The Nose Knows (14 page)

Mom opened the door. She took out a packet of frozen fish. Meanwhile, Bobby and Sweetie located the steak. Thank goodness, it was on the bottom shelf. Fancy-Pants swished his tail. Mom began shutting the freezer door. Our dress rehearsal was under way.

Fancy let out a howl of pain. Mom thought she’d caught his tail in the door. She jumped back and opened the door wide to prevent any further injury. Simultaneously we practiced our timing. We couldn’t actually act out our parts or Mom would be alerted too soon. But the rehearsal proved that our plan could work if we all watched our timing.

Mom was too busy apologizing to Fancy to pay attention to us. Of course, we knew Fancy hadn’t been hurt in the slightest. At just the right moment, he’d swished his tail out of the way and performed his part perfectly.

Later we compared notes. If the boys kept overeating their fish Mom would need to go back to the freezer within two days. When that happened, we had to be ready for showtime. It was now Tuesday. We needed her back at the freezer on Thursday.

The next day, we slid a piece of cardboard under the freezer door. Mom saw it and moved it. We put it back. This happened several times until she gave up moving it. The boys kept showing her how much fun they were having sliding on it and eventually we trained her to just step on it and leave it alone.

The boys excelled in their fish consumption. Mom didn’t know why they all kept meowing and giving her their best begging looks, but it worked, and she threw each one of them some extra fish. Thus an entire three-day supply of fish was consumed in only two days. After breakfast on Thursday, Mom headed to the freezer. We were ready.

Once again, right on schedule, Fancy let loose with his howl of pain. It was so realistic Mom jumped even more this time. When Mom jumped, I yelped. Mom assumed she’d stepped on my foot. Of course, I hadn’t allowed that to happen, but I played the part I was assigned. After I yelped, I limped into the kitchen, knowing darn well Mom would immediately follow. Her concerns for Fancy’s safety also prevailed, so she left the freezer door open. That’s what we needed. As Mom knelt over me in the kitchen, apologizing profusely, her back was toward the freezer. Bobby and Sweetie sunk their claws into the hunk of meat and pulled it out. It fell onto the cardboard. As an added precaution, I whined loudly as it hit the floor. Mom was distracted and didn’t hear a thing.

Then Fearless began the finale. He performed a perfect slide right into the front corner of the cardboard. Sure enough, it slid under the freezer. Hey, Fearless is an eighteen-pound cat! When he slides, things move. He’d spent the last two days rehearsing with Sweetie being the substitute steak. We figured one frozen steak couldn’t weigh as much as Sweetie! If Fearless could move the cardboard with Sweetie on it, then moving the steak would be a snap.

Once Mom was sure my paw was all right, she headed back toward the freezer. Fancy-Pants swished his tail and meowed at just the right moment. Presto, Mom looked up instead of down. Fearless stepped in front of Mom’s legs and rubbed her ankles so she’d know he was there. Then he lay down in front of the freezer, stretching his big body across the opening. We all held our breath. When Mom looked down, all she saw was Fearless. After that she was too busy making sure Fancy’s tail wasn’t in the door.

“Goodness gracious, getting something out the freezer has gotten to be like walking through a mine field. I’m so sorry I hurt both of you. Come on, let’s go get a treat!”

Hey, we successfully completed out mission
and
got a treat. Now that’s about as good as it gets!

We figured the frozen steak would be fine for a while under the freezer. We knew the cat’s fish always takes time to defrost. If Mom saw the steak while it was frozen solid, she might just pop it back in the freezer. We’d seen her do just that when she changed her mind about what she’d taken out for dinner. We needed to let the meat thaw out so she’d have to do something with it.

This was indeed a true test of our love for Mom. This slab of meat would soon thaw out and be ready to eat. We all loved beef! We could’ve made it disappear overnight while she slept. Mom would never have known. But we were working for a cause greater than our stomachs, so we salivated in silence. We rotated shifts. One of us was lying in front of the opening for the entire day. When Mom walked by all she saw was a critter sound asleep on the floor. By the time Mom and I left for Puppy Park, she hadn’t discovered the steak.

