The Mystic Wolves (13 page)

He lifted my chin and tilted my head back. “Shhh. We’re not going through that again, remember? What happened, happened and all the “what if’s” in the world won’t change it. Focus on the fact you survived and were able to bring Gary to justice for Jasmine. She can rest easy now.”

“How can you do that?” I asked skeptically.

“Do what?” Mason replied as his brows furrowed.

“Talk about Jasmine’s death as if it doesn’t hurt.”

Suddenly his hand flashed, becoming wolf-like before quickly changing back to human. I looked at it stunned because although I knew he had the power to partially change, I’d never seen him lose control like that. Staring up into his face, it still held a wolfish quality with his mouth turned into a snarl, revealing razor sharp fangs. His eyes blazed with a fury that made me stagger back slightly from their intensity.

The air sizzled with electricity and magic. Our surroundings suddenly became frightfully quiet as if all the animals and birds sensed the immediate danger.

The strain on his face was painfully visible as I watched him struggle to control his change. It caused my own wolf to howl and chomp as she pushed to join her mate. I’d never felt anything so severe and concentrated from him before and it broke my heart.

All this time, he’d focused on me, making sure I was okay with what happened and all the while he was dying inside. I pushed out my senses and almost crumpled under the bombardment of excruciating pain and grief. Tears began to streak down my cheek again as I watched my beloved Mason battle for his sanity.

Chapter Nine

I stretched out to touch him, my fingers tingling from the energy pulsating off his skin. I caressed him and cooed softly, trying to help him find his balance.

He fought a little against my attempts, but gradually, we were able to calm the savageness of his beast to the point where he was completely human. He stood there, angry and defeated, his head hung low with his fists clenching slightly. He was still on edge, but nowhere near as volatile. Had he decided to leave earlier, I shuddered to think the damage he would’ve done to anyone foolish enough to get in his way.

I stooped a little to catch his gaze, sweeping the strands of his hair away from his eyes. This man was just so magnificent, and I wanted nothing more than to take this from him. It was only now, as we stood in silence, I realized the full weight of his responsibilities as Alpha, and what astonishing strength it took him to maintain his calm façade. It also made me wonder just how much he hid from the world—or even me.

“Talk to me, Mason. Please.” I took him by the hand and lifted it to my heart. “Let me in.” I stared in amazement as a solitary tear streaked down his cheek. His eyes were rapidly filling, and I watched as he fought to clamp down hard on his emotions and push out a stoic expression.

“Don’t you dare try to hide yourself from me. Talk to me. Yell, rage and cry. Anything but shut me out!” I released his hand and placed my own on his chest. I could feel the violent pounding of his heart and the deep sobs that were churning inside. He was ready to explode and with what we were about to face, I knew he couldn’t afford to lose this battle.

Had I not been standing so close, I would’ve missed his whispered reply. “I’m a failure.”

The sound of despair and anguish was soul crushing and sent my mind reeling.

“What …?” I couldn’t even finish the sentence, the idea was so beyond my understanding. Here stood the most courageous man I’d ever been blessed to know. He was so selfless, putting everyone’s needs before his own, making himself available to help anyone who needed him. I’d seen a few Alphas up close during my life and none of them came close to the kind of integrity and honor Mason showed. He went far beyond, seeing his role as more than just a job, but a calling. He was fair, honest, and loyal to a fault. You couldn’t look at him and doubt he gave everything. How he thought he was a failure stumped me.

“I thought you accepted there was nothing more you could’ve done, that the true villain was Gary. Or was it just a line to calm me?” I asked, not caring I was throwing his words back at him.

Mason drew in a deep breath, as if trying to pull his thoughts from the air. “I’m just waiting for my heart to catch up, Darcy. That’s all.”

“Then we’ll talk about it. Tell me what’s happening here.” I gently tapped his chest again. “And don’t say “nothing” because this doesn’t feel like everything is fine.”

More tears began to stream down his cheeks, and he raised his fist to rub them away. “No, we need to get back and take care of business.” He put steel into his voice and went to move me, but I refused to budge.

