The Moon Rises (36 page)

“I tried to call you, but the number I have for
you had been disconnected.”

“My phone was broken when the monster tried to
kill me. I just got a new one.”

Anton nodded, remembering how Gigi looked in the
alley and what he told her when he thought she would be gone from his life.

“I’m sorry about last night,” Anton said, trying
to catch her gaze, but her eyes avoided him.

“Did you change your mind?”

“No,” he said, taking her hand softly in his. “I
wanted to see you last night, but Roger came back into town and I had to deal
with him immediately. I did try to call you.”

“Okay.”

“I would have left a note, but there are nosy
Weres in my building and they would have spread rumors about us. If people
thought I wanted a mate, they would view me as weak and it would put us both in
danger.”

When Gigi’s eyes finally met his, they were
filled with such sadness that Anton looked away.

“Did you know when you invited me over that we
wouldn’t be together?”

“Of course not,” Anton said in barely more than a
whisper. “I never would have invited you, if I knew I would have to leave like
that.”

“That’s not what I mean. I thought because not
having a mate was a choice the Alphas made that when you invited me over you
were making another choice, but you knew when you invited me how we wouldn’t be
together.”

“I want to be with you.”

“Yes, for sex, but you knew you would dump me
afterward. I didn’t know that. I thought something else was happening with us.”

Anton wasn’t sure what he was saying to make her
think he only wanted to sleep with her, but Gigi was fading away even as she
stood very still in front of him, her hand limp in his.

“It’s not like that. I do care about you and I
wanted to be there last night.”

“I know you told me Alphas don’t have mates and
Sara,” Gigi said as her eyes grew wet and she sucked on her lower lip. “Sara
said Alphas think of females as stuff, but I didn’t listen. I thought you invited
me over because you wanted to be with me.”

“I do.”

“For the sex, but then you were going to dump
me,” Gigi said in a tiny rough voice as she tried not to cry. “I didn’t
understand that. I wouldn’t have said yes, if I knew you were going to dump
me.”

Anton caressed her hand as he tried to find the
words to change the momentum of this conversation. “I wasn’t going to sleep
with you then dump you. I know I messed up last night, but you’re not stuff to
me.”

“But you knew you were never going to stay with
me and I think you also knew how I didn’t understand that. You knew I would be
giving you my virginity and thinking it meant something, but it wouldn’t. You
don’t want a mate.”

Anton touched her face and began to panic as he
felt her pulling away and closing off her heart from him.

“I can’t have a mate.”

“It’s a choice and I thought you were choosing
different. I just didn’t understand. I thought you wanted me for more than sex
because of what you said in the alley.  I didn’t understand.”

Anton remembered what he told her and the panic
he felt when he thought she would die. He felt the same panic now.

“I meant what I said in the alley.”

Gigi’s expression made her look like a rejected
child. The corners of her mouth were turned down into a heartbroken frown. Her
eyes wouldn’t hold his gaze. She sucked on her lower lip as a tear escaped her
wet eyes.

“Maybe I didn’t understand that right either. I
thought it meant something it didn’t. Why would you say those things when you
didn’t know me?”

“I knew you.”

“Not really. Why would you say that to me?”

“Because,” Anton said, looking for the right
words and just finding words – panicked rambling words. “You know what my first
thought was when I saw you that night at the club? My first thought was how I
wanted a family. It was the strangest thing, but I saw you and it just hit me
how I wanted a wife. I hadn’t thought about it for years. There you were and I
wanted it again.”

Gigi’s eyes met his and Anton sensed he said
something wrong again.

“It was never me?”

Anton shook his head, not understanding now.

“You saw me and I made you feel a certain way,
but you’ve only liked me because of that feeling, not because of me. It was
never me.”

“No,” Anton said in a ragged breath as he
realized he was losing her. She wasn’t his to begin with, but he kept hoping
she could be. He felt her leaving him now. “You are special.”

“But you were going to dump me.”

“No, I want to be with you.”

“For a little bit because you want to have sex
with me. You never planned to keep me though because it wasn’t me you loved,
but the life you can’t have. The life you choose not to have. I didn’t
understand that. I was stupid and didn’t understand. I thought…”

Gigi was crying now and Anton tried to hold her,
but she squirmed away and wiped at her eyes.

“I always liked you because you were beautiful,
but you also seemed really nice too. You listened to me and were gentle with me
and I thought you were lonely like me. I thought we were supposed to be together,
so we wouldn’t be lonely anymore. I was stupid. You just wanted me like Declan
wants me. You just wanted to fuck me.”

Anton stood there and realized he had invited her
over with the intention of sleeping with her and having her around for a while
until their relationship became public and he was forced to choose. Maybe he
would have left his pack and married Gigi, but most likely he wouldn’t have.
Most likely he would have abandoned her and broken her heart.

Anton hadn’t let himself consider things that far
out because he didn’t want to think of losing her. If he was honest, he always
knew he would keep her until he couldn’t keep her anymore. He would then walk
away like he had with every female before her. Anton didn’t know how to do
anything other than walk away.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“I know I’m not smart, but you knew that too. I
think if you were honorable like I thought you were then you wouldn’t have
wanted to trick me. I was stupid to trust you, but you were mean to let me
trust you. Declan never said those things like you said in the alley. He never
pretended. When he kissed me, he never acted like it meant anything. He knew I
was stupid and he didn’t trick me. You tricked me and I believed you because
you were special and I cared about you. I liked you, but I don’t anymore.”