I had previously consulted with Quincy about the schedule. He told us he knew Jacob was free this weekend as Jacob had said he was looking forward to them being coach potatoes together. Tonight, we needed to cut Puppy Park shorter than usual. We had a steak defrosting back home. So Quincy and I acted like we were really tired. No pep. No running around. Just two lazy dogs who didn’t want to do much at all. Of course, I did take the opportunity to make sure Quincy was current on the safety measures necessary when first meeting cats. The list included (1) don’t even think about wrestling with a cat, (2) cat claws hurt a whole lot more than dog nails, (3) never expect a cat to roll over and be submissive, and (4) don’t forget to use the don’t-even-think-about-it stare that I’d shown him.

After he and I covered the basics, Mom and I headed back home.

The steak had been moved and was now right in front of the freezer on the floor. While we were at Puppy Park, the boys had dug their claws into the cardboard and pulled it out from under the freezer.

As we stepped inside, I was ready to bark in case Mom came close to stepping on it. There was no need.

“Oh, my goodness, how did that get there?”

She checked the freezer door. It was shut tight. She looked around. There wasn’t a cat to be seen.

“Now, how in the world. . . ? It’s almost defrosted. . . . It’s been out for a while. How in heaven’s name. . . ? I wonder if it fell out of the freezer this morning when I stepped on your foot.”

She looked down at me as if I’d provide the answer, which of course I did. I wagged my tail, whined once, and pulled on my leash.

“Sure, Mom that’s it. Now come on, I need a drink.”

When Mom dropped my leash, I headed to the water bowl. Mom examined the evidence. When the boys had pulled the meat forward, they had dug their claws into the cardboard so there were only the initial claw marks in the foil. As instructed they’d licked the torn foil flaps back down over the claw holes so it was really hard to see any telltale holes at all.

Mom now voiced her problem. “Well, now what am I going to do? This piece of meat is way too big for me to eat by myself. I love you all dearly but I’m not wasting a sirloin steak on you guys.”

At that moment every critter in the house came into the kitchen and focused on Mom. In unison, we all mentally chanted over and over, “
Jacob! Jacob!
Jacob!
”

Is it any wonder Mom’s next words were, “Hey, it’s already Thursday. Maybe Jacob would like to come over this weekend for steak and potatoes. It wouldn’t be hard to do at all. Jacob might cook it on the grill. I’ll make a salad; I have a good bottle of Merlot. . . . We have the group session tomorrow afternoon, and I have to clean up around here, but Saturday would work. . . . Maybe tomorrow at Puppy Park I’ll see if Jacob wants to come for dinner this weekend.”

I snorted. Mom’s attention turned to me. I cocked my head and concentrated. “What about Quincy”?

She got it right away, on the very first snort!

“Of course, Spunk, Quincy can come too.” After all these years together, I guess it wasn’t all that hard to figure out what I wanted.

Operation Steak and Potatoes was officially under way.

T
he next afternoon was group therapy, and we knew we’d be seeing Mr. Johnson again. Several days before, Fearless and I met with the boys and told them about the stranger we’d seen sitting behind Mr. Johnson during the last group session.

“Let’s go to his house and claw him to pieces.”

“Bobby, we don’t know where Mr. Johnson lives.”

“Oh, yeah, forgot about that. Never mind.”

“You know, brother, bloodshed should not be your first option.”

Sweetie is far more comfortable with negotiation.

Bobby tried again. “Well, how about every time he starts to talk we all start yakking at once? We’ll drown out the sucker. Mom will have to know something is strange.”

Fearless reached over and swatted him on the head. “Bobby, do that and Mom—
breath—
will kick your strange butt outside.—Now, get serious and think.”

Bobby lay down, head resting on his paws, with his brow furrowed. He looked like he was doing some serious thinking. It took us awhile but we came up with a plan.

Mom didn’t notice we’d nudged her computer screen to the left just enough so the reflection could work to our benefit. She did notice, however, that I had moved my bed.

