Authors: Sophie McKenzie
‘Oh, he knows,’ Alejandro had said, when Eve asked him about it. ‘He is just not interested.’
‘Course not,’ I said when Eve told me. ‘He’s gay and she’s horrible.’
Eve shrugged, then explained to me that Alejandro had also told her Cal was in love with Jess.
‘What?’ I said. ‘Why?’
Neither of us could understand it.
Cal seemed as unable to leave Jess as Jess did George. I had no idea what either of their home situations was, and neither of them ever said.
So, with Eve drawing and me learning to play the guitar, we stayed at the house in Cornwall for another two weeks.
And, no, we still hadn’t had sex.
Alejandro had been back in Spain for several days when he called to tell us he’d seen Jonno.
‘He arrived at my gig in Madrid,’ he explained. ‘
Mierda
. At first I thought he was going to kill me, but the whole band were there so he just shouted. He was so cross about Eva and what you did to his car. I told him that I gave Eva money and left you both at a train station in Somerset. I said I had no idea where you are now. I think he believed me.’
I reported this conversation to Eve.
‘D’you think that means Dad’s given up looking for us?’
‘For now, maybe,’ I said.
But I couldn’t imagine Jonno ever really giving up. The murderous way he’d looked at me when he’d seen me in that hotel car park went too deep for that. I knew that I was different from Alejandro in his eyes. As far as Jonno was concerned I’d done something worse than help Eve run away from him – I’d stopped her being his little girl. I didn’t think he’d ever let that go.
It was ironic, I thought, that Jonno was probably imagining me seducing Eve on a daily basis when, in fact, although we slept in the same bed, Eve was careful never to let things go too far.
She talked about it a lot, reassuring me how much she wanted me, saying over and over how she just needed a little more time – how the fact that we were actually doing less than we had been in the summer was because she knew how easy it would be for her to get carried away.
None of this made any sense to me. She said she wanted me more than she ever had. And I knew she wasn’t lying. Every little thing I did turned her on more – far more – than it used to. So why was she holding back?
‘It’s only until I feel safe,’ she’d say. ‘Not so up and down all the time.’
When I wasn’t with Eve, I spent most of my time with Cal. He gave me daily guitar lessons and got me totally caught up in his music. I loved listening to him – the more I learned about playing the guitar, the more I admired his skill and the way he made what he did look so effortless. Sometimes he even let me play with him and George – though I noticed he always turned my amp right down.
I practised until my fingers bled.
Eve sat outside every morning, sketching and listening to me playing, or to the music from her CD that I’d imported onto my iPod. She stayed in the cold for hours, drawing the cliffs and the sea and the trees. Inside, she just drew me. The others teased her about that, saying she should try sketching them too, but Eve always shook her head. ‘Not until I get this right,’ she’d say. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but it’s not really Luke.’
‘Yeah, you’ve made him way too fit,’ George would say, winking at me.
Sometimes I thought about Mum, or school. But not often. It was too easy here just to drift from one day to the next. Eating when I got hungry, playing the guitar and being with Eve.
Alejandro came back from Spain just before the end of January. His tour was finished and he had a week before he went home to do some work for his dad.
Late one morning, towards the end of that week, Alejandro, Eve and I were in the kitchen making toast when George and Cal strolled in.
‘Guess what?’ George grinned. ‘Cal and I have got a gig. This friend of my dad just called – been let down last minute. We have to be in London for tomorrow evening.’
They started talking about the detail of the job. It was going to last a week.
Eve put down her spoon and looked at me.
‘Er . . . George,’ I said. ‘What about us?’
His green eyes sparkled as he took in our anxious faces. ‘Well . . .’ he said slowly.
‘George, behave.’Alejandro smiled.
‘Yes, George, stop winding them up,’ Cal said irritably.
George chuckled. ‘My parents have this place in the West End,’ he said. ‘I think I told you about it. It’s not big and there’s no soundproofing which is why I don’t use it more, but there’s room for you two to stay there with us if you want.’
