Here I go again y'all . . . Book number two! God is good to me. So many amazing things have been happening in my life and I owe it to prayer and Him. Of course I have to praise my family, my mom who is still crazy but supports me so much. I even got you to get your butt on the freeway for my book signings. I love you Banna. To my sister Crystal, I love you big sis even when you're bossy because I know you'd give your arm, leg and hair on your head if I needed it. Thanks Adara for being the special girl you are. We're a team and I'm so proud of the young woman you are becoming. Thanks for letting your mommy shine. Shouts of love to my adorable nieces Mikayla, the diva, and Madison, the little hellion. My nephew Omari. My cousins Donnie, Devin, Mu-Mu, Jabrez, keep in mind I am officially a Deputy Probation Officer now and you guys all not too young to be arrested. Thanks to Michael. Hey to my little God-daughter Lanaya, miss you. Love you Auntie Tammy, Uncle Noonie, Thanks Faye. And to my extended family, Addie Graham, Patricia, Bobby, Antoinette, The Perdomos and Kevin.
I once again thank my friends with the utmost sincerity. Lenzie you still haven't helped me and you still haven't bought Harlem On Lock! But you still got me laughing. Cheryl, Christina W for always listening. Christina T, for your wisdom, Linda, Ronisha RIP, Misty, Sewiaa, Janel Carla, Roxetta, Gina, Tina, Valerie Hoyt, Valeen, Valerie Sweet, Tara, Pearlean, Maxine, Jennifer, Barbara, Chanin Paige, Lexus, Candis, VI, Phillipo, Latonya, Shannon, Tymisha, Kimberly, thanks for always paying homage girl, Shanni thanks for everything. Vanilla thanks for teaching me the power of prayer!
Thanks to Los Padrinos Juvenile Hall staff who made an impact on my life, Salazar, Yates, Tate, Rodriguez, Rona Rogers, Reyes, Sampson, Tara Suttle, love you Ms. Suttle, Lydia Oates, Abadanca, Regalado, Mr. Taylor, you were a father figure to me and never even knew your impact. Thanks! Pickney, it's a blessing to know the blessed, that's you, Marcet, little Mrs. Davis, Wright, Placencia, Cassas, Tolliver, Rushing, Calcote, Mama Bush, Love, Ms. Harris, Long, Mr. Walker, thanks for the shoulder that day, Gaeta, Dickerson, Washington, Westcott. Thanks for believing in me!
Thanks to all the bookstores who supported me. Extra special thanks to Smiley's Books. Candace and Lori, you really pumped my book. Thanks for all the love you showed. Thanks Chardine from Zarahas Book and Things, James and Eso Won Books, Marcus and James from Borders. Thanks to Divas of Literature, some funny and sophisticated ladies. Hey, Ki Ki! Hey Lady Scorpio! And also thanks to Dr. Mulligan, Yasmin Coleman, Apooo Books, Urban Reviews and Rhonda. Thanks to all the beauty salons and barbershops who supported me. Special thanks to Studio Six and to all the women who purchased my book. Shout out to Tiffany and Robin! Hey Robin what's the secret to your banana pudding? Thank you for your belief in me Heads Up Hair Salon!
To Tysha, you have helped me in so many ways. I can't wait to come out to Ohio and hang girl! And to Joylynn, did I tell you how incredibly flattered I am to be included in
Even Sinners Still Have Souls Too
? Thanks again.
To my fans, I just wanted to reserve a spot in my acknowledgment for you guys, my fans . . . Is it all right to say that? I know I'm little ole me but still . . . to say I have fans sounds so freakin' good! And it's true! So . . . to my fans: (Clearing my throat) You bought my book, you read my book, and you passed it on to someone else. To know I have your support means the world to me. Thank you again and again! Your kind words inspire me to keep on writing. And to my # 1 Fan Danika. See I told you I wasn't going to forget about you.
To my man, Terry Graham. I never had a man believe in the power of me as you do. When I say I love you baby it's an understatement. I love you to the highest capacity. I feel incredibly lucky to have you in my life. With you it seems as though there is nothing I can't do. You're my rock, my king. I love you baby.
To anyone out there with aspirations never let anyone break you down, laugh at your dreams or allow their fears of inadequacy to become yours. Use the haters as fuel to keep on going. And in the end, thank them like I'm doing here: (Clearing my throat) To all the haters out there from the bottom of my heart I thank you, I pray for you, you made me stronger, better . . . And as you can see I'm still shining.
Mama I made it!
I was cold, but it didn't mean shit. And, most importantly, after the shit that just went down, I was mad and hurt at the same time. But it didn't matter. Black had already warned me on what I had to do. I had to numb myself, and I didn't want to be dumb like my sister Desiree, always getting blown on that coke, and shut her stupid ass, didn't know what the niggas cut it with. Give me some Grey Goose and
, and I'm good. The problem was, despite how tight my clothes were, or how much makeup I piled on my face, my ass didn't look no more than the age I really was. I'll tell you more about that later.
