The Mystery of Nevermore (23 page)

Fuck it. Fuck all of it and everyone who said this was a bad idea, myself included.

What I felt for Calvin was very real, and no amount of being told I couldn’t have him would sway me. Yes, I knew jumping out of one relationship and right into another was incredibly stupid. I knew what was even worse was leaving one man because he couldn’t be open about loving me for another man with the same issue, but I was too taken with Calvin to put on the brakes.

And I knew what he felt for me was real and as intense as what I was struggling with. His shit about not being worth it wouldn’t push me away, especially seeing now that he deemed himself a poor partner due to scars of war. We all have demons. If I had to rock him to sleep every night, telling him it was okay and I loved him, I would.

My breath caught.

God.

I loved him.

There really was no turning back.

His hand found my hair, and he hummed when I put my mouth over a nipple, sucking and gently biting. “You don’t need to do this,” he murmured.

“Do what?” I asked while moving over to the other nipple.

Calvin groaned quietly. “Feel bad for me.”

I stopped and raised my head. “I don’t pity you.” I straddled Calvin’s hips and leaned down close so I could see his face. “I want to be with you.”

His hands found my hips and slowly moved to hold my ass. “I can’t. I can’t stomach being the cause of your broken heart.”

“You haven’t broken it, though.”

“It’s inevitable.”

I leaned down and pressed my cheek to his, our rough jaws rubbing against each other. “Do you
want
to be with me?” I asked quietly.

His hands moved up my back and wrapped around me tight. “More than you know.”

“Then let’s see what happens,” I replied, raising my face to find his mouth and kiss it.

Calvin slid his hands under my shirt and pulled it up over my head before tossing it to the floor. He grabbed my ass again, pushing me down while thrusting up to grind against me. He bit my neck and started sucking the skin.

“Oh God,” I groaned. “Cal, I need you.”

“What do you want, baby?”

I could feel a bashful heat spread over my face, and I dropped my forehead to his chest, nipping him in response.

Calvin growled playfully. “You want my cock, don’t you? You want me to fuck your tight ass until you’re screaming, right?”

I rubbed myself hard against him. “Yes, I do.”

“I want you to suck me first.” Calvin roughly raised my head. “Get me nice and wet for you.”

There was nothing sexier, nothing more erotic, than waking up on a Monday morning and being ordered to suck the cock of this delicious man. God, yes, I wanted to taste him so bad I could barely manage to tug his pants off in my excitement. Calvin’s erection jumped up, the head huge and already dripping. I got down and held the base while licking the salty liquid.

Calvin groaned appreciatively.

I wrapped my mouth around him, bobbing up and down on as much length as I could manage.

Calvin murmured words of approval. He gripped my hair and thrust up a few times, trying to get more. “Yeah, baby,” he said. “That’s good. Suck harder.”

I hummed in response and tightened my mouth around him, moving up and down quickly. I came back to the head, sucking hard, then soft, hard, soft, over and over.

“Fuck! Sebastian!” Calvin pushed me off, sat up, and grabbed me into a rough kiss. His tongue pushed into my mouth, tasting himself. “Finish getting undressed,” he ordered after pulling back. He turned to the nightstand and opened the drawer, searching inside as I hastily kicked my pants off and threw them to the floor with the rest of our pajamas. Calvin turned back to me, grabbing me in another fierce kiss and tugging on my cock a few times. “Hands and knees,” he ordered.

I moved into the requested position, waiting to hear the snap of a bottle of lube, but I didn’t.

Instead, Calvin grabbed my asscheeks firmly, groping and pulling them apart. “Look how pretty,” he murmured.

Then I felt his tongue pressing against my entrance. I jumped forward, but Calvin held my hips firmly as he continued thrusting his tongue in and out. I moaned quietly and dropped my head. I’d never been rimmed before, and it was exciting and bizarre and felt really good.

Calvin stopped and bit one cheek. “Like that?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Want more?”

I nodded.

“I can’t hear you,” Calvin purred.

“Yes,” I groaned. “I want more, please.
Please
.”

A hand came down firmly on my ass, and I jumped again. Then Calvin’s tongue was pushing in and out, and good God, was it fucking incredible. I leaned down on my forearms and just
felt
. Calvin continued to lick and bite until I was a quivering mess.

