The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (70 page)

"Don't sin by letting anger control you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for angergives a foothold to the devil. EPHESIANS 4:26-27

IT HAPPENS TO ALL OF us. We get bent out of shape by some little comment or action of our spouse. She let the dog out without a leash, and now the neighbor is calling to complain. He left his socks on the floor instead of moving six inches to put them into the laundry hamper. It's the little things that stimulate distorted anger.

How do we handle our emotions? First, we admit them. "I'm feeling angry." Second, we refuse to let the anger control us. "So I'm going to take a walk:" Third, we ask ourselves some key questions. Did my spouse do this on purpose? Was he trying to hurt me? Or is this simply the result of being married to a human? Have I done similar things in the past? Is this big enough to talk with my spouse about, or shall I let it go?

Either let it go or talk with your spouse about it. Don't hold anger inside. The Bible warns that we should get rid of anger before dark. When we hold on to anger, it has a tendency to start controlling us-and, as Paul writes, that gives a "foothold to the devil." In other words, holding on to anger makes us likely to sin more and more. Our anger becomes increasingly distorted, and that paves the way for all sorts of ugly interactions in a marriage. Anger should be treated as a visitor, never a resident.

Heavenly Father, you know that I sometimes hold on to a grudge against my spouse. Please help me to stop! Remind me to stop my response, figure out why I'm angry, and then decide whether to bring it up with my spouse or to let it go. I need wisdom, Lord, so 1 don't let anger take control of me.

If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything? But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. I CORINTHIANS 12:17-18

DIFFERENCES CAN BE DELIGHTFUL. An old adage says,"Some people read history; others make it." Usually, these two types of people are married to each other. Now I ask you, isn't that the way God designed it?

Our differences are meant to be complementary. How tragic it would be if your spouse were just like you. God tends to place an aggressive person with a more passive person, a neatnik with a slob, an organized person with a spontaneous person. Why? Because we need each other. It's sad when we allow our differences to become divisive. Why do we do this? Because we are egocentric. Life revolves around me, we think. My way is the best way. Be like me, and well be happy!

But is that really what we want? I don't think so. In 1 Corinthians 12, the apostle Paul compares the church to a body. It has many parts, and every part is needed. Paul takes this illustration almost to absurdity, asking his readers to imagine how the body would function if it were just one great big ear. It wouldn't! How limited life would be.

The same holds true in marriage. We are different, and we need each other. Your aggressiveness pushes me to attempt things I would never try on my own. My passiveness keeps you from jumping off the cliff. The Bible is right: Two are better than one.

Father, thank you for the differences between me and my spouse. Please show me how to look at them positively rather than negatively. Help us to work effectively together as a team.

Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.

PROVERBS 12:25

MANY COUPLES HAVE never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other. Verbal compliments, or words of affirmation, are powerful communicators of love. King Solomon, author of the ancient Hebrew "wisdom literature" we find in the Bible, wrote several proverbs about words. The passage above, Proverbs 12:25, highlights the importance of encouraging words. Proverbs 18:21 is even more dramatic, saying, "The tongue can bring death or life." Cutting, critical comments can kill a person's spirit, but affirming words bring renewal and hope.

Read the following statements and ask yourself, Have I said anything similar to my spouse within the last week?

c "You look sharp in that outfit."

c w "Wow! Do you ever look nice in that dress!"

c "You have got to be the best potato cook in the world. I love these potatoes."

nv "Thanks for getting the babysitter lined up tonight. I want you to know I don't take that for granted."

nv "I really appreciate your washing the dishes:'

nv "I'm proud of you for getting that positive job review. You're a hard worker, and it shows."

Want to improve your marriage? Say something positive to your spouse today.

Lord Jesus, why is it so much easier for me to criticize than to affirm? Please help me to train myself to notice the good things about my spouse-and to say something about them. I want my words to bring life, not discouragement. I need your help to develop new patterns, Lord.

Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. HEBREWS 3:13 (NIV)

WHAT WOULD LIFE be like if your spouse gave you encouraging words every day? "Like heaven;' one husband said. One woman responded, "I'd think my husband was drunk." How tragic that we typically give each other so few words of affirmation. We allow the emotions of hurt, disappointment, and anger to keep us from speaking positive words to each other, or maybe we simply get stuck in a pattern of negative comments. As a result, distance and dissatisfaction grow.

All of us long to hear affirming words, and those whose primary love language is affirming words long for them even more. We like to sense that our efforts are appreciated, and that our spouse sees something good in us. When we are affirmed, we aspire to be better. When we are ignored or condemned, we either become discouraged and withdraw, or become angry and hostile. Positive words can change the emotional atmosphere in a marriage. We need to look for something good in our spouse and affirm it.

The apostle Paul challenged his readers to "encourage each another and build each other up" (1 Thessalonians 5:11). The author of Hebrews suggested that believers give each other daily encouragement as a safeguard against hardened hearts and sin. Encouragement is important. Our words are like medication to a sick relationship. There is healing, and it often begins with words of affirmation.

Father, l don't want my spouse's heart to be hardened by my negativity. Please help me to encourage through my loving, encouraging words. I see so much in my loved one that is good, and 1 need to say so. Thank you for affirming me through the loving words 1 read in the Bible.