The Nightmare Affair (16 page)

I closed my eyes, disgust at myself leaching away the last of my anger. I pictured being somewhere else. No Katarina, no ice fishing. I imagined the wind soft and warm instead of sharp as razor blades against my skin. The sun hot and low in the sky, like in Hawaii.

I opened my eyes and gasped at the change I’d wrought. Eli and I were alone, standing on the sundeck of a yacht.

He looked at me, dazed. “What happened? I saw Katarina…” He gulped. “Did
you
do that to her?”

I didn’t answer. Couldn’t. Something huge and dark was flying in the distance over an endless stretch of blue-green water. The black phoenix. Something dead hung from its talons.

*   *   *

I tried not to think about what I’d done in Eli’s dream as I waited by the phone for Paul to call the next day. But I did think about it. A lot.

And Paul didn’t call. I figured he wouldn’t, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. By six o’clock I gave up.

“Maybe something happened,” Selene said. “He might’ve lost your number.”

“He could’ve looked it up in the directory.”

“Maybe there was an illness in the family.”

I slumped down onto the sofa in our dorm room. “He’s a Kirkwood. We would’ve heard about it on the news.”

Selene sighed. “Well, if he doesn’t have a good explanation then screw him. He doesn’t deserve you anyway. He’s just a mu—” She hesitated. “Loser.”

I stared at her, shocked by what she had been about to say. “He’s a mule?”

Selene frowned. “That’s a nasty word, Dusty.”

“You’re the one who said it.”

“
Almost
said it.”

“Same difference.” A mule was a derogatory word for someone who couldn’t do magic. The term was normally directed at halfkinds, whose magical sterility was the result of their parents being different kinds, similar to how most real mules couldn’t reproduce because of the whole horse-donkey chromosome thing. “Wait, so Paul’s a halfkind?”

Selene shifted uncomfortably in her seat across from me. “His mother is Eliza Kirkwood, Magistrate Kirkwood’s younger sister. Nobody knows who his dad is, but he definitely wasn’t witchkind. My mom says it was a big scandal when it happened. People still talk about it every now and again.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Selene pulled her ponytail over her shoulder and began finger-combing her hair. “I didn’t think it would matter to you.”

She was wrong. It did matter, but only because I realized he and I had a lot more in common than I thought. Not that it counted much. He’d still blown me off.

And after what I did in Eli’s dream last night, I wasn’t sure I blamed him.
Evil, evil, evil,
a nasty voice kept whispering inside my head.

“Are you okay?” Selene asked.

I nodded, but tears burned my eyes.

Selene came over and sat beside me on the sofa. She put an arm around my shoulder, hugging me. “Seriously, he’s not worth getting upset about. No boy is.”

I hugged her back and then stood up. I hadn’t told her the horrible things I’d learned from Marrow or what I’d done in Eli’s dream. She was my only true friend, and I didn’t want to risk having her opinion about me change.

“I’m going for a run,” I said, disappearing into the bedroom. I changed into my running clothes, then headed for the door.

“Be careful,” Selene said, worry in her voice.

I didn’t answer and closed the door behind me. I took off at a jog down the hallway and broke into a run as soon as I was outside. I ran as fast and hard as my body would let me, allowing the physical demand of it to siphon away all the bad feelings inside. When tears dampened my cheeks, I told myself it was from the wind.

I didn’t pay attention to where I was going, up one sidewalk and down another, lapping the entire campus as the minutes ticked by. After a while, my legs began to feel like they were made of lead instead of muscle. My lungs ached from exertion, and I knew as soon as I stopped I would have a coughing fit.

But I didn’t stop. I pressed on and on. In the rare moments when I allowed myself to think, I knew that what I really wanted was to go home to my dad. To run back to my old life. To be normal again, an ordinary. Not some kind of monster that could kill you in your sleep.

It was impossible. Even if I woke up tomorrow as magically sterile as most other halfkinds, I couldn’t just step back into my old life as if I was only pulling on a pair of comfortable shoes. It didn’t fit anymore. Too many holes, too much damage.

Sometime later, long after the sun had set, I slowed to a walk and made my way back to Riker Hall. I took a long, hot shower, grateful to have the community bath to myself for once. By the time I returned to the dorm room, Selene was asleep. I didn’t bother checking to see if I’d missed any calls. I knew I hadn’t.

