The Opposite Of Tidy (20 page)

“He’s taken what he wants, if that’s what you’re asking. These are really old, from when you were little is my guess.”

“Then why not get rid of them before?” It was worth a shot.

“And if I had,” her mother reasoned, “we’d be spending money on a box of rags instead. I just saved us five bucks.”

Junie stopped in her tracks and rolled her eyes. She would never get her mother’s logic. Ever.

Before they went to the till, they asked one of the salespeople if they had disposable coveralls and masks.

“Sure do,” he said and led them to the back of the store. “What sort of mask are you looking for?”

“We’re cleaning up raw sewage,” Junie said, not willing to bother with niceties.

“Ah, right.” The guy took down a heavy-duty mask with two can-shaped filters and a box of paper masks. “The big one would be the best, but it’s pricey. It’ll keep you safe from the nasties. This little one here will do the trick too, but obviously not as well as the more expensive one. Depends how much poop you’re looking at.”

“A lot of poop,” Junie said.

“The sewer just backed up into the bathroom,” her mother explained. “It’s not that bad.”

“Oh, yes it is.” Junie glared at her mother, and then flashed a smile at the guy. “It’s as bad as you can imagine, actually.”

“Sorry to hear it,” the guy said. He dropped two of the heavy-duty masks into the cart. “You should get the professionals in, but if you’re going to tackle it on your own, I’d go with these. If money’s not an issue.”

Money was always an issue. Junie looked to her mother, eyes narrowed. If she dared to say that they couldn’t afford the better masks, Junie would rip into her right there in the hardware store. If her mother could order four identical porcelain miniature Doberman Pinscher figurines from the Shopping Channel, she could damn well buy the better masks.

Her mother said nothing, just pushed the cart along to where the coveralls were stacked on the shelf and added four of them to the cart, along with a pair of safety goggles each, which had also been recommended by the sales guy.

Back home, they wrestled their way into the coveralls and found gumboots amidst the mess in the garage. Junie’s mother found a pair with the tags still on and steel toes that made the boots extra heavy, and Junie found a red boot one size too small and a black one that was one size too big, but they’d do.

Junie and her mother stood at the top of the basement stairs and pulled on the masks. It was like wearing some space alien mask, with each breath clicking through the vents. Junie was pretty sure that if they ever had to endure nuclear fallout, these masks would keep them safe.

They each grabbed two handfuls of cleaning supplies and went down the stairs. Junie went first, and when she stepped off the bottom step, she knew at once that it was far worse than she’d first imagined. Her feet were stuck in shitty muck, all the way over by the stairs, which was a good long way from the bathroom. She turned to her mom, who was still halfway down the stairs.

“This is impossible, Mom. Look!” Junie sloshed her boot through the wet slime.

“It’s okay.” Her mother pushed past her. “Let’s start in the bathroom.”

Her mom went ahead and turned on the light, illuminating the mess all the better. They hadn’t used this bathroom as a bathroom for over a decade, so her mother had stacked boxes of stuff in the bathtub, which was now brimming with raw sewage, dark brown soup with bits of toilet paper and food floating in it. Junie had to turn away as she retched behind her mask.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Mom.”

Her mother stood in the doorway, staring. The sink was also brimming with shit soup, as was the toilet. Flies were everywhere.

Junie set her supplies on a stack of boxes by the door and pulled up the hood on her coveralls, cinching it tight under her chin. Her mother did the same.

“I’m glad he suggested the safety goggles,” her mother said as she waded into the bathroom, plunger in hand.

Five minutes later, using the plunger hadn’t accomplished anything except sending more shit soup spilling over the edge of the toilet bowl.

“I’m telling you, Mom, we need a plumber,” Junie wheezed from behind her mask. “With one of those snake things.”

“I think there’s one in the garage. I’ll go look.” Her mom left.

Junie stood there, having absolutely no idea where to start. She was still standing there when her mother came back ten minutes later.

“Found it!” Her mother sounded almost cheerful.

Junie had hoped that she wouldn’t be able to find it, but she hadn’t hoped too hard. She was always astounded at how easily her mother could find exactly what she was looking for, despite the chaotic mess.

Junie stood back while her mother stabbed the metal coil down the toilet. She jabbed it in hand over hand until she hit a block.

“That’d be it,” she said as if she had a clue about what she was doing. She cranked it around and around, forcing it in farther as she did.

Junie crossed her fingers, praying that it wouldn’t work. Praying that her mother would give up and call a plumber. But to her great horror, the toilet made a terrific
glug glug
sound, and the shit soup started draining. Not only from the toilet, but from the sink and bathtub as well.

“Well, how about that?” Her mother collected the snake in big, filthy, dripping coils. “Aren’t you proud of me?”

Junie offered her a terse nod in reply. Truly, though, she was appalled. Her mother was on her knees in a shallow sea of crap, her coveralls already split over her fat ass, the front splattered with feces. She was not proud of her. Not one bit. She was ashamed. Deeply, irreparably ashamed.

With the shit soup gone, they still had to get rid of the boxes from the bathtub and then mop up everything off of the floor, and wipe out the dregs from the toilet bowl, sink and bathtub. Junie and her mom put the ruined boxes straight into the garbage bags. Junie was thankful that her mother didn’t insist on trying to salvage any of it. By the looks of it, it was all the decorations from the Hawaiian luau party Junie had had for her seventh birthday. Paper palm trees and hula skirts, piles of plastic leis and tiki torches. Junie hiked the fetid trash up the stairs and out the back door to the alley, hoping the neighbours weren’t watching.

