The Penny Dreadfuls MEGAPACK™ (316 page)

‘Well, now, as you are a friend, I don’t mind telling you how we do business here—things that have been done, you know, by others; but I have had my share as well as others—I have known a thing or two, Mr Todd, and I may say I have done a thing or two, too.’

‘Well, we must all live and let live,’ said Sweeney Todd, ‘there s no going against that, you know; if all I have done could speak, why—but no matter, I am listening to you—however, if deeds could speak, one or two clever things would come out, rather, I think.’

‘Ay, ’tis well they don’t,’ said Mr Fogg, with much solemnity, ‘if they did, they would constantly be speaking at times when it would be very inconvenient to hear them, and dangerous besides.’

‘So it would,’ said Sweeney, ‘a still tongue makes a wise head—but, then the silent system would bring no grist to the mill, and we must speak when we know we are right and among friends.’

‘Of course,’ said Fogg, ‘of course, that’s the right use of speech, and one may as well be without it as to have it and not use it; but come—drink, and fill again before I begin, and then to my tale. But we may as well have sentiment. Sentiment, you know,’ continued Fogg, ‘is the very soul of friendship. What do you say to “The heart that can feel for another”?’

‘With all my soul,’ said Sweeney Todd; ‘it’s very touching—very touching indeed. “The heart that can feel for another!”’ and as he spoke, he emptied the glass, which he pushed towards Fogg to refill.

‘Well,’ said Fogg, as he complied, ‘we have had the sentiment, we may as well have the exemplification.’

‘Ha! ha! ha!’ said Todd, ‘very good, very good indeed; pray go on, that will do capitally.’

‘I may as well tell you the whole matter, as it occurred; I will then let you know all I know, and in the same manner. None of the parties are now living, or, at least, they are not in this country, which is just the same thing, so far as I am concerned.’

‘Then that is an affair settled and done with,’ remarked Sweeney Todd parenthetically.

‘Yes, quite. Well, it was one night—such a one as this, and pretty well about the same hour, perhaps somewhat earlier than this. However, it doesn’t signify a straw about the hour; but it was quite night, a dark and wet night too, when a knock came at the street door—a sharp double knock it was. I was sitting alone, as I might have been now, drinking a glass or two of wine; I was startled, for I was thinking about an affair I had on hand at that very moment, of which there was a little stir.

‘However, I went to the door, and peeped through a grating that I had there, and saw only a man; he had drawn his horse inside the gate, and secured him; he wore a large Whitney riding coat with a cape that would have thrown off a deluge.

‘I fancied, or I thought I could tell, that he meant no mischief; so I opened the door at once and saw a tall gentlemanly man, but wrapped up so, that you could not tell who or what he was; but my eyes are sharp, you know, Mr Todd: we haven’t seen so much of the world without learning to distinguish what kind of person one has to deal with.’

‘I should think not,’ said Todd.

“Well,” said I, “what is your pleasure?”

‘The stranger paused a moment or two before he made any reply to me.

‘”Is your name Fogg?” he said.

“Yes, it is,” said I, “what is your pleasure, sir?”

‘”Why,” said he, after another pause, during which he fixed his eye very hard upon me—“why, I wish to have a little private conversation with you, if you can spare so much time, upon a very important matter which I have in hand.”

“Walk in, sir,” said I, as soon as I heard what it was he wanted, and he followed me in. “It is a very unpleasant night, and it’s coming on to rain harder: I think it is fortunate you have got housed.”

‘He came into this very parlour, and took a seat before the fire, with his back to the light, so that I couldn’t see his face very well.

‘However, I was determined that I would be satisfied in those particulars, and so, when he had taken off his hat, I stirred up the fire, and made a blaze that illuminated the whole room, and which showed me the sharp, thin visage of my visitor, who was a dark man with keen grey eyes that were very restless.

‘”Will you have a glass of wine?” said I; “the night is cold as well as wet.”

‘”Yes, I will,” he replied; “I am cold with riding. You have a lonely place about here; your house, I see, stands alone too. You have not many neighbours.”

“No, sir,” said I; “we hadn’t need, for when any of the poor things set to screaming, it would make them feel very uncomfortable indeed.”