I went to bed and fell asleep in minutes, physically and emotionally exhausted. And I, the Nightmare, slept without dreaming.

12

Cop Out

The next two weeks passed with little incident. For the first time in my life I was maintaining a low profile, keeping my head down and my nose out of trouble. Mostly, I didn’t want to risk bumping into Paul or even spotting him from afar. I was avoiding Eli, too. I managed to show up a half hour late to all our dream-sessions, ensuring he was asleep by the time I got there. He tried to talk to me inside the dreams, but I was able to disguise myself more often than not.

Avoiding him during school wasn’t too hard, either. Katarina was taking care of it for me. Every time he tried to talk to me or even when he looked at me, Katarina was there, forcing his attention back to her.

Even Lance had been quiet. I suspected he was waiting for me to pull the next prank, but I wasn’t interested in playing that game anymore. No trouble for me from now on, thanks.

The Friday before the Samhain dance, Selene and I lined up outside the gymnasium with the rest of the student body waiting to be let in for the school assembly about the significance of Samhain. Selene warned me it was dull stuff, but I was looking forward to the early dismissal afterward. Not that I had any reason to be excited about the weekend. The dance was tomorrow night, and I didn’t have a date.

A few feet ahead of us, Katarina stood talking to one of her snooty friends, a witch named Carla Petermeier. Didn’t take long for me to realize they were talking about me. I wanted to ignore them but couldn’t.

“Did she
really
try to seduce him?” said Carla, flashing me a dirty look.

“Oh, yes. You know how Nightmares are,” said Katarina. “Think they’re succubi, don’t they? She came to their last dream-session wearing lingerie. As if Eli would
ever
look at her when he has me.”

Selene punched me in the shoulder, and whispered, “Don’t listen to them. Kat’s just jealous and insecure.”

“You
think
so?” I whispered back in my most sarcastic tone.

“Yes, I do. You share a connection with Eli that she can never have.”

I wrinkled my nose. “The only thing we share is an hour’s worth of boring, pointless dreams.” This wasn’t precisely true, but I’d decided it was up to Lady Elaine and the senate to judge the significance of Eli’s dreams. I was just the observer. “Eli doesn’t even talk to me or anything.”

“That’s just because you’re avoiding him.” Selene made a face. “Oh, don’t pretend it’s not true. Eli’s attracted to you. I can tell. He stares at you when he doesn’t think you’re looking. I’ve caught him doing it a bunch, and I’m sure Katarina has, too.”

My stomach did a little flip at the idea, but I ignored it. It couldn’t possibly be true. Selene was just trying to make me feel better.

“And it doesn’t matter anyway,” Selene said, shaking her head. “She would hate you regardless.”

I huffed. “What did I ever do to deserve that? I mean, besides the stupid snake incident.”

“That’s just it.” Selene poked me in the shoulder with her index finger. “You did the worst thing possible to a siren. You made her unattractive in the eyes of others. I mean, she ate
worms
.”

I couldn’t resist a smile. It had been pretty gross.

“And you might find this hard to believe, but Katarina really is insecure. She can’t help it. A lot of us—sirens, that is—are insecure. It’s kind of our Achilles’ heel.” Selene tucked a piece of black hair that had come loose from her braid behind her ear. “We can’t help being attractive, but it’s not really us but our magic. You know? Makes it hard to be certain that the people around us like us for who we are and not because of what we look like or how we make them feel.”

I blinked, completely surprised by her speech. It was so unlike her to be so open. And even though she was talking about Katarina, I knew she was talking about herself, too.

“Besides,” Selene went on, a slight flush in her cheeks. “You’re really pretty and smart and funny and it’s all you. Not magic. Katarina can’t help but be jealous about that. And she knows sooner or later that Eli will figure out the difference, too. It’s inevitable.”

I rolled my eyes, embarrassed by the compliment.

Katarina was looking directly at me now and speaking even louder than before. “I mean how many times does Eli have to say no before she gets it?”

“I think you should seriously consider the snake thing again,” said Selene, equally as loud.

“Would if I could, but—” I broke off, remembering the truth about my magic.

