The Old Fashioned Way (A Homespun Romance) (10 page)

"How did they die?"

"A freak storm in Kenya.  They were caught out in it miles from camp.  They were so busy observing the chimps, they hadn't noticed the weather."

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't know them."  Gramps and Gran had been her real parents.  "I was unplanned and my parents had no room in their lives for a baby.  They left me with Gran and Gramps when I was a month old, and visited once when I was two.  They died when I was four."

Abby talked of them as if they were distant relatives.  How different from the relationship he'd had with his parents.  "My parents died in a subway accident in New York when I was ten," Daniel said slowly.  "I had to go live with my grandparents in Ohio after that."

"That must have been hard on you." 

He had never discussed this with anyone else. 

"It was.  I remember how warm and wonderful our house always seemed.  My parents and I did so many things together.  For a long time I couldn't believe they would never come back, that they had really left me all alone."

Abby's throat tightened.  Though his face remained expressionless, instinct told her Daniel's wound still hadn't healed completely. 

"Were you close to your grandparents?"  Her own had made all the difference in her life.

"No."

His grandparents had been uncommunicative and cold.  Venting his grief over the loss of his parents by bad behavior in school hadn't earned him any points at home either.  The more they punished him, the worse he had become.

Daniel looked at the collage again.  A close up of Abby's face caught his attention.  The smile on her lips was carefree, the look of serenity in her eyes an advertisement of the fact she was happy.

"How old were you when this was taken?"

"Nineteen."

Before she had married the jerk who had robbed her of her self-confidence.  Daniel's gaze wandered to the last spot in the collage.  It was blank.  Had it once held a wedding picture? 

Abby tensed as she noticed Daniel's gaze rest on the blank spot.  She hadn't replaced the picture of herself in a wedding gown, taken just before she'd left for the church Rod and she had been married in.

"If you'll just sit down here?"  she said quickly.  She'd become an expert at turning off thoughts of the past.  Abby only wished she could turn the pain off as easily.

Daniel seated himself on the sofa, and Abby knelt on the floor in front of him.  "Give me your hand."  Pouring a teaspoon of oil into her palm she carefully rubbed it all over his hand.  Then taking his hand in both of hers she began to massage the palm working her way upwards. 

Instantly Abby became aware of heat scorching a path to her brain.  Sensing Daniel's gaze on her face, she avoided looked at him.  She had done this so many times for so many people.  Hamish's bad wrist, Gran's knee.  There had never been this eruption of heat before, this feeling that she was walking a tightrope without a net under her.

"Where did you learn to do this?" 

Abby barely heard Daniel's question.  Without raising her head from her task, she said, "Gran sprained her knee once and it took a long while healing.  I watched how the therapist massaged her knee and then I used to do it the same way every night.  Gran soon recovered completely."

"You've got healing hands." 

Daniel's eyes were closed and he looked very relaxed.  Abby wondered if Daniel was simply being kind.  Gran, Hamish, and Agnes were always very kind to her.  Abby knew they felt sorry for her.  In their own way they wanted to make up to her for the mess she had made of her life.  Had Daniel joined the club as well?

Abby jumped when Daniel reached out and touched her shoulder.  "Abby, why is it so difficult for you to accept a compliment?"

"I don't know."  She did, but she couldn't tell Daniel the reason.  Rod.

The bleak note in Abby's voice whipped up Daniel's anger.  "You have this low self-image which you cling to  as if it's branded on your mind."  Cupping her chin, he demanded, "Who did this to you, Abby?"

Her lips felt twice their normal size and her vocal chords were stiff.  "I don't know what you mean."

Daniel glanced at the pictures on the wall.  "The girl in those pictures didn't lack confidence.  Who robbed you of the right to believe in yourself, Abby?"

She shook her head.  It was impossible to say anything. 

Daniel let go of Abby's chin.  He wasn't getting through to her.  There had to be another way. 

As she picked up his other hand and began to massage it, he said, "I started my own business while I was still in college.  One of the lecturers kept telling me I would never do well.  For a long time I believed what the man said...after all, he was older, more experienced.  He kept bringing the subject up in his class, warning the other students against being in too great a hurry.  One day I lost my temper and told him, "I am going to make it because I believe in me."  I learned something that day.  It didn't matter if anyone else approved of what I did or not.  The only important thing was I had to approve of what I did."

Abby didn't say anything as her gaze meshed with Daniel's.  "Try it, Abby.  Believe in yourself.  Have faith in your abilities."

The way Abby looked at him told Daniel he had her complete attention.  "You're a wonderful person with so much to offer," he said firmly.  "I haven't met anyone else with your capacity for caring for others."

"That isn't hard," Daniel heard Abby mutter.

