The Other Woman (4 page)

Over the next few days, Hikari
thought deeply about the tales she’d heard as she took long walks
with her dog along the beach in Nanjo. These were truths she could
only ever have heard from strangers, as the truths she shared could
only be shared in the same way. Yet, while she felt better for
having unburdened herself, she was well aware that she had not
shared all and that fact made her wonder what she had
not
heard from the
others. If she could read the diaries of some of those women, what
secrets might the pages reveal? Secret lovers, jilted boyfriends,
perhaps even elicit affairs with married men… like Harrison? If
half of the things the foreigner had said were true, especially the
part about monogamy being so rare, was it such a stretch to believe
that the women who’d spilled their hearts in Mme Kudo’s tatami room
had themselves done some of the very things for which they cursed
their husbands? And if so, if everybody was out there enjoying
elicit affairs, if everyone in a relationship had, at the
beginning, “stolen” their partners from someone else, might such
truths excuse her on moral grounds if she were to let herself fall
into the waiting arms of her would-be American beau?

As hard as she fought against seeing herself
as the kind of woman who’d poach a man from the union of marriage,
she was beginning to wonder if that was the only way she’d ever
find anyone worth loving. Yet, as wonderful as Harrison’s affection
made her feel, as deeply as she craved his attention, she
understood all too well the barriers that lay ahead. As the only
child of the family remaining in Okinawa, she bore responsibility
many family matters, including Okinawan religious traditions that
Harrison could never fully understand or appreciate, let alone
participate in. Even if he wanted to, it was far from clear that
her close-knit family would truly accept him.

Then there was the problem of his existing
marriage. As many problems as there may be with his wife, there was
always the chance he could put things right and recommit to her.
Then what? Would he continue trying to see Hikari her on the side?
Or would he leave her just like her ex-boyfriend had? Hikari might
tolerate her husband quietly seeing other women as long as he was
there for her when she needed him, but in no way was she prepared
to live the life of the other woman. Even if Greg was right and
there was no such thing as rainbow-unicorn-candyland, there most
definitely was such a thing as hell on earth, and constantly pining
over a man she knew would never truly be hers was just
that.

And what would her life be like in
the unlikely event he actually did leave his wife for her? What
would her friends and family think? Rather than congratulate her on
her brilliant catch, they’d likely call her “yariman”, or
home-wrecking slut
. Of
course, they’d do this entirely behind her back while they put on
their “tatamae” faces and pretended all was okay in her presence.
Worst of all, what if, even after she’d faced all of that, their
relationship soured and Harrison left her for another woman? As
much as she might want to believe he’d never do it, the facts
weren’t on her side. After all, wasn’t it true he’d left his wife
for her?

As she lay in bed, she tossed and turned
again, unable to take comfort in Harrison’s imaginary presence. All
she could think of was the angry face of his wife, the private
scorn of her life-long friends and family and the incredible
loneliness she knew awaited her in the future if she wasn’t strong
enough now.

The next day, having slept fitfully, Hikari
got up for work exhausted. After feeding and loving her dog, she
drove from the outskirts of Nanjo to the government office in which
she’d landed a temporary administrative job. Consuming high doses
of ultra-dark chocolate as she struggled to stay awake, she
wrestled with the decision she knew she had to make. When the
work-day was finished, she drove home, put the leash on her dog and
set out for a long, heavy-hearted walk. Stopping at the top of the
hill beside the Sefa-Utaki holy site, she looked out at the
almost-full moon which lit the clouds above the dark, calm ocean.
As the moist, salty breeze caressed her flowing hair, she sat on a
large volcanic rock and pondered how generations of Okinawan women
before her had likely sat on the same rock, looked out across the
ocean and pondered their futures just as she was doing.

Hikari thought calmly, almost
meditatively, then extracted her phone from her purse. Tears
forming in her eyes, she brought up the touchscreen keypad. In
Japanese she typed, the words she knew would break Harrison’s heart
as surely as they were breaking hers. “Watashi wa Harrison-san to
tomodachi ni naritaidesu! Demo, au-koto ga dekimasen.”
Harrison, I want to be your friend, but I can’t
meet you now. I’m sorry
.