The NSC Boxset: Heart of Stone (83 page)

I winced when his hands yanked at my hair to pull my head back so he could get better access to my neck. He growled angrily and tears welled in my eyes. He dropped a hand and roughly grabbed my breast, squeezing it callously and painfully. “Mason, please,” I sobbed.

He suddenly gasped and stepped back as though he was suddenly aware of what he was doing. His expression was full of remorse and guilt.

“Christ Ava, I’m so sorry,” he breathed as his thumb brushed over a sore spot on my neck and blood smeared it. “God, what have I done?” he shook his head in a panic.

I stood paralysed to the spot as tears dripped down my cheek.

His hands cupped my face as he rested his forehead against mine. “I’m so sorry, Ava” he whispered, his voice full of painful regret.

He eventually pulled away and gazed at me. “Kerrie gave me the scan picture,” he said softly. I nodded and he was silent again.

“Twins!” He smiled and for the first time that night his eyes lit up with a huge twinkle but then his face fell again, the emptiness and ice returning.

“I can’t . . . I can’t get the pictures of you and
him
out of my head, Ava. His hands and mouth all over you . . . Why, Ava?” he pleaded and I knew then that I had lost him.

A sob broke free and he screwed up his face in agony, “I . . . I . . .” he never finished.

He just turned and left. Left me alone, scared and so fucking angry at what I had done to him.

I had broken him, painfully and so utterly cruelly that I knew I would never get him back; never feel his arms around me again or hear his soft words of love and desire in my ear, never feel his hands and breath over my body and never again see that smile he had, the one just for me, the one that had made my heart swell and my whole body hum.

I would love him for eternity but now I had to set him free, for his sake and for mine.

I placed my hand over my tummy and made a promise to my babies that I would never hurt them like I had hurt their daddy. I would give them my whole, unconditional love and support, even though I knew now that I would be doing it alone.

I was so utterly alone.

Sometimes, love is just that little bit too painful

CHAPTER 1

IT HAD BEEN two weeks since Mason’s midnight visit. I welcomed my second trimester as we entered into December. My morning sickness had eased but my belly had grown even more and I was struggling to squeeze into the few clothes that I had at my cottage.

Most of my belongings were still at Mason’s and I was trying to find the courage to contact him and arrange to collect them.

My body still ached at the loss of him, my heart was still shattered and nothing I seemed to do was helping to weld it back together. I missed his husky voice, his soft whispers of love and passion as his warm breath brushed against my skin. I missed his beautiful smile, the sexy little grin he would give me; the one that lit his whole face as his eyes twinkled and my heart would double its rapid beats.

I missed his touch, the whisper of his fingers across my skin that would leave a trail of sparks and heat in their tracks. But most of all I missed his love.

I knew that my betrayal with Kade had destroyed everything inside him, not just his trust and confidence but the pure, immeasurable love he had had for me.

I didn’t blame him, not at all; I had done this, I was the one that had taken his heart and smashed it into a million fragments so brutally and cruelly. I knew he would never be able to look at me the same again, would never be able to hold me and never be able to trust me, and what was a relationship without these things.

I will never forget the hurt, pain and utter devastation on his face the night of our engagement announcement; his hand reaching out to me as the pictures of mine and Kade’s lovemaking were reflected in his eyes as his soul viciously and agonisingly ripped in two.

I had broken three hearts that night in the pool house; mine, Mason’s and Kade’s.

It had been ten weeks since I had last seen Kade. I knew he had moved to Italy to stop the torture deep inside him every time he would look at me and know I would never belong to him, my heart would always belong to Mason, wholly and entirely.

He had taken the move to Italy to convalescence and desperately mend his broken heart, another heart that I had so selfishly torn to pieces.

But I cared deeply for Kade, he made me feel sensual, sexy and so utterly desired and wanted, from the way he looked at me to the way he would kiss me to the passion in the way he would touch me.

But now it was time to let Mason go, my love for him so intense and pure that I would set him free to be happy with someone who deserved his love, someone who would make him happy and love him, though I knew that my love could outrival and drown even the most formidable and powerful love.

I had heard he was back with Rebecca and that hurt, it hurt so damn much. She was an evil, manipulative bitch who was just after his wealth and power. I was frightened for him, knowing she didn’t love him made me sad and I knew he used cocaine when they were together. I was dreadfully worried he would go back to his old habits while he was with her.

Their baby was due in a couple of months and what tore at me was the fact that he had attended all her pregnancy appointments, from scans to regular check-ups but he hadn’t shown any interest in our babies, my beautiful ‘peanuts’ as Courtney had christened them.

I was due for another scan in a few days. Courtney had already taken the role of pregnancy and birthing partner, she had supported and boosted me through these last couple of months. Even though I was grateful to her for attending all my appointments, my whole body still wished it was Mason with me, holding my hand and being totally mesmerized at the two little heartbeats pumping away, side by side on the monitor.

I placed my hand over my stomach and smiled, grateful for the two little parts of Mason that would always be with me, the two little parts of him that would always love me and need me.

* * *

It was finally time to move on and to do this I had to face him, to collect my things from his house so picking up my phone and swallowing harshly I texted him, not summoning enough courage to actually ring him.

ME

Hey, I was wondering if it would be okay to collect my things from yours sometime this weekend.

Ava x

It took me 35 minutes before I made myself hit send. I got a reply almost immediately.

MASON

Sure, when?

It was short and sweet but at least he had replied.

ME

Whenever is best for you, just let me know x

MASON

Tomorrow, lunchtime?

ME

Okay, I’ll be there about 1pm x

A forbidden bubble of excitement fluttered in my stomach at the thought of seeing him and I scolded myself. “We’re going to see Daddy soon peanut’s.” I smiled as I placed my hands over my belly.

