The Nemesis Blade (83 page)

“Not
Luvan?”

“They know,
but the step to change has not been taken. It may never be taken.
We are proud of who we are.”

“And you await
formal apology.”

“No.
Torrullin, nearly losing everything scared the crap out of me.
Truly. I would happily beg you to keep your mouth shut if it will
keep things the way they are.”

“You did not
tell them everything.”

“No. That is
now, quite firmly, in the past.”

“Good, for we
cannot go back again.”

“Never?”

“Not
ever.”

Teighlar
lifted a brow. “You can.”

“No, it has
been cut loose. Thank the gods.”

“So you
are
free.” Slowly Teighlar nodded.

“Finally.”

“What of
Elianas?”

Torrullin
shrugged. “He is now stuck here. Perhaps he will not mind.”

“That is not
what I meant, but … interesting.”

Torrullin
laughed.

“Where to from
here?” Teighlar prompted.

“Saska.”

“I spoke to
her as you asked. She said she would wait to see your eyes before
she spoke her choice.”

“Thanks for
the heads-up.”

“Are you going
to leave her?” Teighlar asked.

“In my mind,
yes, but my heart will not know until I, too, have seen her
eyes.”

“And
Lowen?”

“I have no
idea.”

Teighlar
sighed. “And I thought juggling mistresses was hard.”

Torrullin
snorted. “Oh?”

“Three of
them, damn it, and what is worse, they know about each other.”

Torrullin
burst out laughing. “Is that why you are hiding in the
stables?”

Teighlar
glared at him in mock despair. “It isn’t funny.”

Laughing,
teasing and talking they walked their horses back to the gate,
where Torrullin dismounted. Handing the reins to Teighlar, he said,
“I am going from here.”

“No
drink?”

“I have seen
enough of Grinwallin for a while, my friend. Know I relinquish all
claim to her.”

Teighlar
bowed. “That I already know, but thank you.”

“The void
requires watching, however.”

“Already in
place.”

“Good. Some
time we will need to institute major protection, know that.”

“Thus it
remains a danger.”

“Yes, but not
yet. Not yet.”

Teighlar
smiled down at the fair man. “Go, Torrullin. I can feel the
impatience radiating off you. We have time; we shall see each other
again.”

Torrullin
reached up and gripped Teighlar’s arm in ritual greeting, and then
he was gone.

Teighlar rode
his horse in, leading the other behind.

Akhavar

Saska was in
the Chamber of Biers bending over Nemisin’s mortal remains.

He had not
been in before, and the place assailed his senses. Torrullin reeled
back gasping for air. It was as if Time crushed his soul.

She
straightened.

“There is just
memory here. Gods.” He stumbled away.

She found him
beside a pool pacing madly.

“Memory? Only
the dead remain.”

“They
speak.”

“Ah. And you
thought you had finally escaped them.”

“Obviously I
was wrong,” Torrullin frowned.

“I feel it,
too, when I am there. Nemisin is angry and Neolone bound him by
scratching upon his tomb.”

Torrullin
looked at her. “Clever Neolone.”

“He wasn’t so
stupid.”

Then they
stared at each other and the reading of eyes commenced.

Long, long
minutes passed.

Saska spoke
first. “You still love me, but others need you more now.” She
sighed and broke the contact. “I release you, Torrullin.”

He closed in
on her. “You free both of us.”

She looked up.
“Will you stay? One night? You and me, locked away from the
universe.”

He reached for
her.

Chapter 65

Sometimes
starting over needs contain elements of what you seek to leave
behind. Choose wisely.

~ Awl

Sanctuary

T
he next day the time to deal with
Lowen and Elianas arrived.

He came early,
leaving Saska sleeping and saying his farewell to her in his heart.
Saying it while staring into her eyes would now undo him. He found
Lowen out in the snowscape that was a world in the grip of winter.
She was warmly dressed and stared over Lake Averis. He approached,
deliberately treading loud.

Her eyes were
brilliant in the gloomy light. She took him in head to toe and then
studied his eyes. She turned away. “You have been with Saska.”

