The Perfect Emotion (10 page)

My eyes stay trained on Kate and even when Reese approaches me I don’t let her steer me off track.  I know Kate can see her and I hate the worry that crosses her face.  Like I’ve been doing for some time now I keep my interest in her non-existent.  I just have to make it obvious who has my interest.

I make my next shot knowing the outcome; I miss it.  Reed stands off to the side full of confidence.  Andy is off to the other side, but every so often he gives Reed a dirty look.  And I’m standing somewhere in between awkwardly.  The game continues with different conversations all around the table.  Brandon even makes his way over to talk to Reed.  I try to pretend like I am really concentrating on the game, but that is the last thing on my mind. 

Then as I am about to make another shot a familiar pretty auburn haired girl drapes herself around Reed.  My eyes betray me and I blatantly stare.  Reed pushes Reese gently to the side.  I’m paralyzed from taking my shot.  I can see Andy’s stare boring into me and still I can’t pull my eyes away.  Reese flips her hair to the side and then I hear her talking.  I’m listening as hard as I can through the music and noise of the bar.  Their voices are muffled, but I can hear clear as day.

“What are you doing he
re?  I thought you were leaving,”
She asks with a smile plastered on her face. Reed’s eyes shift over to me while Reese paws at his arm.

“Something more important came up.”  His tone is dry even all the way from over here.  Reese looks hopeful and seductive all at once, but then her eyes follow his gaze. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she spits out.

“Nope, I’m not.”

I look down and try to refocus on my shot that I still need to make.  Reese gives me the look of death and makes her way back to her friends.  I see them in a huddle whispering and looking at me, but I ignore them.  Luckily no one else besides Andy really notices that I’ve held up the game.  Of course, I miss the shot.  The game continues, but Maggie and I lose. 

The four guys gear up to play.  The way Andy and Reed glare at each other I feel like I’m a prize to be won at the end of their game.  Andy gets in position to break and Reed makes his way over to where I am leaned against a wall with Maggie and Quinn.  He leans into me and moves his head to my ear.  My chest rises and falls more rapidly by the second.

“Katherine.”  He pauses and pulls back just enough to see my face.  My face feels like its on fire.  He grins and then moves back to my ear. “You know there is no chance I will lose to him, right?”

And he’s right; he doesn’t lose.  It’s not even a close call. 

After the game is over Andy walks over towards me and just says that he hopes I have a good spring break. I stay put against the wall not really sure what I do now. I can tell Reed thinks he’s won more than this game. For a moment, I snicker to myself because it was never even a possibility in my mind that there was a chance for Andy.  While I may have difficulty facing Reed and despise the way I used him last semester… my heart is filled with him.  The way Reed treated me, helped me and took care of me is not something I will ever be able to remove from my mind or heart.  Aside from that, the way he touched me still gives me chills when I remember how intimate we were. 

I’m standing against the wall alone now. Andy and his friend have walked away. Maggie is off in the corner making out with Brandon (saw that coming a mile away). Quinn and Matt have headed to the bar to get more drinks. I feel trapped with nowhere to go and I’m not sure I want to go. Reed is staring at me like I’m his prey. His hands are pressed into his pocket and his strides towards me are long and smooth. Nervously, I bite down on the bottom corner of my lip and stare down into my hands that are folded in front of me.

When he reaches me he stands next to me and leans against the wall.  We stand there in silence.  I pull my head up and look out around the heavily crowded bar.  I see Kelly and Derek heading out and Jenna sitting at the bar talking to a guy.  I shift my stance to switch more of my weight onto my other leg.  When I wore these shoes I wasn’t planning on standing as much as I have been. 

I’m sure Reed is waiting and hoping that I will open up and talk to him, but I don’t think I can do it.  If we talk I know I’ll have to address and admit to him what happened last semester.  Even though deep down I know he deserves that I don’t know if I can get myself there again. 

“I’m going to go,” I finally say.

“Can we talk?” He hasn’t lost his confident tone even as he asks me this.

“I don’t think I can,” I say as I push myself from the wall.

“Okay, then I’ll walk you out and back to your dorm.”

C
HAPTER 7

After I say goodbye to everyone, including Maggie and Brandon who can’t keep their hands and tongues off each other, we head out of the bar.  Quinn and Matt are seated at the bar with smirks of satisfaction on their faces as we walk out. 