Yes
. However much I liked being here with Eve and playing the guitar, going back to London meant a chance to see Mum and our friends and maybe even a chance to work out what Eve and I were going to do next.
‘What about Jess?’ Cal said in an ultra-casual voice that fooled no one.
George groaned. ‘No, she can’t come too. There’s not enough room. C’mon, Cal, surely you can tear yourself away for a few days? It’s not as if anything’s going to happen.’
Cal stood up and walked off. Alejandro followed him.
‘Bloody hell.’ George wrinkled his nose. ‘Was it something I said?’
Eve smiled at him.
‘You’d think the way he plays he could get anyone into bed,’ George sighed. ‘Still, I guess it takes more than music.’
Alejandro reappeared at the door. ‘What takes more than music?’ he said.
‘Shagging, baby,’ George said. He sat up. ‘Hey! Party. Tonight.’
He swept out.
Eve and I exchanged glances. This wasn’t the first time we’d seen George get all excited about having a party in the morning, only to see the whole thing fizzle out into a few of his mates coming round for pizza and beer.
But today turned out to be different. George texted some friends, who called other friends. By 10.30 pm, a steady stream of people had started trickling into the house.
Eve took a long time getting ready. When she emerged from the bathroom along our corridor my mouth fell open, she looked so amazing. Normally she just wore jeans – she’d only brought a few clothes with her – but tonight she had on this little skirt I hadn’t seen before.
‘George gave it to me,’ she said. ‘He said it was his sister’s from before she left home.’
I snorted. ‘From before she went to secondary school, you mean.’
The skirt was tiny.
‘Don’t you like it?’ Eve’s face fell.
By the time I’d told her exactly how much I liked it the party was in full swing.
Alejandro, George and Cal played with a girl singer who wore low-cut jeans with a snake tattoo creeping out of them up her back and round to her stomach. I thought it was kind of sexy. Eve wrinkled up her nose.
‘But think how that snake head’ll look if she gets fat,’ she said.
I grinned and pulled her up off the sofa to dance.
More people arrived at midnight, including one of George’s DJ friends, who set himself up in the music room with his massive decks and four huge boxes of vinyls.
Cal looked deeply uncomfortable as soon as he stopped playing his Gibson. He sat slumped on one of the sofas, staring at Jess dancing with some of George’s friends. George, of course, threw himself totally into the party – providing more and more drink and dancing more and more outrageously.
I was chatting with Alejandro about some music we were both into, when a dance track came on I recognised from Eve’s CD.
Eve appeared from nowhere. She grabbed my hand and dragged me off to dance. The music pounded in our ears, a fast, pulsing beat above a low, growling bass. It was one of my favourite tracks off Eve’s selection and it sounded fantastic played so loud, filling the entire room. We danced like we were on fire, our arms twisting round each other, our bodies moving perfectly together.
The music was outside and inside me at the same time. My whole body filled with happiness – I closed my eyes, totally caught up in the mood of the music, completely blissed-out at being here with Eve.
I felt her moving closer, her body rolling against mine. I opened my eyes.
I want you.
We stared at each other – still somehow moving in this perfect rhythm.
And then she nodded.
And I knew that she meant she was ready. Now. It was time.
My throat tightened. After nearly four weeks of her being so uncertain, I was scared that as soon as we were away from the charged party atmosphere, she would change her mind again.
George’s words from this morning went through my head.
‘It takes more than music.’
Or maybe music was exactly what it took. The dance track thudded in my ears. Maybe if I could keep it alive in her head, I could keep her wanting me. Wanting
it.
I leaned over her shoulder and drew my iPod out of my pocket. Still dancing, I switched on the backlight.
Where the hell was the track we were listening to? I found
Eve’s playlist
. There. Now what followed it? It had to be right.
Yes.
Perfect. The next song was a total make-out track if ever I’d heard one – and then two really sexy ballads. Ones I knew Eve loved.
As soon as the music in the room ended, I held up the iPod, the headset in my hands. Eve stared at me as I fitted the earphones into her ears, then smiled as she realised the same track was now playing through the MP3 player.
