The One Addicted (5 page)

   
I startle at the sound of a deep resonating voice behind me. I know that voice, would know it anywhere, it cloaks me in a thousand different emotions all at once - making me tremble deliciously and putting the fear of God in me for my sanity.
    
Shit!
    
Oh. My. God.
What is he doing here?
    
I purposely made this appointment with Nathan, so I could avoid him.
    
My feet are like lead and I can’t turn around. I’m totally unprepared for this - it’s too soon - I
can’t
see him now.
Maybe if I just ignore him he’ll go away?
Yeah right.
I mentally compose myself, inhale through my nose and out through my mouth, Pilates style, whilst silently counting to three and put both hands in my trouser pockets, to appear hopefully blasé but mainly so that he can’t see them shaking uncontrollably. I then turn to face the man I haven’t seen in eight long drawn-out days.
    
The man I’m not sure I can ever look at the same again.
 
    
“Where’s Nathan?”
    
The words fall from my lips before I’ve met his eyes. I can’t bring myself to look at him - if I do I’ll break. Deep breaths; deep breaths. Instead I focus on his black Jeffrey West shoes - he always did have good taste.
    
“He’s on another job. I said I’d cover for him.”
    
Ahh that voice…

   
“He only booked this meeting with
me
an hour ago - what other job?” I add unconvinced, my voice rising in volume by the second and noticing Sebastian’s brows rise in surprise, I tone it down a notch. “Well if he’s not available… suddenly - although I find that hard to swallow - I’ll come back then - to go through the plans, another time.”
    
I can’t be here anymore. This was just way too difficult.
    
“Don’t leave.”
    
Those two simple pleading words anchor me and I close my eyes in angst. I can’t do this, won’t do this. I’m not prepared, not ready - my skin is crying out for his touch, every disloyal body part reacting to his voice, his scent; his heat.
    
“Please don’t go, Lu,” he sighs.
     
I look up at this. His voice has changed – seems softer and his gorgeous face implores me to do as he asks. His brown eyes hooded, their colour deepening to dark chocolate, his strong jaw tense and sensual mouth full of promise.
    
Finally I
see
him - actually
look at
him.
     
I allow myself one quick glimpse. It’s pure torture.
    
Fuck he looks hot. Dressed in a navy three-piece pinstripe suit, with pale pink shirt and tie. All clean and sexy with such pure masculinity - he looks expensive. I unknowingly lick my lips in appreciation and instantly berate my weakness, straightening my back and presenting, what I hoped was a business-like manner. The fact that his dark assessing bedroom eyes have swirled to liquorice and are watching my every move, perusing every part of my body - is unnerving and beyond irritating. He doesn’t have that right anymore. Shaking my head to frame myself, I mutter.
    
“I can’t do this. Not now.”
I’m not sure ever.
 
    
I make a move towards the doorway. Getting over the threshold to safety is my only goal now but his hand grabs my elbow and I spin at the spark emanating from that small physical contact - my arm literally burns at his touch, every nerve ending on fire.
   
“We need to talk.”
    
I hear the sarcastic sneer in my voice brewing before it erupts.
Really?
That was the card he was going to play? Change the fucking record mate.
   
With all the strength I have left, I tug forcefully on his grip to break free but his grasp only tightens and looking around I can see workmen beginning to stop and focus upon our odd behaviour. I stop yanking immediately and through gritted teeth I spit out, “Not here!”
    
He drops his hand immediately and I draw my arm protectively to my chest. All the pent up hurt and betrayal has given way to pure anger and I’m ready to blow.
    
“Come with me.”
    
Sebastian is past me and at the doors in a few long strides and holds one open for me, twisting his body to beckon me. I am rooted to the spot and do not move. I just watch him. The utter arrogance of this man, to turn up announced, demanding and unwanted. I watch his mouth, determined but soft, his teeth lightly grazing his bottom lip, as he waits, pondering my every move. His eyes implore me. “
Please
.”
    
The polite request is unexpected and as he beckons again with his outstretched hand I nod my acceptance, and take one tentative step after the other towards him, feeling his palm mould to the small of my back, as I pass through. The flinch is a knee-jerk reaction to being touched by someone who hurt me and I sense it has the same painful effect on him, as he drops his hand immediately.
Good!
He’d got me out of the Suite but after this I couldn’t promise anything.
    
I follow his retreating form in silence, annoyed as my eyes are transfixed on his broad shoulders and sexy walk, not sure where we are going or why I didn’t just head downstairs, out the entrance and into the safety of my car. Deep down I knew I needed some answers and if now had to be the time, then so be it. I couldn’t take any more flowers, or messages and maybe this would wipe the slate clean for work?
He slows at the end of the corridor, turns a sharp left and removes a card from his inner jacket pocket. It’s only as he inserts it quickly into the control pad, on the door in front of us that I realize we are entering another bedroom. I have a brief flashback to another time, at Scarlet House, as I entered Room 22 with Sebastian waiting on the other side for me. That night was the most incredible night of my life. I can’t go into another hotel room with him.
    
I all but, laugh. “I’m not going in there with you. No bloody way!”
     
I can feel panic begin to rise within me. Who did this guy think he was?
    