"You're intelligent and talented."  He tried to sound very positive.  "Agnes told me you worked as a freelance interior decorator before you got married.  Look at the store, the guest house, this room...they all reflect how good you are.  Why did you give up your work, Abby?"

"I wasn't getting enough orders." 

Rod had told her he wanted his wife to stay home.  Rather than argue, she had given in to him.  As she always had.  By then her growing lack of self-confidence had convinced her she wouldn't be able to make it as an interior decorator anyway.

After Rod's death, Abby had returned to Carbon Canyon.  At the back of her mind had been a plan to start her own business again.  Once here, she had realized Gran needed her help.  Putting what little money she had into the store had been done automatically. 

Gran's work was more important than her dreams.

Abby stared at Daniel's hands, her eyes luminous with tears.  Daniel wondered if he had trammeled on hurts best forgotten.  "When it comes down to it," he said, "each human being has only one cheering section.  Ourselves.  Think about what I've said, Abby."

She bent her head.  He knew he was pushing it, but there was one more thing he had to say.  "You're a survivor, Abby."  She looked up, surprised.  Daniel felt he had to explain his remark.  "The fact you haven't caved in under all your problems, personal or otherwise, proves you're a survivor.  Each of us has the spark of survival in us.  When things are bad it's up to us to protect that spark till its strong enough to burn by itself.  The only losers are those who let the spark go out."

He'd done enough for one night.  Daniel only hoped he hadn't overdone his attempt to restore Abby's self-confidence.  Her face was pale and the hand she lifted to cap the bottle of herbal oil, shook slightly.

"Thank you for the massage," Daniel said gently.  "I'll see you tomorrow."

Upstairs, Abby showered and changed into an embroidered nightie.  Settling on the window seat, she drew her knees to her chest.  Were all the things Daniel said true?  Had she handed Rod the power to bully her, to make her feel she was an idiot?

If she had, it had been because she was so much in love with him.  Later it had been because if she ever opposed him, he threw a tantrum.  His dark moods lasted for days, and rather than bring one on, she'd preferred to do things his way.

When she had found out about Rod's affairs, Abby knew she should have said something, but by then she blamed herself for the failure of her marriage, believed all the cruel things Rod said.  It seemed easier just to continue the way she was then cause waves by asking for a divorce. 

It hadn't entirely been apathy that had tied her to the marriage.  Gran, grieving for Gramps, who had passed away a year after the wedding, would have been tremendously upset by a divorce.  Abby had continued to pretend everything was fine between her and Rod on her visits to Carbon Canyon.  Deep down in her heart she had never relinquished the hope that they would work through their problems, and everything would become all right one day.  Instead, the circumstances surrounding Rod's death had told the whole world what a mess she had made of her marriage.  Rod had been returning from an illicit weekend when he and his current lover had been killed.

Take back the power, Abby.

Was it possible to do such a thing?  Abby thought of the picture of herself at nineteen.  There had been a time when she'd believed in her abilities.

Each of us has the spark of survival in us, Abby.  It's up to us to protect it till it’s strong enough to burn by itself.  You're a survivor.

She had to get off the bleachers where she had spent so much time watching life pass her by.  There was only one way to find out if she could really regain control of her life.  Abby knew she had to test what Daniel had told her. 

Only time would tell if he was right. 

CHAPTER SIX

At the end of his third week, Daniel stepped into the community room to find Hamish bent over the wooden stork.  The smooth, artistic lines of the bird testified to Hamish's talent and Daniel's lack of it. 

"Good morning, Mr. McArthur."

"Ah, Daniel, come in."  Hamish looked up from his carving and actually smiled.  "Sarah tells me you've decided to stay a while longer with us."

"Well..."  Daniel didn't know what to say.  "I haven't really done anything to help the store.  The billboard and the flyers have brought in a few more customers but that isn't enough to get The Busy Bee back on its feet."

"Glad you're staying," Hamish said with more geniality than he had ever exhibited before.  "Maybe we'll make a whittler of you yet."

That would be the day.  Daniel thought of the lopsided object his carving had yielded and a corner of his mouth lifted.  He had changed considerably since he'd come here, but there was some things that could never change.  One was his whittling abilities.

In the office, Abby tensed.  Why hadn't Daniel mentioned his decision to stay on to her?  She hadn't seen much of him this week.  Jack Williams was growing steadily weaker, and she had been spending all her free time at Vista.

A few minutes later she looked up as Daniel entered the office.  "Hi!"

She'd forgotten the effect that half smile of his had on her, the way the lines around his eyes crinkled.

"I'm just cleaning up," she said quickly, noticing the surprised look on his face.  "I'll be out of your way in five minutes."

Daniel's gaze fell to the drawer she had placed on top of the desk.  It was the one with the photographs.  Half empty.

"Want some coffee?"  he asked casually, holding up the cup he had poured himself in the community room.