“Oh no, you don’t. You wanted to talk so we’re not going anywhere until I know you’re okay.” I added a stern edge to my voice. “Don’t make me order you.”

He snorted loudly at that. “With what authority, Darcy? Last time I checked, I was the Alpha here.”

“The if-you-don’t-talk-you’ll-spend-an-eternity-sleeping-on-the-couch kind of authority, Your Royal Grouchy Pants.” I slapped his bare chest for emphasis. “Don’t be a jerk, you know what I mean.”

That earned me a small soft smile and it warmed me. “I can’t afford to go into this right now. We’ll deal with it later.” He moved again to pull me toward the house.

“No, we’ll deal now.” I dug my heels into the ground.

“Why are you being so stubborn about this, Darcy?” He demanded hotly, fire lighting in his eyes.

“Stubborn? Isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black?” I retorted, my hands resting on my hips to match my attitude. “You, Mister I-won’t-talk-about-it, are the epitome of stubbornness. Now spill.”

“No.”

“You did
not
just deny me.” My own temper began to rise.

“Please, Darcy, I know what you’re trying to do, but just let it be. I can’t.” The pleading in his voice pierced me and I avoided looking into his eyes.

“You can’t what? Confide in your mate? Explain why you think this is your fault? Share how you feel?” I threw my questions rapidly at him. “You asked me to trust you knew what we needed, and I did. You were right, so I’m asking the same. You need this now. Until you share the burden you’re holding onto, you’re going to be off balanced. Let me help you carry it. Trust me.”

“I can’t be weak!” he shouted and it sent a flurry of birds flying into the air as the words exploded from his mouth. “Damn it, Darcy. I have to go into that meeting soon and make decisions which heavily affect not just us, but the entire Pack, and you want me talking about my feelings?”

“How does that make you weak? Do you think people are going to think less of you because you grieve? You lost your sister, Mason. You almost lost me. If that’s not grounds to show a little vulnerability, I don’t know what else is. No one expects you to be perfect either.”

“They don’t?” he scoffed. “I have the constant attention of the power hungry, who look for the slightest chink in my armor so they can exploit it. I may rule this Pack, but there are always people willing to claw their way to the top. How am I supposed to keep you safe if I have to ward off challenges?”

“Now you’re starting to sound like me, and if I remember right, you told me all you ever expected was for me to be myself. I say take your own advice. Allow yourself at least a few moments to feel before you shut it all off. It’s not healthy. And answer me honestly, are you going to be able to keep focused when inside you’re divided? That hurt and pain you’re burying requires energy to stay that way. Wouldn’t it be better to release some of the pressure so you don’t feel so tightly wound.” I rested my ear to his chest, stroking him with my fingers. “It sounds intense in there, Mason—chaotic, and I need you to trust me now. Let some of it go if you can’t free all of it. Just do something because it’s killing me to see you like this.”

He thrummed under my touch, and I felt the subtle change in his body. He relaxed ever so slightly and then it seemed like he shattered. Choking sobs blasted out of him, and he dropped to the floor, holding his head in his hands as he wept.

I said nothing as I joined him, gathering him into my arms so I could shelter him. To be so strong for so long was a burden and I was honored at the trust he showed by revealing how devastated he was. I know I’d told him it was okay to be vulnerable, but I understood just how against the grain it was for him to be in this state. I feathered little kisses over the top of his head and held on tight.

The depths of his emotions were profound and seemed to go on without end. I murmured over and over it was okay and he must have found it amusing because he offered a rather cynical chuckle.

Pulling himself back up, he lifted his head to look at me. “How is this okay? What kind of leader and mate will I be if I can’t even protect my sister? Yes, I know rationally it’s not my fault,” he said, cutting me off before I could interrupt him. “It just kills me I wasn’t there. I watched my father be this controlling, dominating force in our family growing up. He ruled with an iron fist and too bad if you didn’t like it. It didn’t matter who it was, if you questioned him, he’d beat you back into submission. My mother had absolutely no freedom and it pained me to see her put up with his abusiveness because she was afraid for her children. My father was a monster in every sense of the word and I vowed …
vowed,
Darcy, I would never become like him.”