He sat up, breathing hard as he placed kisses along my spine. Then I heard the snap of the bottle, and a blunt finger pressed into me. “I love your ass,” Calvin murmured. “The way it’s sucking on my finger, desperate for more.”

I moaned in response, pushing back to meet Calvin’s hand.

He hushed me. “Be patient.”

“
Cal
—”

Calvin pulled his finger free and slapped my ass hard. He soothed the skin and murmured something under his breath before shoving two fingers in. He took his time to stretch and prepare me again, pausing time and again to smack my ass. It hurt in an erotic way. I’d never experienced it before but definitely wanted it again in the future.

“Cal,” I whispered as he pushed three fingers in and out.

Calvin stopped and leaned over me. “You okay, baby?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it too rough?”

I shook my head. “No, I like it.”

I felt his smile as he kissed the side of my head. “Ready for my cock, then?”

“I—uh—”

Calvin petted my head. “No? Tell me what you want.”

“I want you to fuck me,” I insisted.

Calvin rubbed my ass again. “You like when I slap your ass? Is that it?”

“Yes,” I said quietly, burying my face into my arms.

Calvin chuckled. “Don’t be embarrassed. I’ll give you whatever you want, sweetie.” He moved back behind me, and I listened to the foil of a condom wrapper and more lube. The head of Calvin’s cock gently pressed against me, then eased in, breaching and filling me.

Then he smacked me hard, and my muscles tightened instinctively around him.

“Oh fuck,” he groaned while rubbing my ass. “That’s right. You like that, don’t you?”

I shivered and shook on my hands and knees, my cock hard as a rock between my legs. “Yes, do it again!”

Calvin shoved in a bit more, moving slowly when I hissed and cursed under my breath. “Okay?” he murmured.

I moaned some kind of response, glad Calvin was pushing in slow. He smacked me again when he was about halfway in, and the groan he made when I tightened around him was so incredible. I felt good knowing I was giving him the same sort of pleasure he was able to give me. I got one more hard smack before he was inside me completely.

Calvin’s hands ran up and down my back, soothing my ass and up my sides. “Ready?”

“Just fuck me!”

He grabbed onto my shoulders and started pounding into me. I felt as if I were completely at his will. From behind, on my knees with my ass in the air, Calvin was able to fuck me fast and hard. Every time I shoved back to meet him, he’d smack my cheeks. They were hot and stung a little, but the pain was so fucking pleasurable, all I could do was helplessly beg for
more
.

More of Calvin’s cock in me, more of his hands on me, more of him dictating the speed, the angle, the roughness. More of every dirty little thing he said as he lost himself in pleasure. He told me how good I was, how my ass was the best he’d ever had, how he wanted to come inside me and lick me clean.

I cried out loudly, moving my weight onto one hand to stroke myself. I was so hard, it hurt—I’d never needed a release as much as I needed one in that moment.

“You ready to come?” Calvin asked, one hand gripping my hair as he fucked me.

“Yes! I need to come,” I begged.

“That’s good, baby. Keep stroking yourself.”

“Don’t stop, don’t stop,” I said while awkwardly trying to keep moving back to meet him. My breath caught in my chest, and every muscle in my body tightened. “Oh God! Calvin!” And then I was coming hard, spurting onto the clean sheets and whimpering when he smacked my ass again, harder than he had yet.

I could feel Calvin coming, and his hands moved down to my hips, keeping me pressed against him as he rode out the sensations.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he said. “
Fuck
.” Calvin pulled out and flipped me onto my back, leaned down over me, and kissed me with a sort of aggressive possession.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of me, our kisses eventually calming as our blood cooled. “Wow,” I finally said, laughing.

Calvin grinned and kissed my nose, my cheeks, my forehead. “You liked that?”

“Yeah. I’ve never had that before.”

“Seems to me you’ve been denied a lot of sexual pleasures.”

I pursed my lips and shrugged one shoulder. “Sort of, I guess.”

Calvin hummed quietly, brushing damp hair from my forehead. “We should get going. You have to work today, don’t you?”

I stretched lazily. “No. Emporium is closed on Mondays.”

“Oh. What are your plans, then?”

“Shit.”