Anton should have let Gigi go, but he stopped her
before she opened the door. Turning her face to his, he wished he had stayed
home the night before and let himself be weak. Maybe if he was weak once, he
could continue being weak and end up with Gigi forever. Instead Anton walked
away from his chance at happiness, willfully abandoning the life he really
wanted.

“I know I messed up and you have no reason to
believe me, but I don’t want you to think what we have was a lie. I do love
you. If I were my own male, I would have shown you how much I loved you from
the beginning. I was wrong to lead you on because I always knew I wasn’t my own
male. I was selfish though and being with you always made me happy. I’m sorry.”

Gigi looked like she wanted him to fix things and
prove her wrong about him, but she wasn’t wrong and Anton couldn’t fix anything.
He let her go and she left his office and kept walking out the front door and
down the street.

The others were watching him, but Anton he didn’t
care. He knew the night in the alley that he loved Gigi. He knew how he didn’t
want just any mate, it had to be her. It was so clearly in front of him the
night she was attacked, but as soon as she reappeared, he tried to lie about
how he might have everything – his pack and power along with Gigi and children.

When he got the call about Roger, Anton understood
on some level he was making a choice between his pack and a chance at a family.
He understood and he made the choice, but as Gigi disappeared from view, Anton
suspected he made the wrong one.

Gigi had considered going very fancy with her
dinner for Finn, but Ella once said the O’Connor brothers loved stews. Ella
even said no one cooked stews as good as their mother and Gigi wanted to test
this claim. Now as she checked her stew, Gigi waited for Finn to appear from
her bedroom in wolf form.

The kittens always went nuts when she cooked and
they were staring at her now, hoping for some food beyond what was in their
bowls. Gigi smiled at them and they all stood up, thinking they were about to
get something good. Suddenly their little heads turned towards her bedroom door
and their butts puffed into the air. Hissing, they walked in their prissy
agitated kitty ways until a white snout appeared from the bedroom which caused
the kittens to bolt into their room to hide.

Gigi stepped out of the kitchen to look at Finn
who emerged from the bedroom. Falling to her knees, she was in awe of how the
male she adored could turn into this beautiful creature. The big white wolf
trotted over to her and Gigi immediately reached out to touch his face. Running
her fingers through his thick coat, she laughed as she nuzzled his snout,
loving how Finn was now a big dog. Finn stared at her with his gray eyes and
whined.

Laughing, she asked, “Do you need me to take you
for a walk so you can pee?”

Finn couldn’t roll his eyes, but he did growl at
her then licked her face.

“You are so beautiful,” Gigi said, leaning her
face against his coat and listening to him breathe. “The most beautiful dog
I’ve ever seen.”

Finn let her pet him for almost ten minutes
before she remembered the food and hurried to take it off the stove. By the
time she turned back, Gigi found Finn gone and her door closed. Disappointed,
she told the kittens to come out from under the bed. They obeyed and were
sitting happily when Finn reappeared in his blue jeans and gray tee.

“Ah, I wasn’t done petting you,” Gigi whined with
a grin.

“Dinner smelled ready and I get hungry when I
shift.”

“Good because I made too much.”

Finn leaned over and smelled the stew. When he
looked at Gigi, his eyes seemed dreamy.

“Are you shy about being a wolf?” Gigi asked,
sliding her hands up his tee and enjoying his warm skin. “I think you’re a beautiful
dog.”

“You’re never going to say wolf, are you?” Finn
said, grinning.

“Wolf sounds scary. Dogs aren’t scary. They’re
man’s best friend.”

Finn lifted her face up and kissed her softly.
When he let her go, she thought maybe he didn’t care about dinner and instead
would like to go back into her bedroom where they could both get naked this
time.

“Dinner smells really good and it looks great. A
little different than my mom’s though. She’s a purist.”

“How can your mom be Irish and an Arctic wolf?”

“Her family came from Ireland along with my
father’s, but her clan goes back to the Arctic wolves. She’s very proud of the
fact that both Declan and I take after her. She says my father was handsome as
a man, but as a wolf, he looked like a mutt.”

“Do you remember your dad as a wolf?”

“Yes and I think he looked good. His coat was
darker which I think meant it was easier to keep clean.”

Gigi laughed, whether Finn meant it as a joke or
not. Based on his grin, he was clearly teasing her.

“Go sit down and I’ll serve you.”

“Ooh, fancy. Chez Gigi’s,” Finn said with a smile
as he strolled to where the cats were already waiting since they knew this was
the place for good eatin’.

Gigi carried a large polka dotted bowl filled
with stew to the table and set it between their plates. She spooned a few
serving with a ladle into the dish in front of Finn.

“Shifting makes me really hungry so keep spooning
away,” Finn said with his gaze locked on the food. Lifting his beautiful eyes
to her, he added, “Please.”

Gigi laughed at how desperately hungry he looked
and filled his plate until it was ready to spill over. Finn leaned forward and
inhaled the scent of the stew before taking a spoon and digging in.

“It’s hot,” she warned, but he responded by
taking another large bite.

Gigi blew on her stew then spooned out a few
bites of venison to cool down for the cats. They must have sensed something
because they starting bouncing over one another.

“Settle down,” she told them and they sat and
stared.

Gigi tore the venison into tiny bits and handed
out the meat to each kitten. When they were all nibbling on their servings, she
turned back to Finn who was watching her with a strange expression.

“Have you ever cooked for Silas?”

“No.”

“That’s why he doesn’t let you cook,” Finn said
as he stood up and stepped next to her chair. His lips found hers and he kissed
her deeply, his tongue tasting of the stew. When he finally let her go, Finn
returned to his seat, looking flushed. “You cook him this and he’ll let you be
head chef.”