‘”So it would; there is an advantage in that both to yourself as well as to them. It would be disagreeable to you to know that you were disturbing your neighbours, and they would feel equally uncomfortable in being disturbed, and yet you must do your duty.”

‘”Ay! to be sure,” said I; “I must do my duty, and people won’t pay me for letting madmen go, though they may for keeping them; and besides that, I think some on ‘em would get their throats cut if I did.”

‘”You are right—quite right,” said he; “I am glad to find you of that mind, for I came to you about an affair that requires some delicacy about it, since it is a female patient.”

‘”Ah!” said I, “I always pay a great attention, very great attention, and I don’t recollect a case, however violent it may be, but what I can overcome. I always make ‘em acknowledge me, and there’s much art in that.”

‘”To be sure, there must be.”

‘”And moreover, they wouldn’t so soon crouch and shrink away from me, and do what I tell ‘em, if I did not treat them with kindness, that is, as far as is consistent with one’s duty, for I mustn’t forget that.”

‘”Exactly,” he replied; “those are my sentiments exactly.”

‘”And now, sir, will you inform me in what way I can serve you?”

‘”Why, I have a relative—a female relative, who is unhappily affected with a brain disease; we have tried all we can do, without any effect. Do what we will, it comes to the same thing in the end.”

‘”Ah!” said I; “poor thing—what a dreadful thing it must be to you or any of her friends, who have the charge of her, to see her day by day an incurable maniac. Why, it is just as bad as when a friend or relative was dead, and you were obliged to have the dead body constantly in your house before your eyes.

‘”Exactly, my friend,” replied the stranger, “exactly, you are a man of discernment, Mr Fogg. I see that is truly the state of the case. You may then guess at the state of our feelings, when we have to part with one beloved by us.”

‘As he spoke, he turned right round, and faced me, looking very hard into my face.

‘”Well,” said I, “yours is a hard case; but to have one afflicted about you in the manner the young lady is, is truly distressing: it is like having a perpetual lumbago in your back.”

‘”Exactly,” said the stranger. “I tell you what, you are the very man to do this thing for me.”

“I am sure of it,” said I.

‘”Then we understand each other, eh?” said the stranger. “I must say I like your appearance; it is not often such people as you and I meet.”

‘”I hope it will be to our mutual advantage,” said I, “because such people don’t meet every day, and we oughtn’t to meet to no purpose; so, in anything delicate and confidential, you may command me.”

‘”I see you are a clever man,” said he; “well, well, I must pay you in proportion to your talents. How do you do business—by the job, or by the year?”

‘”Well,” said I, “where it’s a matter of some nicety it maybe both—but it entirely depends upon circumstances. I had better know exactly what it is I have to do.”

‘”Why, you see, it is a young female about eighteen, and she is somewhat troublesome, takes to screaming and all that kind of thing. I want her taken care of, though you must be very careful she neither runs away, or suddenly commits any mischief, as her madness does not appear to me to have any particular form, and would, at times, completely deceive the best of us, and then suddenly she will break out violently, and snap or fly at anybody with her teeth.”

“Is she so bad as that?”

‘”Yes, quite. So, it is quite impossible to keep her at home; and I expect it will be a devil of a job to get her here. I tell you what you shall have; I’ll pay you your yearly charge for board and care, and you’ll come and assist me in securing her, and bringing her down. It will take some trouble.”

‘”Very well,” said I, “that will do; but you must double the note and make it twenty, if you please; it will cost something to come and do the job well.”

‘”I see—very well—we won’t disagree about a ten-pound note; but you’ll know how to dispose of her if she comes here.”

“Oh, yes—very healthy place.”

‘”But I don’t know that health is a very great blessing to anyone under such circumstances; indeed, who would begrudge an early grave to one severely afflicted?”

‘”Nobody ought,” said I; “if they know what mad people went through, they would not, I’m sure.”

‘”That is very true again, but the fact is, they don’t, and they only look at one side of the picture; for my own part, I think that it ought to be so ordained, that when people are so afflicted, nature ought to sink under the affliction, and so insensibly to revert to the former state of nonentity.”