“What?”

“I have a brunch date.”

I could feel Calvin tense beside me. “I see.”

I grabbed my glasses off the nightstand so I could see him. “It’s not what you think.”

“Then what is it?”

It was a strange revelation to see he was jealous. “It’s just a customer. He’s asked me out a few times, and yesterday, after you got angry at me, I didn’t think I’d end up here with you. I plan on nicely letting him down.”

Calvin frowned and put an arm around me firmly. “Is that all?”

“The library,” I mentioned again. “Clean my house, I guess.”

“No, don’t go home.”

“I can’t live in your closet with you,” I said, before amending the comment, “I mean, the size of your apartment.”

“I need to have forensics check out your place.”

“Calvin, what’s the point? I’ve already been home twice. I’ve touched everything, moved books around.”

“Doesn’t matter, Sebastian. If we can find one fingerprint—a partial print, even. Besides, you need the locks changed too. It’s not safe.” He sat up, running his fingers through his hair until it stuck up comically. “Want to shower with me?”

“Together?” I asked with a chuckle. “Will we both fit in that tiny-ass little bathroom?”

“Unless you want to lay there covered in drying cum?” Calvin offered as he stood and tugged his condom off.

“Jesus, when you put it that way.” I stood and followed him.

Calvin tossed the condom as he turned the light on in the bathroom, then turned it back off. “There’s enough light coming through the window, right?” he asked, motioning to the small opening.

The fact that he noted I didn’t have contacts in and the light of the bathroom was too harsh was extremely thoughtful.

Calvin turned the shower on and then moved under the stream of warm water, tugging me in with him. He kissed me a few times, hands moving over me. “I hope you’re wearing a turtleneck to your date,” he murmured, maneuvering me under the water while he grabbed shampoo.

I opened my eyes, watching his blurry figure in the dim light. “Why do you say that?”

Calvin reached out and ran his fingers through my wet hair, soaping it up. He leaned down to kiss the side of my neck. “Because I left a mark.”

My hand reached up instinctively, touching the spot he kissed. “You did?”

Calvin hummed absently in response. “Sorry.”

“Actually, I don’t mind.”

He must have been smiling because I could hear a note of amusement in his tone. “Really?”

“It’s kind of hot.”

“You’re kind of hot. Rinse your hair.”

“Yes, sir.” I laughed to myself as I leaned back into the spray, letting it wash the soap out. I switched places with Calvin so he could wash his own hair next. “You know,” I said quietly while feeling around for soap and snagging a washcloth. “I think I’m going to have a thing about you and showers.”

“Why’s that?” Calvin asked.

“Because just a few days ago, I was jacking off in mine to thoughts of you.”

His hands came over mine, and he took the soap while kissing my mouth. “Good.”

“Good?” I repeated.

His hands were on me again, washing me with the cloth. “Yeah, because I was doing the same thing.”

“I can’t imagine that.”

“You doubt how sexy you are.”

I snorted. “Have you been paying much attention?”

“Plenty.” Calvin bent down to scrub my legs. “I’m not the one with a vision impairment.”

“Oh, low blow.”

He chuckled. “I think you’re fucking gorgeous, baby. Whether you want to believe that or not is your call.” He stood, turned me around, and ran the washcloth over my back and ass. “Just know that no amount of frumpy sweaters will ever make me think different.”

“Shopping is difficult for me,” I admitted.

“Why?”

“Colors. The world depends so much on its ability to see color. Colors provoke emotions, and maybe it sounds stupid to you, but I get so stressed out trying to understand if a yellow shirt is going to clash with the rest of my attire that I want… to cry.” Now I knew how dumb that sounded. I was essentially crying over spilled milk while an Army veteran cried over massacred children.

Calvin turned me around and kissed me.

I wrapped my arms underneath his and held on to him for a moment. “I used to try more,” I added. “I had a fashion color wheel and everything, but it was just too much work. It’s easier to trust my dad to buy a bag of secondhand crap for me in white, gray, and black, which he says can’t clash no matter what.”

“I can solve this for you,” Calvin said.

“Really? Complete human eye transplants?” I asked hopefully.

“No, just go around naked.”

“That doesn’t solve shit.”

“It’ll make me happy, though.”