The Nekropolis Archives

Praise for
TIM WAGGONER

"It's hard to say if this singular novel, which boasts a wicked sense of humor to round off the horror, should be eligible for an Edgar Award or a Bram Stoker or both."

      –
Elliot Swanson
, Booklist

"Both horror and mystery readers will be delighted by this horror-noir adventure."

      –
Publishers Weekly
(starred review)

"It's a classic. If you're a fan of Simon R. Green, who does a series very much like this one, you'll especially enjoy
Nekropolis
. It's a horror spoof done with a sense of wit and pulp detective done tongue-in-cheek. Sam Spade, watch out. There's a slow-footed zombie creeping up on you!"

      –
Bewildering Stories

"This is a terrific melding of the horror and private detective genres. Waggoner's writing is visually led, and the
Blade Runner/Dark City
atmosphere is well drawn."

      –
Total SciFi

"With plenty of twists, surprises, and undead smack downs,
Nekropolis
has made my list of top reads of the year. The setting is a lot like Simon Green's
Nightside
series with mystery, dark humor, and horror. Though I found myself enjoying this novel even more. The story is darker, a bit more complex, with likeable characters. It's fresh and fun; and I didn't want it to end. Fantasy and horror fans, don't miss this fantastic release."

      –
SciFi Chick

"It's the perfect weapon for killing a day. The cure for boredom.
Nekropolis
slaps all the disgustingly fun aspects of Tim Waggoner's writing right on the autopsy table, and I came away happy to have spent my money."

      –
Spine Busters

BY THE SAME AUTHOR
 
Novels
Nekropolis
Dead Streets
Dark War
Cross County
Dark Ages: Gangrel
Darkness Wakes
Defender: Hyperswarm
Dying For It
Godfire: The Orchard of Dreams
The Harmony Society
In the Shadow of Ruin
Like Death
A Nightmare on Elm Street: Protégé
Pandora Drive
A Shadow Over Heaven's Eye
Stargate SG-1: Valhalla
 
 
Blade of the Flame
Thieves of Blood
Forge of the Mindslayers
Sea of Death
 
 
Dragonlance, the New Adventures
Temple of the Dragonslayer
Return of the Sorceress
 
 
Collections
All Too Surreal
Broken Shadows

TIM WAGGONER

The Nekropolis Archives

THE NOVELS

Nekropolis

Dead Streets

Dark War

THE SHORT STORIES

Disarmed and Dangerous

The Midnight Watch

Zombie Interrupted

HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR FIRST TEN MINUTES IN NEKROPOLIS

By Matt Richter

The name's Matt Richter. I was a cop once, worked Homicide in Cleveland, Ohio. But that was a few years ago – back when I was alive. Now I'm a zombie, and I work as a private investigator on the very mean streets of a city called Nekropolis. You won't find it on any map, not a map of Earth, anyway. See, four centuries ago, the world's Darkfolk – supernatural creatures such as vampires, werewolves, witches, demons, ghosts and the like – decided humans were becoming too numerous for their comfort, and so they traveled to a dimension of darkness where they could build their own city and live in peace (or at least their twisted idea of peace). They dubbed their new home Nekropolis. But the Dark Lords who ruled the city didn't want to sever all ties to Earth's dimension. Not only was it their original home, but the planet contained numerous resources – both natural and human-made – they could make use of. These portals were strictly monitored and controlled, of course, but that didn't mean others weren't created illegally. Crime, it seems, is a multiversal constant. Good thing, too. For dimensional ex-pats like me, it means job security.

  Humans occasionally emigrate to Nekropolis (you wouldn't believe how many damn Goth kids find their way here). These immigrants come for many reasons. Some simply have a fascination with the darker side of existence, while others want to do business – legitimate or, more often, illicit – with the Darkfolk. But sometimes people find themselves stepping through a portal into Nekropolis by accident, without the slightest notion of what waits for them on the other side. And as you might imagine, ignorance is not only far from bliss in this case, it's usually fatal. The commonly accepted wisdom among Nekropolitans is that the average lifespan of an unprepared human on the streets of Nekropolis is ten minutes. When I first heard this statistic, I thought it was an exaggeration. Now after having lived – or at least existed – here for several years, I think it's an overly generous estimate.

  So, as a service to those of you who might one day find yourselves gazing into a floor-length mirror whose surface doesn't look quite as solid as it should – a mirror which seems to be beckoning you to step just a little bit closer… and to those of you who might be walking down a dark alley one night when a strange green mist appears out of nowhere and engulfs you… to all of you who end up suddenly standing on a sidewalk in Nekropolis wondering what the hell just happened, I present the following tips for surviving your first ten minutes here. Keep in mind that this advice comes with no guarantees, no money back, and your mileage may vary.