“Just for a moment Lu. I need to explain.”
    
“In a room! With a bed! Only the great Sebastian Silver would need a bed at the ready to explain himself out of a hole.” God I sound bitter.
    
His face remains impassive and calmly he responds. “I need to explain and I can’t do that in a room full of my employees and I’m not discussing our private life in a corridor or hotel bar.”
    
Fair point, I rapidly concede to myself, and looking up into his serious black eyes I nod. “You have ten minutes.”
    
“Thank you.”
     
God, I’m tense as we enter what is presumably one of the larger Ashton Suites. It was luxurious, if a little dated and I could see this being one of the next on my list of design makeovers. I cross over towards the window and seating area, putting the Queen-sized bed between us for safety and cross my arms in defiance. Memories of that forbidden night, in Room 22, come flooding back to tease me mercilessly - him between my thighs, rubbing strawberries into my pussy, fucking me from behind, whilst we watched ourselves in the huge gilt mirror.
Get a grip!
    
“Well? You’ve manipulated the situation once again, to get me here. I’m here?” I raise a brow in question, determined to stand my ground.
    
He drops his head and taking a deep breath, rolls his lips. “There was no other way. You wouldn’t answer my calls.”
     
We stand in silence and I try not to fidget to ease the uncomfortable moment. His eyes are sad as he finally speaks. Upon closer inspection he looks tired and little gaunt. Hopefully that meant he’d slept as little as I had since Sunday morning. Serves him right.
    
“I never meant to hurt you Lu.”
    
Fucking Arsehole. Seriously – what does that even mean?
    
I can’t reply, I’m too angry. The man has a bloody girlfriend, he neglected to inform me of and he’s saying he never meant to hurt me – his best friend.
    
“Say something? Anything?”
    
“What do you want me to say, Sebastian? Hmmm? That you broke my heart – that you didn’t fight for us – that I feel stupid – that you played me – that I always knew it would end like this - that I hate you?”
    
His gaze is hypnotic as he watches me fall apart. My grief, spilling out, I bare myself to him again, emotionally. The last four words make him flinch and I take pleasure in the fact that I’ve finally pierced his cold-cheating heart. Narcissistic prick - Sebastian loved to be loved.
    
“The list is endless and for you to say we need to talk, for fuck’s sake, that’s all you’ve ever said and we obviously never did enough of it, or I’d have know you had a secret girlfriend - Ray. Where is the lovely Ray by the way?”
    
He turns and frustrated runs his hands over his head, taking a deep breath. Facing me again he clearly reprimands, “Don’t be bitchy, Lu it doesn’t suit you. Ray is gone. Ray is not my girlfriend and Ray was never worth mentioning.”
    
Bastard!
    
I bite my lip so hard I flinch in pain to stop myself from saying something I’ll regret and cover my face in my hands. It’s whilst I hide behind them, I sense his body next to mine – his scent surrounds me, all lemony, vanilla and musk.
   
“Please, baby. Let me explain properly. I know I’ve made a complete cock-up of things so far but I’m telling you now, I’m not with anyone.”
    
My throat tightens at his familiar use of the B word and I can feel my eyes begin to well.
Don’t be nice. I’ll cave if you play the Gentleman card.
I want to believe him so badly. This is Sebastian, my best friend. I don’t speak but step backwards until I hit the wall, and slide down it to sit upon the thickly carpeted floor. Then I wait, hoping my deafening silence will encourage him to spill.
 
    
Sebastian chooses to take a seat on the edge of the bed in front of me, braces both arms on the mattress, either side of him and regards me closely. With furrowed brows he begins.
    
“I met Rachel in Dubai a few weeks after we’d landed there, to begin the Jannah Hotel project. She and her cabin crew were staying in the same hotel as us, when they had layovers. We met in the bar one night, got chatting and one thing lead to another.”
    
My eyes narrow;
of course they did Seb. Don’t they always with you.
   
He continues, despite my obvious contempt. “That’s all it was and as they stayed over in the same hotel, each time they were in Dubai, we kind of became…
    
“Fuck buddies!” I throw out, finishing his sentence for him, instantly wishing I’d kept silent.
    
“Actually I was going to say mates who have sex once in a while.”
 
His eyes bore into mine.
   
“Rather like you and me then?”
    
He watches me carefully and moistens his lips, his jaw tense. “Don’t compare what you and I have, to this, Lu.”
    
“Why not? We were monogamous
whilst we were together
, wasn’t that what you said? – mates who shag.”
    
The bitterness in my voice is not attractive and I’m fast falling into the black ugly hole of no return. I need to get out of there before I become the jealous bitch that only seems to raise her head where
he
is concerned. Seb stands to pace, removing his jacket in the process, and laying it on a nearby chair, stopping to face the door.
    
Oh no, don’t get comfy -
Just open it and go. Leave...
Please.
    
