The New Breadmakers (23 page)

For a moment she didn’t say anything. Maybe what he was threatening was no more than empty bluster. Yet she was afraid that he would at least carry out his threat of locking the back door and destroying her stock of medicines. Destroying her therapy business.

After Melvin had gone to have one of his sympathetic heart-to-heart talks with her mother, Catriona sat thinking of what she could do. She knew what her life would be like without her business. It didn’t bear thinking about. She couldn’t live like that any more. No, no, God no! Definitely not.

Eventually she thought of a way, the only way in the circumstances. She would get digs somewhere while she looked for a place to stay permanently and suitable shop premises near to where she would live. Springburn would be the best place. For one thing, it was a very busy area, so chances were there would be plenty of customers and patients. Springburn was also on the same side of Glasgow as Madge and Julie. Melvin would not succeed in separating her from her business, from her patients or from her friends.

She hesitated in going to Madge at this stage because Madge seemed to think that Melvin was the world’s best husband. Madge would support her but would tell her she was ‘a daft wee midden’ all the same. Julie and Sammy would be more sympathetic and understanding and willing to give practical help. She immediately set off to see them and her belief that they would be understanding and helpful proved true. Sammy even said, ‘I’ve often wondered why you put up with him for so long. Of course we’ll help you all we can. I’ve passed one or two empty shops in Springburn on my way to work. I’ll find out who’s letting them, if you like.’

‘Oh, thanks, Sammy, and as soon as possible, please. I want to be out of Botanic Crescent right away if I possibly can. I might even book into a hotel in town until I find digs or some place to rent.

It was Julie who said, ‘I’ve got an idea. You know how you worry about your mother, Sammy. How about Catriona going to stay with her until she gets a place of her own? That way she can keep an eye on your mother, in case your father turns up.’

‘Great!’ Sammy enthused. ‘That’s the answer, Catriona. And you’d be on the spot to watch out for anything to let exactly where you want it.’

‘Are you sure you don’t mind, Sammy? What about your mother?’

‘Not a bit. She’ll love the company. And you’ll be doing me a favour.’

They went right away and within the hour it was settled. She would go back to Botanic Crescent only to pack up her medicines, her medical books and patient records. Three separate tea chests would hold everything. One for the herbs, one for the homeopathic medicines and one for all her medical books and records. Sammy was going to get Alec Jackson to collect them in one of McHendry’s vans and keep them in the storeroom at McHendry’s until Catriona found her new premises. The van would also lift a couple of suitcases filled with her clothes and personal belongings and drop them off at the flat in Springburn Road. She wasn’t going to take anything else from the house – not even a teaspoon. Melvin was welcome to his precious house and everything in it.

Something had to be done about her mother, of course. She spoke to her first.

‘Mother, I’m leaving Melvin.’

‘What do you mean you’re leaving Melvin?’ She sounded just like Melvin. It was exactly the sort of thing Melvin would have said.

‘You were right in the first place, Mother. I should never have married him.’

‘Don’t you dare blame me for anything, you wicked girl!’

Here it comes, Catriona thought.

‘God will punish you for your wickedness. Melvin McNair is a good man, I see that now. If you desert a man like that, you’ll be punished, just as you were punished for putting your poor innocent child in danger. You were the death of poor wee Robert and you’ll be the death of Melvin yet.’

‘I’m leaving Melvin,’ Catriona repeated. ‘I’ve always been unhappy with him. Maybe it’s not his fault. Maybe we’re just not suited to each other. Maybe with different people, we would both have behaved differently.’

‘You’ve got another man!’ Her mother was suddenly electrified with horror. ‘You’re going to commit, or already have committed, the sin of adultery. You wicked, wicked girl.’

‘No, I have not, Mother. There is no other man. What I need to talk to you about is what you want to do. I’m going to lodge with Sammy Hunter’s mother just now until I find a place to rent. I can look for a place with an extra room. I can’t afford a big house like this, but I hope to find a nice flat in Springburn. Maybe even a three-room and kitchen – two bedrooms, a sitting room and a kitchen, a bathroom too if possible. I don’t think there’s anything as big as that in the main road but I’ll see …’

‘I forbid you to leave your good husband. You obviously don’t realise how lucky you are.’

