no?” He ran back into the room and spread his hands. “You can't say no to Peter Alan Nelsen!”

“I'm not saying no to Peter Alan Nelsen. I'm saying no to you.”

Confused. “Hey, you want Peter happy, don't you? Peter's not happy, you won't get hired. You know what a job like this could mean?”

“Ulcers?”

Donnie spread his hands even wider and gave incredulous, like how could I miss it? “You work for Peter Alan Nelsen, you get on the A list. You get on the A list, you'll be working for the biggest names in the business. You might even get written up in
People
magazine.”

I said, “Wow.”

Donnie raised his hands to the ceiling and looked at Pat Kyle. Her face was red and she was making a choking sound. He said, “What kind of guy is this? What kind of guy did you bring me?”

She turned up her palms. “Someone with principles?”

Donnie began rubbing at his head again and tugging at his ponytail. He rubbed so hard that I thought I saw hair fall, but that might've been my
imagination. He said, “This isn't going to work. Peter isn't going to go for this.”

Pat said, “Peter and I spoke about Elvis at length. He sounded agreeable to me.”

Donnie gestured at me. “But this guy's saying he won't play along. You know how Peter is. He can be a monster.” He made the nervous glance again, checking the door and the windows for ears. “Hey, I love him like a brother.”

Pat said, “He's expecting us in five minutes.”

Donnie said, “Holy shit.” I think he was starting to hyperventilate.

I said, “Donnie. Relax. Breathe into a bag.”

Donnie said, “
You
relax. I got forty million bucks riding on Peter Alan Nelsen and you won't play along. This is Hollywood. Everybody plays along!”

I made a gun out of my hand and shot him.

Donnie slumped into his chair and looked depressed. “Yeah, yeah, that's just what'll happen, too. In the back.”

Pat said, “Donnie, Elvis is a professional and he gets results. He has done this before.”

“But not with Peter Alan Nelsen!”

“I told him what Peter is like, and I told Peter what Elvis is like. Peter knows what to expect.”

“Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus.”

I said, “Donnie. Why don't we go see Peter and get it over with? I'm good. I might even find his kid. Think how happy he'll be then.”

Donnie squinted and thought about it. You could see gears moving and lights flashing behind his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, that's right.”

“Tell him I'm brilliant and gifted. Everybody knows that brilliant and gifted people are difficult.”

Donnie's eyes got big and he slapped his hands on the table again as if he'd just found the Rosetta stone. “Yeah, yeah. That's it! Brilliant and gifted are difficult.” He jumped up and charged toward the door. “Let's go see him and get it over with.”

We went to see the monster.