The Other Side of Love (Forever Love) (3 page)

“So you wanted me to take you to the back and have my wicked way with you.”

“I would have been overjoyed.” He grinned.

“What about your date?”

“What about her?” He laughed again and kissed her on the nose. “Now, what’s this about you not wanting to share a bleu cheese burger? I thought you loved them.”

“I do love them and we can share
, but you can’t just place an order and expect that I’m going to be okay with it without you asking me first.”

“Are you joking right now?” Zane’s eyes popped open and he spoke slowly. “You do want to share and you do want the bl
eu cheese burger, but you sent Robin away because you wanted to be difficult.”

“I wasn’t being difficult,” Lucky rolled her eyes at him. “I wanted you to ask
…”

“Okay, okay.” Zane raised his hand and put on a
puppy-dog face as he cut her off. “I get it.”

“You guys done?” I interrupted them both. “I’ve a feeling Robin is going to have a heart attack if we don’t order and get out of here soon.”

“She does seem a little bit intense.” Lucky giggled and made a face.

“Hey
, guys, are you ready?” Robin walked back up to the table and dropped off a basket of bread. “I thought you guys could have some French rolls on the house.”

“I told you. She wants you.” Zane mouthed at me and I tried not to laugh. “You should ask her out.”

“Ask her out to do what? Kill me?”

“Ask her out on a d
-a-t-e.”

“Yeah, right.” I grimaced. “That’s never going to happen.”

“I have a friend that you may …” Lucky started and Zane gave her a look. “Okay, okay. Leeza’s out.” She half sighed and gave me a smile. “So what kind of girls do you like, Noah?”

“Ones that don’t want to kill me.” I joked, but I couldn’t laugh. My mind drifted back to Palm Bonita and Skylar. I could still see the pain in her eyes at our last meeting. I’d never forget our last conversation.

“Do you love me?” Her words were soft but sharp, as her eyes had stared into mine with intensity.

“I love you.” I had said simply and honestly.

“Then take me with you.” She’d pleaded, and her eyes were moist.

“I can’t do that.” I shook my head and turned away from her.

“I hate you,” she’d whispered, and then she’d pushed past me and run away from me. I hadn’t tried to stop her, even though I had wanted to. I wanted to run after her and beg her to understand that my decision wasn’t one I wanted to make. It was one I had to make. But I knew that in her world, it didn’t make a difference. I’d broken her heart and betrayed her, like every other man. And I’d just walked away. That was the thing with love: sometimes, no matter how badly you wanted to be with someone and take care of them, there were obstacles that were beyond your control. Sometimes you had to know when to walk away.

“Noah, you okay?” Lucky reached across the table and squeezed my hand. I looked up at her and blinked a few times to remember my bearings. “You drifted away there for a moment.”

“Sorry.” I said weakly, all humor gone from my tone. “I was just remembering someone.”

“Someone special?” Lucky and Zane both looked at me with curious expressions, and I was about to answer when Robin came back to the table.
I waited until she had taken our orders before I continued.

“A girl I met while I was away.” I nodded. “The day I arrived
, actually.”

“Will you tell us about
her and about Palm Bonita?” Lucky bit her lower lip and stared at me searchingly, hoping that I was willing to give some answers.

“Palm Bonita is one of those cities that you think of when you think of old
Wild West movies.” I stared at her, as I started talking. “It’s this small town that seems to be stuck in the early 1940s. There’s this air of terror and anarchy in the city. Nobody cares about rules, yet nobody wants to be seen to not care about the rules. The people who move to Palm Bonita are the dregs of the country.”

“You moved there and you’re not the
…” Lucky started and I smiled at her ruefully.

“I’m not a
saint, but you’re right, I didn’t fit in with the other people who had made Palm Bonita their home. And they could tell.” I sighed as I thought back to my many acrimonious interactions with people from Palm Bonita. “But I met someone pretty early on, and she was a bright light in a very dark town. A town that was made darker because I was in a bad spot in my life.” I stared at Zane. “I’m still not sure if I made the right decision by doing what I did, but it’s all done now. I can’t change it.”

“If that’s an apology, it’s pretty weak
, Noah.” Zane raised his eyebrows at me and I knew he still hadn’t forgiven me.

“It’s not an apology. I’m just saying I was in a bad place when I got to Palm Bonita. I wasn’t sure how long I would have to stay there, and it was a weird experience having to disappear.” My eyes glazed over as I spoke and thought about the loneliness and boredom that occupied my mind in the first few months. “
Anyways, I met someone and she gave me some hope, and a life. We became friends and pretty quickly we became more than that. But she wasn’t who I thought she was.”

“A wolf in sheep’s clothing, huh?”

“No,” I shook my head. “She was a wolf in wolf’s clothing.” I laughed bitterly. “She didn’t try and hide who she was. I was the idiot for thinking she was someone different.”

“But you fell in love?” Lucky interrupted me with a curious tone. “You fell in love in Palm Bonita
, right?”

“You could say that.
I prefer to say that my heart was captured.” I cleared my throat and gave her a sorrowful smile. “Because what’s love, really? What does it mean? What does it matter if you can’t help the ones you love?”

“You can’t change anyone. Not if they don’t want to be changed.” Lucky reached out and grabbed ahold of my hand again and squeezed it.  “You know that right, Noah?”

“I do.” I caressed her hand in mine and gave her a grateful smile. “You’re wonderful, you know that, right?”

“Hold on there, brother.” Zane gave me a look. “We may be family, but no flirting with my girl.”

“My name’s Lucky.” She rolled her eyes, but I saw her reach her other hand down and squeeze his thigh. “Not ‘my girl.’”

“Treat her right or you may have some competition.” I winked at Lucky as I spoke and her eyes sparkled back at me.