I was still smiling to myself as I flopped into bed that night, my pregnancy was exhausting me. I was still struggling to sleep as my body couldn’t adjust to being alone in bed.

I missed Mason’s quiet steady breathing at the side of me, the warmth of his body snuggled against me. The result of my insomnia had my skin pale and blotchy and I had large black circles under my eyes, so I was relieved tomorrow was Saturday, I was adamant I wasn’t surfacing from under my duvet until dinnertime.

It was after 4am that my body and mind finally gave in to the craving for sleep but by 7:30 I was once again wide awake, even though I was still exhausted. After an hour of tossing and turning I climbed out of bed and made my way to the kitchen for coffee, even though since I had found out about my pregnancy I had been drinking the under stimulating crap of ‘decaf’; another craving my body was missing.

Filling my cup and grabbing the huge jar of pickled gherkins and peanut butter from the fridge, I sat and sighed with ecstasy as I dunked a gherkin into the butter and took a huge bite.

My pregnancy cravings had been some of the most unusual I had heard or read about, last week it had been ready salted crisps and strawberry jam. I had an intense craving for soap and had eaten a few bars much to Courtney’s horror. She had then ensued to remove every bar from my house and bought me some shitty squirty stuff, and I had actually sat and cried as she had held me down and refused to let me out of the house to buy more.

I moaned with pleasure as I took another bite, grumbling to myself when my phone rang, although I smiled as Courtney’s name flashed up on the display.

“Hey you,” I greeted happily as I took another crunch.

“Hey mama, fancy breakfast?”

“Of course,” I chirped, already thinking of the breakfast menu.

“You’re already ordering aren’t you?” She laughed and I grinned, she knew me so well.

“Hey, I’m eating for three here. I need sustenance.” She laughed again and we ended the call arranging to meet in a couple of hours.

I showered and squeezed myself into a green shift dress, my swollen belly protruding tightly against the strain of the material.

I would seriously have to do some shopping for maternity clothes soon but I was hoping some of the clothes I had left at Mason’s would be more accommodating and roomy. I was mostly living in jogging bottoms and a couple of Mason’s T-shirts he had left here. I had thought about returning them to him this afternoon but I couldn’t bring myself to part with them. Apart from my peanuts, they were the only things I had left of him.

* * *

When I walked into ‘The kitchen’ at 10 O’clock, Courtney was already seated and nursing a coffee, another cup sat on the table waiting for me.

I grinned widely at her. “Morning, hun.” I hugged her and plonked down opposite her.

“You still not sleeping, babe?” She asked with a scowl. “You look like death, Ava. Have you asked the doc if they can prescribe anything?”

I shrugged, “Even if they I can, I don’t want to put some crap into my body and take the risk of hurting my babies.”

She cocked her head, “Ava, I’m sure the doctor won’t give you anything that will harm them, besides I don’t think you can ingest much crapper stuff than soap.”

“There’s only one thing that will help me sleep,” I whispered, staring down at my coffee as I stirred in some sugar.

Her hand rested over mine as she nodded slowly. “I know, babe. You heard anything from him yet?”

I smiled timidly. “I’m going to his at lunchtime to collect my things,” I told her, trying to hide the grin that wanted to erupt over my face at the thought of seeing him again.

“Ava . . .” she warned when the smile broke free and filled my face.

“I know, I know. He doesn’t want me,” I grumbled. I knew this but I just wanted to see his beautiful face, smell his gorgeous muskiness again and simply be near him.

She nodded resignedly. “So long as you remember that, then you’re safe.”

We both looked up as the waitress approached with a pleasant smile. “What can I get you guys?”

“Ooh let’s see . . . I’ll take a large full breakfast with extra tomatoes and mushrooms, ooh and an extra sausage and bread and butter, toast and a side order of fried potatoes, and do you have peanut butter?”

She stared wide eyed at me. “Sure, you want peanut butter on what? Toast or bread?” She was still scribbling down my huge order.

“I’ll just take the jar please,” I grinned happily.

Her eyebrows quirked and her jaw dropped. “She’s pregnant,” Courtney informed her frankly with a roll of her eyes.

She smiled and nodded. “Ahh, I see.” She smiled happily at me. “When are you due?”

“Early June.” I smiled and rubbed my bump.

Her eyes widened in shock. “Wow you’re big to say you have another six months to go.”

I rubbed my tummy again. “Twins.” I smiled and her eyes widened further.

“Oooh, good luck. I bet Daddy’s pleased,” she laughed and my smiled dropped.

“Mmm,” was all I said, then ended the conversation as I shifted in my seat and picked up my coffee.

Sensing my discomfort Courtney dived in. “I’ll just take pancakes and syrup please but could you double the order please cos’ I know she’ll be finishing them off and if I don’t double up I don’t get any.” She scowled humorously at me.

The waitress chuckled and nodded and then retreated to the kitchen.

Courtney was silent for a moment, I could tell there was something on her mind. “Out with it.”

She smiled awkwardly, “I’ve got something to tell you.” She squirmed a little and my brow furrowed.

“What’s wrong?”

She coughed slightly but then straightened her shoulders. “I’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks.” She looked down at her coffee with a slight guilty expression.

I cocked my head and regarded her, “Okay . . . and?”

“Well its Greg . . . Greg Chambers,” she cringed.

“Oh, well that’s okay, why are you worried?”

She relaxed a little and gave me a small smile. “It’s just with him being Mason’s
accountant,
I didn’t want you to think I was fraternising with the enemy so to speak.”

I grinned. “Courtney, I’m pleased for you. Greg’s a great bloke and it’s about time you found somebody decent.”