The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want (12 page)

If you get a positive reaction, you can immediately approach without needing to think of anything clever to say. If you get a negative reaction, you probably won’t get a good one if you go on and attempt to “open.” The secret to success is that your trademark will become a reflex action. It’s as if you’d studied kung fu for twenty years, so you swing into action without thinking twice when someone attacks you.

Believe me, it takes a lot more balls to approach a beautiful woman cold than to force her interest. So start practicing your own signature moves, or be my guest and steal my trademark point. By the way, to show just how important this is, keep this in mind: with more than 80 percent of the women I’ve talked to in the past three years, the initial conversation has been as a result of this technique!

Approaching After an Indication of Interest

If she gave you a sign of interest, it’s doubtful that she’s not attracted, so go for it! I usually use, “Hey, how’s it going?” Longer or indirect openers (like asking for an opinion about this or that) will kill tension. Just be bold, be direct, and assume that she’s attracted to you.

There are two ways to make a cold approach. One is the cold walk-up, where you directly approach a girl and engage her. The second is a more casual, seemingly spontaneous way to open: the girl is a step or two away, and you casually turn around, or move closer, and open. In both instances, there are steps you can take to create a favorable first impression.

What you “say” with your body can either advance your cause or doom you to failure. Let’s look first at some common body language faux pas.

Most men walk up to a girl they’re interested in and get right in her face. Do this to someone you
know
and it’s bad enough. Ask someone to do this to you to see how it feels. It creates a reflex response of wanting to step back and put your hands up to create distance. This puts a lot of pressure on an interaction before it has even begun. Unless the girl is obviously interested in you, it’s a bad move. This type of face-to-face interaction also feels like it could go on forever because it’s so awkward. Both people look locked in, and the only way for the interaction to end is if someone turns one hundred and eighty degrees. In the event of a flat-out rejection, everyone around you has seen what happened, so you’re putting even more pressure on yourself.

This example is bad in so many ways. It’s very locked in; the stance is statuesque; the head is the furthest part forward of the body. A woman will feel very uncomfortable if this is your body language on a cold approach. If this is how you’re standing when you first open your mouth, then what you say will have to be pretty incredible to make a favorable impression!

So what does this communicate? It’s not scary or creepy, but it’s very weak. Look how an attractive man can be made to look very unattractive with awful body language. Hands in pockets, an approval-seeking tilt of the head, and an unsure posture all communicate weakness. This is not the pose of a comfortable, confident man.

Once you understand body language and can read women’s reactions, you’ll see how bad at this most men are. This is the kind of knowledge that will boost confidence, because you know that you understand how to do things better than most other men.

When you’re opening, your feet should be pointing away from the girl; only your face should be pointing toward her. By adopting this posture, you can comfortably get close enough to touch, but the interaction isn’t as locked in and you aren’t invading her personal space. To “eject”—to remove yourself from the interaction—you’d just have to turn your head and not face her anymore. I think most people respond well to being “opened” this way, because they’ve probably already had many short, innocent interactions similar to this prior to your making your move.

The low-pressure way to open is with the feet pointing away from the girl and only the face pointing toward her. Because this looks impermanent, it’s very comfortable for the girl. It also seems more spontaneous.

Here we have a better posture; it’s open and more confident. There’s eye contact, yes; but any potential threat is lessened by the head being in line with the body and by the use of gestures. One foot is pointing away, which makes the stance feel less locked in and more casual.

When you approach a seated group, you want to quickly get down to the same level as the girl you’re interested in, because it’s very difficult to open—much less close—when you’re standing over someone.

You probably haven’t had this happen since grade school, but someone standing over you will put you on guard immediately. If you approach a girl from a standing position, sit down within ten seconds. You can use a time constraint—“I need to go soon, but just wanted to ask you …”—to avoid making her feel uncomfortable at sitting with someone she has just met.

If there are no spare chairs, or if you need to ask her to move to make space for you, you should start off in a position like this so that you’re on her level. But don’t stay like this for too long or it will become weird. Quickly ask her to move over; alternatively, move yourself to sit on the arm of the chair or even share her chair with her.

On the other hand, if when she catches your eye she stands up, the aforementioned recommendations for body language immediately apply.

These examples will help you perfect the indirect approach. Direct game (showing interest right away) obviously requires that you put more pressure on an interaction earlier on, so making the girl feel comfortable and minimizing your chances of getting rejected aren’t so much of an issue. Direct body language is all about presenting a sexual vibe, touching quickly, and escalating sexually.

There are two very distinct schools of seduction, direct or indirect, and most methods fall into one of them. The system presented in this book takes both into account, and I suggest that you use them both, depending on the circumstances.

Direct game involves approaching, immediately conveying interest, then rapidly intensifying the interaction with words and kino-escalation (a.k.a. increasingly sexual touches—a touch on the arm, then the small of back; then holding hands, stroking through her hair, kissing, etc.). An example of direct game is to approach a girl, tell her you think she’s beautiful, then take her by the hands and quickly go for the kiss. You’re basically approaching in seduction mode (that is, as Mr. Seduction—one of the three characters of seduction introduced in the previous chapter). The benefit of a direct approach is its efficiency. It allows you to quickly test a girl’s interest. Who wants to wait hours to kiss if they don’t have to? Who wants to chat for an hour before finding out the girl is unavailable?