“Spunky, what are you doing over there? Who moved your bed, anyway? Did the cleaning lady screw it up again? Here, let me help you. I’ll move it back next to my chair where it belongs. There you go girl, now it’s all fixed.”

“Fixed? Gosh darn it woman, you just messed things all up. Do you know all the energy it took to lug it over there in the first place? Heck, as far as I’m concerned you can put it right back where I had it!”

I sat on my rump, cocked my head and looked at my bed beside her chair. Then I swung my head around to look over at the spot where I wanted it.

Mom kept on talking. “Come on, Spunky, get in your bed. Group is about to start.” She said this three times, each time a little louder, as if I was deaf or something. Then she had the nerve to pick me up and put me on the bed—what was that about? Did she think I’d become deaf
and
stupid? I got off the bed, went back to the new spot, and lay down on the hard floor. Mom worries about my old joints, so I figured stretching out on the hard floor should get a reaction out of her. Sure enough, she responded correctly.

“Okay, okay. If you’re going to lie over there, I’ll put your bed back. I don’t want you lying on the hard floor.” She moved the bed back where I’d had it, right below Fearless. He was again sitting up on his box.

After everyone logged on, Fearless patted my head. This confirmed that he saw the same person seated behind Mr. Johnson. Fancy shook his head, meaning the shadow person wasn’t saying anything. We waited to see if the intruder left once the session started. Maybe Mom would see the person if there was movement. If not, then the farther we got into the session, the more protective Mom would be and her reaction more heightened. Meanwhile, we observed Mr. Johnson closely.

Fearless was right on the money, there definitely was something peculiar about Mr. Johnson. He spoke in a monotone and appeared to be reading from a piece of paper. “The week went okay. I went to work. I went to the store. I did some laundry. I did exactly what you told us to do. I did the writing thing. Didn’t learn a thing, but I did it. You said I didn’t have to show it to anyone so I didn’t. I just did it. Guess that’s all I have to say about that.”

When he finished, he looked straight into the camera. I got a good look at his eyes, which were shifting back and forth. The movement was slight but repetitive. His body language was tense. He repeatedly wiped his hand across his mouth. All were telltale signs of anxiety.

I didn’t know much about Mr. Johnson, but my instincts told me that he was a liar. Fearless had accurately described his eyes—they were cold, and his stare homed in right on Mom.

There was something definitely not right about this entire setup.

After about twenty minutes, the mystery person hadn’t budged. Mom had given no indication that she’d seen anything unusual. It was time to make our move. I looked up at Fearless and gave the prearranged headshake. He yawned and stretched out his paw toward Bobby on top of the bookcase. Fearless meowed softly, saying, “Okay, Bobby,—make your move.”

Bobby very quietly jumped down onto Fearless’s box. He then jumped right back up to the top of the bookcase. He kept doing this over and over. Up and down. Up and down. He wasn’t making any noise, so Mom couldn’t say he was breaking a rule. But since we had repositioned her computer screen we knew she saw his reflection on her monitor.

While Bobby jumped, Fearless moved quietly onto the desk. He sat off to the side but facing Mom’s computer screen. When Mom turned to give Bobby “the look,” he stopped jumping. He’d succeeded in getting her focus off the group. When she turned back, Fearless put his paw right below Mr. Johnson’s image on the screen. Mom’s attention shifted to Mr. Johnson’s image. When she moved to swat Fearless’s paw away, he let out a soft but very deep growl. We knew Mom had never heard Fearless growl like that before. As we had hoped, it caused her to hesitate. The hesitation was long enough for Fearless to tap his paw several times on top of Mr. Johnson’s image. Fearless was off to the side of the camera, so no one else saw his paw. He tapped again. Bless her heart, Mom followed her instincts and looked more closely at Mr. Johnson’s image.

Bingo! Her eyebrows shot straight up. She instantaneously shut off all microphones and said loudly to us, “There’s another person there! What the heck is that person doing eavesdropping on us? This is going to end right here and now!”