It took about an hour before it started to look normal again. It took another two hours before they’d cleaned a path to the stairs, and that was without removing any of the contaminated junk. By then, Junie and her mother were exhausted.

“I need a shower,” Junie said. “And then we need to eat something before we keep going.”

She and her mom stripped off the coveralls and boots and gloves and each had a shower in the upstairs bathroom. Junie made them grilled cheese sandwiches, which they ate on the back step, drinking in the sunshine.

Fortified by the fresh air and food, they pulled on clean coveralls, rinsed off the boots with the garden hose and headed back downstairs. By six o’clock, they’d made some serious progress. But not enough. Junie had another shower, during which she tried to think of how she could convince her mother that everything that had come in contact with the shit soup had to go.

While her mom had her second shower, Junie put on clean clothes and went downstairs. The door to the basement was closed, but it still reeked. It was worse now, actually. Whether because Junie knew what was down there, or because all of their cleaning had stirred it up. Her mother joined her, her hair wrapped in a towel turban, her housecoat knotted over her girth.

“Good job today, Junie.” Her mother pulled her into a hug, but Junie resisted.

“Everything that’s come anywhere close to that mess has to go, Mom.”

“We can sort through it.” Her mother undid the towel and tousled her hair. “Bit by bit.”

“It’s got to go in the garbage! We need to rent a bin. Get rid of everything that got the raw sewage on it.”

“Relax, Junie.” Her mother patted her arm. “We’ve done enough for today.”

And that’s when it hit Junie. She hadn’t called Wade to say she couldn’t hang out. She’d stood him up.

“We’ll talk about this later. I’ve got to go to Tabitha’s.” She shoved her feet into her sneakers and slammed out the door.

FOURTEEN

Tabitha opened the door with a frown. “Where have you been?”

“I had to help my mom with something.” Junie wasn’t about to tell Tabitha about the shit soup. It was too humiliating. She couldn’t quite imagine keeping a secret from Tabitha, but she would try. For the first time ever, she would try. After all, what was one more lie?

“Help her with what?” Tabitha pulled her into the house. “I came by, there was no answer. I called, there was no answer. Where were you all day?”

“I was—” This secret was going to last all of about two minutes. Junie couldn’t think of what to tell her. “I was with my dad.”

“You weren’t,” Tabitha said with a snort. “I called him. Why are you lying to me?”

“I’m not. My mom and I—” What? Went shopping? Not likely. “My mom and I . . .”

“Look, while you try to come up with some excuse for dropping off the planet, a certain someone is desperate for you to call him back.” Tabitha dragged her toward the phone. “He left six messages, and a note on the door.”

“He came here?”

Tabitha thrust the phone at her. “Call him. And you’d better have a good story. He thinks you’re lying mortally wounded in the hospital.”

Without having a clue as to what she was about to say, Junie dialled Wade’s number.

“Junie!” Wade said when he picked up. “What’s going on? I was worried.”

“I was with my dad.” Junie turned away from Tabitha. She didn’t want to see her disproval. “I am so sorry. He dropped by this morning to take me out to breakfast and then we went shopping and I just totally blanked. I’m an idiot. I am so sorry.”

“Oh.” There was a pause on Wade’s end. “Okay.” “I’m a space cadet, honestly. Tabitha will tell you.” She glanced at Tabitha, eyebrows raised.
Sorry,
she mouthed. “How can I make it up to you?”

“I thought something bad had happened,” Wade said flatly. “I was really worried, Junie.”

“Wade, I am so sorry. It will never happen again.” “

It’s okay, I guess.”

“No, no it’s not.” Junie’s heart raced. He sounded so disappointed in her.

“I managed to get Royce and Jeremy to agree to my documentary,” Wade said. Junie pounced on the new subject with enormous relief.

“Yeah? When do we get started?”

“I was going to pick you up so we could go out there today, but . . .” Wade sighed. “I’m just glad that you’re okay.”

“I’m an ass who is okay.”

“This is true.”

“So sorry.”

“Apology accepted.” Wade laughed. “Do you think now might be a good time to get a cellphone?”

“I’ve told you, my parents agree on one or two things and me not having a cellphone is one of them.”

Tabitha poked her shoulder and said, loudly enough for Wade to hear, “Hi, Wade.”

“Hi, Tabitha,” Wade said.

“She came over to check on me,” Junie said. “I hadn’t told her where I was going either, if it’s any consolation.”

“I called her house too, but there was no answer.”

“Church day,” Junie said.

Tabitha grabbed the phone. “It does not appear to have been an alien abduction. At least, I haven’t noticed any indicators.”

Junie could hear Wade laughing. Everything was going to be okay. With him, anyway. For the time being.

They said goodbye to Wade, and then Tabitha turned on Junie. “Tell me.”

“I really don’t want to.”

“It’s about your mom.”

Junie nodded.

“Are you going to make me play Twenty Questions about this or are you going to give up and tell me what made you disappear all day?”

Junie pursed her lips and tried to think of an excuse. She just couldn’t. “All right. Apparently, I cannot lie to you. Even when I really, really want to.”

“Spill it, sister.”

Junie laughed. “You have no idea how fitting that is!” So Junie told her, sparing no detail.

By the end of the story, they were both in tears, laughing. Now, being removed from the situation, Junie could see how it was kind of funny. Not funny ha-ha, but sick funny. Too-crazy-to-be-true kind of funny.