"No thanks."

Watching as Abby dumped the rest of the pictures into a large envelope he said cautiously, "I'm going to be here a while longer."

Their gazes linked. 

"I know," said Abby.  "I heard you tell Hamish just now."

And she wasn't asking him why?

"I feel there has to be more I can do to help The Busy Bee.  Your grandmother, Agnes, Hamish, and all the others, they work so hard.  They deserve to succeed."

Abby's face showed the surprise she felt.

"I'm sorry about my attitude towards them in the beginning, Abby.  I was raised by my grandparents who were very strict and I've always associated any older person with them.  I was wrong.  More and more I'm learning generalizations don't work.  Not in business, not in life."

It was a very generous apology. 

"Your grandmother and her friends are so warm and affectionate," Daniel continued.  "I hope I haven't hurt anybody's feelings."

It was Abby's turn to be surprised.  "What makes you think you might have hurt anyone?"

"I'm always refusing their offers of help.  I don't mix much with anyone.  I've never found it easy to talk to any of them, except Sarah and Agnes.  For a long time I blamed my grandparents for the way I am.  Now I realize the way I am has nothing to do with them.  It has to do with me."

"Why did you blame your grandparents?"

"They were so different from my parents.  They were very strict and I used to wonder if they cared for me at all.  We never discussed my parents.  In fact we rarely talked to each other.  I know I wasn't an easy boy to get along with, but I missed my mother and father so much."

Abby's heart twisted at the thought of the lonely ten year old.  "Hamish told me once that his parents never talked of their emotions, and he grew up thinking a man's way of telling his family he loved them was providing for them.  Maybe your grandparents were like that too."

Trust Abby to make excuses for everybody.  "Maybe."

"It couldn't have been easy on them losing their son and daughter-in-law.  Did you talk to them about how you felt?" Abby asked. 

"No."  Daniel tossed his empty cup in the trash can.

Shock over his parents death had changed to anger.  Rage had taken the form of rebellion.  No one had been able to cross the moat he'd built around himself. 

"Being here has made me realize how difficult I made things for them.  I wish I had a chance to go back, to apologize, but life's a one way street.  Maybe finding a way to help Sarah and her friends is my way of working through this guilt I harbor."

Abby nodded as if she understood and Daniel went on, "I called them once a month after I left home.  The conversations we had never lasted long.  We didn't know what to say to each other." 

His stay here had made him understand how lonely old people were.  The thought he should have done more for his grandparents weighed heavily on him.

"You cared enough to keep in touch," Abby pointed out. 

"Yes, but I wish I had told them I loved them, just once.  Eve, my ex-fiancée, was right about me."

Abby held her breath.

"She said I was cold." 

Abby's heart began to race.  She could understand how hard communication had been for Daniel and his grandparents.  She couldn't understand how Daniel could believe a completely false accusation.

"You aren't cold."  There was no shred of doubt in Abby's voice.  "You wouldn't have given us so much of your vacation time if you were.  There are very few people Hamish, Agnes and Gran like, but you're definitely one of them."

"They're good for my ego."

Daniel's tone told Abby he wasn't completely convinced.  Touched by the glimpse she got of the lonely boy behind the lonely man, Abby blinked the tears from her eyes.  Daniel was not cold.

Walking around the desk, she reached for both his hands.  As he looked at her in surprise, she stood on tiptoe and placed her mouth against his.  Warmly, sweetly, she kissed him.

Heat melted surprise.  Wrapping his arms around her, Daniel dragged her closer.  Gentleness gave way to hunger as Abby's mouth opened under his.  Lifting one hand, Daniel threaded it through Abby's hair.

Abby loved the feeling of Daniel's back under her hands.  Loved matching the demands his mouth made with some of her own. 

There was no room for thought till the need for air made them pause.  Daniel looked at Abby's face and saw the elation fade as embarrassment took its place.

"That was just to prove you aren't cold," she said breathlessly.  Moving away from him, she went behind the desk.

Trust Abby to think of the quickest, most thorough way of making her point.  The kiss reminded him of the way she had challenged him at the seminar.  Abby's shortcuts may be unusual, but they were very effective.

"I get the message," Daniel's gaze was still on her mouth. 

Had proving a point been all it was?  He wanted to kiss Abby again, feel that wonderful mouth under his.

Picking up the envelope on the desk, Abby said, "I have to help in the store."

"I'd better get on with my work," Daniel couldn't keep the reluctance out of his voice.

For a long time after Abby left, he sat doodling on a pad.

Can't complain of emptiness now, can you Hawthorn?

No he couldn't.  His life was filled with emotions and questions.  He had changed so much.  Looking at everything from a different perspective had broadened the scope of his experiences.  He wanted different things now.  To help Abby, to get the store back on its feet, to make amends for the past. 