1. Don't make eye contact.

This one might seem like a no-brainer at first. In an earthly city, making eye contact is an open invitation to scam artists, beggars, or crazies who want to tell you all about the wonderful new religion they've created based on the worship of a giant Styrofoam grasshopper named Agnes. But you know how some wild animals take direct eye contact as a challenge? A lot of the citizens you'll encounter on the streets of Nekropolis
are
wild animals in one way or another. And the last thing you want to do is extend a challenge to them – because it
will
be the last thing you ever do. Remember, survival of the fittest isn't just an abstract concept in Nekropolis. It's practically the city's unofficial motto.

2. Don't bleed.

Many Darkfolk have a heightened sense of smell – not to mention a heightened appetite. Get cut (or for women, visit Nekropolis at the wrong time of your cycle), and you'll find yourself attracting some extremely unwanted attention. And while you're at it, try not to sweat too much. Or breathe too loudly. Or break wind. Or… Hell, just try your best not to do
anything
.

3. Stay out of the street.

While walking into the middle of a busy city street is never a good long-term survival strategy, the road traffic in Nekropolis is an altogether different animal – sometimes literally. With their enhanced reflexes and resistance to physical damage, Darkfolk can and do drive as fast as they want. And to them a major vehicle collision is little more than a mild inconvenience, especially for those who are already (or mostly) dead. And then there are those vehicles that are practically lifeforms in and of themselves: Meatrunners, Carapacers, Grillgoyles, Leviavans… many of which run on a more meaty fuel than gasoline, and which aren't averse to topping off their tanks with a quick snack if it's suicidal enough to get in their way.

4. Don't walk too close to doorways or alley entrances.

You know that old phrase, "The Boogeyman will get you if you don't watch out"? Well, in Nekropolis the Boogeymen have a damn long reach and lightning-fast reflexes. Imagine giant trapdoor spiders hopped up on golf ball-sized amphetamines. Tread carefully, and if possible, travel with a friend who weighs more – and is therefore more appetizing – than you.

5. Don't assume something's not dangerous just because it doesn't
look
dangerous.

There's a simple rule of thumb in Nekropolis.
Everything
wants to kill you. Vampires, demons, and werewolves are obviously apex predators. But that scrawny little puppy that wanders up to you, wagging its tail and whining pitifully because it's cold and hungry? If you're dumb enough to stoop down to pet it, you deserve what happens to you next.

Now that you've read my tips, you may be thinking there's no way you'll ever make it past the ten-minute mark. But just remember: I did. Hell, I managed to last almost half a week before I died. So welcome to Nekropolis and good luck. You're going to need it – by the truckload.

Matt Richter

Nekropolis

417 AD (Anno Descension)

A SHORT STORY

DISARMED AND DANGEROUS

Gleaming steel talons came streaking toward my face, and though my reflexes aren't what they used to be, I managed to dodge to the right in time to keep from losing anything more than my left ear. I wasn't particularly concerned. An ear's not all that important, and I could always get it reattached later. Assuming that the demon on the other end of those talons didn't turn me into shredded zombie flakes first.

  The steel talons – possibly a surgical augmentation since the rest of the creature appeared organic – sank into the alley wall, neatly pinning my ear to the brick in the process. The alley walls were covered with leech-vine, but luckily for the demon, its talons had sunk into a patch of brick where the vine was thin. Even luckier, the inorganic substance of its talons didn't prod the vine into attacking. The demon grunted in frustration and the scale-covered muscles on its arm tightened as it fought to pull its hand free. This would have been an excellent time for me to turn and run like hell – or in my case, do a shuffling half-walk, halfrun – away from the demon. But I had unfinished business with the damned thing. Besides, it had my ear.

  A variety of specialized weaponry comes in handy in my line of work, and I reached into the outer pocket of my suit jacket and withdrew one of my most useful tools.

  With a final yank the demon managed to pull its hand loose, and it turned to face me, shark teeth bared in a savage snarl, my bloodless ear still stuck to one of its talons. When it saw the weapon I held aimed at the corrugated hide directly between its eyes, the snarl became a chuckle.

  "A squirt gun?" Its voice sounded like ground glass being shaken in a coffee can. "Are you insane?
Real
bullets wouldn't do much more than tickle me!"

  "I know." I tightened my finger on the plastic trigger and began pumping streams of holy water into the demon's face.

  The creature howled in pain as its facial scales began to sizzle and smoke. The demon threw up its hands to protect itself, the motion dislodging my ear and sending it flying. I didn't see where it landed; I was a bit busy. I'd look for it later – assuming I survived. I kept firing, if that's the right term to use when your ammo is liquid, hoping to at least disable the demon, if not kill it. Unfortunately, the demon had other ideas.