“Aye, yo! Yo, buy me some Goose, nigga.” I strutted up to a nigga I saw smoking outside the liquor store on my block. The polish was chipped off my fingers, and two of my nails were cracked and bleeding from me trying to fight Black off of me. I had a busted lip, a bloody nose, and my side was killing me. I ran my finger through my wild hair and tossed a ten at him.
“All right, but, bitch, I'm keeping the change.”
“Go ahead.” I stood for a moment waiting.
“Cash? Bitch, what the fuck you doing?”
I didn't bother responding to my sister Desiree as she ran down the block toward me.
She stepped in my face. “Bitch, you hear me talking to you?” She smelled like cum, dick, and balls.
“Yeah, bitch, I hear you.”
“No, I don't think you do. You want Daddy to fuck you up again?”
My eyes traced the letters on her neck, pretty cursive writing. I knew I would be next, or it was another ass-whipping.
I pierced her with a look. It was her fault I was in the mess that I was in.
“Look, I said I heard you. I'm getting some drank then I'll be there, damn. Hell, I just might fuck the nigga buying me the drink.”
“Whatever. But when you get fucked up this time, don't say I didn't tell your dumb ass. You'll never be a âbottom bitch,' if you don't get your shit together.”
“In case you didn't know, bitch, I don't want to be a bottom ho. Fuck this shit, fuck these hoes, this track, and fuckâ”
“Say it, ho. Disrespect Daddy.” She balled her left fist and held it inches from my face.
I bit off my last words, anger searing from my eyes. He ain't
. I knew where the fuck my daddy was. And since I was too weak to fight her ass, I kept quiet.
I turned my attention to the man behind me. I grabbed the bag from his hands, and with the quickness, slipped it from the bag, uncorked the top, and downed it like it was fucking Gatorade and I was on a bike trail.
My sister stalked off, yelling, “You a stupid bitch!”
I waited for her to make her turn before I followed to my stroll.
“You too pretty a ho for this bullshit, girl. I gives a fuck about you grinding all day. Get the fuck out there and make my money. And I don't care if you have to be out there all night. Don't come back till you do.” Black stomped me in the back of my head, making my ponytail slip from my head. It was all because I refused to sleep with a trick.
All the other hoes laughed, including my bitch-ass sister.
As I walked, I was getting dizzy with each step. My stomach was also churning. Which was probably due to the fact that I hadn't eaten shit that whole day, and downed the Goose way too fast.
I paused, feeling my stomach doing flip-flops on my corner with the regular hoes. I heard them whispering, “Black fucked her up.”
I gripped my stomach just as the vomit flew from my mouth. When I heard siren and squad cars swoop up on us, I was too weak to even move as hoes flew everywhere. I continued to heave on the ground. When I heard the shuffle of feet and felt hands on me, and the cold steel of the cuffs on my wrist, I knew they were taking me to juvenile hall, and in that moment I didn't give a shit.
I was lifted to my feet and assisted to the squad car. Once there, I stared at the cracker officer who was looking at me like I was a piece of shit. Like he wasn't a piece of shit.
He shook his head at me in disgust. “Look at that nappy-headed nigger. She's like a wild animal.”
“Fuck you!” I yelled.
“Fuck me? You nigger bitch!” he snarled, his pasty face turning red.
Despite the pain in my side and head, and the handcuffs chafing my skin, I managed a mock smile at his ass. “Naw, I take that back. Ain't that the problem, Officer? I wouldn't fuck you last week, and I still won't fuck you this week. Don't hate the player, punk bitch! Hate the muthafuckin' game. I may be a ho, but this ho got standards. And this pussy you will never get, so take me to jail. I gives a fuck!”
The Taser gun he used on my ass hurt like hell. I felt like I was having a seizure as snot flew from my nose and I was drooling. I screamed like a wild woman, my eyes cooking, “Muthafucka! You didn't have to do that shit. I wasn't resisting arrest! That's illegal use of force.”
He gripped the back of my hair. “Yeah? Well, I hope your black ass can prove it.”
I continued to whimper as pain pumped through me. The burning wouldn't stop and there was no air from the window because he closed both doors of his squad car.
I was determined not to beg him, but damn, I sure wanted him to wash this shit out of my eyes. But he didn't. And since I'd been in more pain when sprayed with pepper spray, I disregarded it, thinking it would go away. But the pain wouldn't stop, and truth be told, I didn't need to be arrested. I had never been. So I swallowed my pride and begged him.
“Okay, Officer, you want this pussy, come and get it.” I breathed deeply as snot slid down my face and everything was a blur.
He chuckled then got in the car, turned on the ignition, and drove down an alley. He stopped the car, jumped out, and pulled me out the back seat. The burning in my eyes was easing now, until it was nothing but a tiny sting and I could see . . . see this smirk on his pasty, white-ass face.
“A deal's a deal. I want some of that black pudding. Been wanting some for a long time.” He grasped my hand and rubbed it against his dick.
I sighed, raised my dress, and bent over against the car, and let him have his way with me.
And I'll bet you think I was a nasty bitch. Hell, I was, but it wasn't always that way.