The Oracle of Dating (9 page)

“New management, maybe.” But I’m not feeling good about this.

“Chad should go first,” Amy says. “He’s got his brother’s ID.”

I can tell Amy’s hyped to get in. I must have sold her on the event. That, or she saw a few seniors go in and she doesn’t want them to get ahead of her.

We’re out there about twenty minutes before Chad’s up to bat. The bouncer pauses for a second with his ID, then lets him in. My heart is pounding. I absolutely
have to
get in.

Amy’s turn. The bouncer hardly looks at her ID. She’s in.

I’m up next. I hand over my ID, trying to look casual. Meanwhile my head resounds with the thuds of my pulse. Bam. Bam.

The bouncer stares at me, squinting. I look up at him, trying not to be intimidated by his stare.

“I’m supposed to believe you’re twenty-one?” He looks me up and down. “Yeah, right. Show me some other ID to prove it.”

“Um…” I do some fumbling in my handbag. It’s too
small to hold a wallet, so all my ID cards and money are loose. Then he reaches in and snatches my real student ID.

“Michaela Cruickshank, Midwood high school. Twenty-one and still in high school, huh?”

My face burns. A bunch of people are laughing and snickering, including some seniors from our school. I want to walk away, but the bouncer holds my eyes, his face contorting. “You’re a junior? I’d have pegged you for a freshman. I’m sick of you kiddies always trying to get in here. Why shouldn’t I call the police?”

I feel my lips tremble.
Stay calm. Everyone is staring at you
. If I weren’t so freaked out by a man twice my size shouting at me, I might mention that half of the people in line are underage. As it is, I’m trying not to cower under the menace in his eyes.

“Well? I asked you a question.”

“I’m sorry. I just thought…”

“You didn’t think,
that
was the problem. Don’t you know we could get fined and shut down if the cops find kiddies like you in there? You wanna run this place out of business?”

I shake my head.

“Then you and your little friends better take off.”

I nod. Ryan and Sharese grab my hands and we run up the block, Viv and Max right behind us.

Once the bar is out of sight, we stop running. “I can’t believe that guy!” Ryan gasps for breath. “What an asshole!”

Sharese looks traumatized. “I thought he was really going to call the police on us.”

“I wouldn’t have said I was with you guys,” I tell them.

“It doesn’t matter—he saw we were all together,” Ryan says.

“What about Chad and Amy?” Viv asks. “They’re already inside.”

“I’ll text her.” Ryan takes out his phone.

“Let’s find a café or something.” Viv puts an arm around me. “It’s okay, Kayla. You can see the band play another time.”

But it wasn’t okay. What’s Jared going to think—that I didn’t bother to show up? That I don’t live up to my word? If I had his number, I’d call him and explain what happened. But it looks like I’ll have to wait until Monday.

No, it wasn’t okay at all.

We hop a train back to Park Slope and head to Ozzie’s café on Seventh Avenue, one of our favorite hangouts. It’s quiet tonight, so there are plenty of seats. The five of us get drinks, then squeeze around a table.

I tell myself that this isn’t bad, it’s even kind of cozy. My soy latte, sprinkled with cinnamon, is tasty and not overly foamy. But the thought that I could be seeing Jared on stage right now is a bitter pill to swallow. How will I ever have the chance to find out if I’m Girl #13? I have this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, this feeling that tells me I’ve lost my chance.

Ryan is dominating the conversation with tales of his annoying little sister, but only Sharese seems to be paying attention. Viv and Max are obviously holding hands under the table, or playing footsie, or both. I catch sight of their eye contact, and it’s hot, so hot it’s a little uncomfortable. Sharese and Ryan don’t seem to notice.

I wonder if Jared and I would be like that, eager to be close, eager to be alone. Something tells me that Jared isn’t the type to play games for very long, that he’d let a girl know if he wanted to be alone with her. At the thought, a quiver goes through me. I remember the flash in his eyes in the school bus when I practically rolled onto his lap. That was real, mutual attraction. It had to be.

Viv lets out a little yelp, as if Max did something to her under the table. “Sorry, guys—it’s nothing!” She manages to hide her smile, but Max is less successful. I don’t try to hide mine. It’s great to see Viv and Max together at last. Happy endings do happen… with a little help from the Oracle.