‘”Well,” said I, “that may be as you please, I don’t understand all that; but I tell you what, I hope if she were to die much sooner than you expect, you would not think it too much trouble to afford me some compensation for my loss.”

‘”Oh dear no! and to show you that I shall entertain no such illiberal feeling, I will give you two hundred pounds, when the certificate of her burial can be produced. You understand me?”

‘”Certainly.”

‘”Her death will be of little value to me, without the legal proof,” said the stranger; “so she must die at her own pleasure, or live while she can.”

‘”Certainly,” said I.

‘”But what terrifies me,” said the stranger, “most is, her terror-stricken countenance, always staring us in our faces; and it arose from her being terrified; indeed, I think if she were thoroughly frightened, she would fall dead. I am sure, if any wickedly disposed person were to do so, death would no doubt result.”

‘”Ah!” said I, “it would be a bad job; now tell me where Jam to see you, and how about the particulars.”

‘”Oh, I will tell you; now, can you be at the corner of Grosvenor-street, near Park-lane?”

‘”Yes,” I replied, “I will.”

‘”With a coach, too. I wish you to have a coach, and one that you can depend upon, because there may be a little noise. I will try to avoid it, if possible, but we can always do what we desire; but you must have good horses.”

‘”Now, I tell you what is my plan; that is, if you don’t mind the damages, if any happen.”

‘”What are they?”

‘”This: suppose a horse falls, and is hurt, or an upset—would you stand the racket?”

‘”I would, of course.”

‘”Then listen to me; I have had more of these affairs than you have, no doubt. Well, then, I have had experience which you have not. Now, I’ll get a trotting-horse, and a covered cart or chaise—one that will go along well at ten miles an hour, and no mistake about it.”

‘”But will it hold enough?”

‘”Yes, four or five or six, and upon a push, I have known eight to cram in it; but then you know we were not particular how we were placed; but still it will hold as many as a hackney coach, only not so conveniently; but then we have nobody in the affair to drive us, and there can’t be too few.”

‘”Well, that is perhaps best; but have you a man on whom you can depend, because if you could, why, I would not be in the affair at all.”

‘”You must,” said I; “in the first place, I can depend upon one man best; him I must leave here to mind the place; so if you can manage the girl, I will drive, and know the road as well as the way to my own mouth; I would rather have as few in it as possible.”

‘”Your precaution is very good, and I think I will try and manage it, that there shall be only you and I acquainted with the transaction; at all events, should it become necessary, it will be time enough to let some other person into the secret at the moment their services are required. That, I think, will be the best arrangement that I can come to; what do you say?”

‘”That will do very well—when we get her here, and when I have seen a few days, I can tell you what to do with her.”

‘”Exactly; and now, good-night—there is the money I promised, and now again, good-night! I shall see you at the appointed time.”

‘”You will,” said I—“one glass more, it will do you good, and keep the rain out.”

‘He took off a glass of wine, and then pulled his hat over his face, and left the house.

‘It was a dark, wet night, and the wind blew, and we heard the sound of his horse’s hoofs for some time; however, I shut the door and went in, thinking over in my own mind what would be the gain of my own exertions.

* * * *

‘Well, at the appointed time, I borrowed a chaise cart, a covered one, with what you call a head to it, and I trotted to town in it. At the appointed time, I was at the corner of Grosvenor-street; it was late, and yet I waited there an hour or more before I saw anyone.

‘I walked into a little house to get a glass of spirits to keep up the warmth of the body, and when I came out again, I saw someone standing at my horse’s head. I immediately went up.

‘”Oh, you are here,” he said.

‘”Yes, I am,” said I, “I have been here the Lord knows how long. Are you ready?”

‘”Yes, I am come,” said he, as he got into the cart, “come to the place I shall tell you—I shall only get her into the cart, and you must do the rest.”

‘”You’ll come back with me: I shall want help on the road, and I have no one with me.”

‘”Yes, I will come with you, and manage the girl, but you must drive, and take all the casualties of the road, for I shall have enough to do to hold her, and keep her from screaming, when she does awake.”

‘”What! is she asleep?”

‘”I have given her a small dose of laudanum, which will cause her to sleep comfortably for an hour or two, but the cold air and disturbance will most probably awaken her first.”