But he looks at me, considering my face and adds
.
“Over the months, we kind of became more mates than anything else. Her crew would mix with my crew and we’d have a laugh and parties – it was something to do after working hard in a foreign country, with fellow Brits. Then her flight schedule changed slightly and I was busy with the finishing touches of the project. We kinda drifted. We really were never a couple, Lu. We just hooked up when we were in the same place.”
He rubs his head again. “She stayed over in Dubai, a week before I came home to the UK and we had a drunken night together – the first in a long-time. It was never my intention to let it get that far, as I didn’t want to lead her on - if I’m honest I’d grown bored of her…”
   
I raise my eyebrows at this. He grows bored of every woman after a few minutes - me included.
    
“… but the next morning, she’d gone to the airport early and I awoke to a note, saying, ‘One of these days I’ll have to take you up on your offer’ I didn’t have a clue what she meant, so I just ignored it. We never called each other; I mean she texted me a few times but that was it, so I never heard from her again, until...”
    
“Sunday.” I conclude for him quietly.

“Sunday,” he repeats with a light smile.
He slides down the bed until his outstretched legs rest daringly close to mine and moves to take my hand in his but I withdraw and watch as his face crumples. “I promise, Lu – when I came home and you and I started things, I was single. I
am
single.”
I continue to bite my lip. His story is definitely compelling and he could win an Oscar for the way he’d enacted it. God I so want to believe him but why had he let me leave?
 

“Why didn’t you fight for us that morning?” My voice is a whisper and I swallow hard, desperate to hear his answer but pained that it will devastate me.
“Honestly? I didn’t know what to say. The woman was there, with suitcases, kissing me and calling herself,
my girlfriend
and all I could see, was you crumbling at my supposed indiscretion and I couldn’t fucking blame you. I deserved to be walked out on.”
“But if you didn’t do it?” I’m aware I don’t sound convinced.
“After the shit with Toni, only the night before - now Ray - I just thought you deserved better. It all happened so fast and your history with Niall, that cheating ex-bastard, I felt lousy - you deserved better than me - you still deserve better than me.”
Now that got my goat.
The anger bubbles and threatens to boil over again.
   
“What the fuck? I
do
deserve better, but surely it’s up to me to decide that, not you for once? You should have defended me, introduced me, given us a chance. Now it’s too late. Now we’re done!”
He bows his head, with no forthcoming answer, so I brave myself and continue desperate to say the words I’ve felt within me the past few days.
    
“I thought I had something with you. You were my best-friend, Sebastian – I… loved you.”
The emotion is thick and clouding the room, my judgment and hot cloudy liquid fills my vision.
Oh God don’t cry girl.
“I can’t do this, Sebastian. I thought I could…. it’s over. Well it never really began did it? But thank fuck we never got serious eh?” I make to stand, a single tear trickles down my cheek and in that instant he’s at my side.
“I
was
your best-friend?” He moves and catches the tear before it reaches my chin and I shiver at his touch. “You
loved
me?”
“Please don’t…” I moan as I feel his lips at the place where my tear had fallen.
“Let me, Lu… I need to make this right. I can’t be away from you anymore. It’s not right. I can’t function without you near. I’m broken without you… without your touch, your body, our friendship.”
These words still me, they sound foreign on his lips but I understand them completely. It’s exactly how I feel. Looking up into his eyes, I ask the question I’ve pondered on since Sunday.
“Where is
Ray
now?”
“She’s on a plane somewhere - I don’t know and I don’t bloody care!”
“When did she leave?”
“Nathan took her to the airport on Sunday - 15 minutes after you left.”
“She’s gone?”
“She’s gone.” He smiles softly at me - I can see the worry in his eyes.
“Toni did this to us, you know. She’s a total bitch - she played a corker and you did naff all to rectify it!” My bottom lip trembles again, the tears increase and slither over my cheeks.
“I know, baby. CRAP!” he yells into the room in anger scraping his hand crudely across his head in exasperation. “Revenge is sweet – but let ours be so much sweeter – don’t let her break us. What this has made me realise is that this is
YOU AND ME
. We’re not some fling, some proposition or brief affair – we’re serious, for keeps
Little One
. The proposition may have got us to open our eyes at last but now we can have it all!
I ache for you – need you, want you, like no other before you and I can’t live without you. Don’t shut me out. I’ve been a total dick for not standing up for us. Please give me a second chance? I miss you, I miss what we had.”
“We had nothing, just friendship and a recent proposition for you to service me.”
“You don’t mean that - it was amazing - monumental.”
“We had good sex.”
God I sound cold
“Don’t say that. You don’t mean that. It was special.”
“Bullshit! You don’t know what
special
is – now there’s something you can’t have and of course
YOU
want it - poor Sebastian is not getting his own way.
”
My voice is bitter and nasty and I dislike myself more with every word - I thought they would make me feel better, more empowered but I’m fast feeling worse, and cheaper by the second.
“Don’t say that, Lu.” He repeats, his liquorice blacks willing me to retain eye contact with him. My mind is full of his words, but I can’t bring myself to concede. What he’s telling me just isn’t enough. I need more. I need to know he feels the same way I do. I’ve bared my soul, told him I loved him but he’d never repeated the words back to me. But like the mind reader he is, he rectifies that and changes everything with five words - five
momentous
words. His face crumples, the sheer devastation clear on his beautiful face as he watches me for my reaction.
“I fucking adore you, Lucia.”