‘Mother, I’m not a child any more. You can’t forbid me to do anything. Nor will it work to threaten me with God’s wrath or any of his punishments. I don’t believe in any of that any more.’

Horror returned to her mother’s face. Her eyes bulged with disbelief. ‘You don’t believe in God? You are rejecting your Maker?’

Catriona decided it would be a complete waste of time to try to explain. ‘Yes.’

‘You are wicked. Truly wicked. I don’t want anything more to do with you.’

‘You don’t mean that, Mother.’

Hannah turned and walked away. Catriona followed.

‘All right, you can stay on here with Melvin if that’s what you’d prefer. But I just want you to know that I’ll get a place with an extra room in case you change your mind.’

Her mother glanced round with a look of disgust. ‘I am not like you. I am a decent, good-living woman. I would not live under the same roof as a man who is not my husband.’

Catriona struggled to continue speaking calmly.

‘I’m not going to live with another man, Mother, and there would be nothing indecent about you living here along with your son-in-law. If you won’t come with me and you won’t stay here, what will you do?’

‘I’ll go into a home.’

‘Now, there’s absolutely no need for that.’

‘Little did I think the day would come when my own flesh and blood would see me go into a home.’

Oh God, two martyrs now!

‘Believe me, Catriona, God will punish you. One day, someone you love will be taken away from you …’

Catriona wondered if she would ever be able to forgive her for that.

Alice looked happy. There she was, an ordinary teenager. No, not ordinary – beautiful. That’s what Alice was – really beautiful. She was tall and leggy in her blue school uniform with a schoolbag swinging at her side. Usually she was with a group of other girls, chatting happily. When boys passed by, they nudged each other and giggled. Julie longed to stop in front of her and say, ‘I’m your real mother.’ But, so far at least, she had managed to control the urge.

She wondered about going to the house across the road and speaking to the couple who had adopted Alice. She kept rehearsing what she would say.

‘I’m Alice’s real mother.’ Or ‘I live across the road and I have just found out that …’ Or ‘I don’t want to cause any problem but …’ Or ‘I thought perhaps you ought to know that …’

She tried not to keep looking out of the front-room window or talking about Alice when Sammy came home from work. She knew it worried him. She kept telling him, ‘I don’t want to cause any trouble for anyone, Sammy. All I want is for Alice to be well and happy.’

‘She
is
well and happy, Julie.’

‘I know, but don’t you think she’s entitled to be told the truth about herself and her true background?’

Sammy gave her a long, serious stare. ‘Her true background, Julie? Would knowing that really make her happy?’

Julie didn’t say any more. If she did speak to Alice about her background, she’d have to lie about who Alice’s father was. How could she say, ‘You were conceived as a result of drunken copulation with a stranger on VE night’?

No, she would have to lie about that. If Alice asked, she would have to say he was a pilot who was shot down and killed during the war. She would have to pretend the father was Reggie. But what if Alice tried, at some point, to check facts – especially the dates? No, better just to say he had been killed and not give any details of what service he had been in, when he had been killed or anything.

She watched for Alice continuously and, when she wasn’t standing waiting at the front-room window, she was constantly thinking about her. Or she was across at the shops or loitering near the school, hoping for a glimpse of the girl.

‘Julie,’ Sammy said eventually, ‘this has to stop. You’re making yourself ill.’

She widened her eyes. ‘What?’

‘I knew we shouldn’t have come here.’

‘I love it here, Sammy.’

‘You’re not even aware of the place, the area, this house. I bet you couldn’t tell me the names of our neighbours. Or the names of any of the shops. Alice has become an obsession with you, Julie. I’m telling you, it’s not healthy.’

‘Nonsense. You’re exaggerating. All right, I wanted to come here to be near Alice but now I am near her, I’m happy. That’s all.’

‘No, it’s not all and you know it.’

She looked away from him. ‘I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about.’

He sighed. ‘Try not to do anything rash, Julie. For the girl’s sake. She seems perfectly happy. Don’t spoil it for her.’