O
R MAYBE NOT
.

The next morning Amy’s call wakes me up.

“You missed a mind-blowing show last night, Kayla. Sorry you didn’t get in. I heard it was pretty embarrassing.”

“Freaking humiliating.”

“I hope you don’t mind that Chad and I stayed to see the band.”

“I don’t blame you. Was there a big crowd?”

“Oh, yeah. Half the school was there. And Jared Stewart was looking good, honey. You should’ve seen it—Brooke was all over him after the show. They even left together.”

I feel like I’ve been socked in the gut.

“Funny, isn’t it? I wouldn’t have pictured them hooking up. She’s so priss and he’s so…alternative. But it’s true, he was sexy up there. Can you believe we thought he was gay because he didn’t check her off on his speed dating card?”

I find my voice. “I never thought that.”

“Okay, fine,
I
did. But here’s my question. Why would Brooke go after the one guy who didn’t check her off at speed dating? I would’ve thought she’d be pissed off at him.”

You don’t need to be the Oracle of Dating to figure it out
. “You want who you can’t have. Brooke was probably more attracted to him after he didn’t check her off.”

“So he was playing the old hard-to-get strategy.”

“I doubt it was a strategy.” Or was it? Had Jared invited Brooke to the show, too?

We talk a little while longer, but the more I hear about the show, the more depressed I get. By the time I hang up, I feel downright ill. The thought of Jared and Brooke together makes me want to throw up. Why would he go for her when he wrote on his speed dating card that she was a fake?

Maybe it’s only physical. Maybe she’ll sleep with him. Everyone knows that she and Declan were doing it like…like rabid rabbits.

I squeeze my eyes shut, but it doesn’t block the mental image of Jared and Brooke getting hot and heavy. Ick. Ew. No, thank you. I’m not going to think about it.

What’s wrong with me? What do I care if Jared’s sleeping with Brooke, or anyone else, for that matter?

Because I want Jared for myself, that’s why. And not just in a physical way—in the boyfriendly way. I was going to break my no-dating-until-college rule for him, and
thought last night would be the turning point for us. Instead I didn’t get in, and Brooke did.

I lost my chance.

I have no business feeling sorry for myself. If I’d wanted to be with Jared, I should’ve made a move weeks ago. Instead I’d stupidly clung to my rule, and focused on everything about him that didn’t make him my ideal boyfriend.

Maybe I’m better off. Maybe there’s no way we would’ve lasted. But how can I know that for sure? What if he was the guy who would’ve lasted, the high school crush who turns out to be a soul mate?

I’d thought my rule would save me from heartbreak, but I was wrong.

I
SPEND THE WEEKEND
feeling sorry for my sorry-ass self. I can’t help it. It’s so unfair that I didn’t get into the club when most of the underaged people did. It’s so unfair that Jared left with Brooke. Things can’t get any worse.

When I wake up Monday morning, I tell myself to stop being ridiculous and get it together. After showering and brushing my teeth, I stare into the bathroom mirror, preparing myself to encounter Jared by schooling my face in expressions of lightness and indifference. I decide an aloof smile is the way to go.

When I walk up to my locker, I see that Sharese has her arm around Viv.

“What’s going on?”

Sharese’s eyes are grave. “Her parents found out about Max.”

Viv raises her head. “My mom found a note he wrote me. They’re furious that I lied to them. I’m grounded for…forever.”

“I’m so sorry, Viv.” She has no idea how sorry. This is
my
fault. I’m the one who gave her the advice.

“I broke up with Max over the phone last night. It can never work with my parents in the way. I made a stupid mistake. I should never have tried to date him.”

Sharese squeezes Viv to her side. “Don’t blame yourself. You were being true to your feelings. You can’t regret that.”

“I’ve hurt Max and my parents. How can I not regret that? I knew this was going to happen. I just knew it. But I didn’t want to see it. I was in a dreamworld.”

She had reason to be in a dreamworld because she was in love. That’s why she came to me, the Oracle of Dating, for rational advice. And I failed her.

I can’t believe I failed her.