“You want to be a dad to my children?” Zane grinned at me. “I don’t mind if you want to take on diaper duty.”

“I think that when you love someone and you have a good heart, it shouldn’t matter who the biological parents are.” My tone became very serious. “So yes
, if it came to it, I could love both of your children as my own very easily and I would take care of them as my own.”

“Whoa
, hold on there.” Zane’s eyes narrowed. “It seems like you’ve already given this some thought.”

“No, not really. I just think that people in general should be more loving.
And that I could easily be a father to another man’s kids; maybe even a better father than the biological father.” I smiled at him weakly and then continued. “Why can’t we all be open and loving to everyone?”

“Good point.” Zane cleared his throat. “I was hoping you’d say something like that because I would really like to know what you know about
Mom and why she ignored me in Paris.”

“I
…”

“I don’t want any bullshit answers from you, Noah.” His voice rose
and his tone changed. “I’ve had about enough waiting to find out some answers.”

“Zane!” Lucky admonished him and shook her head in worry.

“No, stop sticking up for him. You’re my fiancée. You should be supporting me. I want to know what’s going on. I want to know why Mom left and how long Noah has known the truth. I’m done with secrets in this family.” He turned away from Lucky and stared at me. “You owe me some answers, Noah. Not some bullshit philosophical thoughts about life and families. I don’t give two shits about how things would be in your ideal world. I want to know the truth about our very real, un-ideal world, and I want to know now.”

We stared at each other for a few moments and I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t want to tell him the truth. I knew the truth would hurt far more than me keeping it a secret.
Even if it made me the bad guy. Even if it meant he had to hate me for a little bit longer. I didn’t want to risk him going through all those years of pain and rejection again. I could still picture the pain in his eyes when anyone asked him where his mom was. I could still see him as a young boy crying in his bed when he thought no one was around. I could still see the hope in his eyes when the doorbell rang and we still thought our mom was going to come back. And I could still remember the angry, bitter man who couldn’t get over the fact that we had been abandoned. The man that had sworn he would never fall in love, never get caught in that trap. And as I looked at him across the table with Lucky, his beautiful wonderful fiancée, who was starting to show her pregnancy in her stomach and face, and I watched the open and easy love he had for her, I knew I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t risk him clamming up and reverting back to his old self.

“So tell me, Noah. What’s the big secret you’ve been trying to keep to yourself?”

“Hey, excuse me, guys.” Robin approached the table with a slightly embarrassed expression. “Can you keep it down a bit?” She stared at me with an expression of curiosity.

“Sorry.” I nodded as I looked back at her with a blank expression as she attempted a small smile at me. I wasn’t in the mood for her hot
-and-cold games. I was fed up with girls and their games. No matter how beautiful they were.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I think I was a bit
…” She blushed as she mumbled on to me and I waved my hand at her.

“Forget about it. It really doesn’t matter. Just give us the check
, please.”

“Is there anything else you guys would like? You haven’t even gotten your
—”

“Just the check, please.” We stared at each other for another moment and she nodded. “Sure, I’ll be right back.” She hurried away and I watched her walk up to the counter to print out our receipt. She had an air about her that was slightly mysterious and intriguing. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but she was unique and had somehow wormed her way into my
already-overcrowded mind.

“Don’t think this is over,” Zane leaned towards me and whispered in a low voice. “You may have been saved by the waitress this time, but next time you won’t be so lucky.”

“Give it a break, Zane.” I sighed. “Please, just give it a break. Okay.” I pulled out some twenties and placed them on the table before jumping out of the booth. “I’m going to walk home, I’ll see you guys later.” I hurried away from the table and I saw Robin turn around and watch me as I left the table. I turned around to thank her as I exited, but a weird feeling filled me as we made eye contact, and I felt flustered and uncomfortable. I nodded and mumbled a quick “thanks” before hightailing it out of the restaurant and walking down the street. I needed to think and plan. I knew that Zane was not going to let this rest. And I also knew that I couldn’t allow him to know the truth. But I didn’t want to lose him as well. Not after Skylar; the pain that remained in my heart from leaving her was still almost too much to bear.

***

“Hey,” I knocked on the study
door and walked in without waiting for Zane to grant me access. “What you up to?”

“Balancing the checkbook.” Zane shrugged as he looked up at me from his table.

“Sounds fun.”

“Yeah, it’s a bundle of delight. Almost as much fun as disappearing to a small town in Florida.”

“Yeah, that was great fun.”

“I’m surprised you came back, what with your great love still being there and all.”

“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you.”

“I’m sorry that you think that.” He turned back to his computer. “I’m kind of busy.”

“Is that a hint to leave?”

“I won’t stop you if you walk out the door.” He started tapping on the keys in front of him and I walked over to the table.

“Hey.” I sat down in the dark mahogany chair.

“Yes?” He looked up at me in irritation.

“Really?” I rolled my eyes at him. “We’re going to play this game?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know you’re mad at me. I understand that. I didn’t expect you to just forgive me when I got back. But this—this weird, rude sarcasm, this is not what I expected. Shout at me if you must, scream, whatever. Just don’t treat me like some random person you don’t know and don’t like.”

“But I don’t really know you
, do I?” He frowned at me. “And it’s not like you trust me or care about my feelings. You didn’t tell me you were working for the FBI, you won’t tell me about our mom. I mean, come on, Noah, what sort of brothers are we?”

My breath caught at his words and I stared into his blazing eyes with my heart pounding.

“Do you think it was easy for me to just walk away without telling you? Do you think it didn’t keep me up at night? Do you think I didn’t want to call you every single morning and every single night? It fucking killed me, Zane. I wanted to tell you so badly.”