I took her hand and guided her across the heaving dance floor. I had the iPod in my hand, careful not to move too suddenly and jerk the ear phones out of Eve’s ears. Somehow knowing we were connected like that added to how horny the whole thing was.
Through the music room, the living room, the corridor. It felt completely different out here – the music from the deck now only a background sound. People were scattered about on the stairs – talking, kissing.
Oh God.
There were boys snogging each other. Tongues and everything. I shuddered and glanced quickly at Eve. She didn’t seem to have noticed. The track we’d been dancing to was still playing in her ears.
She nodded again.
I put my arm round her and we climbed the stairs. Two minutes later we were back in our room. As soon as I’d shut the door Eve started kissing me.
Mmmn.
She was moving in time with the music in her head, really into what we were doing. Which was great. Except I had the iPod in my hand and she was pulling me towards the bed and I had to keep checking I wasn’t jerking the earphones out.
I lay down carefully beside her. More kissing.
Yes.
It was working. The whole music thing was definitely working. Although.
Damn.
There was no way I was going to be able to get her top over her head without dislodging the earphones. Sighing, I rolled it up as far as I could – which wasn’t very far – then I kissed her stomach, trying to be as careful as possible not to knock the iPod wire with my elbow.
Jesus.
This wasn’t exactly the abandoned sexual experience I’d been looking forward to. More than half my mind was still on the stupid machine lying beside me. Why hadn’t I thought to bring a CD player up here? Or proper stay-on headphones?
I heard the dance track finish and prayed that the segue to the love song wouldn’t make her want to stop.
It didn’t. In fact it turned her on more. Her breath quickened into gasps and she pulled me higher and closer. I felt her fingernails scraping against my chest as she unbuttoned my shirt.
Suddenly worrying about the iPod earphones falling out of her ears faded to the back of my mind.
I want this.
I kept my eyes fixed on hers while my hands moved down, willing her not to lose faith in me.
I was so close to her now I could hear the whole song in her ears. She was so beautiful, gazing up at me all trusting and loving and right.
I reached under the mattress for where I’d stashed the condoms I’d nicked weeks ago out of George’s bathroom.
‘I love you,’ I mouthed.
Eve smiled back and I felt her hands tugging at my jeans. And my heart started pounding and she was only centimetres away and the look in her eyes said it was OK and suddenly I knew I couldn’t wait much longer.
And then she stopped and took the earphones out.
‘It’s so special that it’s us . . . that we’re together doing this.’ She looked right into my eyes. ‘For our first time.’
For a fraction of a second I remembered Hayley.
I looked away.
No.
Shit.
Eve had seen.
I knew she’d seen.
Her hands were on my face, pushing it round, forcing me to look at her again. Her mouth was open, her eyes wide, uncomprehending.
I could feel my cheeks burning.
The music was hissing away through the earphones on the bed beside us. The faint thump of the latest dance track playing downstairs the only other sound.
It was nothing. It was nothing. It was nothing.
Eve backed away from me, pulling the covers over her.
‘Who was she?’ she whispered.
‘No one. Nothing. What d’you mean?’ I said.
I could hear how pathetic I sounded.
‘I saw in your eyes.’ Eve’s lips trembled. ‘You promised me you hadn’t . . . you said you didn’t go out with anyone while . . . when I wasn’t here.’
I stared at her.
No. Not this. Not now. Not
now.
‘Luke.’ She swore. ‘Tell me what happened.’
So I told her. In about three sentences. An edited version, obviously, emphasising how Ryan had totally set me up and how Hayley had virtually forced herself on me when it was the last thing I expected.
‘I thought she just wanted me to walk with her because . . . because it was late.’
‘You went with her to an empty apartment in the middle of the night?’ Eve stared at me incredulously. ‘What did you
think
was going to happen?’
I couldn’t bring myself to explain about the fish-checking scenario I had totally bought into at the time. ‘It wasn’t planned,’ I stammered. ‘I didn’t even like her much.’
Eve’s whole face screwed up in puzzlement. ‘You slept with her and you didn’t like her? How is that possible?’
I had no idea what to say. ‘I don’t know.’