The bell rings, forcing us to separate. As I sit in class, the weight of the truth is pressing down on me. I need to tell Viv that I’m the Oracle of Dating and that I’m responsible for screwing up her life. At least if I tell her, she’ll know it’s my fault and she can stop blaming herself.

She might hate me. I could lose one of the best friends I’ve ever had. And if I do, I deserve it.

Classes go by in a blur. I keep running over the advice I
gave her. I got it so wrong. The Oracle told her what she wanted to hear—
follow your heart and all will be well.
But the Oracle is supposed to be smarter than that. She’s supposed to give a sensible assessment of the situation. She’s supposed to explore the problem intellectually before giving an answer. Instead I got swept up in the excitement of Viv and Max getting together and gave her stupid advice.

What was I thinking? Culturally sensitive questions should never be answered so flippantly. I
know
that. And yet somehow, because I was dealing with a friend, I acted more like opinionated Kayla than impartial Oracle. Damn myself!

In earth science, I see Jared, and I remember that I’m upset he got together with Brooke. Suddenly I feel even worse than I did a few minutes ago, if that’s humanly possible.

I say, “Hey.”

Jared gives me a nod, but his eyes are guarded. For a minute I think he’s going to ask me where I was Friday night, but he doesn’t. It hits me that he didn’t even notice my absence. He probably only asked me to go so I’d bring people. And now that he’s cozy with Brooke, he doesn’t have to bother with me. He’s got a VIP pass to popularity.

But I really don’t care about that right now. I have bigger problems than Jared. I’ve hurt Viv, and it’s killing me.

A horrible thought hits me. How many people’s lives have I screwed up by giving bad advice?

I used to think I was doing something good for this world by being the Oracle of Dating, but I’m not sure
anymore. I’m not a licensed therapist. I have no credentials except a belief in my own good judgment. What was I doing giving advice?

I realize that I have no choice but to take down the Web site.

Snap!
My pen goes flying, hitting the wall near Jared’s head. He hands it to me, eyes narrowed. “You okay?”

“Yeah, fine.”

He frowns, but lowers his head to focus on his doodling.

My eyes linger on him. Did my crush on Jared cause me to lose my edge?

Or did I ever have an edge at all?

L
UNCHTIME IN THE CAF
is excruciating. Viv is in a stupor of sadness and we’re falling all over ourselves to comfort her, but it’s not having any effect. Max is across the caf sitting with his friends, glancing at Viv with the most exquisite longing.

I’m tempted to spill the beans all over the lunch table and tell everyone that I’m the Oracle and it’s my fault. But I manage to resist. Facing Viv will be hard enough without my other friends questioning me, too. If Viv wants to reveal my secret to them, that’s up to her.

I’d like to get Viv alone to get this off my chest, but I doubt it will happen with everyone coddling her. Since she’s grounded and has to report home right after school, my only chance is to call her—if she’s allowed to take calls.
She hasn’t been grounded in recent memory, so I don’t know how strict her parents will be.

After lunch is English class, which is too hideously boring to give me an escape from my thoughts. Then it’s art class, and I’m tempted to work at another desk so I won’t have to deal with Jared; but then, he might clue in that I’m upset about him leaving with Brooke on Friday night. I don’t have time for Jared heartsickness right now. He could’ve left with ten groupies, for all I care.

He comes up to the desk, putting down his books. “How’s it going, Kayla?”

I wish he wouldn’t use my name. It’s well-known that everyone likes to hear their name. I know my damned name.

I shrug. “Okay. You?”

“Good.”

Is he gloating or something?

Ms. Gerstad starts the lesson, and I pretend to pay attention. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jared writing on a piece of paper. He slides it in front of me.

I didn’t see you there Friday night.

So he did notice. Not that it matters now.

I wonder if there’s any point in telling him what happened. Since he obviously wasn’t broken up over my absence, I won’t bother to recount my humiliation.

I write back,
Sorry. I wanted to but it didn’t work out. How’d it go?

Great.

I bet it went great. A successful show and the school’s most popular girl for a groupie.

Yeah, I’m a sore loser. But I’m having a very bad day.

We’re working with charcoal today. After Ms. Gerstad gives the instructions, we grab our materials and get started. Jared and I chat a little as we work, but it’s small talk, nothing real.