“Beats me,” said Carla. “Then again, Nightmares aren’t known for being smart, right?”

Selene flashed them the double finger.

Katarina grinned so maliciously, I contemplated casting a jinx at her, maybe the silencer so nobody could hear her talk or the jab aimed at her nose, see if I could break it. I’d had enough of being docile. Ever since what I’d done to her in Eli’s dream I’d been trying to be nice, but enough was enough.

I flipped her the finger instead.

“Put it down.” Selene grabbed my hand and forced me to lower it. Too late, I realized Mr. Ankil had seen me.

He came over, an uncharacteristic frown on his face. He looked oddly pale and tired. His long hair appeared as if he hadn’t washed it in days. I wondered if he were sick or something. “I think that’s quite enough of that, Dusty.”

“Okay,” I said, somewhat stunned by the reprimand. Ankil rarely played the part of disciplinarian. I thought he of all people would understand, given what he’d shared with me about his own picked-on childhood.

He nodded absently in my direction, his mind and attention already elsewhere. He looked around, unconsciously wringing his hands over and over again.

“Is something wrong, Mr. Ankil?” I asked.

“What?” He looked sharply back at me as if he’d forgotten about me already. His voice trembled as he answered, “Oh. Not at all. Just behave yourself, Dusty.” He walked away.

“That was weird,” I said, ignoring the victorious grin on Katarina’s face.

“Yeah, I know. But he’s been acting strange lately,” said Selene.

I thought about it for a moment and realized she was right. The last couple of days his classes had been oddly subdued, less hands-on and more time spent reading the textbook or answering essay questions. “I wonder— Oh,
crap
.”

“What?” Selene said.

“It’s him,” I whispered, ducking behind her. “Hide me.” Paul was walking down the hallway toward us. I pressed my shoulder against the wall and pushed Selene farther out for coverage. Not that her slender personage was nearly big enough to accomplish the task.

Paul stopped when he reached us. I couldn’t help it. I stepped beside Selene to see him more clearly. I ran my fingers over my hair, trying to make it lay flat. At least the pink polka dots were finally gone.

“Hey, Dusty,” he said.

“I don’t think she wants to talk to you.” Selene crossed her arms in front of her, fixing him with her sternest glare. She looked more tomboy than ever.

“I know. I don’t blame her.” Paul shifted his gaze from Selene to me. “But please let me explain.”

“Humph,” said Selene.

I knew I ought to tell him to take a hike, but I wanted to hear what he had to say. He looked every bit as pale and tired as Mr. Ankil. The telltale yellow color of a half-healed bruise rimmed his right cheek, and his nose appeared even more crooked than I remembered. I wondered if he’d taken up boxing or something.

When his rich brown eyes locked on mine, I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t still attracted to him. “You have two minutes.”

Paul glanced at Selene and shifted the backpack on his shoulder, clearly uncomfortable with talking in front of her. A muscle ticked in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. “I was sick.”

Selene snorted. “Too sick to call?”

Paul ignored her, keeping his gaze on me. “I got hurt the Saturday morning before we were supposed to go out and ended up at Vejovis for a while.”

My eyes widened. Vejovis was the local magickind hospital, but students rarely went there. Most ailments and injuries could be treated by the nurses who worked in Arkwell’s infirmary. Only serious injuries ever required the level of magic the doctors at Vejovis provided. It must’ve been bad if Paul had ended up there.

“What happened?” I asked, taking a closer look at him. Besides the old bruise on his face, I couldn’t spot anything else wrong.

“I … went home Friday night and fell down some stairs. Broke a couple of bones.” He purposefully turned to Selene, pointing to the yellow spot beneath his eye. “Including my cheekbone. Talking hurt.” He looked back at me. “By the time I
could
talk, I didn’t know what to say. I knew you’d think I stood you up. I just got back to school today, and I wanted to explain what happened in person.”

I swallowed, thinking about all the times the past two weeks I’d wished something bad would happen to him. “I’m sorry you were hurt. But you’re okay now?” It was a stupid question, but I couldn’t think of anything better.

“Yeah, I’m fine—better now.”

Selene frowned. “You fell down the stairs and broke your
cheekbone
?”

I winced at the skepticism in her voice, even as a part of me agreed with her. It did seem an unlikely thing to happen.