The air is cool, but I no longer need to wear my big puffy coat.  However, I usually always bring my favorite gloves with me still.  I didn’t tonight because they wouldn’t fit in my pockets of my gray pea coat.  The night air is still and it’s a nice change from the wind that usually whips around on campus.  Still, I shove my hands in my pockets, if nothing for to have somewhere to put them.  Reed does the same.  We walk in silence, but every so often he glances my way.  I don’t dare look at him.  Desperately, I try to silence the thoughts in my head.  It’s almost impossible though.  Thoughts of that first time he walked with me back to my dorm room and then what happened when we got inside flood my mind…

I remember exactly how it felt when his left hand moved slowly up my left arm to where his right was holding my wrists and he switched his hold. His right hand moved down the length of my right arm to my hip. He began to pull up the hem on my short sundress and moved his hand under and over my right hip. God, I remember the relief I felt that I did not wear my traditional comfortable cotton bikini style underwear and instead wore my silky boy shorts with the lace trim.

I press my eyes closed tightly for a moment to stop myself from thinking about that night. That night changed everything. It brought us out of just friendship and flirting. It brought us into something more; the feelings we felt became more complex. I quickly shift my eyes over to Reed and he turns his head to face me, but I won’t allow myself to keep focus on him. I bury my head into the neck of my coat and try to keep my eyes down. We are getting closer to my dorm room and my mind betrays me again…

I almost laugh when I think about how my nerves were so twisted because in my mind steps were being skipped.  He had yet to touch a breast and I remember thinking I probably wouldn’t allow it considering we were not even on a date.  Yet there his hand rested under my dress over my underwear and on my hip.  The way his breathing escalated just made me greedier.  I knew he was turned on as well because I could feel his hardness against my backside. 

Then in barely a whisper I said all breathy, “Reed… I, I”

He cut me off with his husky voice as he said, “I know I shouldn’t be here like this, but I can’t help myself. God, you shouldn’t be allowing me to get so close to you Kate.”

“Why?” Then Before I allowed him to answer I made a decision. “I don’t care, I want this Reed.” The low sound that he made from the bottom of his throat had me squirming for contact.

I suck in a deep breath.  Now, I know exactly why he was apprehensive.  I blink my eyes because tears have started to brim in my eyes.  It hurts me to think about how selfish and greedy I became in that instant.  I remember consciously making that decision to have him touch me more because I knew I could feel good and it would distract me further from the bigger issues I needed to deal with. 
God and did he do exactly that…

His hand then moved to my backside and slowly slipped under my underwear. His voice became stern and he said, “Katherine, spread your legs a little.” It sounded sexy as hell with the slightest command in his tone.

For some reason I found myself anxious or maybe it was excitement. Easily, I did as I was told. His long fingers began to move to the front of me still under my underwear. He gently and unhurriedly descended down to my core. Once he realized that I was wet with excitement a low growl sound and a curse released from him. Part of me felt that I should be embarrassed, but I wasn’t. I didn’t care about anything, but getting lost and relieved from Kyle, and even my mom. His fingers were soft and tender as they stroked hitting nerves I never knew existed. I felt a hot flush building throughout my body and he moved his thumb up in a circular motion around the most sensitive area on body. He kissed my neck and shoulder gingerly. His tongue flicked lightly up my neck to a spot behind my ear. It didn’t take long until I was practically begging for the release my body had worked up towards. With another light stroke and flick of his tongue all of my tension was released into waves of pleasure. Then my body went limp.

We are just about to get to the walkway of my dorm and I swallow with little shame for remembering that night last semester. An ache builds up in me and lands right in my heart. The lump I feel in my throat is getting harder and harder to swallow past. I don’t know how to end this night. I’m nervous about saying goodbye and even more nervous if I don’t say it. My mind drifts to the words from my therapist. He has encouraged me to only talk to Reed if I’m ready to face everything, which would mean telling him exactly how I used him. My therapist feels that if I don’t address this with Reed head on I will fall back into my old habits of pushing any difficulties I have to the back of my mind. He fears that I’ll find any way to distract myself from dealing with the issues that need to be dealt with. 

We both step off to the side as we reach the outside lit up entrance to my building.  I keep my hands in my pockets and my head down.  A part of me would love to wrap myself around him and press my head into his chest.  The thought of him wrapping me in his arms and kissing the top of my head is so tempting.