‘How many times must I tell you? All I’ve ever wanted is her happiness.’

‘All right. All right.’

He never mentioned the subject again and she tried all the harder to control her longings. But with not the slightest success. She could not bear a day to pass without at least catching sight of the tall, slim figure.

Then Alice disappeared. One day after another passed without a sight of her. Julie felt distracted with worry. She wondered how she could find out what had happened. Eventually, in desperation, she told Sammy of her concern over the child.

Sammy shook his head. ‘Julie, she is not a child any more. She’s probably off to university or she has a job somewhere away from Glasgow.’

He was right, of course. In her heart, Alice had always remained the baby she had allowed the nurse to prise from her arms. But Alice was not a child any more. She was a grown woman. This realisation saddened Julie, instead of making her happy. She wanted her baby back.

Time was flying past. She could not let it speed on relentlessly. She needed to be properly reunited with her daughter. Alice was her baby, her child, her grown woman, her own flesh and blood. The only way she could think of was to approach Mr and Mrs Robertson. She’d seen Alice with them one day and she had long since found out their name. She had learned all sorts of devious methods of getting information. She knew, for instance, that Mr Robertson was a clerk in the railway offices. She knew, by watching what Mrs Robertson purchased on Saturday mornings in the butcher’s, that the Robertsons’ favourite Sunday lunch was steak pie. That was usually followed by steamed apples and custard, judging by what was purchased at the grocer’s on the same day. She and Mrs Robertson had got to the stage of smiling at each other in the grocer’s and the butcher’s. She looked a nice woman, with a kindly, lined face and grey hair. Most women nowadays had their grey hairs dyed as soon as they appeared and favoured a spot of make-up. Not Mrs Robertson.

Julie thought of going to their door. Then it occurred to her that it would be easier to speak to Mrs Robertson, casually at first, in one of the shops. The next day she followed Mrs Robertson into the chemist’s, stood behind her, smiled and then said casually, ‘I haven’t seen your daughter around for a while. She’s that tall, dark-haired girl, isn’t she? I hope she’s keeping all right.’

‘Oh yes.’ Mrs Robertson’s face lit up with pride. ‘She’s doing very well. She’s training to be a doctor, you know.’

‘Is she?’ Julie too felt pride. ‘How wonderful!’

‘Yes, her dad and I are very proud of her. She’s a born doctor. Ages ago, when I had flu, she insisted on looking after me. She’s always been so good to both of us. She’s such a loving girl as well. Her dad and I feel really blessed to have her.’

It wasn’t fair. Later Julie wept to herself. Her need had become an agony. Alice belonged to her. It was right that Alice, that everybody, should know. She did not care what Sammy or anyone said. She dreamed of their reunion. She saw Alice’s surprise and delight. She felt Alice’s young body in her arms. She held her close. She vowed never to let her go again.

In her dreams, they spoke for hours. They got on
so
well and they had so much lost time to make up for. She listened eagerly to every detail of Alice’s childhood and young womanhood. All her likes and dislikes, every detail she could think of. They laughed together.

Julie told her about the job she had once had in Copeland & Lye’s. She told her about Madge and her large brood of children. She described Madge’s tall, handsome charmer of a husband and how Madge kept him on a tight rein. She told her about Catriona and her troubles.

She told her about Sammy and how he had been a conscientious objector during the war, served in the Friends’ Ambulance Unit and now worked in McHendry’s. He also did first-aid work for the Red Cross, helping tend to the injured at football matches as well as other events. She told Alice that Sammy was a Quaker and that she often she went to meetings with him now. She was getting to quite enjoy going there. There was something appealing, genuine and comforting, about them.

Oh, she had so much to tell her beautiful, loving daughter. First of all, she would tell her that she loved her so much and had always loved her. It was important for Alice to know that she hadn’t given her baby away because she didn’t love her.

Thinking about love made Julie remember her wedding. She’d tell Alice about that too. It was then she remembered what had been said there about love. She looked it up again in Corinthians. She sat alone in the front room with the open Bible in her lap.

Love is patient,

Love is kind.

Love is not jealous or boastful;

It is not arrogant or rude.