Daniel wondered if he had helped himself to more than he would ever be able to deal with.

Talking to Abby about his relationship with his grandparents had eased the load of bitterness he had carried around for so long.  If he'd been cold with Eve, it was because he'd held a part of himself back from her.  Since his parents' death he'd held a part of himself back from everyone.  He was afraid of loving too much, afraid of losing those he loved. 

His work had become a nice safe wall to hide behind.

Take back the power, Abby.

Daniel's words echoed and re-echoed in her mind, as Abby stepped into Lou Nelson's printing shop on Main Street.

"Hello Abby," Lou greeted her with a hug.  "I never thought I'd see the Saturday you'd get away from the store.  Does Sarah need more flyers?"

Abby shook her head.  "No.  This is for me.  I need some business cards and flyers for my interior decorating business."

Lou beamed at her, "Why, I'm happy you're going to have another shot at it Abby.  Everyone praises the way you did my parlor.  They can't believe how little it cost.  I just know you're going to be great at it.  How many business cards and flyers would you like?" 

Abby had done Lou's parlor when she'd come home from college one year, during summer vacation.  She had been very young and very excited about her work in those days.

"Five hundred, please."  It didn't hurt to dream big.  Abby hesitated and then said, "I thought I'd distribute them to half the homes in the new developments, see what happens and then have some more printed."

"That's a great idea.  It'll take a day to get them ready.  I know some teenagers who will do the leg work for you.  They charge on an hourly basis."

"That'll help.  Thanks Lou."

Abby showed Lou the design she'd thought up for her business cards and the idea for her flyer.  It was a while before their business discussion ended.

"I have to go now," Abby said.  "I have a few things to pick up for Jack Williams."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Lou opened a drawer and took out a packet.  "Katy sent pictures of the baby, and said to be sure and give you one.  After all our planning, he had to be born when I wasn't there."

Abby looked at the pictures of the baby boy and said, "He's adorable.  I love the name Nathan.  I'll call Katy tonight." 

Picking a picture out, she thanked Lou and said goodbye.

Outside the store she paused and took a deep breath.  It was hard to imagine Katy, a mother.  Her friend had been the tomboyish type who'd said she wanted to be president of a company.  Abby had been the one who'd always said she wanted a husband and children.  Only Rod hadn't wanted any.

If she'd had a baby,  would things have been different after Rod's death.  Would she have avoided the intense bouts of loneliness that gripped her from time to time?

"Hi, Abby."

She looked straight into Daniel's eyes and then around her.  She was blocking the way to Lou's store by standing here and daydreaming. 

"Is something wrong?" 

Hoping he hadn't seen the tears in her eyes, Abby shook her head.  She had decided to make a new beginning.  Brooding over what-might-have-been wasn't part of her plan.

She smiled at Daniel, "I'm fine.  I'll see you back at the house.  I have a few more errands to run."

"Right." Daniel stood aside to let Abby pass before entering the store.  He'd wondered about the look on her face, but with Abby he knew better than to insist she tell him what was wrong.

"Things have changed so much since you came to Carbon Canyon," Lou told Daniel as she handed him the business cards he had ordered for himself.  "You've made a difference in such a short time.  What is it?  Two weeks?"

"Three."  Today made it exactly that.  "I haven't done much."

"Helping Sarah and the others save that store is a gift to the whole community.  Some of us would be very lonely if we couldn't meet there.  You read about people our age who become `shut-ins', and it's more than sad.  They're afraid to go out.  They have no one to talk to.  It must be a terrible feeling."

"I'm glad Abby asked me to come here." 

Daniel knew how important the store was to the people in Carbon Canyon. 

"I'm giving you these cards at cost," Lou told him.  "I'll be happy to help with anything else you want done."

Her tone encouraged Daniel to ask his next question.  "Have you known Abby long?"

"Sarah and I raised Abby and my Katy together.  I just showed Abby pictures of Katy's baby boy.  The look on her face almost broke my heart."

Daniel felt his stomach tighten.  Why had Abby looked sad?  She would make a wonderful mother. 

Lou's words seemed to answer his questions.  "I don't know if she'll ever be able to trust any man again.  That Rod was a no-good scoundrel.  She wanted a family and all he wanted was money and more money."

"Thanks for the cards, Lou."  Daniel took the package and left the store.

Outside he stood in much the same place Abby had and gazed down Main Street.  Abby and children.  Pictures whirled in his brain, teasing him.  Babies with green eyes and that black hair.  Children who, like their mother, would care about people and causes. 

Abby closed the menu and set it beside her plate.  The chicken salad had been a wise decision.  It wasn't only in the area of her work that she wanted to take control.  She had to do it with her eating habits as well.  Abby didn't expect overnight success with her diet.  She would take losing weight one step at a time, try planning her meals better.