“We said our
goodbyes.” He came to rest beside her and found the view without
seeing anything.

“Until the
next time.”

“No, it is
over.”

She was
silent.

He said,
“Teroux is taking ownership of the villa. No doubt he will be here
sometime today to see what he needs bring with him.”

“I must get
out.”

“You were not
intending to stay.”

“No. I’ll be
gone.”

“Where will
you go?” he asked.

She glanced at
him. “Now you’re concerned?”

“If Lax taught
me one lesson, it was not to interfere in your life again.”

A longer
silence and then, “You chose Elianas.”

“I chose
myself.”

“He told me
about his wife, his daughter, your son.”

Torrullin
inhaled and exhaled. “Then you know we are family and the bond is
tight.”

She faced him.
“There is no shame in loving a man, Torrullin, or taking one as a
life mate. Why do you insist on this half-baked relationship -
look, do not touch - and keep it that way? You are hurting
him.”

“You care that
I hurt him?”

“Don’t change
the subject.”

“He was a boy
when I first saw him. I thought it was hero worship, puppy love. I
did not take it too seriously and gave him space to overcome it. He
got married, Lowen, and that should have been the end of it. I was
not drawn to him, not as a boy, not as a young man and not as a
maturing adult, not as he was to me. I was intrigued by his mind -
so quick, clever, complicated and creative. He taught me as much as
I taught him, and some of the Valleur’s greater spells come from
risky experimentation we undertook, upon his instigation. It was a
glorious time and we often entered the unknown.

“Nemisin tried
to use him against me. He saw more clearly than I did how Elianas
felt. It was not that he thought to use his son-in-law, but he
realised the more aloof I was over Elianas’ feelings, the more he
could prompt. Nemisin did not give a shit that his daughter would
be hurt in the process. I was not sure who Elianas gave loyalty to,
until one night when we came to blows.”

“He told me.
That is when you told him the truth about yourself.”

“Unfortunately. And he wanted immortality also. To prove where his
loyalties lay.”

“You told him
he would be doing it for himself.”

“Gods, how
long did you discuss this?”

She shrugged.
“I went to kick his butt out of here and we started talking.”

He gave a
half-smile. “No one kicks Elianas’ butt.”

“I know, damn
it.”

“Lowen …”

“Go on with
your story.”

“Fine. He was
trying to prove loyalty and more, but I needed him to want it for
himself. When he thought about it, he came to see he had to be
selfish or the Ritual would not work. Fact of the matter was, he
was pissed at me for trampling his feelings and I was angry that he
placed a burden on me. I, after all, aided in creating another
Immortal - god help us. He returned to court and I followed. We
really pushed the limits of anger then.”

“And you
realised you had feelings for him?”

“I realised
how much I missed him. Apprentice, then master, the risks, the
laughter, the brotherhood of magic. We were friends and brothers
long before our kids eloped and caused scandal, although that event
went a long way in explaining to others why we were close. That
came later, however.”

“Nemisin sent
him to you to spy a while after you parted at court.”

Torrullin was
silent, remembering those intense moments in the storm. “Yes, and I
tested him a last time.”

“You, um,
slept with him to bind him to you?”

He stared
unseeingly outward. “No, Lowen, but I gave enough so he would know
I acknowledge his feelings.”

“How did you
feel?”

A wry laugh.
“I still do not know.”

“And a
half-baked relationship goes on,” Lowen snapped. “How can you do
this?”

“You do not
understand. If we cross the line between us, brotherhood is ended.
He knows this; I know this. Besides, I prefer the complications of
a woman’s mind, yours among others. He knows this about me, too.”
Shoulders lifted. “In his dreams he has had heart’s desire
fulfilled; it is what keeps him sane.”

Lowen
whispered, “Wish or will.”

“Indeed. In
this new time, which one will be stronger?”

“For him?”

“No, for
me.”

She stared at
him. “What do you mean?”

“Elianas and I
have not yet shared this time - will brotherhood survive new
challenges or will it fail? Do I wish to keep this strangeness we
have alive or do I will something else? The real question is, what
is that something else?”