“But you’re not. You are far from that,” I gently added.

“I’m not?” He choked, sarcasm heavy in his voice. “You have no idea how hard it is sometimes not to lock you in your room and never let you out—to watch your independence and not move to stifle it. It makes me crazy with worry I’ll lose you because I don’t trust myself if I did. It would infuriate Jasmine whenever we argued because our ideas on protecting were so different. Even now, part of me is raging over my foolishness. If I’d stopped fighting my nature, Jasmine would still be here. So you see? This is my fault—my weakness and my cross to bear.”

“It’s not your fault and we’ll bear this together,” I answered, pulling him back into my embrace. My fingers found his hair and I began to tenderly stroke his head.

“I let her down.” He sobbed again, his body convulsing. Anguish poured off him and I quietly let him vent.

“I miss her so much. Her smile, the way she used to say my name when I teased her. You never realize just how much someone means to you until they’re gone. What devastates me is I never got to say goodbye. I don’t even think I told her I loved her when you both left. I thought there was plenty of time and now I feel cheated and angry. Gary stole from me … from us. There are so many things I’ll never be able to do with my baby sister because of a man’s obsession with something he couldn’t have.” He took a deep breath in between his outburst before continuing. “She told me about the dreams she’d been having of a man she didn’t recognize. Dreams where he told her he was her mate and he was coming for her. She didn’t know what the meant, and needed to know what her big brother thought about it.”

I’d forgotten about her dream. Mason and I had always thought she’d mate with Daniel, the childhood crush she’d carried for him still strong even through the years. Jasmine had been so excited to share the next morning, and we’d spent time day dreaming over the possibilities, imagining what the mystery wolf would be life.

His eyes widen as he remembered. “You should’ve seen the way her eyes sparkled, Darcy. She could barely contain her excitement, bouncing around in her seat like she was about to explode. We must have talked for an hour as she asked me question after question. Who did I think he was? Where was he? Could she trust the dream? I couldn’t help laughing, her enthusiasm was so addicting. I teased her about Daniel, telling her how this would crush him, but you could tell the idea of her settling down intrigued her. I don’t know if it will ever come to past, but what if it was true? Am I supposed to wait for that future knock on the door and have to share with a stranger the woman he was expecting is gone?” His voice broke. “No happily ever after for her. No babies … no future. All gone in the blink of an eye.”

I tried to speak, but couldn’t. My own tears coursed down my face as I listened to him bare his soul.

“I don’t ever want to fail like that again. I need to be strong so I should forewarn you, don’t kill me if I start to get a little possessive and over protective. I don’t mean to, but I’m fighting instincts here. Be patient.”

“Whatever you need, I love you. And Jasmine … she was so proud of you,” I whispered when I finally found my voice. “You’re a good man. Don’t ever doubt it.”

We huddled together in silence, caught up in the truthfulness of the moment. Gone was the buildup of magic. The aggression and anger from before had also abated and I could sense his fatigue. I don’t think he realized just how much he had bottled until he pulled the cork and let it out.

“Was that good enough?” He chuckled, his body putty under my hands. “I didn’t scare you away with my sappiness?” I could sense the mood changing as he began to bring himself back together.

“Never. You’re stuck with me forever.” I leaned forward and kissed him lightly.

“Good, because I’d accept nothing less. I love you, Darcy.” He smiled and this time it reached his eyes. “And thank you. I’ll admit, I do feel better and not so heavy inside.”

“Then that’s all that matters. You’re not alone anymore. You have me and I will always be here to listen. We strengthen each other and there’s nothing to be ashamed of in needing a little help. There’s no weakness in it.” I made sure to put emphasis on the last part. I didn’t want him walking away thinking I felt he was less of a man because he’d shown his emotions.