I’ve got a knot in my stomach the size of Texas whenever I think of what I’ve done to Viv. I’m the cause of my friend’s broken heart and damaged relationship with her parents. It’s downright nauseating.

Jared puts his hand on mine, charcoal smearing my hand. A frisson of warmth goes through me, and I look up at him. But he’s not looking at me, he’s nudging his chin toward the doorway.

Viv is waving to get my attention, a closed-fisted, tissue-clutching wave. I ask Gerstad for the bathroom pass.

In the hall, Viv’s eyes are shiny with tears. “Max left a note in my locker. He wants to keep dating in secret. But I can’t, Kayla. I can’t!”

I don’t know what to say. I want to cry, too.

We go sit in the courtyard behind the school. It’s the unofficial smoking area, and the ground is covered with cigarette butts. The sun hasn’t come out, leaving the sky a dull, gloomy gray. Just the way Viv and I feel. Chilly
October weather has caused the leaves to shrivel up and fall in crinkled, colorless masses.

“I’m cutting class, Kayla. Can you believe that? I’ve never cut a class in my life. I don’t even recognize myself anymore.”

“Give yourself a break. You have a lot to deal with right now. Of course you should cut class.”

Great, I’m giving her more destructive advice. I might as well suggest she kill the pain with alcohol and drugs.

“I have something to tell you.” I hesitate. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I’m just adding to her troubles by dumping this on her. Maybe—

“Well, what is it?”

“I’m the Oracle of Dating.”

“It’s
you?
”

I nod, bracing myself for an explosion.

“That’s cool!”

“Huh?” Her heartbreak must have caused temporary insanity. I guess she’s not getting the implication of what I just told her. “Do you know what this means?”

“Uh, no, what does it mean?”

“It’s my fault this happened. I gave you horrible advice. I’m so sorry. I felt bad giving you advice in the first place without you knowing it was me. I called you afterward to come clean, but you were on the phone with Max. And once you guys starting dating, I figured you didn’t need to know.”

“I haven’t been blaming the Oracle for my situation. I knew the Oracle was just telling me what I wanted to hear.”

“The Oracle—I mean,
I
don’t usually tell people what they want to hear. I try to give good advice. But I wanted to see you and Max together so much that my personal feelings got in the way. I was totally culturally insensitive and unprofessional. I don’t feel I deserve to be the Oracle. I’m taking the Web site down after school today.”

“That’s silly. Your Web site is awesome. I knew it wasn’t some old guy running it! The advice always felt real. Why didn’t you tell all of us in the first place?”

I lower my head. I have a dozen possible answers to that one. “I don’t know. I guess I was afraid you’d all laugh at the idea that I could be giving dating advice when I haven’t dated much myself.”

“I wouldn’t have laughed. You’re smart, Kayla. You’re a thinker.”

“Not when I was giving you advice, apparently. You have every right to be mad at me. I’m mad at myself.”

“I’m not mad at you. I think it’s cool that you’re the Oracle. I just wish
I’d
reacted differently to this situation. I’ve let everyone down and I don’t know if my parents will ever trust me again.”

“They will. I’m sure they will.”

I’m doing it again. I’m telling her what I think she wants to hear.

But the look on her face says she’s not buying it this time. “I hope they will. Someday.”

W
HEN
I
GET HOME
from school, I go right to my computer. The screen fills with the pink and blue bubbles of the oracleofdating.com. Looking at the results of the latest poll, it turns out that seventy-four percent of respondents said they’d prefer to be stranded on a desert island with all three Jonas brothers instead of just one. Hmm. Does that mean most girls feel that the rules of monogamy don’t apply when you’re dealing with brothers? That’s a blog topic in itself.

I take a deep breath. There won’t be any more blogs, polls or anything else. By giving Viv such terrible advice, I broke the cardinal rule of people in the helping professions: do no harm. I don’t want to mess up anyone else’s life like I did Viv’s. Just because she’s kind enough not to blame me doesn’t change the truth: the Oracle of Dating failed.

With a simple click, I take the Web site off-line. And now, when anyone goes to oracleofdating.com, they will see a generic yahoo business page.

I feel an emptiness in my chest, as if with that one click, I took away my life’s purpose.