She pondered,
but found the ways too complicated to grasp. “What about us?”

“Seeing as I
am now without a wife?”

“I didn’t mean
that.”

“I did.”

“Well?” she
demanded.

“It depends on
you.”

“How?”

He shrugged.
“You will work it out.”

She glared.
“Of course, this morning you’re so sated I can read no clues as to
your feelings.”

Torrullin
stared at her. “Saying farewell to someone you love sates nothing.
It hurts.”

Lowen drew a
shuddering breath. “I am sorry.”

He looked
away. “I did not come here to explain relationships to you.”

“Why did you
come? To tell me to vacate the villa?”

He laughed.
“Maybe.”

“Gods,
stubborn. What happens next?”

“We dance,
Lowen, but not yet. You stew while I find out what the future
entails, and then we meet again.”

“Where are you
going?”

“Nowhere.
Everywhere.”

“We all need
time apart. Good, this is good …” and she locked onto silvery eyes.
“But say what you will, you chose Elianas in the grotto; we all
felt it. You had a chance to choose an ending somewhere along the
way and you denied that for him.”

“You cannot
blame me for your choice there.”

“I don’t, but
I thought you would stand with me. I have seen how time played with
you.”

He sighed.
“There will be an end to all things, eventually. Then I may go, but
not like this, never like this. Elianas will be there at the end,
whether lovers, brothers or enemies. I chose him, as you say,
because I already did so a long time ago.”

“You love
him.”

“I do.”

She swore. “I
cannot fathom you.”

“Good. I must
go now.”

“To him?”

“For a time -
to tell him I am abandoning him for a while.”

Lowen blinked.
“What will he do? He has no place in this time.”

He touched her
face. “It is not your concern.” He leaned forward and touched his
lips to her forehead. “Till we meet.”

Torrullin was
gone.

She stood on,
until the cold forced her indoors.

Chapter 66

Brotherhood is
not tangible, yet as real as a kiss or an embrace.

~ Unknown

Sanctuary

H
e climbed down to the tiny beach at
the foot of the cliffs.

It was a
sliver; any boat or ship paddling on the lake could swamp it in the
wash created. This small element of danger Elianas discovered to
appease a restless spirit.

Snow had
fallen again; he could hear the melt as it dripped down the cliffs,
and it masked Torrullin’s approach. The first indication he had of
company was a hand on his shoulder. He knew instantly whom it
belonged to and thus did not move.

“The future is
clouded.”

“A novel
sensation.” Torrullin removed his hand.

“The past is
adrift.”

“Finally.”

“We walk in
tandem at last. How very new,” Elianas murmured.

“A different
challenge, wouldn’t you say?”

“I find I do
not so much care for this blindness.”

“We can grow
accustomed to it, I am sure.”

“You gave
everything away, didn’t you? Property, duties … wife.”

“Yes. Cutting
loose.” Torrullin’s hand lifted to the dark hair. “Why are you so
far away?”

“I am right
here.” Elianas replied, turning. “You are moving away.”

“I aim to
travel …”

“That is not
what I meant … and bullshit. You hate travel without purpose.”

Torrullin
smiled, his hand still on Elianas’ hair. “Then I am looking for
something. I do not know what.”

Elianas
gripped Torrullin’s wrist and brought it down. He tossed it back at
the fair man. “Do not patronise me.”

Torrullin’s
eyes narrowed. “Tristan, Teroux and Tian are settled in their
futures or will be within days. Saska has released me, Teighlar is
content, the Kaval will move on, Lowen will do as Lowen does, and I
have made my peace - such as it is - with the past, all of
them.”

“Then you came
to say goodbye.” Elianas was angry.

“For a
while.”

Anger gave way
to speculation. “And?”

Fair hair
swung over; Torrullin look into the cold, grey water. “I want you
with me. I do not want to feel the sense of loss I did after that
stupid situation with the baron.” His voice was hoarse as he
continued, “I thought to take time to unravel this strange
triangle, find out what really lies ahead, and suddenly I do not
care to find out without you.”